I will take you from your glass-iron tower

Into a land of a million roses…

 

“What a cheesy tune.” With an unrevealing face, he strode on. It wasn’t like he hated the song – it was simply irrelevant, a meaningless little thing.

"Odd, isn't it..." mumbled Kyuhyun to himself once again, walking alone at a nervous pace along that single road he knew. But that wasn't what Kyuhyun found strange, the fact that he, even after four years in this city, was familiar with a total of one sidewalk, which was eternally squeaky clean, and two sets of white apartment blocks, gleaming on either side of the street.

Rather, Kyuhyun's mind was wrestling with, as he thought, a more illogical event. Or, rather, a shocking lack of an event he never doubted would occur.

At this very moment, in front of the hordes of faceless businessmen and frowning mothers marching by, he should be jumping five meters high in pure glee. He should be yelling and fist-punching the air in absolute euphoria.

But Kyuhyun just wasn't happy. If fact, he could barely move his legs from the suffocating emptiness lingering around him in a thick, icy layer.

All logic in the world suggested: This was the day for celebration!!!

Congratulations! You’ve done a wonderful, amazing job!  tried Kyuhyun to tell himself, in the absence of a companion. He had been awaiting today for so in long. So why wasn’t he happy yet?!

Entering the code that would unlock his flat, Kyuhyun suddenly caught himself wishing he had a real key, a key to open the door the old way, with the tugging and the cursing when the key got stuck in the lock, and the sudden laugh when you realize you’ve been trying the wrong key all along.

Perhaps, a key similar to those he'd carried as a child, with their silly fluffy keychains – and infinite significance. As though it was the Olympic flame he had the honour of carrying, little Kyuhyun would wear his bright silver key up front, gleaming with pride. There were no words to describe how enthusiastic little Kyuhyun had been about this gigantic responsibility his parents had entrusted him with. Just like a grow-up, right?

Tossing away this newest installment in a series of incredibly idiotic memories pestering him lately, Kyuhyun practically ran into his flat, unable to change the frantic walking pace he was accustomed to. Why waste time? There was always work to be done.

Or not?

As of today, Kyuhyun would have no work to carry home.

Because he'd made it, he'd finally done it, realised his dream. He'd become the president of the entire company, rose up from a puny cleaner. Isn't that impressive? I'm going to rule the office I had once been sweeping!!!

But even the very interior of his own apartment eyed Kyuhyun bitterly, the couch wrinkling in disapproval, the draft whistling in mocking, floorboards snickering under his feet.

Only seconds after he'd picked up the newspaper (It's always good to keep an eye on the world!), he'd let it fall from his hands, somehow relishing in the brief rusting of the pages.

It was utterly irrepressible, this nagging in his head, and Kyuhyun couldn't even decipher what it wanted from him.

Feeling very stupid about what he was about to do, Kyuhyun suddenly jumped off the couch, grabbed his jacket only a minute after he’d hanged it and slipped into his shoes. If I can be more focused when I'm done with this, then it's worth the time!

That, Kyuhyun knew but didn't dare form into thoughts, that was where his problem lied. He didn't even WANT to be focused. Quite the contrary - he wanted to be scatter-brained, impulsive, maybe even sentimental - just NOT this annoyingly intelligent and successful person Cho Kyuhyun actually was.

Kyuhyun was once again overcome by this feeling. Vague and misty, yet the feeling was there, in all its oddity and, Kyuhyun knew, plain futility. A wish without any cause or purpose.

Still, maybe, it could be fulfilled… right?

But can you really start from scratch? Create your personality as you want it, becoming someone new?

AND COULD SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME WHY THE I AM NOT HAPPY??? screamed Kyuhyun’s mind for the umpteenth time, frustrated beyond measure.

For the first time ever, Kyuhyun let his legs carry him away, away from the polished white street and into the inviting stench of the city.

***

“Yes! Found it! This is the place!” proclaimed Kyuhyun ‘s mind. “Mission accomplished!”

Just why Kyuhyun was so confident, even he himself couldn’t tell. It wasn't like he had been searching for this particular venue - just a spot matching a rather misty idea in his head.

Yet, there was the correct aura of bohemism about that wooden door, countless hand-painted roses crowding its surface. Not even realistic, the painting was heavily stylized, more like a blurry dream than an accurate representation, as Kyuhyun noted, frowning. Even the colour was darker than it should be, the shade of prized old wine – wine that’s very likely to be served inside.

