The night before he would go pick up Donghae, Heechul sat on the couch in the front room. His cat was perched on his lap and Heechul lazily pet the slinky gray to appreciative purring. The TV played a random cable movie, keeping Heechul company in his otherwise empty house. Simon and Amber were out, they claimed shopping for the weekend, but Heechul had suspicions about what kind of store they'd gone to. Last Memorial weekend had turned into a stoner paradise. Heechul normally didn't care about Simon's recreational choices, but this year the summer Sharehouse mates were a lot younger. Key left an hour ago for work and ever since, Heechul had been vegetating.

His phone, lying forgotten on the couch next to him, vibrated with a text and Heechul paused his petting of Heebum to reach for it. Unlocking the device, Heechul looked at the unknown number with a raised eyebrow before reading the text: I hope you don't mind, Yuri gave me your number. The text left Heechul to guess at whom the writer was, but sent enough of a clue with Yuri's name that he'd know it was a friend of a friend.

I'd know whether or not I cared if I knew who this was. Heechul responded, setting his phone face down on his chest as he went back to watching TV. Heebum, sensing he was no longer going to be the center of Heechul's attention, jumped off his lap in search of his water dish.

Another vibration: You can't guess?

I hate guessing games. Heechul sighed and set his phone down again. He tried to put faces to the text, wondering who would need his number from Yuri, only to play games with him. Heechul had a few possible people from work he was picking between when his phone vibrated again.

People who hate games are really boring.

People who play them, even more so. Frowning at his phone as he set it down on his stomach, Heechul reached for the remote and turned off the TV. He sat up, tucking his phone in his pocket. Heechul brought the drink cup and bowl of fruit he'd been piecing at into the kitchen and placed them in the sink.

It was late enough to call it a night without appearing as old as he felt around all the fresh, young faces in his house. Heechul trudged up the stairs to his bathroom, pondering his age while deliberately keeping his mind off of the texts. As he looked at himself in the bathroom mirror he tried on a few smirks and a smile, pulling his hair away from his pale face. He washed his face and brushed his teeth. Leaning closer to the mirror, Heechul started checking the lines at the corners of his eyes to make sure they weren't deeper this year. His mind eventually rounded to his phone and he pulled it out of his pocket. He hadn't felt the vibration this time.

You might like me if you stopped shutting me out.

Even though that's another piece of bait into a game you're making up as you go along, I'll bite. What kind of 'like?' Heechul shut off the light in the bathroom, phone in hand as he walked to bed, sitting on it with his back to the wall. Another text.

Regular like.

So very helpful. Starting to get the hint that this wasn't someone from work, Heechul thought of new faces and tried to place if this sounded like someone he knew. Almost immediate reply vibrations teased his hand before he could set his phone down.

Shutting me out again.

You could make this a little easier on me.

But then the payoff wouldn't be as fulfilling for you.

I don't know where you are, but it's getting late here, I have to turn off the games now. Heechul left his phone on his bed as he got up to change into shorts and a tank top for sleeping. He made sure his alarm, on the nightstand next to his bed, would go off at the right time for Donghae-rendezvous and curled into his blankets. His phone vibrated from the empty space next to him that Leeteuk normally filled. He sighed and looked at the text.

You won't be able to sleep, I've got you interested now.

That's really creepy. Thanks anyway, but I don't need a stalker. Heechul made a mental note to explain to Yuri that she couldn't give his phone number out anymore, when his phone vibrated again.

I didn't mean it like that, Heechul.

Look, cut the crap. You obviously know my name and it's a little obnoxious that I don't know yours. Heechul hovered over the send button for a moment, piecing together who the obnoxious on the other end of the texts really was, finally.

Hyung, I didn't mean to scare you. I was just kidding. It's Yunho, okay?

Heechul groaned and stuffed his phone under Leeteuk's pillow without replying. Why did Yuri have to give out his number and what the hell could the actor kid want with him, this late at night? Heechul remembered Yunho said they were filming night shoots as his phone vibrated again. It was probably Yunho's first break of the evening.

Hyung. I'm sorry.

I wasn't scared, I was annoyed. Isn't it your bed time?

Only old men sleep at this hour :)

Cute.

Hyuuung

Are you drunk or something? What do you want?

I just wanted to talk to you.

Why?

I wanted to tell you, your restaurant is really great. The food reminds me of home.

Oh. That's nice?

Yeah. Well, there's this party this weekend. I invited Yuri already and I begged her for your number, don't get mad at her. Do you want to go?

I can't.

Doing something more interesting?

Family things. Memorial Day weekend must mean nothing to a big shot actor like you.

