I was becoming infuriated.

There were so many ambulances passing in front of my car while I was stopped at a red light. Because of their stupid annoyingly screeching sirens, it was so hard to hear the radio.

"Geuraedo saranghaetdeon neoyeotgie. Jeoldae itji anha. Yes, I remember..."

My fingers drummed against the steering wheel to the beat as yet another red and white emergency vehicle drove by.

"Can you, like, not?" I groaned, my ears desperately straining to hear as much of the song as possible.

"Geu sunganmankeum geutorok. Jeoldae itji ankesseo. I remember..."

I could picture those perfect bow-shaped lips along with that flawless satin voice finishing my favorite song.  

The singer was no other than the god himself, Jung Daehyun.  He was nothing less than perfect, with his ing perfect body (ahem, chiseled abs), his luscious hair, and his gorgeous eyes. Oh, and don't forget his lips. Those could make me with just a simple bite or .

A vibration came from my pocket, and I glanced down at my phone to see that I had gotten a text from one of my closest friends, Moon Jongup.   

Moving one hand off of the wheel to reply, a loud beep from the car behind me signaled that the light had turned green.  Or so I thought – I didn’t stop to look up from my phone to check.

I was about halfway through typing the message when I hit the gas, lurching forward. 

My text was never sent because the next thing I knew, I was surrounded by darkness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Yoo Youngjae?" A hard poke came to my side.

"Hmm..." I mumbled, squinting my eyes open to try to adjust to the light.

"Ah, good. You're awake."  There was a man standing at the side of my bed, hovering over me.

His blonde hair was styled, his bangs hanging slightly over his eyes.

My eyes scanned him thoroughly.  "Am I dreaming?  Who are you?" I cringed at the raspy sound that had become my voice.

A melodious laugh erupted from the angelic being in front of me. "No, you're definitely awake. My name's Dr. Kim Himchan, at your service,” the doctor smiled down at me. 

"Now, instead of trying to flirt with someone who is far too old for you, why don’t you ask where you are?"

Finally, I glanced around the large room, registering every detail. "I'm in...I’m in a hospital." I blinked. "Why?"

"Well," Dr. Kim sighed.  "You were in a car accident, Youngjae," he frowned, disappointment filled in his deep eyes. "A certain boy was texting while driving."

I blushed deeply and looked away, trying to hide my embarrassment.  

My typing on my phone was a very vivid memory.  I knew the text could've waited until I had stopped at another red light, or until I had reached my destination.

"You suffered minor brain damage, a few broken ribs, and...I'm so sorry to say this, but, Youngjae," the doctor paused, his frown deepening, "we had to amputate your right arm due to the amount of blood loss and havoc it had been through."

My eyes widened and snapped down to my arm to confirm that his statement was true.  Where my right appendage should've been, there was emptiness, nothing.  It was gone.

I felt tears start to form and anger build in my chest. "Why? Why did this happen to me? How am I going to live without my arm?!"

Dr. Kim shrugged. "You'll learn; you’ll manage.  It is your fault after all, right?  That text really cost you a lot, Mr. Yoo."

I hung my head in defeat. "I know."

"I'll be back to check how you're doing in a few hours. For now, just get some rest, okay?"

"Okay," my voice came out just below a whisper as he turned to grab his clipboard off of the nightstand and walk towards the door.

"Hey, Youngjae?"

I looked up to see Dr. Kim stopped in the doorway.

"Yes?"

"We found a few CDs in your car by Jung Daehyun," he smiled. "Are you a big fan of his?"

Blushing, I nodded.  "Of course. I'm a huge fan. He's gorgeous!" I blurted out, my face turning a embarrassingly dark shade of red.

Dr. Kim laughed. "Me too. I guess that'll be exciting for both of us when he comes to visit.  Anyways, bye, Youngjae!"  With that, he stepped out and shut the door with a heavy thump behind him.

Wait, what?  Back up.  Did he just say that Jung Daehyun was coming here?  To visit?

Oh Lord, just kill me now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A few days later, after numerous physical therapy sessions and medications, I was feeling quite a bit better. 