Timidly pushing the door, Kyuhyun was suddenly in a foreign world, a dumbfounded alien dumped on a strange planet.

It wasn’t even because Kyuhyun had been living for four freakin years on the relation*home-work-home.

Rather, it was the very air here, full of cigar smoke, wine fumes and laughter. Instantly, Kyuhyun doubled up, coughing to the point of chocking.

Finally getting accustomed to the atmosphere, both physical and not, Kyuhyun scanned his surroundings. Utter bewilderment and a growing tide of envy polluted Kyuhyun’s dark eyes. Why??? was the predominant question entertaining his mind. Why do you talk, drink, laugh? Yes, it makes you happy, I can see. But what do you use that happiness on, are you accomplishing anything at all? What is your goal in life? Do you even have one???

Calling those people pathetic was something Kyuhyun’s mind was dying to do. Yet, the people's smiles were strange, secretive, somehow... hm. Kyuhyun couldn't grasp the right word.

An attractive hipster girl with a fedora snickered at him, and Kyuhyun finally realized that, no matter how fascinating a regular bar was to him right now, he probably shouldn't just stand at the entrance. Someone might dump their jacket on him, thinking he was an artsy coat hanger.

Instead, he stumbled to a lonely table at the side of the room, rough dark wood grazing his fingers, fingers that were only accustomed to laptops, paper and pens, and the smooth metal and plastic surfaces of his office and apartment. Kyuhyun could swear his fingers were soaked with blood now, even though nothing more than the tiniest of scratches stared back at him from his fingertips.

How formal should I be? What's the normal way of talking to a waitress? wondered Kyuhyun, not even surprised by his own lack of common skills. He'd sacrificed all idling to become the president, he reminded himself.

And I achieved that! SO WHY THE AM I NOT HAPPY?!?!

"I might as well..." Kyuhyun told lifelessly the utterly confused waitress, who had been waiting for some time for Kyuhyun’s reply. Truth be told, he hadn't even heard her speak, only registered the word "beer".

Hell, why did I even come to this stinky rut?

A beautiful midnight-haired girl, a stylish Chinese man, a Korean student with colourful glasses, Kyuhyun eyed them with mild interest as they inevitably brushed against his table because of the claustrophobic interior of the cafe. Korean, Chinese, Taiwanese, an odd accent here and there - Kyuhyun could swear he even caught a glimpse of Spanish at one point. Countless different kinds of voices, from bass to soprano, laughed loudly in unison.

What the is so freakin funny... thought Kyuhyun tiredly, drink suffocating his thoughts. And what an unlucky time for Kyuhyun to remember it was his first alcoholic drink ever and that he probably shouldn't have ordered another bottle.

However, far too soon for Kyuhyun's liking, he sobered up a bit, gazing sheepishly around. If anything, the atmosphere was more lively than ever, some people standing up to dance, others yelling for another wine. Yet, Kyuhyun couldn't call it unsophisticated. Suddenly, Kyuhyun realized it was quite a unique cafe. Some old Italian ballad was weeping in the background, and there was a strong melancholy with witch the cafe was decorated, the wooden surfaces and the dried wildflowers calling out to a time long gone.

And those smiles, those annoyingly happy smiles all around him, poking fun of Kyuhyun's empty success.

"You! Yes, YOU!!! The guy with the tacky necklace!" shouted Kyuhyun in desperation, alcohol bubbling in his veins.

"Yes?" replied the man politely, glossing over the insult. Maybe he didn’t hear it? As though Kyuhyun was a goddamn philosopher or a university professor, the unknown man gave a slow nod – not that Kyuhyun said anything that would evoke it.

The stranger strode to his table, settling himself across Kyuhyun. Just how could putting down your on a bench look so elegant, eluded Kyuhyun’s mind. Shadow veiling his face, the man propped his red-sleeved elbows on the table, the backside of his hands under his chin and fingers on his cheeks, preparing to listen intently.

"Waa am I not happy?" asked a drunken Kyuhyun.

Taking a moment to think about it, the man pressed a thumb to his lips, a motion overly dramatic, yet not insincere. His body looked insanely comfortable in the cushion-filled seat, the way Kyuhyun could never dream to be, even with a thousand supremely soft pillows surrounding him. Kyuhyun's body would always be stiff - but this man...