You think I'm a big shot :D? Thanks, hyung.

I knew actors were starved for attention, but your psychosis is serious.

Hyung, will you come out next time then?

It depends.

Now who's playing games? It depends on what?

On what's going on in my life that 'next time.'

Are you always this difficult?

Only toward stalkers.

Have you had any stalkers as cute as I am?

Wow. Okay. Goodnight, Yunho.

Hyung.

Heechul stared at the text, the smirk on his face was trying to break into a full smile. The screen out and Heechul let his hand down in the empty space beside him. He imagined Leeteuk there, smiling with him at the idiot texts. "Babe," Heechul groaned, rolling onto Leeteuk's side of the bed and nuzzling his pillow. "I can't help wanting to play with this kid," he mused to the pillow with his eyes closed. "I want to be his friend." He sighed and opened his eyes, unlocking his phone.

Yunho, you have to know something. I have a boyfriend. Again, Heechul found himself hesitating over the send button before eventually pressing it. Heechul sighed, his heart beating dubstep against his ribcage. He hoped Yunho wouldn't be bothered, but more, Heechul hoped Leeteuk wouldn't be bothered.

It was a while before a reply came. Heechul felt his phone vibrate in his palm, waking him from near sleep against Leeteuk's pillow. He tried to rub the tired from his eyes before reading the message.

The gorgeous ones are always taken.

Heechul bit his lower lip. On the one hand, someone other than his boyfriend and family found him gorgeous. On the other, the tone from the text felt so final. Heechul resigned to the belief that his friendship was over with Yunho before it would even start, when his phone vibrated.

It just means I can be more comfortable around you, doesn't it?

Tell me what that means?

I don't have to worry about you coming on to me.

Disappointing, I know.

Only because I like the ego boost of y guys coming on to me.

Wait, you didn't say anything about me having a 'boyfriend.'

Because I don't care?

You mean you don't care if I'm gay, or you don't care if I have a boyfriend?

Hyung... You must like me, all these clarifying questions.

Yah!

Ooh, I struck a chord. Hyung likes me :D

Heechul felt like throwing his phone across the bed as he laughed at the text, burying his face in Leeteuk's pillow. What a cheeky bastard, this Yunho.

Yunho. You'll break Yuri's heart.

Why would I do that?

She really likes you.

You think so?

I do.

Wow. Think we'll hook up at the party?

Heechul's cheeks reddened and a flash of jealousy crackled across his heart, promising thunder.

You should. Look, I have to sleep, I have to pick up a friend tomorrow. Busy weekend plans.

Okay, hyung.

Goodnight.

Heechul hyung, take care of your eyes, they're beautiful. Goodnight.

Heechul read and re-read Yunho's last text. Guy friends could act like girlfriends, couldn't they? Gain would definitely say something like that to Heechul. But what would Simon say about how Heechul felt, hearing compliments from Yunho? Would Leeteuk be okay with this? Did he even feel comfortable with Yunho saying something like that to him? Heechul groaned. Yunho had been right, he was too interested to sleep.

Yawning widely, Heechul picked Leeteuk's thread in his open texts.

Good afternoon, my love. I'm sleeping in your side of the bed tonight.

Half a world away, on a sidewalk in Seoul, Leeteuk stopped his trek toward his meeting to smile at his phone as if he were looking at a sleepy Heechul in front of him, surrounded by the blankets and pillows of their bed.

Cuddles from me. I love you, Heechul.

I love you more. Good luck today. I love you, so much.

Sleep well, I can tell you're tired.

Am not.

Leeteuk grinned at Heechul's last text and bet to himself Heechul was already asleep. A bet he would have won.

Awake before his alarm could go off, Heechul reached onto his nightstand to turn the clock off before it could wake anyone else. He stumbled out of bed to the bathroom, blinking painfully at the harsh light he'd just inflicted on himself. Heechul washed his face to wake up fully and couldn't help smiling at himself in the mirror. He was going to pick up his Donghae today. Energy filled him with the realization, perking him up better than any caffeinated drink could make him.

Heechul set out Heebum's food before his cat was even mewling this morning. He'd dressed in a black v-neck and tight black pants. The weather would be sunny and warm today, but Heechul would have Donghae home long before the sun could bake into his black clothing.

Gathering his keys wallet and other necessaries, Heechul practically skipped to his car, his excitement still trying to manifest itself. He plugged in his phone, playing happy music before driving to the airport. Earlier than he needed to be, Heechul sat in the airport parking lot, listening to music as he counted down the minutes to when it would be time to get his brother from another mother.