 A few of my bruises had gone away, and I was beginning to learn how to do things with my left arm.  

Don't get me wrong, I still desperately missed using my dominant hand, but I was sure I could learn to cope without it. 

 I was just about to force myself out of bed when my door opened, and I froze in mid-action.

"Youngjae!" Dr. Kim said breathlessly, panting as if he'd just ran a marathon. "Two words: Jung Daehyun."

My eyes practically bugged out of my head. "What?  Here?  Now?!"

 I jumped off of my bed and ran over to where the doctor was standing. 

"Let me see him, you old man!" I pushed past Dr. Kim, and sprinted down the hallway and into the lounge.  

I stopped when I got there, and I swear my heart did, too.

There, sitting perfectly perfect in one of the chairs, was none other than perfect Jung Daehyun.

He looked bored, playing with the hem of his shirt as other patients were trying to have a conversation with him.  

Some of the nurses were swooning and taking pictures – and I was tempted to join them.

I walked closer, hoping to get a better view of the angel, when he looked up suddenly and caught my stare.  

His beautiful eyes widened, like he finally found something worth paying attention to.

My breath caught in my throat when he stood up and pushed past a few people, making his way over to me.  

A few steps more and finally Jung Daehyun was standing a few tempting inches away.

"Hi there," he smiled, his perfect Busan accent flowing to my ears. "I wasn't expecting a gorgeous boy like you to be here."

I blushed deeply, unable to form words.  

Daehyun laughed, the sound even more pleasant than Dr. Kim's laugh.  "What's the matter? Cat got your tongue, Cutie?"

"Pshh, n-no," I stuttered. "I-I'm just surprised to see you here. See you at all, a-actually."  Cue nervous giggle.

"Yes, well, it wasn't my choice," he sighed. "I would never pick to come to a place like this."

"Oh..." Frowning, I looked at the floor. "I'm sorry.  I guess I'll just be going now. I have physical therapy right now anyways, so-"

I stopped midsentence as Daehyun lifted my chin to make me look at him.

"I'm glad I came, though.  If I hadn’t, then I wouldn’t have met you," he smiled, and my stomach fluttered like a butterfly. "What's your name?"

"Youngjae...Yoo Youngjae." My eyes were locked and bolted with his, unable to pull away.

"Wow," Daehyun breathed. "That's the most amazing and unique name I have ever heard."

I felt myself so enticed with his voice so much, I was unable to think properly.

"You're y," I mumbled, thinking that he wouldn't be able to hear it.

"Really?" he chuckled. "Thank you. You're not too bad yourself."

I blushed yet again. Dammit, I really needed to control myself around this boy.  

Suddenly, we heard a voice call out to Daehyun.

"Ah, sorry. That's my manager telling me that it's time to leave." He ran a hand through his hair. "But I had fun. What room are you in, Youngjae?  I’m gonna visit you sometime."

"I'm in room 134...but I don't want you to take time out of your busy schedule just to come see some nobody like me. Besides, doesn't it creep you out that I only have one arm?" I looked up to study his face, not missing the flash of uneasiness in his eyes.

"No." Daehyun stated firmly. "I don't care. I'm visiting you either way!" He smiled and waved as he walked away. "See ya tomorrow."  

Tomorrow?

Why why why? Why was he toying with my heart?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sure enough, when I woke up, I was greeted with an all-too-familiar face staring at me while I slept.  

"Hi Cutie!" Daehyun chirped happily. "Sleep well?"

I groaned and rolled over, covering my face with a pillow. "Don't you have a concert or something famous-related?" I moaned unhappily.

He chuckled.  "Nope! Not today! So I guess you're just stuck with me for the rest of the day."

Daehyun ripped the pillow away from my face and planted his lips roughly on my cheek.

He. Just. ing. Kissed. Me.

On the cheek, but still.

The Jung Daehyun's lips touched my skin.

My face turned a deep shade of red and Daehyun chuckled again. 

"Aw, that's cute!" He smiled brightly, his eyes forming two beautiful crescents. "If you get all hot and flustered by just a kiss on the cheek, I wonder what a kiss on the lips would – Oof!"