He should advertise couches... or something.

Suddenly, Kyuhyun had to fight back an urge to ask the man to switch seats, despite them being completely identical.

“You know... maybe you shouldn’t think so much. At least, not the kind of thoughts you usually have.”

Once. Then twice. It took Kyuhyun three blinks to clear his mind – and the alcohol splashing in his stomach didn’t exactly help.

“What the hell, how would you know how I think?!” Shocked, Kyuhyun listened to the angry words flowing from his own polite little mouth. Kyuhyun never cursed – unless when the coffee machine in his office broke, or the higher-ups decided to assign someone young and silly to Kyuhyun’s department. But even then, Kyuhyun’s curses were devoid of true anger. Because, why flame and shout? It doesn’t solve the problem at all!

“Because, that way, you get rid of your anger – instead of letting it accumulate. No wonder you’re so screwed up...”replied the stranger to Kyuhyun’s unspoken question.

The man shook his head in sadness, like a bad actor or a cartoon character would.

Strangely enough, Kyuhyun didn’t feel insulted. He WAS screwed up, he could agree with that. But…

“What if I have no anger to get rid of?”

“What if you just brainwashed yourself into thinking so?” retorted the stranger, smiling. He took a tiny sip from his wine cup, sighing afterwards as though he’d tasted the elixir of life or received the most beautiful love confession.

“Is… that wine that good?”

“Yes. But you won’t be able to tell.”

“Try me.”

It was true, Kyuhyun’s first wine was NOT something he’ll remember with a smile, much like his first beer. How can people drink these bitter things??

Absorbed in thought, Kyuhyun hadn’t even noticed time passing by. The stranger drank, shadow stubbornly clinging to his face – not that Kyuhyun could see more than blurs anyway. Kyuhyun, as though urged by a foreign power, drank along with the unknown man. And soon, the blurs turned into artsy splashes of colour, which dissolved even further, first into a mix of orange lights drawn in lines all over his sight, and then, finally, into darkness.

***

Birds were cooing obnoxiously from the wide-open window. Fresh air was playing with the curtains, making them flap and wave.

And Kyuhyun, giggling, waved back.

Roses filled the curtain’s surface, not the tacky pink teenage girls like, but a deep, sophisticated red. They curled over the creamy background, flirting with the onlooker’s eyes. Kyuhyun now saw how aged they were, a love long lost, in another century, in another world. And all of a sudden, he had to avert his eyes, feeling he was peering into something private, fragile, tender.

“You awake?” asked the stranger with a smile.

Apparently, he’d had a drink too many yesterday night as well. For the first time, Kyuhyun could clearly see him, every detail exposed by the morning light. No, he wasn’t beautiful – neither by Kyuhyun’s standards, nor the common ones. The face was too lean, nose was too wide, cheekbones too high, and he was comically short.

Suddenly, Kyuhyun froze, horror spreading across his face. He had been drunk. This guy had been drunk. And this place, Kyuhyun now realized, was definitely NOT his own antiseptic apartment.

“Don’t worry, we didn’t do anything. It would be disrespectful of me, to take advantage of a boy who’s just had his first drink.”

But the tone didn’t quite match the words, in Kyuhyun’s opinion. What Kyuhyun would have imaged was a deep, mocking voice literally spitting them. As it was, the man was calm and smiling, closing his eyes as he approached the window, the sun caressing his tired face.

Supporting himself on his elbows, Kyuhyun tried to get off the bed. No matter how exhausted he was, he needed to get out of here, right now!!! God knows who this man was, and Kyuhyun would be lying if he said he wasn’t scared by all the torture and incidents than were constantly splashed all over the newspapers.

“You sure you wanna go back there?”

“Back where?” Kyuhyun wanted to ask, but only managed an “Uuugh… wa…um…”

The stranger chuckled instantly, the sound ringing through the bedroom, like clear water cascading down a mountainside.

Still intent on getting home, Kyuhyun rolled himself to the edge of the bed, and would’ve definitely fallen, were it not for the unknown man catching him into his arms.

“How cheesy…” thought Kyuhyun, reality getting dim. Too tired and dizzy to even mouth one word of protest, Kyuhyun watched though half-lidded eyes, as the stranger tucked him in like a child.

Eyes finally crashing down, Kyuhyun pictured this:

A pattern of red roses over the bedsheets.

A warm golden dawn arising.

