I wrote this long time ago,  a new writing style I'm experimenting with. The ending part I write it recently and a little rush so it kind of... By the way enjoy it, comment is appreciated.

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“Do you know who the transfer student is? Chanyeol seem excited to bring the student a tour around the campus.”

“Kyungsoo hyung.” Sehun nonchalantly said.

To suddenly hear the name that had not been heard for such a very long time is unprecedented and shocking. But how come Sehun can easily said it without any hesitation, when he was part of the history behind that particular name.

Do Kyungsoo, has it been five years, or maybe more. Five years does not sound long but for teenagers like them, but a lot can happen and a lot had change. Jongin try to rearrange the pieces of memory that had almost being forgotten, he try to remember when it starts, and when does the tie between Do Kyungsoo and their group break, or to be specific, between Kim Jongin and Do Kyungsoo.

None of them expect Do Kyungsoo will leave them without any notice, or at least that is what Kim Jongin thought. When Sehun suddenly said that the anticipated transfer student is none other than Do Kyungsoo, Jongin felt betrayed. Why everybody does seem to know the news prior to the transfer? Is he the only one being kept in the dark about the return of the petite man?  Jongin does not know.

Did Kyungsoo still have the petite build? Did he still have the big doe eyes? Did he still have the fair skin like the porcelain doll? Jongin try to imagine how Kyungsoo will look like after all this years and he knows Kyungsoo will always look like Kyungsoo, nothing much will change.

To say that Jongin is okay with what had been kept secret from him is an overstatement. Jongin is not but he pretend to looks okay. Jongin is not when among eleven of them, he is the only one that actually lost contact with Kyungsoo. He is the only one that doesn’t know whereabouts of the petite man.

He want to get angry but when he recall back what he had done in the past, he cannot blame anyone except himself. It is all his own fault. Did Kyungsoo still hate him? Should he pretend like nothing happen and meet the older like before everything change? Will he have the courage to meet him?

The first time Jongin can see Do Kyungsoo after five years is from afar, and as expected, nothing much change. Do Kyungsoo still look like Do Kyungsoo he knows before. Small, fair skin, doe eyes, and cute smile, Do Kyungsoo smile and it is like the most beautiful scene Jongin ever witnessed, even though the smile is not mean for him. The last time Jongin remember he had seen was Kyungsoo tears, a heartbroken tears cause by none other than Kim Jongin. 

Jongin does not know why he felt jealous towards the giant Chanyeol when Kyungsoo can smile brightly during their small tour. In the past, it is Jongin and Chanyeol that always compete for Kyungsoo attention but Kyungsoo always favour him over the giant. Kyungsoo always had the bright smile for him. But today, the giant got the exclusive right to be the one that can freely talk with the petite man. He wants to come near the older and bring the petite body into his embrace and told Kyungsoo how much he misses him. But he can’t because he had lost the right to do that.

After the incident that causes Kyungsoo leave them, Jongin and Chanyeol friendship becoming worst. They almost end up in the police station because of violent fighting. Chanyeol blame Jongin for everything. But after one month, everything seems back to normal. Eleven of them get along very well. Chanyeol had stopped blaming Jongin and they can even joke around each other. The only thing that Jongin still don’t understand during that time is nobody actually talks about Kyungsoo anymore. Nobody seems to ask where Kyungsoo go and why did he left? Not even Jongin himself.

But now Jongin know. Two week after the return of Do Kyungsoo, Sehun told the untold story. Nobody ask for Kyungsoo because they all know where Kyungsoo go. Nobody blame Jongin because Kyungsoo ask them not to blame him. Nobody said they miss the petite boy because they had been in contact all this years. For more than five years Jongin had been keep in the dark about it while Jongin worried by himself. Until today Jongin still did not face Do Kyungsoo because he had no gut to do it.

As if all those secrete is not enough, Jongin felt like his scars had been cut open when he heard all the beautiful story they had with Kyungsoo while Jongin still try to convince himself to face the older.

