Deer (Dear) Yoona, Happy Birthday

You’re growing old Im Yoona but happy birthday _{less than a minute ago}

She sighs and refrains herself from rolling her eyes. Im Yoona is a mature lady now. She deliberately reminds herself aloud ignoring the half concerned sideways glance from Seohyun.

You said the same thing last year. She raises her eyebrow disapprovingly as she taps the send button. As a matter of fact Shim Changmin did send the exact same message to his dongsaeng around 12 months ago. He knew and he knew that she knew too. In the past 365 days,  so many events occurred that it was just a blur of recollection. But he would never forget how he was robbed, something was stolen from him, something irreplaceable. Now that compartment in that vault in his chest was just a void.

 You want to feel young again?  Im Yoona almost gasped almost. However she was unsure whether the urge was from surprise that he offered again or that she felt that jolt in her chest and actually almost believed his words. Luckily, she stopped herself just in time. ‘This is not déjà vu’ she whispers to angrily or rather disappointedly to herself. She knew he was playing tricks with her mind by deliberately replicating the series of events that happened last year. This time in addition to Seohyun was Yuri and Sooyoung throwing her worried looks. But before she could dismiss their concerns,

Ding Dong.

Just like last time, it can’t … be…

***

Girls’ generation didn’t have many visitors at this hour. And from the process of elimination, there weren’t in fact many remaining possibilities. Either manager oppa bringing updates/ or food (much to Sooyoung and Yoona’s liking) or one of their family members. Maybe it was due to the fact that they momentarily forgot that it was a special day. A one-off time where they were too ‘in the moment’ of celebrating Yoona’s 24^th birthday.  

But even so, the last one they would expect to be standing just outside the foyer was there right outside Girls’ Generations’ dormitory. There was the drop of a fork.

“Chang…” Sunny gaped at the giant figure towering over her. She abandoned the need to retrieve the dropped fork from the ground. Though he attempted an awkward smile and half wave, her inability to speak was not because she was intimidated, just surprised. Yoona felt something spring up inside her at the almost inaudible syllable as she closed the text she received. 

“Sunny what’s wrong?”  Jessica and Taeyeon rushed to their fellow danshin’s side. They are equally taken aback at the sight.

“Changmin why are you here?” they say at exactly the same time. And the rest of the party was placed on pause as the group make their way to the door.

“Hi girls, sorry to disturb you at this hour but Yunho hyung, Boa noona and some others wanted to celebrate Yoona’s birthday with her.”

The girls at the door turned their heads, making a clearing for Yoona to walk through in the process. She had brought her vanilla cupcake along and was too busy pretending to be indulging into it that she didn’t really catch what he was saying.

“Hi” she mumbles acting as if he was not the one she had been texting three seconds ago. Feeling almost a dozen pairs of eyes on her, “sorry, what did you say?” she blinks innocently back at those almost identical round eyes.

Sooyoung almost slapped her own forehead too hard. Hyoyeon muttered ‘aigoo’ and leaned her arm on Sunny’s shoulder. Tiffany finally spoke up for them

“You need to get dressed, you’re going out” she keeps in the shape of her last pronounced syllable. It takes a few seconds for Yoona to absorb the information.

“Oh” she says as she (finally) brings the cupcake away from . There was no further movement as she stares back at Changmin. What’s he playing at?

“Hello, Yoona?” Tiffany snaps her fingers and nudges her along.

“oh, where are we going?” she shuffled up to him and asks while looking directly into those dark coloured orbs. It was a comfortable feeling, the way she felt as if she was not standing on her feet, but floating.

“you’ll see.” Changmin’s lips quirked up. He pretended to look at his watch. “Im Yoona you have 10 minutes.”

“WHAT?!” and it was as if she was knocked back to her senses… well almost. The rest of snsd sort of jumped up, he felt the usual bustle of the girls’ dorm. Yoona almost ran, cupcake in hand to her room but backtracked.