A man in the middle of the slant of light, staring out of the window into the slums below as though it was the most gorgeous sight on earth.

“What a weirdo…” was Kyuhyun’s last thought, as he once again drifted away.

***

The sun was already on its way to twilight when Kyuhyun finally awoke.

“Ugghhh…” he heard himself moan, as though the mouth was not his own.

“Finally sober, huh?” asked a kind voice.

But Kyuhyun was too occupied with patching up his thoughts to reply.

It didn’t help that the bed was incredibly soft, of the kind you simply sink into, inviting him to sleep some more.

“You’re starving, you just don’t know it yet. Come on.” said the stranger, as he practically dragged Kyuhyun out of the bed and into a tiny kitchen/dining room. And Kyuhyun couldn’t help but note how small the rooms were, and how cheap and shabby many details were, even though it was obvious the owner was doing his best to skillfully arrange them. In a way, Kyuhyun thought, this man was a creative genius. What was doomed to look absolutely awful actually had a sort of a warm, melancholic atmosphere to it.

But why was the stranger so obsessed with roses?! Wherever Kyuhyun laid eyes, there was a dark red rose: on the tablecloth, on the rug, on the cups, and even on the bathroom wall tiles, which could be seen from the slightly ajar door.

Deciding it was better to keep silent, as the situation was potentially dangerous, Kyuhyun accepted his breakfast with a nod.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t introduce myself. My name is-”

But then, interrupting the man, interrupting the hazy atmosphere and ruining the charm of the place, another figure burst in.

“Oh, love! I decided to drop by, so good to see you!!! How have you been?”

She crashed her lips against his, and he was deep in trance, following her every move.

God, do I need a bucket… thought Kyuhyun bitterly. What made him sick to the stomach was a fact so obvious, Kyuhyun marveled at the other man for not seeing it.

She didn’t love him one bit.

It was spelled out all over her flattened hair and whitened face. It read:

“You’re fine for now, love. But I’m pretty enough to find a better catch.”

For the umpteenth time in his life, Kyuhyun thanked the heavens for sparing him from that horrible disease called love.

The man gazed at her face, enchanted, and she settled in his lap and giggled in a way she knew he’d like. The , Kyuhyun would like to add. Or maybe, just normal. Pathetic little human.

Not that Kyuhyun wasn’t human. Biologically speaking, he was a 100% human male. But mentally, he liked to think he was something else. Undeniably, his will was stronger, thought more organized, perception sharper and clearer than you’d ever expect.

But those qualities had a downside, too – he could see too much. For example, this disgusting drama that was going on in front of him.

And that drama took another bad turn, when the girl finally noticed her boyfriend had a guest.

“Ohhh, darling, who’s your friend?” she chippered. The seduction in her voice, the way she falsely casually crossed her legs, and the practiced sweetness of her smile were more than apparent.

But still not apparent enough for the bewitched man to notice. Unassuming, he was playing with her beautiful midnight hair.

With a shudder, Kyuhyun realized that this “better catch” she was hunting just might now be him. He felt as though he had a goddamn target glued to his forehead.

To make things clear, as he would always do on business meetings, Kyuhyun stated the truth.

“I’m gay.”

Her outlined eyes couldn’t get any bigger. After a good few seconds, she chuckled. “So what? Like I asked!” she sneered.

But she couldn’t quite hide it, the disappointed edge in her voice.

All this time, the stranger was staring at her curvy form, as she sat in his lap as though it was only a chair.

Kyuhyun couldn’t quite blame her. The man wasn’t too rich, mildly speaking, nor was he beautiful, with that dinosaur-like face of his.

But that’s no excuse!

It all happened in a flash. When pondering it later, Kyuhyun couldn’t even grasp the thought process behind it. How exactly did his calm observation turn into THAT?!

Either way, fried eggs were making a very unique addition to her makeup, and the bacon landed nicely, too, as if to replace lipstick. Kyuhyun couldn’t help but chuckle.

And before he knew it, chuckles turned to roaring laughter, as the girl tried to preserve her dignity by calmly removing the eggs from her ruined face. But that only caused more laughter, and she soon stormed out of the apartment.

Almost at the entrance, she tripped on her high heels, no doubt because she still had egg over one of her eyes.

Kyuhyun couldn’t take it anymore, falling to the floor and rolling there like some kind of dog.

And another laughter joined his.

The sun set, burning the edges of the trees it passed.