The annoying yet y boy landed on the hospital floor with a thud, caused by a pillow wielded in my hands.

This time, I was the one laughing. 

"Wow, Daehyunnie. What's it like to get rejected by someone?" I clamped a hand over my mouth, eyes wide, as I realized the nickname that I’d always secretly called him just spewed from my mouth. 

 If it was possible, my face blushed even harder.  "Er, I...uh, you didn't hear that."

Daehyun blinked, climbing back onto the small bed and smirked. "Daehyunnie, eh? You know, Youngjae, I wouldn't say stuff like that. It might just make me jump you, right here, right now." A sensual winked followed that caused me to swallow deeply.

"Sh-shut up! You – I mean – you barely even know me. Stop thinking erted thoughts about me! It's-it’s…creepy." I stammered, praying that he wouldn't catch the hint of excitement in my eyes. I mean, who wouldn't want to be screwed senseless by this man?

His smirked stayed in place. "Like you haven't thought about having with me?"

My eyes widen as I spluttered out. 

"N-no! Of course not!" I bit my lip and looked down. "Well, maybe a teeny tiny bit."  My fingers moved about half of a centimeter apart.

"Ha ha! I knew it!" Daehyun clapped and barked a bout of laughter. 

"That's okay, Cutie. I'm not complaining." He bit his lip as he looked me up and down hungrily.

Dr. Kim poked his head through the door and smiled knowingly. 

"Everything okay in here?"

Daehyun smirked at me before turning to look at the blonde male. "Of course. Youngjae's very enjoyable to be around!"

The doctor nodded in agreement. "I know. He's the liveliest patient I've had in years." He opened the door wider and stepped inside. 

"Youngjae," Dr. Kim looked at me. 

"It's noon, so time for another physical therapy session. Sorry, Daehyun. I'll have to steal your little boy toy for an hour or two."

I sighed, throwing my legs over the bed and stood up, feeling a hand wrap around my wrist.  

Glancing down, I followed up the tan, slender arm and saw Daehyun staring at me.

 "Youngjae..." he whispered lowly.

"What?"  My voice was the same octave as his.

He pulled me down and placed his lips softly to mine.

 "Goodbye," Daehyun breathed out.

"Bye," I squeaked and turned around, hurriedly rushing out the door and slamming it behind me.

Dr. Kim eyed me. "What's up with you, eh?"

"H-he just k-kissed me. On the lips!" I was breathing heavily as I stared at a plant without actually seeing it.

"Oh my..." the doctor smiled widely. "You say that like it's a bad thing," he sighed. "What I wouldn't do for those lips on mine."

Something in me snapped. "Hey! Back off! Jung Daehyun is mine. You hear me?  Mine!" I stormed forward, heading to the therapy room to begin my session.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I returned to my room, Daehyun was sitting on the bed with a goofy grin plastered on his face.

"What?" I questioned cautiously, making my way over to him and climbed onto the mattress.

"So, I may have been eavesdropping on a certain person...aaand I might have heard some pretty interesting stuff."

I didn't like the sound of that one bit.  

"Really?" I swallowed. "W-who...and what kind of juicy stuff?"

"Do the words, 'Jung Daehyun is mine,' ring a bell?  Hm?" Daehyun's eyes formed those familiar crescents as he smiled mischievously.

My eyes widened in shock. "How could you possibly have known that?  Were you eavesdropping?  Don't you know that it's rude to listen in on other people's conversations?"

"Yeah, I know.  I couldn't help it though!" I ignored his pout and rolled my eyes in annoyance.

"Whatever, Daehyun."

We sat in silence for a few minutes before Daehyun spoke up.  

"Youngjae," he said softly. "Did it hurt?" 
When I looked at him in confusion, clearly thinking that he was going to use some sort of pickup line on me, he quickly added, "Your arm, I mean."

"Oh." I thought about it for a moment before slowly shaking my head. 

"No, not really. It just feels really weird because I can't use two arms to do anything." Chuckling, I looked down at my left hand. "Guess I'm lucky that I don't play any sports or anything."