“What do I do with this?” She held up her cupcake to the visitors face. Changmin unfolded his arms and in a swift movement, he was gobbling down the prize Yoona had earned with her entire night’s patience.

“IM YOONA YOU FOOL YOU GAVE THAT TO THE WRONG PERSON!” Sooyoung’s bellowed, her voice echoing through the living room of their abode. The wake up call finally kicked into Yoona’s system.

“HEY! I WAS WAITING TO EAT THAT SINCE THIS MORNING” Changmin Shrugged. Yoona narrows her eyes and twitches her nose. They were about to begin a glaring contest but it was only an illusion

“9 minutes” he brings his wrist up to Yoona’s eye level and twists it so that she can see.

“Arghh Shim Changmin!”  she squeezes her eyes shut and stomps on the spot. Changmin hides the smile behind the back of his hand and clears his throat. “8 minutes 50 seconds”

And when Taeyeon finally closed the door behind the leaving deers, she voices out the comment that she had been holding back for ten entire minutes.

“He could have made a better excuse” earning giggles and nods of agreement

“I know right? Boa unnie and Yunho oppa and some others want to celebrate with her tsch” Jessica laughed. They held up their palms and exchanged high fives.

***

“Yah oppa where exactly are we going?” she looks up from scrunching the cupcake paper into a ball and at the profile of the distant friend. 

“to meet hyung and noona and some others” he quotes his previous invitation.

“You expect me to believe that? I was only playing along so you don’t get embarrassed by the unnies” she leans a little closer over the hand brake and observes him closely knowing very well that it will annoy him. shooting a coy glance at him he suddenly turns ot face her. They missed each other by a breath’s distance.

“Im Yoona sit properly.” He points to her seat “What are you? Five?” she pokes her tongue out at him. He internally wishes he can capture all these moments flawlessly in his memory reel- all these moments he had been waiting for.

“You said I was getting old!”

“Well you are!”

“Says the older one”

“my second text asking whether you want to be young again, I take that back” He says while he focuses on the night road. Catching her curious look, he smirks “You never really grew up, choding” he sticks his tongue out too.

“OHO our charismatic Max Changmin, imagine what would happen if I had caught that on camera?”

“Well you didn’t”

It was as if they hadn’t spent the last decade distancing themselves except for the occasional moments. It was as if the hands of time decided to follow their command and wound back ten years. It was as if … 

“When was the last time we were actually alone celebrating a birthday together?”

“ten years”  at his response, yoona tries to recollect and counts her fingers.

“Wow, we’re old.”

“Nope, just you”

“I’m younger than you by two years”

“I’m not sure whether your maths skills are really that bad but your mental age is probably ten times that difference”

It was as if they were finally getting what they anticipated.

***

            “Where are we going?” Yoona clings on for her dear(deer) life. She feels as if she is questioning the darkness.

           “You’ll see in a second” he continues climbing up the stairs effortlessly even with a deer on his back.

“Let me take off this thing” she tugs at her blindfold.

“Don’t you dare”  he warns before he lowers her onto level ground while guiding her. Yoona hears the click open of a door in front of her. But she is more focused on the hand that is clasping hers so naturally, so perfectly, so surreally. The cool spring breeze of the night greets her as she steps onto concrete.

Releasing her hand, Yoona is feels as if she lost something at that moment. But she is once again secure when she hears his voice from behind her ear as he guides her own hands towards the blindfold.

“3, 2…. 2….”

“CHANGMIN OPPA”

“1” his chuckle tickles her ears but afterwards her vision is once again not just limited to darkness. It takes a moment for her eyes to adjust to the lights at this familiar place. How could she forget one of the only havens she found in this painful building of sweat, tears and practising? There are string of lanterns lining the perimeter of the rooftop.

“You’re crazy!” not believing that she was in this place. But when she turns to find him, it was just an empty rooftop.