Orange particles were filling the room, as Kyuhyun finally got back up onto his chair.

Nightfall had long arrived when the two men finally finished breakfast.

“Well, now that we’ve eaten breakfast, what are we going to do on this fine day?” joked the stranger, as though the eggs-and-bacon incident had never happened, waving his hand at the black exterior outside the window.

With an amused smirk, Kyuhyun answered: “Maaaaaybe you’re going to take me to that bar again?”

The man only smiled, shadow once again enveloping his face.

***

A black shirt, the same tacky necklace, white jeans that, unlike most these days, actually allowed the man to breathe. But the extra size didn’t take away any of the man’s charm. Kyuhyun didn’t think it was wrong to find him charming – he had the smile, the gestures, the smooth tone and the witty remarks.

Kyuhyun, on the other hand, could not be called charming, either physically or personality-wise. And too late, Kyuhyun glanced down at his clothes, only to notice the obvious. They were the same ones he put on yesterday morning when going to work. Only now had Kyuhyun realized how odd he must’ve looked in that bar last night, dressed strictly by business-code, as stiff as a robot.

As if in reply to Kyuhyun’s thoughts, the man tossed a pair of jeans and a shirt at him.

“I think that’s your style.”

Kyuhyun had to note how very hospitable this man was, not only offering his bed, his food and his clothes, but caring about the goddamn STYLE.

“You’re a cleanfreak, so feel free to take a shower. Clean towels are on the middle shelf.”

Just how does he KNOW all those things about me?! Do we know each other, by any chance?

But they didn’t, Kyuhyun knew that. The internet was also not an option, Kyuhyun didn’t even have a profile on any social network (save for Linkedin - company policy!).

Even so, Kyuhyun did know of a way, another way for a stranger to learn about his thoughts, preferences and habits. He knew, but…

Pushing the thought away, Kyuhyun sighed in satisfaction as warm water rushed over his skin, and he scrubbed his body with shower gel until a complete sense of CLEANNESS enveloped him.

And as his guest emerged from the bathroom, followed by a cloud of steam, the stranger smiled, knowing just how refreshed Kyuhyun felt.

***

The man was right, the clothes WERE Kyuhyun’s style. Plain white shirt, plain blue jeans. Kyuhyun hated fancy dressing, he thought of those who wore it as show-offs.

Once more, he turned around in front of the mirror, only to sadly observe that his was just as puffy and noticeable as ever. No matter what he wore, it was always tight across that area. Some would consider him lucky to have such a y .

Kyuhyun just thought it was annoying. Especially, it was inconvenient to, during a meeting of the board of directors, be in a situation of talking to the person next to you. Sitting in a circle, where you are standing up to speak and leaning over the desk to reach the microphone, gives the person next to you such an … Interesing angle of looking at things, as a sly collegue once dared comment during the report on annual sales. Kyuhyun made sure the bastard got fired. But that hadn’t stopped others, men and women alike, to stare and sneer and comment and ‘accidentally’ push and touch and grab when cramped inside the elevator. And before he snatched the high ranks, it was much, much worse…

“You look amazing.” said a warm voice, snapping Kyuhyun from his thoughts. And in the context of what he had been recalling, the stranger’s amused words now came off as sly, even erted. Unconsiously, Kyuhyun backed off.

“Didn’t mean to scare you…” muttered the stranger, for the first time unable to read Kyuhyun’s actions.

“Bad memories.” threw Kyuhyun casually.

“Oh, that explains it.” stated the other, deciding not to pursue the sensitive issue. Silently, they got ready to go. Kyuhyun feared this silence, feared the warnings and the sneerings of his own mind, torture that threatened to return after a day of pleasant absence.

Just before they’d exit, the stranger got frozen in the door frame.

“By the way…” he started, glancing at Kyuhyun over his shoulder. “My name is Kim Jonghyun.”

***

Another dangerous trap for Kyuhyun lied in seeing the bar again. Million Roses, that’s what the place was called. Personally, Kyuhyun found it highly irritating. Seriously, who named the spot? Not quite a grammar Nazi, that was for sure – it clearly should be A Million Roses!

At this thought of his, Kyuhyun shuddered, awaiting the horrible but inevitable waking of his mind. A flurry of thoughts would overtake him, scolding him for spending the night at a total stranger’s apartment, for acting impulsively (for example, like, THROWING EGGS AT SOMEONE), for getting drunk in the first place, and, most importantly, for wasting a whole day doing nothing!