Donghae was a pilot. Time at home was rare, since he preferred the international flights, to domestic. But Donghae would always come home when Heechul or Simon, his friends and hetero lifemates, needed him. When Heechul had suffered abuse from an overpowering boyfriend, Donghae had been there. When Heechul had tried to commit suicide as a way out of that same abusive relationship, Donghae had been instrumental in Heechul's recovery; putting his foot down and refusing to let Heechul come into contact with the man responsible for Heechul's pain any longer. When Leeteuk came into Heechul's life, Donghae wanted to be the first to size him up and make sure he was good enough for his brother. But it was Simon who had given his approval and Donghae happily accepted Leeteuk into their lives.

Heechul got out of his car when it was time and made his way into the airport. He scanned the displays for Donghae's flight number and smiled when it wasn't delayed. Kicking around the place, Heechul paced slowly, keeping an eye on the terminal exit Donghae would be coming from. Just when Heechul was starting to lose his patience, a familiar form passed through the exit and came toward him. Heechul was all grins seeing Donghae.

"Hyung," Donghae said with a grin.

"Hey kid," Heechul continued in Korean.

Donghae let go of his rolling luggage and captured Heechul in a tight hug. "It's been too long bro."

"I missed your ugly face," Heechul teased, letting him go.

"You know I'm y, Heenim."

"I know you think I'm y too. You should let me take you out."

"Ew dude, you're my brother."

Heechul laughed, always able to rile Donghae up by suggesting they dated. "Are you hungry?"

"Sorta, more excited to be here and see your home."

"You'll love one of the new kids we got. She's a female you. It's been hard for me to get to know her because she makes me miss you."

"Aww, that's adorable," Donghae said sacastically as they walked out to Heechul's car.

"Shut up," Heechul laughed as they got in to head to the Sharehouse.

When they got home. Amber and Simon were awake and playing a console game they'd been looking forward to all first quarter of the year. Simon hit pause immediately, hearing Donghae's voice. Heechul watched them hug, smiling as he moved to have a seat in the chair by the couch.

Simon pulled out of the hug first. "Donghae, meet Amber," Amber stood up and held out her hand. "Amber, Donghae," Simon said.

"See Hae? Amber is a mini you."

Amber laughed at Heechul's comment, shaking hands firmly with Donghae. She couldn't take her eyes off of him. It felt like she'd found a long lost cousin, brother or something. Donghae looked her up and down two. They nearly had the same haircut and stature.

Donghae grinned. "Nice to meet you Amber. What are you guys playing?" He asked, indicating the TV with an incline of his head.

"Only the best game about killing Nazi's ever," Amber smiled and handed him the controller that Simon had discarded.

Simon would have complained with anyone except Donghae. They both had the same find-all-the-secrets mentality, so Simon made himself comfortable on the couch next to Donghae to watch him play.

Heechul smiled at his little gamer family and stood up. "Drinks, snacks?" A chorus of 'coke' came back to him and Heechul smiled, leaving them for the kitchen.

Key came home a little later than he'd planned, only to see the couch full of people. Donghae must be home. The house smelled good too. He figured Heechul was cooking. "Home!" He called.

Simon, who had the controller again, paused the game while his two co-pilots were telling him where and how to kill the next commander. "Hey, Key. This is Donghae." Donghae stood up off the couch and sat his knees in it, leaning over the back with his hand out to shake Key's. Key chuckled and came forward to shake his hand.

"Nice to meet you," Donghae said.

"You too," Key returned the pleasantry and looked at the game. "Nazi's?" He asked.

"Yeah," Donghae answered, smiling as he turned back around to watch the game Simon had unpaused.

Key nodded, not really wanting to watch. He went to the kitchen to find Heechul instead. "Hey, the boys are occupied huh?"

Heechul laughed softly, looking over at Key from the kitchen table as he assembled kebabs. "They have been all day. I've made lunch and now dinner and they haven't even left the couch. Just switching between who has the controller when they get tired of it."

"They're marathoning?" Key asked, washing his hands at the sink before sitting to help Heechul.

"Yeah, I don't think they want to bother bringing the system out on our vacation. They're trying to finish it before the night is over." Heechul smiled. "Have you packed?"

"Three days right?"

"Yeah. We're leaving early tomorrow and we're staying until Monday afternoon or so." Heechul nodded. "I'm making food we can pack along with us."

"Oh, you mean none of those guys in there wants to try and kill us dinner?" Key asked sarcastically.

Heechul laughed. "Even if they did, they wouldn't know how to clean it up so I could make something out of it. That would fall on my hands and as much as I know how to clean a carcass, they don't pay me enough."

Key's eyebrows shot up, looking at Heechul over the kebab he was assembling. "You can skin and carve up an animal?"