"Yeah..." Daehyun sounded far away, as if he regretted even asking about it.

"But, don't worry. I'm totally fine!" I smiled brightly, grabbing his hand with my own. "As long as you're here."

He returned the smile, looking into my eyes and leaned close, so that I could feel the soft puffs of his breath against my skin. "May I?"

I didn't say anything, letting my answer be my lips against his plump ones. 
He understood, tilting his head slightly to deepen the kiss.

But suddenly, it was so hard to breathe.  

 I couldn’t take in any air.  

And not because of Daehyun's irresistible lips – well maybe just a little.

This was different.  I literally could not make the oxygen reach my lungs.

I quickly pulled away, guilt filling my entire body when I saw Daehyun's face, hurt written all over it.

"Dae...Daehyun..." I choked out, my hand flying to my throat in hopes that he would realize what I was trying to tell him.

His eyes widened. "Oh no...Dr. Kim! Hurry! There's something wrong with Youngjae!"  Daehyun shouted as loud as he could, standing up and running over to the door.

  It flung open to reveal the blonde doctor, panic struck on his face.

I slowly started to regain my breath, my heart pumping faster than usual.

"Daehyun, what's wrong?" Dr. Kim spoke calmly as he walked over to stand by my bedside.

"I – I don't know...we – we were kissing and all of a sudden, he was gasping for air." Daehyun chewed his lower lip. "Did I do something to cause this?"

The doctor shook his head. "No, but I need you to please wait outside. I don't want Youngjae having an anxiety attack because everything is so overwhelming."

I sadly watched Daehyun exit the room and close the door behind him as Dr. Kim laid me back against the bed.

"I need you to relax, Youngjae," he said soothingly, softly my hair. "Tell me, is anything else bothering you?"

I wet my lips thoroughly with my tongue. "Well," I croaked out. "My heart is racing and I feel really hot. Is that normal?" My palm started to sweat as I watched the doctor.

Slowly, Dr. Kim shook his head. "Well, it's not abnormal, so we can't really diagnose you for something that minor."

He paused and glanced towards the door where Daehyun was watching through the window. "He really cares about you, doesn't he?"

"Yeah...he does."  I looked at Daehyun, staring across the room into his eyes. "I just don't know why. Isn't this going a little too fast? I mean, why would he choose someone like me, when he could have all the beautiful women – or men – in the world?"

"Love works in many ways, Youngjae."  Dr. Kim patted my hand.  "Anyways, we'll keep an eye on you over the next few days, see how everything goes.  Okay?"  

The blonde doctor rubbed his forehead and walked over to the exit, only stopping to turn and get a confirmation from me before opening the door and walking out.

He was replaced by Daehyun a moment later, who rushed over to my bed.

"Youngjae! Oh, god, I wish I could've been there for you, but Dr. Kim made me stay outside and-"

"Whoa, whoa." I put my hand up to interrupt him. "Dae, calm down.  It's okay, I'm okay. There was nothing you could do!" I said reassuringly, patting his arm.

Daehyun started to relax and sat down next to me, taking a deep breath. "So, what did he say?"

"Well," I started. "It's nothing major, but they're going to watch me for awhile. Dr. Kim doesn't want anything going wrong."

Daehyun nodded. "I'm staying here with you until you're released, okay?"

"Thanks," I smiled and reached for his hand, intertwining our fingers together.

My smiled faded as I remembered the one thing that was bothering me, other than my little episode a few minutes ago. 

 "Dae?" My breathing slowed, and I looked up to meet his eyes. "Can I asking you something?"

Daehyun squeezed my hand and nodded. "Of course, baby."

I swallowed deeply, wetting my lips with my tongue. "Why me?"

He looked confused. "Huh?"

"Why did you choose me? I'm nothing special." A rogue tear slid down my cheek. "I'm not famous like you, rich, or outgoing. Hell, I'm not even good-looking."

"How could you even say that?" Daehyun snapped.  "Famous, rich, outgoing?  Have I ever once mentioned that that bothered me?"