And he had to suppress a groan when he remembered it would be Monday in two’s days’ time, as it was Saturday today. Kyuhyun NEVER wanted to return to that blindingly white world. An entire world made up of sleep and work, and the short distance he would cross, hurriedly, between his apartment and his workplace. Watching TV was a luxury he rarely allowed himself, even though he had one of those beautiful flat HD ones. It was a robot’s life, but that wasn’t even the worst part. What really got Kyuhyun to seriously consider running away from it all was one terrifying realization.

It’s entirely my fault.

Why had he chosen such a horrible life for himself?!

“Here we are.” smiled Jonghyun, more to himself than to Kyuhyun, pushing the rose-filled door.

And it took a good few seconds for Kyuhyun to finally realise Jonghyun was waiting for him to enter first.

Thinking of it as some odd extension of the man’s hospitality, Kyuhyun carefully stepped inside, suddenly self-conscious. He was still an alien utterly unadapted to this wine-soaked, laughter-filled, smoke-covered world.

“I’ll guard your back, as they say.”

Kyuhyun’s eyes widened at that, as he understood what the point of himself walking ahead. Jonghyun’s casual words were to be taken literally: He wouldn’t let an … incident happen. Any of the humiliating, embarrassing things which happened to Kyuhyun in crowded elevators at a regular basis. Using the word harassment caused unnecessary drama, in Kyuhyun’s opinion, but that didn’t make the incidents any less annoying.

But wait… How did Jonghyun know that now, but couldn’t figure it out a few minutes ago?

“Hey, Jonghyun! Jonghyun!”

“Jongie!!! What’s up, how are you doin?”

“Who’s your friend? Never seen him around.”

Just why does everyone automatically assume we’re friends?! wondered Kyuhyun, but he couldn’t make the thought sound as irritated as it should.

“Guys, this is Kyuhyun, he…”

Only a few minutes later, Kyuhyun was completely overwhelmed by new faces and new information. There was Lee Taemin, the long-haired artist full of sketchbooks and smiles, Lee Jinki, Taemin’s sad-eyed older brother, then Choi Minho, a young athlete who practically radiated energy, and a chatty existence named Kim Kibum, who, Kyuhyun thought, will one day cause someone eye damage with those crazy vivid colours he was proudly wearing.

One thing was certain – these were not people you’re likely to find in an office. Once again, Kyuhyun’s self-consciousness returned, this time with a more concrete reason. Stripped of his career success, Kyuhyun didn’t have much to boast of, a special talent to demonstrate, or even a powerful interest in something. And unlike Kibum, for example, Kyuhyun didn’t have that kind of interesting, strong, explosive personality.

There was no denying it – he envied them all. Minho’s enthusiasm, Kibum’s way with words, Jinki’s mysterious aura, Taemin’s passion, and, finally, Jonghyun’s calm confidence.

Quick to notice Kyuhyun’s discomfort, Jonghyun led the crowd to a table near the end of the room. It was no surprise Kyuhyun liked it, as Jonghyun had no doubt intended. The way it was situated didn’t exclude it from the lively atmosphere of the place, but still allowed the group some privacy.

“How’s ___, how are you guys doing?”

“Oh, we broke up.”

Kyuhyun could swear some eyes were going to pop out of their sockets.

“No worries, Jong, you’ll patch up. You didn’t seriously break up, right? Just had a little fight is all.”

“No. This time, it’s for good.“ Jonghyun calmly denied. “I don’t love her anymore.”

What would sound pathetic from someone else’s lips was now merely a casual statement.

“Wa…?!”

“But you guys’ve been together for three years!”

THREE FREAKIN YEARS?!?! marveled Kyuhyun. He couldn’t even stand having the same secretary for so long!

“Good, cause she was a .”

But apparently, everyone was already used to Jinki’s bitter bluntness. A few heads even nodded in agreement.

“Yeah! Just like I’ve been telling you since, like, the beginning of time!” Kibum proudly exclaimed.

“True, you did.” smiled Jonghyun at his friend, making Kyuhyun wonder just how many smiles this man had in him. It simply didn’t seem possible to be that warm, that soothing, that…

Cho Kyuhyun, STOP RIGHT THERE.

Was his mind reclaiming its throne?

