It's cloudy...

"Rigi-ah!"

"Yo Amber-ssi,"I walked toward Amber who ran over me.

"Today Donghae Hyung said he'll wait you in the usual place. Hey hey, are you guys going out already? Hahaha! Finally my Hyung's love isn't one sided,"Amber patted my shoulder. I didn't answer her. I don't care with what people talking or thinking about, it's clear that i don't have any special feeling to Donghae Oppa. We're just childhood friend, that was all in my mind right now.

"If it's you i can accept...hahaha!"Amber was still going on her talk.

"Onnie...,"

Suddenly me and Amber choked when saw Sulli, my cute little cousin, appeared in front of us with sad face. At that time a big wave run into the rocks. We became weird and quiet.

"Sulli-ah...,"I almost whispered.

Sulli is 3rd grade in junior high school. Let me make this clear, my name is Park Rigi, i'm in my 2nd grade of senior high school and this boy look a like girl beside me is Amber, she's 1st year in my senior high school. She's very close to Donghae, my and also Sulli's childhood friend. Sulli herself likes Donghae since we child because he's very protective to her. But one month ago before he left Jeju for college, Donghae said he loves me and asked me to be her girlfriend if he could successfully entered Seoul University. At that time i just realized Sulli's true feeling to Donghae. I can't belive because since we child we love Sulli so much and i don't really care about Donghae like she is.

"I just knew from Mom that Donghae Oppa was home yesterday. Did you know it?"Sulli asked me with blank stares covered by darkness.

He told me before because that guy always calls me. But i can't believe that he didn't tell Sulli. Stupid Donghae!

"Oh really? I just knew it!"i lied to Sulli. I ruffled her hair affectionate but suddenly she threw away my hand.

"If Onnie always acting kind like this i become more unsuitable to Donghae Oppa!"Sulli ran away left me and Amber. Amber stared at me with full of guilty.

"It's okay Amber,"i patted her shoulder after let out a long quite sigh.

***

I laid lazily in my bed. It's 5 p.m just like Donghae promised me but i became so lazy. Should i tell him Sulli's true feeling? Ah, i souldn't intervere so much! Sulli could hate me for this! Huft, why everything went like this? We were so happy back then...if only he didn't go.

 

*flashback*

 

"Rigi! There's call from Donghae!"mom called from downstairs.

"Okay mom!"

I took parallel phone beside my bed, at that time Donghae's voice was not clear and the tone made my heart thump and went down. Next sec what i remember was i ran so fast with just my pajamas to the hospital. When i arrived, i saw my dear's body laid in the bed, covered by white cloth. He was Jaejin, he accidentally involved in high school's brawl when he was about to going practice guitar.

What i remember, i screamed so loud calling his name. Calling my dearest friend and partner who unrealized i love since long before.

 

*end of flashback* 

 

I love Jaejin more than anything. Eventhough i really love Sulli but for me Jaejin is special. Four of us were meant to be long before, our mothers are bestfriend since middle school and when i and Jaejin born, they reunited and promise to made us bestfriend. And then when I and Jaejin were 3rd, Sulli was born. She just like an angel and three of us promised to protect her. Jaejin is same age with me eventhough i'm older by 1 month. Donghae, the oldest is in charge to take care and protect three youngsters. And for me, the oldest girl in the group grew up as the tough girl who like to protect others while Jaejin and Sulli are the people who always we protect. Eventhough it looked like i who always protect Jaejin like hero but actually he's the one who always understand me, protect me and patted my head when thing went hard. Because we born in same year we grew together, i always went to Jaejin first when i sad or happy.

Donghae realized my true feeling to Jaejin that's why when Jaejin died, he confessed to me one year after that. And for one year until now, after Jaejin gone, three of us rarely met up, no laugh, no happiness, only sadness left.

"I realized your true feeling to Jaejin, but i want you to live your life with people who still in here with you. I really like you, i really love you and i don't want to see your tears,"

"What my true feeling for him indeed?"

"It's love,"

I didn't know what love is. Does Donghae really love me or just like me? Did i love Jaejin as sympathy or 'true' love? What i knew is there's aches in my heart when Donghae told me that my feeling to Jaejin is love. I cried silently without i realized.