Jongin scoff in his mind. Did he has right to talk about scars after what he had done?

Three weeks Kyungsoo had return and all of them had claim back the lost time they supposed to have before. Jongin felt jealous to everything, Chanyeol exaggerated story about their tour around campus, Sehun little date with Kyungsoo at Gangnam, Suho and Yixing cooking session with Kyungsoo, Baekhyun and Luhan makeover time with Kyungsoo, Xiumin gym session with Kyungsoo, Chen vocal training session with Kyungsoo, Tao and Kris shopping day with Kyungsoo, everything with their little Kyungsoo.

Deep inside Jongin heart he hope that at least Do Kyungsoo will ask about him even though it will convey to him by others. He does not mind if at least Kyungsoo shows some concern towards him. But to Jongin dismay, every beautiful story he heard does not involve the person, or even the name Kim Jongin.

What makes Jongin most disappointed and sad is when Yixing had brought Kyungsoo to dance studio to see their practice. It is a good chance for Jongin to confront the older for the first time after five years but Kyungsoo seems did not acknowledge Jongin existence. Yixing even introduce Kyungsoo to Jongin like he is stranger and Kyungsoo just stare blankly at Jongin before he sit and watch Yixing dancing. The way Kyungsoo looks at Yixing is different, like a child amused to beautiful movement Yixing made. But when Jongin turn to dance, Kyungsoo had a happy chat time with Yixing without even spare a glance to Jongin.

It hit Jongin very hard when after more than a month Jongin meet Kyungsoo at the dance studio, Tao spill the story about Kyungsoo housewarming party just a week after he return and Jongin is the only one left uninvited.

Everything had become clearer to Jongin why all of this happen. It’s all his fault. Kyungsoo did exactly what Jongin told the petite man to do before Kyungsoo left them.

“I don’t want to anything associate with you and forget everything about me! When we meet, pretend like you do not know me because I hate you! Everything happens because of you! Never get near to me because it is disgusting!”

For the first time Jongin manly tears broke. He had held it for a very long time and emotional turmoil inside him cannot be kept secret anymore. Even the warm shower cannot sooth Jongin heart as it wash away Jongin tears and hide the ugly sound of Jongin sob.

“I’m sorry hyung, you are not disgusting. You are the most beautiful thing I ever see. I’m sorry because I’m just stupid.”

 

Jongin is desperate. Desperate to talk to the person that he miss the most. A week after the incident, a week after he spat the cruel words to the older, Jongin realized that he had done a big mistake. He felt worst without Do Kyungsoo in his life. He had taken Kyungsoo love and care for him for granted and after reflect back what he had done, he start to learn the meaning of appreciation. But it is too late when he successfully realized it. Kyungsoo had gone.

In these five years, Jongin manage to pretend like nothing happen, Jongin had managed to hide how he misses the older more than his circle of friends ever though. But When Do Kyungsoo now always appears in front of him without acknowledging him, it make Jongin hurt. He wants Do Kyungsoo, like he had Do Kyungsoo before everything change.

Every time the chances appear, coward and guilty strip away Jongin courage and he failed to face Do Kyungsoo. When he finally had the courage to face Do Kyungsoo, destiny denies it. There will always disturbances.

There is always Sehun or Tao being a bratty dongsaeng that will stole Kyungsoo away even before Jongin start his first step to meet the older. I’m also his dongsaeng.

There is always Chanyeol, Chen and Baekhyun that stole Kyungsoo attention. There is always Kris, Xiumin and Luhan that Kyungsoo interest to talk with.

There is always Suho and Yixing that get the chance to spend the time with Kyungsoo in their cooking session. There is always DooJoon and Hyunsik that Kyungsoo always going out to watch movie with.

There is always Ryeowok, Kyungsoo favourite hyung. There is always Siwon that will treat Kyungsoo like princess. Jongin cannot even list all of them because it just too many of them. Everybody wants Do Kyungsoo and they got what they want. But why when Jongin want Do Kyungsoo, destinies say no?