Kyuhyun was scared to death of the iron claws of logic.

But saving his skin for the umpteenth time was Jonghyun’s insane perception. Before Kyuhyun knew it, there was some kind of a drink in front of him, and he gulped in it one shot, much to everyone’s amusement.

And before long, the tired haze had Kyuhyun among its peaceful clouds once again.

***

“Geez, why are all my friends low-tolerance?” mocked Jonghyun, shaking his head like a mother would when her baby son pronounces his own name wrongly, again.

Halfway into a smile, Kyuhyun slowly cracked open his eyes, instantly letting out a loud gasp. Like an echo, the same startled sound was repeated, but in a deeper, richer voice, somewhere to the right.

Two pairs of eyes stared at each other in shock.

What Kyuhyun had woken up to was a gigantic sleeping face covering his entire vision. How creepy is that?!

From somewhere near, Jonghyun was laughing his head off. Finally recovering from the unusual waking, Minho grinned. The athletic boy’s eyebrows shot up apologetically.

As for Kyuhyun, his hands were over his poor heart, trying to calm himself down.

“I’m – I’m really sorry – I - ” stuttered Minho, to Jonghyun’s great amusement. And when a pillow that might’ve once been white collided with Jonghyun’s face, that only made him laugh even harder.

Finally giving up on making Jonghyun shut up, Minho turned to Kyuhyun, who just sat blankly on the bed. But then, Minho turned back to Jonghyun for help, getting only an amused grin in return.

“Um… I – I don’t know how this happened - ” tried Minho.

“No big deal.” managed Kyuhyun, finally composing himself.

“Phew! Thank God.”

With that, the conversation was over, Minho jumping out of bed and rushing to get breakfast, swift and energetic as though he hadn’t been completely wasted only a few hours ago. And even when he was gone, Kyuhyun still looked confused.

“Nothing happened. You got deeply philosophical, Minho tried to convince you taking up tennis would solve all your problems. Oh, and we found Jinki in the end. He was sleeping under the table – though I don’t think you even remember everyone searching for him. And little Tae poured wine over a piece of paper and announced it a ground-breaking artistic innovation.” told Jonghyun with a smile.

Kyuhyun just had to chuckle and admit getting drunk was very fun indeed. Wait, what? Haven’t I been against it all my life?!

“Kyu, if you want breakfast, you should hurry before Minho eats my fridge, metal and all.”

But when Kyuhyun detangled his legs from the rose-covered sheets and tried to stand up, the world suddenly decided to spin.

“Earth…quake?” asked Kyuhyun weakly, clinging to Jonghyun. The latter had rushed over as soon Kyuhyun started shaking like a tall pile of jelly.

“Maybe, Kyu. Earthquakes happen all the time, but they’re usually far too small to notice. So, you may be right, Kyu.”

In a flash, Kyuhyun temporarily broke away from the drunken mist his thoughts were soaked in. At that moment, much was revealed to Kyuhyun. In that instant, he registered the nickname he’d been given, the first one he ever had; the way Minho spoke in the orange memories of last night, the way he trusted what you say, respecting you in this way; the way the sun lit this room so brightly as though it was a lost piece of heaven.

But, also, Kyuhyun noticed something else. There was just something about Jonghyun.

Like the sun, but different. Not light, but longing for the light.

Before he could put his finger on it, though, his thoughts sank into white mist again.

 

*** Lame Jokes and Rainy Days

“KYUUUUU!!! KYUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!”

At the ear-killing scream, there was an angry thud from above.  No doubt, a furious elderly neighbor was trying to get some sleep.

“KYUUUUUUuuuuu. KYUUUUUUuuuuu.”

Finally bored of trying to wake this strange new friend he’d met, Minho frowned and rushed to get himself food, again. Was it his second breakfast? Or third? The thought somehow made Jonghyun smile. Jonghyun stayed in the rose-filled bedroom, whistling idly, trying keep up with the rhythm of raindrops thundering against the window.

“Waa dwuz he wakez up and them swleep again?” asked Minho, waving incredulously at Kyuhyun’s limp body. The overcrowded plate in Minho’s hand was no surprise. Jonghyun guessed there was a whole sandwich in his friend’s mouth, and another smile was drawn on his lips. “I swear, you’re a medical phenomena. I still find it difficult to believe it’s even possible to eat that much food.”