"Onnie...,"Sulli popped out in my door.

"Sulli-ah?"

"You don't go to meet Donghae Oppa?"she asked with forced smile.

"I think there's nothing to talk,"i answered cooly.

"Onnie i tried to be like you,"Sulli smiled gently.

"I tried to be naive like you,"she continued.

I stupefied hearing that.

"If that could make he fall to me...if that could make me become like you...so that i won't looked like the selfish people here,"Sulli covered her teary eyes with her long and petite arm. I just swallowed my saliva hearing her.

"I don't want to see Donghae Oppa sad. I also don't want to make you hard on me. Just show it! Tell it! Tell your true feeling! Don't make me the other people! Don't me me the only one who selfish here!"

"Mianhe Sulli-ah...i'm the one who selfish here...,"I approached Sulli and touch her cheek.

"I...I love Jaejin...,"i countinued with vibrate tone. I put down her hand so she could see my face.

"Onnie?"her big pretty eyes rounded stared at me.

"I just love him and i really selfish to not be honest to my own feeling,"i continued, aches felt when i realized how stupid i was and it's all too late!

"Onnie...otthoke...,"Sulli couldn't hold her tears. She cried loud in my arms. I understand her feeling, she might be pittied me who is so stupid, who was too late to realize my feeling after Jaejin gone.

After we opened up for each other, Sulli has changed. She became tougher and maturer. She even pushed me to meet Donghae and give him spirit to make him not sad. She even asked me to be happy. But i don't want to be like this forever, Sulli must tell her feeling to Donghae before everything was too late just like me. I don't want Sulli to experience sad and sorrow i feel. I don't want her to aching so much like me and confuse to determine my own future.

What will this future be without you, Jaejin?

 

***

 

"Two days later i'll go back to Seoul. Although i already accepted as medicine student in Seoul Universitybut i think my journey is still far, right? Hahaha. But it's okay, because right now you can already see me...and smiling,"Donghae said when we walked in the seaside enjoying how soft white sand is.

"Ah, how about we throw party tonight in the cottage?!"i shouted.

"Eh?! Just both of us?"Donghae's face blushed. I flicked his forehead.

"Of course three of us! It's been a long time we haven't gone there in night. After he gone...but it's okay right now, i'm alright. So three of us isn't problem right?"i asked the shocked Donghae. He didn't answer me and just stared at me.

"It's okay i'm really allright! I'm okay! The most important thing now is what i will face in the future. I just have to save memories of Jaejin in other place in my heart. However time couldn't go back and destiny couldn't be changed,"I said calmly while looking at the sky full of stars. 

My heart...felt so empty...but i belive that Jaejin is there, in one of the star, looking at me and protect me from the sky so that i won't be sad anymore.

Donghae was still silent.

"Ok! Let's we call Sulli!"i broke the silence.

"Okay, I'm with you,"finally Donghae answered me.

***

That night three of us spent the night in the cottege. It's actually a small and simple house in seaside. It's our secret base which given by the uncle in our neighbourhood who friendly with us, but he moved to Hawaii and because he loves this house so much he didn't sell it and gave us his trust to take care of this cottege. In summer we were usually doing our homework here and threw small party in night.

Look at those space where we always sleep together four of us. I just realized that i always sleep beside Jaejin and in the morning without i realized i always hugged him as my pillow. Think about it, i felt everything is normal back then for our habit. Since we born, we always sleep in same bed even take a bath together. Maybe that little habits made Jaejin special for me.

"Oppa watch out it will blow up! Hahahaha!"

I woke up from my own nostalgic when Sulli shouted happily. She was playing firecracker with Donghae while i just sat near the cottege and playing with my fireworks. Both of the looked so happy and enjoy tonight.

"Aw!!!"Sulli jumped when a firecracker blew up and unexpectedly she hugged Donghae.

Maybe it's normal to see them hug but after i knew our own feeling i felt awkward. Will us be like this forever? With just Jaejin's gone was already made things hard between us moreove one of us will fade away because of this threeangle love.