Is this what people called as Karma?

If it is true Jongin willing to put everything at stake including trade his soul with the devil to break the Karma.

Did Kyungsoo pray to God every week so that Jongin will not have a chance to talk to him?

If it is true, Jongin will pray every week like Kyungsoo did to repel what had been granted to Kyungsoo.

Jongin will do everything for Do Kyungsoo, and pray to God he did. His soul will be trade to Kyungsoo.

 

After four months, four cruel months battling with himself, suffering alone because he cannot talk to the older even he meet him every day, Jongin finally had a chance, and unexpected chance.

God had answer his pray.

This is the unexpected chance that he will not let it go to waste. No bratty dongsaeng, no close acquaintances, no other friends, no favourite hyung, no one else except Jongin and little Kyungsoo. Everything seems so perfect that sometimes Jongin scared that it must be a dream, scared that destiny will play with him again. For almost thirty minutes Jongin hide behind the big tree, early in the morning initially for jogging; now stalking his little prey, Do Kyungsoo. Jongin feel like he is some kind of wolf waiting for his prey but for a good cause.

When Jongin deem that the situation is good enough he start to walk slowly to the petite body at the serene park. Every step accompanying with Jongin devoted pray to God that this is the right moment.

 

“H-hyung…” Jongin soft voice break the serene morning Kyungsoo try to enjoy. When the older face Jongin, they had finally met eye to eye, so close that Jongin can clearly see his own image on Kyungsoo eyes. No more blank stare from the equally unprepared Kyungsoo. From Kyungsoo reaction, to meet Jongin so early in the morning is unexpected. It hard to miss the signature shock doe eyes the older had. Kyungsoo obviously shock and supposedly nervous Jongin had become braver because of the cute older is something that inspired Jongin. How much he had waited to see that cute reaction, only for him.

“What… Ho.. W-who are you?” his little Kyungsoo stuttering.

“You are not a good actor hyung.” Kyungsoo flabbergasting self is so cute that Jongin want to pull the petite body into his embrace, but Jongin knows very well that patience is virtue. Wrong step, everything will fail.

“I know you pretending like you don’t know me, but it seems that you forgot Yixing had introduced you to me and we always meet around campus.” Jongin step forward. Kyungsoo step backward.

“Hyung_~~.” That gentle voice, that gentle begging voice for Kyungsoo attention is something that the older try to avoid. It will melt his heart immediately.

“Hyung_~~.” Jongin know that it will always work. Jongin step forward. Kyungsoo step backward.

“W-what are y-you doing. Don’t…” Jongin smile widely. He steps forward.

Kyungsoo brain rapidly process information on the current situation. The only decision he made is run. Run for your life!

But rather than run, his leg only step backward for every forward step Jongin made.

“Hyung_~~.” Kyungsoo curse his life. For almost five years he had fortified his heart, but now with only small ‘attack’ from the younger, the fortified heart seems to gradually collapse. When Kyungsoo start to feel there is something that block his leg from stepping backward, he curse his leg because failed to follow his brain orders. Now he trapped between the y younger he once love and still love and the stupid bench and next thing he notice is he is already sit on the bench and Jongin kneel in front of him.

Jongin hold Kyungsoo hands tightly on Kyungsoo lap. The sparks is still there, Kyungsoo can’t deny it.

“Hyung, I missed you.” The three words leave Jongin lips like a spell that enchanted Kyungsoo. To say that he is shock is an understatement. Perplexed? Puzzled? It hard to define what Kyungsoo experience right now. It is just… unexpected. The words he know that should not come out from Jongin even though he actually love to hear it.

Missed me? No, this is just a dream right? Jongin will not and not supposed to miss me. He hates me.

“I missed your voice, I missed your cute lovely smile, I missed your beautiful doe eyes, I miss everything about you. This is not a dream right? I can finally hold you and being close to you. If this is a dream, I hope that I will never wake up.”

