When the scent of winter spreads,

In the street, the white snow falls

Without knowing,

My feet step towards you…

I blink my eyes when the alarm rang mercilessly in my messy room. Yes, I’m not a neat person and don’t expect a tidy room of mine. Clothes were scattered everywhere, papers, and my laptop even still on since I forgot to turn it off. The last call with her was definitely made my eyes wide awake. I managed my body to get up, running my fingers combing my black hair and rubbed my eyes. It’s winter already. Well, I was too busy lately with my band mate working for some projects. I dragged my feet to the bathroom, staring blankly on the mirror.

They said that I have to sleep properly but how is that even possible? This severe insomniac wasn’t going to help me. And there it is… I got panda eyes, and it is the thing that made her often complained me. Yes, her. I’m not in my dorm but stay for three days here, in my parent’s home. How I miss them and my home’s smell. After struggling with world tour concert, I can get my day off of the hell tight activities. So here I am, regained back my souls.

A stupefied smile formed on my face with jaws and cheeks full of foam. I just look like sinter class with messy hair and bare chest. Yes dear, I’m not that cold to feel the first day of winter. I always sleep shirtless every day that my fan girls would will to lined up just to see my abs. Please don’t blame me for this luck, because I worked hard for this. Sounds narcissistic? Well, I talk about the fact.

I feel my heart beats faster than before when I realize that we’ll meet soon. It’s been an age the last time we met yet I still can remember you clearly. Your long wavy brunette hair, your dark big orbs that always absorbed my attention, your plump pinky lips, your apple cheeks, and your lily scent. I miss you, my dear pumpkin. Yes you, my childhood friend.

I’m not lying when I said that I look more handsome after bathing. And yeah, just don’t listen to me if you are sick of my luck. I took my shirt and not-so-thick black coat with blue faded jeans―my favorite. I walked out of my house shoving my palm into my pocket. My parent wasn’t at home while my noona went to the market buy groceries.

I dragged my feet five blocks away from my house while enjoying the view. My eyes stopped at the big house white-colored with minimalist style. A smile plastered on my face when I get her of my sight, standing at the big window of her room. She smiled at me, oh so pretty. I waved at her signaling her to come out. The snow falls at my feet growing thick urge me to tighten my coat.

Like main characters of a drama,

On a street filled with white snowflakes,

I want to hold hands and walk with you…

“Hey…” She greeted me first just like the old time.

“Hey…” I almost whisper can’t believe my eyes that finally we meet again.

Silence, silence…

Silence because I got trapped into her beautiful dark orbs that I even could see my reflection there. My nose started producing white vapor over my breath. It is supposed to be cold but I don’t know why I feel warm all of sudden.

“Here you are, my favorite guitar man.” She chuckled while punched my arm playfully. She is still the same with her long wavy brunette hair, apple cheeks, and those pinky lips.

I give her my toothy smile, “And here you are, my favorite little girl, Kim Nana.”

Oh shot!! I don’t even know why the hell I say those words. All I know that my brain was never worked properly if she is around.

“Jonghyun Oppa?” She looked hesitated calling me. I know that there must be something she wants to say with her knitted eyebrows like in a deep thought. Her cheek was blushing hard and I found her really cute.

“Hmm?” I mumble bring my feet one step closer to her.

“I miss you.” She says shyly and looked down quickly, avoiding my eyes.

It’s not the first time I’ve ever heard her said that she miss me but now, it feels so different. It’s just simple three words got my heart beats faster unconsciously. What the hell is wrong with me?

I took her hand and wrapped my palm covering her hand, “I miss you too…” And I hate the fact that she is always being the first who says those words.

She lifted her head slowly glance to my eyes shows her sweet smile. I squeeze her hand to keep it warm. I smiled back and smoothed her scarf like a daddy took care of his daughter. And who am I anyway? I’m not her daddy or her brother.

But I like her.

I like her.

I knew I like her since forever, since our diapers day together.

“And how long do you plan to stand here while the snow flake getting thick?” Nana snapped out my attention out of my reverie in her eyes.

I smiled, “I’m sorry. Kaja.”  I grabbed her hand and shoved into my coat pocket.

The winter wind blows caressing our cheek sent shiver to the bone. We walked and walked and walked hand in hand. And just like the main characters in a drama, on a street filled with white snowflakes, I hold her hand, and walked with her―my first crush ever, Kim Nana.

I think I’m not just like her.

What can I do to make you smile?

I think I love you, maybe is it real?

What can I do for you to accept my heart?

Is it love?

We arrived at the park near our house. It’s a park full of our memories since forever. This place is the witness of our time growing up together. A place where we used to play around, make her go home with eyes full of tears while I was laughed out loud full of satisfaction saw her cry. Took the blame on me, I didn’t have idea to make her interesting in me except with bad guy style.

This park is place where I comfort you if she had fought with her mom or mostly with her elder sister. Or does she even remember when we decided to skip the class because we haven’t done our homework, went to this place and dancing in the rain? I hope she remember it. She is a kind-hearted person that she always ended up forgive my cruel acts toward her.

And honestly, I fall for her.

She is one of a kind.

I think I love her.

I should tell her that I love her.

But what if she objected me?

What if she has a boyfriend already?

We haven’t met for almost 1.5 years because I was busy with my schedule. We never lost contact yet we kept our conversation in the line path. Even when some rumors and gossips said that I have a relationship with girls of some girl band, she never asked me whether it is true or not. Because she knew me really well. I never wanted my life being interfered by others. I put my cold expression to defend my privacy.

Fortunately, my face supports it all. Yes, thanks to my face.

My handsome face.

What?

You want to vomit?

I’m sorry but I’m indeed handsome.

Both of us are like the same pole till I’m afraid that we will walk away from each other naturally. Because the same pole won’t go in the same way, right? We are too similar till I feel like I can see my reflection through herself. She likes what I like and I hate what she hates, vice versa. I’m afraid to the fact that maybe I she has someone beside her.

What can I do for you to accept my heart?

Seriously, I’m almost crazy just to think about it. My head hurts and I feel so dizzy.

Maybe, is it love? Well, I’m not that naïve to define what does my heart wants.

I’m not that naïve.

I got back my sense when I feel her hand waved right to my face. I feel puzzled once I see her questioning looks, “Wae?”

“You are not paying attention, Oppa.” She pouts cut