“Changmin Oppa?” she makes her way to the hidden corner she was so familiar with. Although she was sort of prepared for him to scare her, the reflex scream still escaped her lips. He was holding out his arms out under a black cape, no wait she knew what this was

“How did you get these costumes?” she pulled at the hem of his Harry Potter wizarding robe, nodding with an impressed lopsided smile.

 “Don’t make me look like an idiot” and he pulls another set out of nowhere “put yours on ‘Hermione’” he rolls his eyes while saying it earning himself a punch.

“oh I forgot to say, you ARE an idiot” immersed into their childhood fandom “WHAT AN IDIOT” she recites Hermione’s line from the Philosopher’s stone and ducks in time before his hand reaches her head.

Just when she thought he had run out of his supply of surprises, he takes out two long thin twig looking objects and smiles proudly.

“Sparklers?!” Yoona’s eyes light up. Changmin’s expression falls

“Wands, you have to find out which one chooses yo…” before he could finish, Yoona bursts into laughter while grabbing him on the shoulder to support herself from falling.

“Oppa, are you serious?” she tries to gasp for breath. He pulls out her hand and slips the wire with the magnesium at the top into her hand.

“Now say the spell” Changmin almost gives in to chuckles as well, but the first signs were evident. Yoona continues giggling as Changmin gets the lighter ready.

“Say it” he pokes her.

“o..okay” she manages to recover

“Lu…” Changmin nods encouraging her to finish off without traces of laughter.

They hear the twisting of door, and a familiar hoobae’s  face appears eyes similar to theirs glistening under the light. The intruded couple were frozen in their own moment, still in their Hogwarts wizarding robes. As the recognition set in, Yoona finished off her sentence.

“han...”

“Changmin sunbae and Yoona sunbae?” his eyes round deer eyes were wider than ever. The other two deers reciprocated.

“Luhan?” The two echoed. He stood up straight

“Umma” Luhan’s slip of the tongue in trying to express his surprise ‘OMO’ had broken the ice.

“What did you say Luhan?” Changmin asked catching Yoona’s frozen laughter.

“good boy, come to umma” Yoona began her fit of giggles again                                                       

“Neh?” Finally realising what he said “Oh I meant omo”

Changmin and Yoona were giving sympathetic daddy and mummy smiles at the poor kid.

“Sorry, I was just trying to find a place to be alone…” His face dropped, still with the tinge of awkwardness and apology. “Happy Birthday Yoona noona”

“Luhan!” before he turned

Yoona looked at Changmin as if asking for permission. Luhan watched, mesmerised as the two had a conversation with their eyes. He recorded what he had just witnessed well in his mind.

“Do you want to stay and join us?” he was now looking at two pairs of identically mismatched eyes.

“REALLY? You’ll let me?”

“Yes son” Yoona joked, successfully supressing her laughter. Luhan made his way up to their side,

“Yes Umma” Yoona rubbed the top of his head. “Oh” his expression lit up kind of cheekily “sunbae, then are you appa?”

“NEH?!” “NEH” Changmin adn Yoona answered at the same time. She looked at Changmin as if he was a patient who had escaped the mental psychiatric hospital.

“What? We’re all deers here aren’t we?” he gestures to all of them.

“hey we are! Luhan are you a Harry potter fan?”

“of course!  think Hermione and Harry should’ve ended up together though”

“Oh! That’s what we think as well, right appa?” Yoona nudges Changmin. He is lost in the endearment for a moment too long.

“Come on! We’re ‘young’ again for tonight” this time, she puts the sparkler into Changmin’s hand

“What’s the spell?” Yoona ignites the lighter

“1, 2, 3 Lumos” and they were gifted with the lovely combustion reaction of magnesium and oxygen. But it was not that was to them, it was for a moment, pure magic and innocence.

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday to Umma/Yoona

Happy birthday to you

Changmin and Luhan hold up the almost burnt out sparklers as she pretends to blow them out.

“make a wish umma”

“don’t wish for anything funny!” Changmin warns her

She closes her eyes, speaking to the stars above her through her heart

I’m just going to be greedy this year and wish I can have moments like these on this day every year.  