"I'm a chef. I better be able to carve up some meat." Heechul chuckled, nodding. "I'd rather be able to say I learned on past boyfriends, though."

Key laughed at that, relaxing a little as he helped Heechul.

They made it to the cabin just as the sun was setting on them. The cabin was exactly as Heechul remembered it. All wood and rustic decor. The only hint that they weren't living in the boonies being the wifi, modern kitchen and bathrooms. Amber and Key ran past Heechul once he opened the door. Heechul rolled his eyes at the kids and went back to the car to bring in the cooler and luggage with Simon and Donghae.

They'd be here the whole weekend, and Heechul ultimately wished he could go back home. More memories of Leeteuk flooded him here. He stood beside the kitchen with a cooler propped on his hips, simply looking down the hall at the room he'd shared with Leeteuk last summer. Simon came up behind him, nudging Heechul's shoulder with his own.

"Space case," Simon teased and took the cooler from Heechul.

Breaking his longing stare, Heechul shook out of his memories and helped stock the fridge from the cooler. Heechul knew this was going to be a hard weekend for him, but he'd promised himself not to ruin anyone else's vacation because he was sad.

"Can we have a fire pit?" Amber asked, bounding into the kitchen and sitting on the countertop. "There's a sweet spot behind the house."

"S'mores?" Key offered, standing beside the fridge as Heechul closed the door.

"Why are you asking me?" Heechul asked with a laugh.

"You're oldest," Donghae said with a smirk.

Heechul rolled his eyes. "Yeah, we can. Are you going to ask for scary stories next?"

"Oh, my god, can we?" Key asked with a grin.

"Shouldn't have offered," Simon said, grinning as he grabbed a bag of marshmallows. "Now you have to tell one."

Donghae tossed Amber a box of graham crackers and kept the chocolate for himself.

"Fine," Heechul resigned to his fate. "Let me get my jacket."

Heechul sat on a log at one side of the fire. Nighttime in the mountains was always cold and despite the fire, he still had his hands firmly in his jacket pockets, one degree away from the shivers. Key and Amber were working on their third s'more each and Simon and Donghae were poking and playing with the fire.

"There's a military base near here," Heechul said, catching everyone's attention. "In early 2010 they started testing a new super soldier. The first test subjects didn't take well to the chemicals they were using on them. It changed their minds instead of their bodies, driving them insane. But the military didn't want to just kill their mistakes, because while it made the men insane, it also turned them ruthless, killing machines.

"Well the unit responsible for their creation was eventually dismantled. They weren't getting anywhere with their experiments, and the military wasn't going to pay them to mess up anymore." Heechul paused for a drink from his water bottle, satisfied that all eyes were on him for more story. "The doctors in charge of the program couldn't decide what to do with the permanently impaired mental patients they'd created. The military wanted them destroyed. But the head doctor, looking at the poor men. Even though they weren't fit to release into society, he couldn't help wanting to save them from being humanely put down.

"The doctor had a cabin the woods, pretty close to where we are now. He decided he would hide the men in the basement of the cabin. Believing he had gained their trust, the doctor loaded the men into his truck in the dead of night. He left evidence behind to impress on the military that he'd killed them all.

"A rainstorm started as he drove the men deeper into the woods toward his cabin. They were restless and anxious with the rain pattering down on the windows and roof. They started acting up in the backseat, screaming at and picking fights with each other. The doctor tried his best to calm them all down, but no matter what he tried they wouldn't relax.

"The doctor stopped the car on the driveway to his cabin and went to lead the men inside. But they slammed the door open, knocking the doctor on his back. They continued to beat and mangle his body, tearing open his bowels and eating him alive." Heechul paused again. The looks of horror on his listener's faces were priceless.

"The doctor died from shock and blood loss and the men were never heard from again. The military are still looking for them. Because every summer, a story comes out of these woods about a group of men in military uniforms that find families in tents, fall upon them and eat them." The trees rustled around them as Heechul finished his story and both Key and Simon yelped like girls. Heechul burst out laughing, nearly cackling at his two friends. "You nerds," Heechul said when he could finally get a breath.

Simon stood up and ran for him but Heechul jumped over the back of the log he was sitting on and ran away from him toward the house. "You'd better run," Simon called, laughing.

Heechul used this as a perfect excuse to go inside for the night. He sent Simon a goodnight text and went to the room he'd shared with Leeteuk last summer.