I quickly shook my head. "No, but, I'm not even a whole person!" I motioned with my left hand to where my other arm should've been.

"I'm not ing done talking."

I choked out a sob as he continued.

"Again: have I said that your missing arm affected the way I feel about you? No, I don't believe I have, Youngjae." He sighed. "I don't want you ever saying that you aren't good-looking. , Youngjae, you're the most beautiful person I've ever seen."

 Daehyun moved closer and took my face in his hands. "Your eyes...they're so deep and gorgeous; I get lost in them so many times."  

His fingers traced the bow of my lips.  "And your lips, god – they’re perfect. Your taste is so addicting. I just can't get enough. Jae, if I sat here and talked about how beautiful you are, the words would never stop coming and we’d be here forever." 

Daehyun leaned forward and pressed our lips together, so his mouth brushed against mine as he whispered. "Please believe me, Youngjae." Even softer, he said. "I love you."

My whisper matched his. "I think...I think I do…I believe you."

I thought his face was going to crack in half when I saw the smile that spread out on his lips.  "Really?"

My smile mirrored his own as he crashed his lips to mine.

No other words were spoken that night. Just the sound of two lovers showing affection was present.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I awoke the next morning, the spot on my bed next to me was occupied.  

I rolled over, accidentally kicking the lump in the process. 

A pained groan was emitted from the figure.
"Oops...sorry, Dae." I giggled and cuddled into his back.

"Mmm..." Daehyun turned over, wrapping me in his arms and nuzzled into my neck. "Shut up, pillow."

Chuckling, I looked up to see Dr. Kim standing in the doorway to my room.  

His face was grim.

"What's wrong, doctor?"

Daehyun noticed the blonde male too and picked his head up to get a better view.

"I, um, need to talk to Daehyun for a moment." Dr. Kim shifted nervously and took a few steps closer to the bed.

Daehyun and I frowned and looked at each other.

"That's okay," I said. "I have to use the restroom anyways." 

I got up to walk over to the small bathroom in the corner of the room and stepped inside, closing and locking the door behind me.

I felt like Daehyun, pressing my ear up against the bathroom door to eavesdrop on the hushed tones of the two males in my room.

"Daehyun, I'm not really sure how to tell you this, so I'm just going to come out with it." I heard Dr. Kim sigh. "Youngjae...is...he's dying, Daehyun. I'm sorry."

My eyes widened, tears filling them instantly. 

I'm...dying? I don't feel like I'm dying. Is this a prank? It's not a very funny one if you ask me.

Daehyun struggled to keep his voice low. "What! He's dying?  How do you even know this? You said that he was fine yesterday!"

"I know what I said. We decided to run a few tests while you two were sleeping, just to put your worrying minds at ease. It led to us finding out that Youngjae has Coronary Artery Disease, or CAD for short. We're not really sure yet how he got this, and we'll run more tests, but it's common for males like Youngjae to show symptoms of CAD at a young age." 

The doctor sounded tired and pained. "The irregular heart beating was a symptom, and also when he was unable to breathe."

"Can't you do anything for him? Like...like give him medicine?" I could tell by the way Daehyun's voice wavered that he was trying not to cry.

"Unfortunately, no, because his heart is already too weak with the disease. Maybe if we would've found out about it a little sooner, we could have saved him. Although, I can prescribe him some medication to help prevent blood clots and keep his heart rate normal, but that's it I'm afraid."

Suddenly, Daehyun burst, all of his anger directed at Dr. Kim. "This is all your ing fault! If you wouldn't have invited me here in the first place, I wouldn't be going through this right now. But no, you just had to, and now, I'm stuck in a hospital with a bunch of freaks! Even my ing boyfriend has a defect. One of his arms is missing and I-"

Both male froze in shock when I pushed open the door, tears streaming down my face.

My voice was ice cold as I spoke. 

"So, I'm just a freak to you, Daehyun? I guess you never meant what you said about loving me and thinking that I was beautiful. I was right, I'm not perfect. I can't help that my arm is gone." 

I paused and glared at Daehyun. "Oh, and you lied about that, too. You think about it all the time. I'm sorry that I'm not your ideal guy."

