This is just a simple drabble I created when I felt inspired 

 

 

 

---

 

 

Goodbye. It was the word I didn’t think you would ever say. It was the word I never wanted to hear, heck, it was the word I hated the most when I had to say it to someone else. At the end of the day, I always laid in the bed, thinking why did it always end in a goodbye? Was it not worth it to wake up the day after and find someone laying in the bed next to you? Wasn’t it enough just to feel a warm body next to yours? To wake up and feel like you’re welcomed, like someone cares about you? I guess for you it wasn’t. After about an hour of sitting on the floor I started coming back to my senses. You left. You said you cared about me, loved me, admired me, needed me. I thought back to when I held you when you needed me to comfort you, how many times did you cry with my hands wrapped around your shoulders, me whispering sweet words of comfort to you, you – just cuddled into my form, bawling your pretty eyes out. Ironic how me being more emotional and you being the tougher one, I always did the healing, and you always searched for my pity, for my weaknesses, when in fact, I never searched for yours.

 

 

If I ever found your weakness, I never mentioned it. Like how you complained about me using the shower for so long, when in fact, you used it much longer than I did. Or how you always turned irritated about small things, like me talking to my friends or just smiling to others. Ironic how my form, being smaller than your body held so much more mental and emotional strength. Have you ever thought that I needed your comfort too? How when my parents divorced and I thought that it was the end of the world. Yes, I know, it was selfish of me, to blame it on my parents for the ed up family that I had. But I never did. I never really blamed my parents. Not my dad, when he shouted at me or my brother, not when he ignored me and played basketball or just talked with my brother. Not when my mother criticized my every move, not when she blamed me for being a failure. I never blamed my brother for it too. It was always my fault. Maybe I was the failure that my mother always blamed me to be.

 

 

Maybe I was never destined to be a good son to them. I just wanted to make no mistakes. In my opinion, no mistakes equaled no hurting. Maybe that’s why I always liked comforting and healing others more than saying the truth to them? Maybe that’s why I made you promise me that you’ll never leave? But one thing I didn’t know then, to never believe in your promises. Was it that easy to leave me? Did you ever look back at what you had and felt that you didn’t want more? Had you planned from the start to play my already fragile heart? How did it feel like to take my heart with you? And no, I’m never going to stay the same. Of course I’ll change. I won’t wait for you. I won’t let you ruin my life like you wanted to. Will it be easy to move along? The answer will never be known. And yes, I’ll never be able to forget you. Why, you ask me why? Well, because you where in my heart all along, and no matter how hard I’ll try to forget you, to erase you from my mind, to plug, rip, claw you out of my already broken heart, I’ll never be able to forget you, your smile, your alluring brown eyes, how your hair fell, how you could make me feel loved with the slightest move or word. Was I that simple to play? Was I a fool to you? A mere soldier in the field? Had my heart meant nothing? All the nights spent on the roof of my home, looking at the stars. Was it not worth to stay? 

 

 

But as I lay on the floor of my room, gazing at the ceiling I know that you won’t come back. You won’t turn around and smile at me anymore. I felt too tired to even close my eyes, too tired to stand up, to even move to my bed. Am I pathetic right now? Yes. But I can’t change how I am.

 

 

Just remembering how we used to talk freely gave me the energy to move. Is this the effect you have on me? Do I have the same effect on you? I just need another silent moment, just an hour on the roof, with the stars above me and nothing under me, just the cold feeling of concrete. As I lay there, watching the stars I can’t help but to think. Was it worth it? Was it worth the time to play my heart? To play my heart so professionally, like a musician plays his instrument. Was my heart just a string of your violin? Am I broken and not useful? If I meet you again, would you answer me who had broken the strings of your heartless violin? Could you even look into my eyes and say that I mean nothing to you? I never really had seen a shooting star before you shoved me one. I think it was three years ago. On the same roof. I made my first wish. Thinking back on it, it was so childish. I could of hoped for peacefulness, for strength to fight against the world. But I didn’t. I wished for a friend. Back then you where the one I wanted as a friend. And I had you, even if it was for a permanent time, I did have you. You, Jackson, were there when I needed to be comforted. But you never did it. You never said to me that I was not the fault of everything. Just your presence made it calming enough to live.

 

 

How ironic is it? There was a shooting star in the sky right now. I always believed in wishes, in dreams, and I wished for the one thing I wanted the most right now. You. With every flaw you have. Why was I whishing for you? Why do I want to see your eyes again? Why do I want to hold you in my arms and kiss your forehead? Can’t you just leave my mind? Are you thinking about me right now? Where are you? Could you be in the other end of the world? Are you alright? Just thinking that you could be with someone else I gazed at the sky again. Is it too late to change my mind? Perfect timing. Another shooting star. Not even blinking, I made another wish. As simple as it was, I wished to never see you again. You can always be in my heart, always haunt my dreams and my thoughts, but you will never be able to make me cry again, as long as I have this wish and this night. The last peaceful night of this month.

 

 

Even if I don’t like the fact that you are away, I have to face the truth. You’re not coming back. And it’s fine with me. Because I realized that the word isn’t as bad as it could be. Now, I’m saying it.