Heechul woke up at 1AM for no particular reason. He couldn’t remember if he’d been dreaming, he just suddenly woke up. With a sigh, he pulled his phone off the charge and debated sending Leeteuk a text. Leeteuk had told him he’d make time for him, but Heechul still didn’t want to abuse the offer. Leeteuk was working and Heechul didn’t want to bother him through it. Maybe he could text Gain, but it was the same with her. She had a speech therapy job in France, while part timing as an English tutor for spending cash. Heechul rubbed his face, desperately missing the old times. Missing last summer.

Even with Donghae home, Heechul wasn’t as excited as he’d hoped he would be. His brother was more interested in playing with Amber and Simon than he was bothering with him. Heechul sighed and cuddled against the pillow, holding his phone in the empty space beside him. He was lonely and depressed. Even with people around, he was lonely. Sighing was his new normal and it was really boring. Heechul wanted something new. Leeteuk’s advice of going home and being with Simon, hadn’t worked. And now he was out with everyone for a whole weekend and dreading the morning when he’d have to pretend to be happy and play along with what everyone else wanted. Heechul was trapped in a boring, boring vacation that he wanted nothing to do with.

Sighing for the nth time, Heechul finally woke his phone. Seeing a missed text his heart jumped in his chest, thinking it was from Leeteuk. It wasn’t.

Hyung. An hour ago, from Yunho.

What do you want? Enjoy your party.

Twenty minutes later, when Heechul was relaxed enough to sleep again, a reply vibrated his hand.

You’re awake? It’s not until tomorrow. Why are you awake hyung?

I can’t sleep. How are night shoots coming?

They’re almost finished with me on principle photography. Where’s your boyfriend?

Why do you want to know about him?

Well, you said you had one. But you’ve been texting with me a lot at night. When most people are with their loved ones. So, where is he?

You’re not calling me a liar are you?

Hyung. I would never.

Heechul frowned at the text, sighing in anger, but decided to give Yunho his answer. It sounds like a good line to tell a guy, so I understand if you don’t want to believe me. He’s in Korea right now, making music and working hard.

He’s a songwriter?

He’s working on it.

Is he any good?

He doesn’t really share his work with me until it’s complete.

How long have you been together?

Well, we’ve known each other a long time, but we’ve been together for about a year.

Do you love him?

Dearly.

Does he love you?

Yes.

Does he ever call just to say he loves you?

He’s busy right now, so I don’t expect that kind of thing from him.

Do you call just to tell him, you love him?

Yunho. These are really personal questions. Why are you asking them?

I only want to know you better hyung.

You’re not asking me anything. You’re asking about my boyfriend. How is that getting to know me?

I’m sorry. Should I leave you alone?

You don’t have to, just maybe lay off the boyfriend questions?

Okay. But one more? Do you miss him?

Dearly. I think he’s why I can’t sleep. Sometimes, if he finishes work early, I’ll get a phone call, or text around this time. So I wake up, expecting it.

Were you disappointed it was me?

Not at all. I don’t know why, since I hardly know you, but I like talking to you.

Hyung. What do you do in your free time?

I don’t really know anymore. I used to hang out with my Sharehouse members, watch movies, play games and just be with them. But now I’m not.. Comfortable.

What’s a Sharehouse?

It’s my house. I bought it, but I rent out rooms to students sometimes, or anyone in need. It was a way for me to meet people and make friends.

Now what is it?

Heechul frowned, trying not to let himself cry as he formed an answer to the question. Now it’s a house full of bittersweet memories that I don’t want to be surrounded by anymore. He hesitated, reading the text over and over before finally sending it. It was a while before Yunho responded and Heechul thought he’d given up on him before he heard the vibration on the bed next to him.

Hyung. When you’re back from vacation, come to my house and watch movies? As friends.

I don’t know. Maybe we could meet somewhere else first? I still don’t really know you.

Ask me anything.

Why do you like me so much? Again, it was a while before Yunho replied. But Heechul was wide awake, waiting.

I’m drawn to your eyes. They’re beautiful, thoughtful, sad. Looking into them makes me feel like I’ve known you for years and at the same time, that I’m a little kid compared to how much life they hold in them.

You sound like you’re falling in love.

Maybe I have already.

Impossible, you don’t even know me.

I know the idea of you. That you’re passionate and wise beyond your years. I know you’ve seen a lot of things in life and not all of them good. I know you work hard and are faithful. And I can tell you’re trusting and loyal, to anyone who’s lucky enough to be in your inner circle of friends.

Heechul was breathing hard as he read the text. He found truth in it and wondered how Yunho could just know those things from how little he’d told him. He felt uncomfortable but at the same time, free and accepted.

My eyes talk too much.

Am I bothering you, saying things like that?

Yes.. and no. I want to know how you know all of that, when it’s taken me so long to accept who I am.