Hurt was written all over his face, but I was too mad to even care.

I turned to face Dr. Kim. "And you: When were you going to tell me about my disease? Never? Why did you think that telling Daehyun was a good idea? Shouldn't I know first?! It's my body!" Scoffing, I looked the doctor straight in the eye. "Some sort of doctor you are."

My hands clenched into fists as I growled. "I want you out of my room. Now!"

They clearly saw how pissed off I was, so they both walked out the door, heads hung.

I stomped over to slam the door behind them before turning around and laying my back against the wood. 

Sliding down to the floor, I pulled my knees to my chest and buried my face in them, sobbing violently.

I knew I was never good enough to be with a gorgeous, perfect singer like Jung Daehyun.  

It just hurt so much that I played right into his hands. 

I fell for him, exactly like he wanted. He crushed my spirit and broke my heart.  

I willed myself to hoist my body up off of the floor & walked over to my bed, lying down.

From now on, I vowed that I would never allow myself to be tricked like that ever again.

Why did I ever fall in love with you, Daehyun?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A few days later, I woke up to see a bunch of doctors huddled over my bed, worried looks covering their faces.

"W-What's going on?" I croaked out, my voice thick with sleep.

None of the doctors answered me. Instead, one of them shoved an IV in my arm, making me squeak in surprise.

"Youngjae," Dr. Kim pushed past the rest of the doctors, putting his hand on my arm. "Are you feeling okay?"

I nodded hesitantly. "Uh, I guess. If you ignore the part where my heart was broken and I found out that I was dying."

The blonde man blushed in embarrassment. "Oh. Sorry."

"Whatever," I rolled my eyes. "I'm just glad that I don't have very much longer so I don't have to deal with this pain of losing someone I loved." 

I looked at the doctor suspiciously. "Wait, am I supposed to not be feeling okay?"

"Well," Dr. Kim started. "Whether you know it or not, your condition is getting worse. We're trying to do whatever we can to extend your-"

"No!" I put my hand on his arm. 
"Please don't. Let my body shut down when it's ready. Don't prolong anything, please."

The doctor sighed. "I don't agree with your decision, but if that’s what you want, then I'll do as you ask. Consider it my apology for not telling you about the disease..."

Dr. Kim removed the IV from my arm. 

He motioned for the other doctors to leave, and I watched as they walked out, being replaced with the person I wanted to see the least.

"Get him out of here!" I hissed, pointing at Daehyun.

Dr. Kim frowned and turned. 
"Daehyun, please leave. I don't want Youngjae to be more stressed than he already is."

"No." Daehyun growled. "I'm not leaving the love of my life when he needs me the most."

I scoffed and glared at him. "Love of your life, my ! You don't love me, and you never have. Leave, so I can die in peace."

Without the IV pumping fluid into my body, I could already feel my health deteriorating.

"Daehyun..." I croaked out, still trying to sound mad. "I don't need you here to up my life anymore."

Daehyun sighed, walking over to sit next to me on my bed and pulled me into his arms. "Baby, I missed you.  I love you."

"S-Shut up! I hate you!" I wailed, beating at his chest with my fist. I hated him even more that he let me hit him. "Fight back, dammit!"

The man holding me gently kissed my forehead. "Youngjae, I'm sorry for what I said the other day. You know I didn't mean it. I was just so angry that I couldn't do anything to stop you from dying. Please believe me, baby. I would never think that you were a freak! You're the most beautiful boy I've ever laid eyes on."

Tears started flowing freely down my cheeks. "I thought...I thought you hated me.  I thought you didn't love me. You broke my heart, Daehyun."

"I know, baby, and I'm so sorry for that. Please let me love you again." Daehyun caressed my cheeks, his thumbs brushing over my skin softly.

I nodded, my eyes fluttering closed. "I won't forget you. Not ever." My voice was barely a whisper. "I love you..."

The last thing I heard was the man I loved crying violently, screaming, pained over the loss of a simple boy, a nobody. 

 A freak.

But that freak…

That freak was me.
 
 

 

 

 

 

 

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