“Happy birthday Im Yoona” she opens her eyes and Changmin and Luhan are grinning at her with a cake in the former’s hand.

“WAHHH Cake!” she almost pounces, just as Changmin sidesteps her. “I get half!”

“A quarter!” Yoona stands up at her fullest height

“a third!” Luhan pipes in

“DEAL” they both shout their agreement.

When Yoona slices the first piece of cake, she caught Luhan inching away to the furthest part of the rooftop.

“What are you doing son?” she half laughs

“in case you touch the bot…”

“Oops my hand slipped” she gives Changmin an apologetic look.

“I need to go to the toilet” and he disappears for a good ten minutes before any of the two can catch him.

“Umma you look like a perfect match with appa” Luhan says as Yoona looks down and focuses on distributing the thirds onto plates to hide her flush.

“Really?”

“why would you think I am lying?”

“Because it seems like it’s part of this game” she getures to him then to her then points her thumb over the shoulder.

“well it would be nice if it was real”

“we’re just… friends” she smiles at his objecting look.

“I’m just glad we are a family” he smiles accepting his portion “Thank you” Yoona gives a halfhearted smile, failing to hide her disappointment.

As the birthday slowly slips past them and towards midnight, the three sit down, leaning against the surrounding wall.

“I still love this juice like 10 years ago, but it’s just I don’t know…”

“Is it missing something?” Luhan asks

“Tch him and his alcohol problem” Yoona smirks and Luhan absorbs the piece of information.

 They placed their bottles of mango juice aside as Changmin pulls another magic trick on her.

“Happy Birthday” he places a perfectly wrapped present in her lap. Luhan peeks over curiously
“You didn’t wrap this” Yoona inspects the handiwork. She catches Changmin’s just-appreciate-it look and finishes her speech “But thank you” as she gently and meticulously detaches each piece of sticky tape her heart rate climbs a little higher. The drumming in her heart reaches her ears for a moment as her breath hitches. Luhan witnessed another amazing moment. The look Yoona gave Changmin told him everything she couldn’t in words.

***

“Can it be Changmin again?” Taeyeon nudges Yoona.

“Unnie, Yoona unnie has a boyfriend already!” Seohyun reminds Taeyeon with a little aegyo, kind of disappointed herself.

“sorry I forgot” Taeyeon apologised and stuck her tongue out.

Sooyoung opens the door this time, effortlessly swinging the door open as she stuck the fork between her teeth.

“ah, Seunggi oppa” Sooyoung takes the fork out and waves it in her free hand. She obviously didn’t witness the way Yoona sort, kind of, subtly drooped a little.   “Yoona, look who came for you”  she marches her way back to her seat around the table with the girls.

“Hi Seunggi oppa” the girls chorused, and remained seated.

Yoona smiled sweetly and (reluctantly) got off her seat. “Oppa” she walks up to him, accepting the large bouquet of red roses he held in his hand.

“Happy birthday” he kisses her on the forehead. She smiles to show her appreciation.

“thank you”

“Did you have a fun night?”

Yes, this time last year. “Definitely, I’ve had better ones” she shows off her cheeky Yoong smile.

“Yeah yeah yeah, your birthday date with him yesterday was better” Hyoyeon teased

“I snuck up here in between filming my scenes, I have to rush back now. But I wanted to see you on this special day.” He kisses her on the forehead again “You’re becoming more beautiful with age Yoona” She can’t find the right words to respond but is luckily saved by her unnies. It was just another time (in addition to the countless ones) she was grateful that they were here.

“EWWWW”

“Hey you girls have boyfriends too” he pointed at the rest of them, his finger straying a little longer at Sooyoung and Tiffany.”

They laughed it off and pretended to hit each other.

“Alright, by baby Yoong” he ruffles her hair.

“Don’t miss me” Taeyeon mocks a man voice

“Oh I miss you already” Jessica mocks a really girly voice.