Have lunch with me and I’ll tell you how I know so much about you. You’ve already treated me to your restaurant, let me take you to one of my favorites?

Yunho. Please don’t get the wrong idea. I like you, but I’m taken. Leeteuk means everything to me.

I know, hyung. Don’t go having the wrong idea of me either. We’ll be professional friends.

Strictly friends. I accept your offer.

Great! Tell me when you’re back in town and I’ll give you more details on where we’ll be going.

Yunho. I should sleep. Thank you for the company.

You’re welcome hyung. Thank you for the friendship.

Heechul sighed, a little lighter in his mind and reached for the cord to plug his phone back in to charge. He set his head on his pillow and hugged the one Leeteuk would have used to his chest, wondering if Leeteuk saw all the things that Yunho had in his eyes.

Heechul spent the rest of their vacation, wanting to go home. He tried not to make it obvious, but failed. Donghae and Simon stopped bothering to ask him to come out with them. Heechul was left to his own devices in the cabin, only meeting up to be social during meal times. Even when his Sharehouse mates went down to the lake, Heechul avoided the invitation to swim, one of his most favorite pastimes. He didn’t text Yunho or Leeteuk, he just stayed in the kitchen, cooking. Cooking had always been what he ended up doing when he needed to think. Simon and Donghae knew as much, so they kept out of Heechul’s way and occupied Key and Amber to the best of their abilities.

When Monday came around and Heechul realized Donghae would be going back to work soon, he felt guilty for not spending as much time as he should have with his brother. So when Donghae stopped by in the morning, demanding some alone time by not leaving Heechul’s side, Heechul agreed to go on a walk with him, just brothers.

“So what’s gotten into you, man?” Donghae asked as soon as they put the cabins out of sight on their hiking trail.

“I’m sorry I didn’t spend much time with you.” Heechul said, almost immediately after Donghae.

“Heechul, I don’t want apologies. You do what you have to. But I want to know what’s going on.”

Heechul picked up a stick on their walk and toyed around with some wildflowers they passed along the way. “I miss Leeteuk. I’ve really tried to act natural while he’s away, but everything we do, everywhere we go, I’m reminded so much of him. I’m trying really hard not to bring him up and make everyone else depressed because I’m not happy. I don’t want to be that guy.”

Donghae nodded as he listened. “Simon told me there’s this other guy you’re talking to?”

Sighing angrily, Heechul threw his stick aside. “He’s convinced I’m leaving Leeteuk for him. He’s convinced you now too, hasn’t he?” Heechul glared at Donghae, stopping on the trail.

Donghae stopped to stand in front of Heechul, searching his eyes. “I’ll make my own opinions, thanks.” They stared at each other a little longer, Donghae was sure Heechul wanted to hit him, or someone. “Look, if the guy makes you happy, hang out with him. You gotta do what makes you happy, right?”

“I’m sorry that it’s not you and Simon anymore.” Heechul sighed and ran his hand through his hair. “That was mean. But it’s somewhat true.” Heechul looked for understanding in Donghae’s eyes and continued. “You both are so connected to Leeteuk, and memories that make me happy. I don’t want to be around you without Leeteuk around. I don’t want to feel so alone.”

“Heechul.” Donghae took Heechul’s hand away from the back of his head and held it tightly. “Bro, I just want to see you happy. I was going to offer to stay, when we get back home. But it looks like you don’t need me, and that’s okay. But find something, okay? Something that isn’t work related, that makes you happy and do it.” Donghae sighed, hoping Heechul understood as he tried to find the right words.

“Donghae,” Heechul said, squeezing his hand. “I’m not leaving Leeteuk.”

“I didn’t say you would, or that you’d even have to. Chul, I just want you happy and if being around your brothers can’t help, but maybe this guy can, then go be friends. You don’t have to screw someone to be happy. I hope you know that by now, old man.”

“Hah. Hah.” Heechul said, scoffing with a smirk.

Donghae smiled, laughing softly. “Serious though. I’m coming back for the 4^th of July weekend, and you’d better be smiling, or I’ll have to kick your .”

Heechul nodded and grabbed Donghae, pulling him into a tight hug as he hid his face against his shoulder. “I’ll work on it.”

“Just do your best,” Donghae said, squeezing Heechul even tighter and lifting him off his feet as he leaned back.

Laughing as he was set on his feet, Heechul ruffled Donghae’s perfect hair and rough housed with him on the way back to the cabin.

Heechul let Simon drive them back home later that afternoon. He sat beside Donghae in the backseat who was in conversation with Amber behind him. Having a mission to make new friends made him a little more optimistic about the next couple of months. It would be Heechul’s chance to be the beautiful person he felt like being, fresh and smiling when Leeteuk got home, instead of obviously coming out of depression.