Kyungsoo still speechless. His lip move but no words come out except a small squeak.

“Hyung, I’m sorry for…”

“Stop Jongin. Don’t joke with me. It’s not funny.” Jongin stare at his beloved hyung with shock eye did not expect he will be cut like that. But it is not long when Kyungsoo try to stand and release himself from Jongin.

But Jongin react faster than the petite man. This chance will only come once. To the older shock Jongin immediately hug Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo eyes wider than it already is due to sudden hug from Jongin. He looks around and confirmed there is nobody there in the park except some movement behind the bush.  He knows how popular Jongin is and he did not ready to risk his daily life if people form campus sees him with Jongin, especially when it involve Jongin crazy fanatic fan.

“J-jongin, what are you doing. Let me go.” To say that Kyungsoo did not affected by that is understatement. He is lying if he says he did not miss the younger. At that moment he resists himself from hugging Jongin back.

Jongin is not the only one that suffers, Kyungsoo suffer more, and at least that is what he and his circle of friend thought. Even though Kyungsoo leave them and Jongin lost contact with the older, Kyungsoo actually knows everything about Jongin courtesy of his friends. When he leaves without any news, everyone try to contact him. One week, one week after he leaves Kyungsoo secretly contacts his friends one by one. He starts with Suho, their guardian angel. After one month every one of them except Jongin have been inform on whereabouts of Kyungsoo and it so secretive that even their friends does not inform each other until Kyungsoo spill the secrete itself and set up the chatting room for all of them and of course without Jongin. All this time Kyungsoo will occasionally ask about Jongin and from the information he get, Jongin is more than happy after Kyungsoo leaved.

“Hyung please. It takes me three month to collect my courage too finally to speak to you. I’m not joking.” Feeling something wet on his hand, Kyungsoo stop from trying to escape himself. Jongin is crying.

No, no, no, no, no, no, this is impossible. The mighty Kim Jongin cry, on my lap.  

Of all the thing that exist on this earth, Kyungsoo cannot resist the most is crying and pouting Jongin. Jongin rarely cry, but always use pouting as an ultimate weapon against Kyungsoo to get what he wants. Kyungsoo attention is precious to Jongin and his friends, something that Kyungsoo oblivious about. 

Look at that cute pouting face! How come I can resist that?

It takes a lot of effort for Kyungsoo to retain his blank face even he knows he already fails.

“Hyung_~” Stop calling me like that. Stupid Jongin.

“I know this will happen and I know you will hate me. But I want you to know that I’m sorry for whatever I had done and said in the past. I don’t mean it hyung.” Jongin hug Kyungsoo again. He does not care if there is people around that will talk bad about him. He does not care anymore. Because he care too much about what others said make him hurt his beloved hyung. He will not let that repeated again.

“J-jongin. Y-you are not supposed to do this. This is not right Jongin. You will regret later because I’m just a disgus…”

“NO!!” Kyungsoo almost jump from the shock if only Jongin did not hug his torso.

“Please hyung. I don’t mean what I said before. That is all come from my stupidity and paranoia, afraid about what others will think about me. I’m just too young that I cannot make a better judgement. You are not what that horrible thing I said before. In fact, you are beautiful hyung. I want you hyung. I want Do Kyungsoo to be associated in every moment of my life. I want to see your smile, I want to see your beautiful eyes, I want to hear your beautiful voice, and I want to able hug you every day like what we always do before. Please hyung. Don’t ignore me. You can scold me, hit me, and shout at me if that will make you better. At least that shows you still acknowledge my existence. It hurt hyung. It hurt too much when you ignore me like a total strangers. Five years I pretend like everything is okay but those five years was torturous for me and I don’t want to be torture more.”

That’s it. That’s the reason why his friend told that Jongin does not seem affected when Kyungsoo leave. But, that is not enough to forgive Jongin right? Kyungsoo also being tortured, emotionally by what Jongin had done. Maybe I shall make this more dramatic?