As always, Minho’s lips puckered up at this remark about his insane eating habits, gleaming with grease from all the today’s breakfasts.

“Bwut fwood iz so yum-!”

Both men suddenly fell silent, turning to a comatose Kyuhyun.

Or not so comatose anymore?

Having just woken up, Kyuhyun sat very still in the cosy bed, the same one he’d woken up in yesterday. Just like every time during this past few days, Kyuhyun pushed and shoved at his boring mind, willing its presence away. However, Kyuhyun’s strength has finally been spent.

There was no helping it. Kyuhyun just couldn’t help but notice how his past days looked very much alike, drunk, strange, unproductive, and essentially meaningless. I mean, this is new and fun and all, but what happens later? Tomorrow, on Monday, I go to work. I go back where I belong. All friendships end sooner or later, so what’s the point??

“Hey, snap the out of it!” urged Minho impatiently, slightly worried about the terrified expression on Kyuhyun’s face.

Quietly, so quietly it was barely audible, Kyuhyun let out a whisper. Or did he? Had Minho just imagined it?

“Sorry, didn’t hear ya?”

“Tomorrow is… Monday. Monday….”

Recognising the danger, Jonghyun instantly joined Minho at the side of the bed.

“Hey, Minho was planning on something fun tonight. You want to join?”

Since when does he ask me things? Doesn’t he already know my answer?

“Heh, you’re right. I do know. Let’s get going, shall we?”

***

“Just to, err, make things clear. It was my idea, but you two agreed on going!“ stated Minho, nodding to himself, trying to maintain a serious look on his face. It didn’t suit him better than a suit and a tie suit a toddler.

Once again, Minho gave a determined nod. “So it’s not my fault if you two shorties get in trouble – OW!”

“Say, who are you calling short?” mocked Jonghyun, after a playful hit to Minho’s shoulder.

Weird as it was, Kyuhyun had to admit it was fun listening to their childish conversations. Something so simple, so weightless, so natural just didn’t use to exist in Kyuhyun’s world. And now, he was gradually remembering them all – the brief moments of his childhood when he was truly himself. Back then, Kyuhyun, a short and skinny kid, would act much like this.

What happened to that little brat? thought Kyuhyun in wonder, and a wish erupted into flames, the same one that had guided him into this adventure.

He wanted to be scatter-brained, impulsive, maybe even sentimental. He wanted to be childish, to run aimlessly and yell his lungs out and mock his friends like a dumb little brat. He wanted to be anything and anyone, just NOT this annoyingly intelligent and successful person Cho Kyuhyun actually was.

Kyuhyun was once again overcome by this feeling. Vague and misty, yet the feeling was there, in all its oddity and, Kyuhyun knew, plain futility. A wish without any cause or purpose.

Still, maybe, it could be fulfilled… right?

But can you really start from scratch? Create your personality as you want it, becoming someone new?

Catching in lumps on the canvas of the sky, the clouds were brooding dark spots on a surface of light. Even though it must had been past two in the morning, the heavens retained a silvery glow, no doubt aided by the dazzling city lights. Like the huge eyes of an insect, the city shimmered and stared from below, as the trio was conquering a small hill.

“Where are we going?” Kyuhyun wanted to ask, as they left the suburban slums behind them.

A flashlight had materialized into Jonghyun’s hand, and he was leading the way, followed by an excited Minho. The younger was intermittently giving directions and persuading the trees, the skies and the air that this was going to be really really cool.

Jonghyun, Kyuhyun knew, wasn’t listening to any of it. However, this lack of attention didn’t seem disrespectful at all – on the contrary. Even though none of Minho’s hyperactive babbling reached Jonghyun’s ears, the older man wasn’t able to let down the edges of his lips, a permanent smile of affection stuck on his face.

And Kyuhyun suddenly decided not to ask anything. Following Jonghyun’s example, Kyuhyun simply marveled how such an immature attitude suited so perfectly a tall, athletic man like Minho.

And then, without a cause or a reason, Kyuhyun made an important decision.

The rope was cut. How high will the fall be? And was there a safety net waiting at its end? Or a cold, hard ground?

Either way, it was done. Kyuhyun would trust Minho, and Jonghyun as well. He’d trust them stupidly, a naïve idiot by his own choice, and proceed to follow them further into the night.

At last, Minho proudly proclaimed their arrival, and the dark silhouettes of trees parted to reveal the very last scene Kyuhyun expected to see.