“I just don’t think this is what I want.” Youngwoon wring his hands nervously, unable to look at Sungmin’s face. “I’ve only just enlisted and although the army life is tough, I think this is what I want to do.” Sungmin’s face remained unreadable as Youngwoon continued. “And I don’t want to join with attachments or any burden.”

When the words came out, Youngwoon knew he had said the wrong thing. A sign of emotion finally appeared in Sungmin’s face for the first time, hurt. Sungmin’s heartbeat accelerated as he chose his words carefully in his mind. “Youngwoon ah, we’ve been together for so long, surely you should know that enlistment won't pull us apart? You know I’ll be good right? Even if you have to go training overseas for a long time, even if you can’t talk to me a lot, even if you don’t have a lot of time for me… you know I’ll be good and stay by your side right? I won’t whine and complain, I promise.” Sungmin took a step closer to Youngwoon and held his arms, pleading with his eyes. “Don’t leave me Youngwoon… what would I do without you?”

“Min… this is exactly what I am afraid of… I want to be free to pursue this. I want to do something for real now. If you are this attached to me how would I be able to go?” Youngwoon held the trembling girl’s shoulder and took a step back.

Sungmin abandon all pretence and started sobbing. “Is it another girl?” Sungmin asked, fearing the worst. “What?” Youngwoon asked, just in case he misheard. “I’m asking you if it’s another girl!” Sungmin raised his voice and cried, a little hysterically. “Is it because I’m not good enough?” Youngwoon frowned and raised his voice, “What the Min? I am telling you the truth now, a proper reason in a sensible and adult manner and here you are accusing me of cheating you? What is wrong with you Min, you were never like that.” Sungmin had the last straw then and broke down, “Then why go for me in the first place? Why hold my hand and tell me you love me? Why promising me forever and giving me such hopes. Why?” Sungmin sobbed, tears streaking down her cheeks.

6 months later

09/05/2014

Sungmin(22:30:34): Youngwoon ah, how are you? J

Youngwoon(22:45:22): I’m fine, enjoying my trainings, how are you?

Sungmin(22:46:03): I’m great too. Let’s go watch a movie next time?

Youngwoon(22:49:51): I don’t know if I’ll have the time this weekend, there is a lot to do trying to train the new brats.

Sungmin(22:50:54):Ahh, if that’s the case then alright… Remember to take care of yourself okay?

Youngwoon(23:31:37): Ok!

11/05/2014

Sungmin(21:09:55): Youngwoon ah, let’s chat.

Youngwoon(21:19:45): About what?

Sungmin(21:20:47): I don’t know, what do you think?

Youngwoon(22:23:54): I have an early day tomorrow I think I’ll go to bed.

Sungmin threw her phone on the bed, it has been ages since they’ve talked and Sungmin had tried so hard to control her urges of wanting to call him every single day. Youngwoon had replied her but was always polite and refrained from talking about feelings. Sungmin picked up her phone again and typed a message. She read it and quickly deleted it. She threw her phone and aside and snuggled in her blankets. No way in hell am I sending that.

16/05/2014

Sungmin(22:45:56): Youngwoon ah?

18/05/2014

Sungmin(22:32:12): Youngwoon?

Youngwoon(22:45:34): Yes?

Sungmin(22:45:45): You are busy?

Youngwoon(23:00:33): Yes, I have a job you see. I can’t be replying your messages every day.

Sungmin(23:01:41): Ok…

Sungmin had never tried contacting Youngwoon again. She went to his facebook page and scrolled again and again. Ryeowook had slapped her hands off the mouse and exited the page. Ryeowook rolled her eyes and stared at Sungmin. “Min, please, stop pining over that gigantic loser. You deserve so much more than sitting in front of a computer moping.” Sungmin had only waved her away then. Nothing she does helped. She was reminded of Youngwoon in her life in every way possible. His smile, his touches, his hands, his promise…

“Bomin added a photo with Kim Youngwoon:

Sungmin stared dumbfounded at the photo. She felt tears but held them in. Technically Youngwoon did not do anything wrong. She stared at Youngwoon’s smiling face in the photo. It was something she had not seen in a while. Tears started to fall uncontrollably as she struggled to find the right reaction she wanted to have. She held out her phone

21/05/2014

2 years ago

“I’ve never felt like this before.” Youngwoon confessed. “I’ve always been alone and this is the first time someone had become so important to me. If you stop meeting me I don’t know what I’ll become. Sungmin-ssi, let’s be more than friends.” Sungmin blushed at the sudden confession, not sure to take him seriously or not when Youngwoon suddenly pull her into a tight hug. “I promise I will never ever hurt you and love only you.” Youngwoon Sungmin’s long hair and pull her back so he could look into her eyes. “We’ve known each other for so long, I think you’re the one.”

“You promise?” Sungmin gripped Youngwoon’s hands, not sure whether she should hold on or not. “Promise.” Yongwoon’s hand held back tighter.