Seunggi turns and points warningly at them while biting his lip before he leaves their apartment.

“Roses are red, ballads are blue, chocolate is nice and he loves you” Yuri sings

“I know unnie” she smiles defeatedly. “I know”

“Oh Yoona” the eight girls give her a mix of sympathetic and knowing looks.

***

She picks up the last of the phenomenal series on her bedside table and flips to the very last page where he attached a polaroid photograph from 11 years ago.

“The last book?!” she gasped disbelievingly from him to the Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows in her hand.

“Why are you so surprised? You should have been expecting it since I have been giving you the series slowly every year”

“You never gave me the last book, I was waiting for it. I thought you might have forgotten”  she slides her fingers across the pages, and was about to flip it open for the first time. Then suddenly, she feels a warm hand close over hers.

“Don’t open it yet”

“Why not?”

“this was why…” Yoona flips open to the last page, where a polaroid photo she had almost forgotten had existed. It was them, their younger selves from ten years ago on this exact day.  At the bottom was her writing. She brushes her finger over it.

‘In ten years time I want to be able to be still living this dream’ – Im Yoona 30/05/2003

“He remembered” her smile reflected how she felt on the inside – pure sweetness. Beneath it was his usual neat writing.

‘Turns out Hermione and Harry didn’t end up together. But don’t let that ruin your day, Happy Birthday 24^th Im Yoona’  her heart rate quickens and she feels tears forming when she reads the line beneath it.

“PS I saved this book for this day, the one in our promise. And I just didn’t want it to end’

Yoona sits onto her bed, feeling something cold under her hand, she retrieves an unfamiliar book from beneath her pillow.

“Harry Potter Film Wizardry?” she reads the title, still confused on how it got under her book. She catches Seohyun walking past their room

“Seohyun ah, where did this come from?” Seohyun widens her eyes unnoticeably and replies calmly

“Sorry Unnie, I don’t know. Happy Birthday” she turns and leaves with a knowing smile as she calms her rapid heartbeat. It’s a white lie, nothing bad.

But before she can prise it open, her phone notification goes off for the thousandth time tonight.

Umma Happy Birthday, wish we had another family celebration. –Luhan _{less than a minute ago}

Her smile fades as she shakes her head exhaustedly. “innocence” scrolling down, she finds the abandoned message she never read due to the intrusion earlier in the night.

Too bad Im Yoona, it’s too late. Hope you like your present by the way. _{18 minutes ago}

her heart pauses as she rereads the message over and over again and tries to supress the suspicions of a second or even third meaning behind his teasing tone. Sure it was too late at night now to go anywhere, especially back to their old company building that’s what it would appear as to an outsider. But he was Changmin, the Changmin she knew and the Changmin that knew her. Was he angry at her for not replying? But she fails to convince herself that it is either.

She explores the wonders of the features included in the book- the props, a schedule

“A yule ball program”

“If we ever had a yule ball and you can’t find a partner, I’ll take you” low in possibility Shim Changmin.

“Why should I go with you?”

“Because I understand your world, and how it works in it”

She retrieves the prop from it’s little pouch in the page. And to her surprise, she finds two extra elements she was sure were not supposed to be in there. There was excitement. But her momentary pleasure was suddenly taken away in a breath’s time. She flips it over, it’s his handwriting.

‘No matter how much we wish for, want and need it to happen, Hermione and Harry were just not meant to be. So go on and visit the world that’s yours just without that crucial element. Go with him. Happy Birthday 25^th Birthday Im Yoona – You know who (Voldemin)’

A tear splatters across the back of the ticket just above his and her name. She sniffs and holds back as she clenches her phone (still open in that message). She never thought that this was how she felt on getting her first two tickets to her dream destination ‘Harry Potter wizarding world in Orlando’  

“I know it’s too late, but just …it’s not that world without you”

The owners of the eight pairs of ears in the hallway try to hold back their sobs and tears.

“How is it happy birthday?” and the clock struck twelve.