Teukie, I know it’s late there. Heechul sent the text, hoping Leeteuk wouldn’t be dead asleep and bothered awake.

I’m still awake, came Leeteuk’s reply. You okay?

I wanted your permission for something.

Tell me what it is.

The actor kid, Yunho? He’s asked me out as friends. I told him I’m taken and won’t tolerate anything more than friends. I want your permission to try being his friend.

There was a twenty minute silence in which Heechul re-read their texts.

That’s asking a lot, Heechul. Considering why you called me last time.

I know. But I know what to do if I get now.

Heechul. My biggest fear about this, is that I’ll get a phone call from you, or worse, a text from Simon, saying you didn’t come home, or that the two of you are asleep in our bed.

You know what I’d be doing right now if you said that to me in person?

Tell me.

I’d bring you to bed, sit you on the edge of it so I could straddle your thighs, I’d pet your cheeks and kiss away your worries. I would never do anything with anyone else without being honest with you.

That’s the other thing I’m afraid of. If I don’t get the phone call saying you’ve slept with this guy, I’ll get the phone call saying you want to sleep with this guy and you don’t want me to come home, except to pack my stuff.

Do I have to fly to Korea for your next day off and remind you I’m committed?

No, Heechul. I can trust you. I’d just feel more comfortable if you weren’t so far away. What if he hurts you and I can’t do anything about it?

I know the signs now, Leeteuk. If he shows any second that he might hurt me, I’ll leave and never talk to him again.

I can tell you seriously want this because you won’t back down.

I want to feel like myself again. You said I wasn’t acting like me. You should have seen me over the weekend, Teukie. I just want you home, I feel so miserable stuck in the Sharehouse without you. Stuck with Simon, doing the old routines. It’s almost like someone’s died and I hate it, babe. I want to be happy. I want a new friend. I want to shake up my life for a while and try new things, just like you are.

You’re right, Heechul. I’m being selfish about this whole thing, because I can’t help it with you. You mean so much to me because you’ve helped me be who I want to be. I’ve come so far through your support and love. Now let me support and love you. Go out, have fun, be who you are.

Please tell me you’re not being fatalistic?

No. Call me and hear the sincerity in my voice if you want to. I want you to be happy. I want you to meet a new Gain and be the gorgeous, self-assured man I fell in love with. The man who wouldn’t let me be dishonest, no matter the cost to his own feelings, when I was with Taeyeon.

“Simon,” Heechul said. “I need the next rest stop.”

“Okay.” Simon said, needing to stretch his legs as well.

Heechul was fidgeting by the time they pulled into the rest stop. Before Simon had even turned off the engine, Heechul had unbuckled and left, walking away from the car full of Sharehouse members so he could make his phone call in peace.

“Heechul,” Leeteuk answered before Heechul could say anything and continued in Korean. “I love you. I’m so nervous about letting you go be yourself. Heechul. I’m scared I’ve been holding you back.”

“Leeteuk,” Heechul said, sniffling as tears ran down his cheeks, using Korean as well. “Don’t say that. You haven’t held me back, you’ve helped me up. I never really knew how to be in a good relationship. I never knew how to be myself and ask for things I knew I needed. Leeteuk, you have to know how deeply I trust you. How much I love you.”

“It’s the same for me,” Leeteuk said, his voice tight from his own tears; easily crying after hearing Heechul’s emotions. “You pulled me out of the darkness I was heading into. You could see me inching away from being myself. Heechul, you knew how badly I was hurting with Taeyeon. You knew I couldn’t be-“ He broke off, not able to keep his voice.

“I knew.” Heechul agreed, wiping his eyes. “I knew it had stopped being healthy. I knew you were hurting. And I couldn’t let that happen, because I loved you, even before you could love yourself.”

They were quiet a moment and Leeteuk gathered himself. “I can see it in you now. You’ve stopped being healthy. And I won’t stop you from trying something to be healthy again. I can see how much pain you’re in now. I didn’t realize before, and I’m really sorry, Heechul.”

“It’s okay. I didn’t really understand it either. Not until this weekend trip. I’m so painfully unhappy.” Heechul sighed shakily. “And I don’t want you to see me like this,” he whispered, trying not to cry more. “I don’t want to see me like this.”

“You’ve had so much change for you. So many things you were used to aren’t around anymore. I understand now, how hard that has been and is, for you. Heechul. I’m sorry you’re hurting. I want to be there for you.”