“Torturous!?” Kyungsoo scoffs. “You have no right to talk about torturous Jongin. Did you think I live happily when I leave you? Did you know how miserable I had become? You had crushed my self-esteem. I almost become anti-social person that too scared to face other people.” Even though Kyungsoo actually try to play hard to get, he actually told nothing but truth. Kyungsoo indeed need to seek help from counsellor to rebuild his self-esteem. It takes Kyungsoo one year to gain back his confidence.

“I’m sorry hyung. If punish me is the way that can recover your heartbroken self than do it, anything for you to forgive me.” Looking at the younger face make Kyungsoo heart softens. Even how badly hurt his heart is, he just cannot look the younger like this.

“Jongin, I had forgive you long ago, and that is why they did not blame you of what happen to me.” Jongin found some hope from what the older said.

“But Jongin, the scars is too deep.”

“Then let me be the one that heal your scars hyung. Let me correct everything. Please hyung, I want you hyung. Please, love me again.” Kyungsoo think that he had heard it wrong; shock is not a word that can describe the roller coaster of emotion inside Kyungsoo fragile heart.

“J-jongin.”

“I’m sorry for making such a selfish request but I can’t help it. Yes I’m selfish, but I’m selfish for you. It hurt to see you can being happy with others while I just can look it from far, that is why I make this foolish request. Hyung, please love me again, because I love you.”

Love?

Does this little confession enough? But does what happen before worth for Kyungsoo to forget Jongin? Kyungsoo left speechless.

“Hyung, I know it hard for you to forgive me but I’m willing to wait as long as you still acknowledge my existence. I will give you enough space after this but for today; let me savour this moment hyung. I miss you so much.”

It’s not that Kyungsoo hate Jongin to reject the younger confession. No, Kyungsoo can never hate Jongin. But what happen is just too sudden. He did not expect that Jongin will abruptly appear in front of him, saying sorry, spill everything and confess to him and everything just happen less than one hour! How Kyungsoo can had enough time to digest everything. But looking down at the younger that kneel and hug his torso, Kyungsoo does not have courage to reject Jongin, to run form the younger.

Will this time the happiness he hope for will really coming to him, or the younger will break his heart once again. If that happen, can Kyungsoo cope with the painful scars once again.

Even though it might be short, Kyungsoo still want to take a risk, to have the love of Kim Jongin. Even though he might be hurt once again, he want it. He wants Kim Jongin.

Kyungsoo hand slowly pats the younger head. Yes, he misses patting Kim Jongin head and the younger love it so much. He does not care if people will say he is like a dog or cat that love to be patted, he does not want to care. If being a dog is the way to obtain Kyungsoo love, the dog Jongin will be.

“Jongin, I’m sorry. As much as…” The words sorry scared Jongin that make him cut what the older want to told him.

“But hyung you…”

“Listen here Jongin. Listen to me.” Because Kyungsoo sound so stern, Jongin afraid about what the older will tell him. Just like a small child being reprimanded by his parent, Jongin sit on his kneel, hand on his lap, head hanging low. It remind him on how he had undergo this before when Kyungsoo scold him, part of the memory that he will remember forever, he will appreciate forever.

“As much I want to hate you, I can’t. The deep scars you left on my heart make me scare to be with you, but my heart still longing for you. I hate the fact that how much you had hurt me, how much I want to forget you, my heart won’t allow it. I’m sorry Jongin. I can’t love you again because I still love you. I will allow you to help me to heal my heart and to correct everything.”

This is not a dream right? Jongin ask himself. His stupid grin starts to appear but stop when he felt a soft hand on his cheeks.

Slowly Kyungsoo cup the younger face, pull it closer to let their lips touch each other.

“I might be the most stupid person on earth for still loving a brat like you.”

“And I might be the luckiest person on earth for still got the love from the perfect person like you after what I had done.”

Kyungsoo taste so sweet, a taste that Jongin will love forever.

 

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What happen in the past and what is actually is behind the bush during heri enconter, I will let your mind create a wild imagination...