Jaejin...what should i do? If Donghae couldn't forget me and made Sulli suffer? I don't want us to break apart....

*Sulli POV*

I was too high spirited playing firecrackers with Oppa until i realized that Rigi Onnie gone from the area. She might be tired and back to inside so we decided to stop playing and after her because we were tired as well. Inside the cottege we saw Rigi Onnie slept in the sofa while holding a photo album. It was our photo album that we left here. Donghae Oppa checked the last page she opened and it was Rigi Onnie and Jaejin Oppa's photo while playing fireworks in this cottege yard. I remembered exactly this photo because i was the one who took this. For a while my feeling was down and sad. If only Jaejin Oppa was still alive maybe they'll be always together more than partner and became the happiest lover in this small island.

I startled when saw Donghae Oppa's face expression. He looked too suffering. I grabbed his hand and he stared at me but i didn't say anything.

"Let's sleep Sulli-ah, I already prepared your bed,"Donghae Oppa said while approaching me still staring at the photo album.

"Oppa don't be so far from me,"I asked when i realize that our beds were seperate. We used to always sleep together why he chose to be separeted? Was it because Rigi Onnie slept in the sofa?

"Aigo...ne Agi-ah,"he said *Agi : baby*

After i laid my body, Donghae Oppa turned the light off. He was not so far from me while Rigi Onnie slept in a comfy sofa.

1 hour...2 hour...i couldn't sleep! It's 3 a.m and it's my last day with Donghae Oppa before he go to Seoul in a long time.

I looked at Donghae Oppa. He slept already long time ago. I looked at Rigi Onnie, she slept tightly as well. Then i approached Donghae Oppa...just to staring at him. I felt like kissing his peaceful face but i ended in just staring at my dearest one from a very long time.

"Oppa...when i graduate, i'll go to Seoul and continue my school there. Eventhough Oppa loves Rigi Onnie, as long as i can see you forever it's okay. I don't know when this will keep going on...maybe when both of you get married i should stop, eventhough i'm not sure i can, so...so...at least while in Seoul later i can always be with you...,"i whispered.

My tears were falling down.

"I really love Oppa...,"i said with the lowest voice i could while holding my cry.

 

*Rigi POV*

 

"Tomorrow morning i'll leave...so what is your answer Rigi-ah?"Donghae asked while staring at the waves.

"It's Jaejin's favorite place...I used to meet him here,"i said while looking the past.

"Jaejin has gone! Why won't you stop?! You should look what in front of you Rigi-ah! Why you always make things harder?!"Donghae asked emotionally.

"Have you called Sulli?"I asked with plain expression.

"I won't see her,"he answered as simple as he could. My heart was aching to realize how hurt Sulli will if she heard this.

"She said, as long as you're happy she'll be happy. But i can't forget about Jaejin yet. Would you like to date a girl who hasn't finished her feeling to the former love?"i asked softly.

"Do you still need time? I always ready to accept you however you are Rigi-ah...,"Donghae sighed.

I smiled while starring at him.

"I promise, i will open my heart to Oppa...slowly, ok?"finally i verbalized my decision. Donghae widened his eyes and then smiled so gently to me.

"Ok...,"he said then he kissed my cheek.

Afterwards day passed so fast. Next day he already back to Seoul without my accompany. Sulli said she accompanied Donghae's leave.

I don't know when will Donghae back. Will it a half year later or a year later? I don't know...but certainly it's lonelier here. Here, in this place while looking at the waves, it was usually four of us who laugh and smile together. But now it just me and Sulli. So we don't know what will happen tomorrow and next days. While i kept holding tightly my feeling to Jaejin in the sparkling sea of stars, i want to believe that in the future i will be happy. Donghae will be happy. Sulli will be happy. Then i'll meet new people who can let my darkness heart go.

"Excuse me, do you know Lee Sungmin's residence?"

I turned my head and saw a stranger and i just answered his question with light heart. I believe, as long as there's a chance and sincerity, the future i'm looking for will be happen.

END

 

*So how's my story? Do you like it? I'm sorry for my lack in English. I still praticing which tense i should use hehehe...Well if you like this story, i will appreaciate you so much and could be a sequel ;)