“You are here for me,” Heechul interrupted him. “Leeteuk. You are here. I can actually call you, or talk to you whenever. Trust me, it helps. Knowing you’re coming home to me is a light at the end of a long tunnel. It’s just so far away, I need a lantern or two along the way.” Heechul cried again. “I tried, I worked really hard on just focusing on you coming home. Reminding myself of it all the time, it’s not working anymore, Leeteuk. And I don’t want to start calling you every day, because that’s not going to help you focus.”

“Heechul, you can call me every night.”

“I know, Teukie. But I want to feel strong without you, too. I want to feel like my own man. Someone who doesn’t depend one hundred percent on someone else, for happiness. I want friends who can understand I’m upset, but keep my mind off of it, and Simon and Donghae can’t do that. They remind me too much of you and of Gain.”

“You want a Leeteuk booster shot, instead of a Leeteuk addiction.”

Heechul laughed softly. “Yes, Teukie. I want us to have a healthy relationship. I want us to be our own people, our selves, while we’re helplessly in love with each other.”

Leeteuk smiled and sighed shakily. “I think that’s only natural and right. I don’t want us to grow apart because we’ve spent too much time together. Heechul, I want more than anything to have you to come home to. To have you as my lover, and to be as happy apart doing our own things, as we are together.”

“Doing each other,” Heechul interrupted, teasing.

Leeteuk laughed softly. “I can’t wait to come home. I want to make you proud of the work I’ve done out here. That’s as important to me as making myself proud of the work I’m doing. And mostly, I want to come home to a happy, healthy, Heechul. I don’t want you to be unhappy the whole time I’m away.”

“I don’t want you unhappy either, Leeteuk.” Heechul smiled and glanced over at the car. The Sharehouse members were talking amongst themselves, given Heechul time. “I know change isn’t as rough on you as it is on me. But don’t stop yourself from going out with new people. Clients or superiors, whoever asks you out, go, network and feel proud of yourself, because,” his voice broke as emotion flooded him again. “You make me proud every day. I get to tell everyone how hard you’ve worked to get where you are and how accomplished you feel. And that makes me happy and proud of your success.”

“Heechul,” Leeteuk said, crying though he was smiling. “Thank you. You’re my pillar of strength and I don’t know where I’d be without you.”

Heechul smiled, wiping his cheeks. “You’d get where you wanted to be without me, it would just take you longer.”

“Then thank you for kicking me in the and for not letting me be lazy and useless on your couch.”

“You can only be lazy on my couch if you’re cuddling with me.” Heechul laughed softly, smiling when he heard Leeteuk laugh too. “And you’re welcome, Teukie. For the kick in the and all the love from your stubborn boyfriend, you’re welcome. You don’t really have to thank me, but I accept it.”

“Can you do me a favor and accept something else, Heechul?” Leeteuk asked softly and Heechul could tell he was smiling.

“What’s that, Leeteuk?”

“Accept that you’re beautiful, no matter what anyone says or thinks of you. And accept my love and trust.”

“Yah,” Heechul said softly. “That first one,” he smiled, tears welling in his eyes again.

“It’s true, Heechul. Find a way to believe it this summer, promise?”

“I do. I promise. While you work on your passion, I’ll work on myself.” Heechul smiled. “I hate endings, but we’ve got to get back on the road now and you should sleep, Teukie.”

“I don’t like them either. Heechul? I love you.”

“I love you too. I’m sending you a big, strong hug, can you feel it?”

Leeteuk laughed softly. “I feel it. Can’t. Breathe.” He teased.

Heechul grinned. “I love you. Have good dreams, Teukie.”

“Be safe Heechul. You’re precious to me. I love you.”

“Bye babe.” Heechul smiled.

“Bye.”

Heechul walked back to the car. Only Simon and Donghae were out waiting for him. They’d been wondering who he’d been talking to and their worry was obvious over the tears left on his face and his reddened eyes.

“Everything okay?” Simon asked.

“Better than ever, actually,” Heechul said, in English, with a smile, catching Simon in a hug.

Simon squeezed Heechul in return. “Leeteuk?”

“He’s fine and I love him so much.” Heechul pulled out of the hug and in a rare moment of allowed touch, held Simon’s cheek as he looked in his eyes. “Simon. Please stop doubting me, you’re hurting my feelings. I’m not leaving Leeteuk and I won’t do anything to hurt him.”

Donghae watched them, smiling and feeling better about the weekend. “Alright, kiss and make up later, let’s get home.”

Heechul had bumped foreheads with Simon and laughed softly as he let his brother go. “I love you, yeah? I love both of you.” Heechul said a little louder so Donghae would hear.

“Gross,” Donghae teased.

Simon just smiled and handed Donghae the keys, taking a break from driving the rest of the way home.