The next few weeks proceeded as how they did when Dongwoo was taking a break from Sunggyu. Except he wasn’t very up for leaving his apartment if it wasn’t for work. He had stopped attending Howon’s dance classes, or going to dance competitions with Howon, or going out with Sungyeol or Woohyun.

He still spoke to Howon everyday, mainly because the younger couldn’t seem to go a day without hearing Dongwoo’s voice. But Dongwoo didn’t mind, it was better than sitting around all day talking to himself. 

There was probably something wrong with Dongwoo, but he refused to admit it and pretty much avoided any conversation touching the topic. He went about his days as normally as he could, waking up and skipping breakfast so he could make enough space in his stomach to grab a bottle of Gatorade from the vending machine at the studio. He wasn’t very much of an eater these days. 

The thought of a well cooked dinner made his stomach uneasy, and if Dongwoo was poetic, he might have thought something like how his stomach was too full of his messy thoughts and never- to- be- sent messages to Sunggyu. 

His classes didn’t seem to suffer much but there were shorter breaks in between new moves, and he didn’t seem to give as much motivation as he used to. The students had pestered him for a while until he got up and left the studio, slamming the door and not returning for 10 minutes. From then on, it was like the news just spread and most of Dongwoo’s students stopped fooling around during class or even talk. 

It did help their performance as a whole.

Dongwoo picked up more classes during the weekends and soon he was teaching from 8 in the morning to 7 at night every day. When he got home, he ordered take- out and just sat on the couch until it was 10, when he would shower and climb into bed. Most of the time, he was out like a light. Then in the morning, he would pick up the cold carton of food, emptying most of its contents (which was a little over half of the food) before wrapping it up and dumping it by the side of the bin. 

Usually, this left little time for socialisation, and Dongwoo only kept up phone calls with either his mother or Howon. Needless to say, he hadn’t seen either of them in a while. 

Dongwoo just didn’t feel like he was well enough to hold stable conversations with anyone outside of dance instructions. He was almost positive Sunggyu was at least letting his pride keep his actions in check. 

After Sunggyu had left that night, Dongwoo had picked up the broken bottle, keeping the glass pieces in thick plastic bags. He had swept up the little paper stars he had started to make on the nights he waited for Sunggyu and threw them all into the trash. Of course, that was after Howon had left. Dongwoo didn’t mind letting the glass pieces cut into his skin, even though they weren’t deep.

Then Dongwoo had realised what he was doing and quickly disinfected all his cuts before closing them in dinosaur printed band- aids. But it wasn’t unheard of for Dongwoo to completely zone out these days. There would be moments in class where a student would have to nudge him a little to get him to move, or even to continue what he was saying before. 

It was unsettling. Especially for Howon. It was probably safe to say that out of everyone in Dongwoo’s life, excluding Sunggyu, Howon knew him best. And the absence of laughter or random spurts of speech where Howon understood absolutely nothing because Dongwoo was too busy messing up his words in excitement, was really worrying. And of course, without trying to be a stalker or anything, Howon had noticed that Dongwoo skipped breakfast these days, and barely had lunch. 

The dinosaur band- aids didn’t go unnoticed either but Howon hadn’t said a thing. Dongwoo wasn’t known to explode or anything but Howon was afraid that saying anything would touch a sore nerve.  

Dongwoo didn’t really care. He knew he needed to stop moping around, needed to get over Sunggyu. He did call him a after all. And didn’t apologise. But he hadn’t seen Sunggyu in over a month, hadn’t heard his voice or even seen his name light up on his phone. He shouldn’t be wanting to but he doesn’t really know anything outside of his husband. He’d been dating Sunggyu since he first graduated from school, and he was only real serious relationship he’d ever had. 

It would be hard, right?

Those were the same words that drifted through Dongwoo’s mind every morning as he stared himself down in front of the bathroom mirror. He was being pathetic. Soon, he would have to find a lawyer, get some boxes, and finally call back his friends. Just not today. 

Howon didn’t mind letting Dongwoo tell him he was fine every time he asked. He understood. Sunggyu was the man he had loved for 5 years, and to have to be the one to let go would be hard. He wasn’t sure how Sunggyu was doing but he hoped he was doing a lot worse than Dongwoo. And Howon didn’t do anything to stop Woohyun from slipping the business card of a lawyer into Dongwoo’s wallet.

A month or so had passed by now. And Dongwoo was at least eating breakfast again, even if it was food brought over from Howon. After finding Dongwoo in a darkened apartment with nothing in the fridge and a fever way too high to recover from without medication, Howon had practically made it his job to check on Dongwoo every few days, always bringing food and some books or magazines. Dongwoo probably didn’t read them but it was all just in case he got bored. 

Dongwoo couldn’t be bothered with the magazines that had articles about fitness first or how to achieve the perfect first date. Most of the time, he just thought about how to approach his decision. One of the first things he did was start lighting his scented candles again. Somehow, it felt important to make the apartment smell like oranges or coffee or soap again. It felt important to buy pretty flowers and decorate the table by the door with things he picked up here and there.

The take- out dinners decreased week by week. At first, Dongwoo refused to eat out with anyone. Then one night, he had just accepted his order of porridge (the store down the street was really great), there was another ring on his doorbell.

Dongwoo had abandoned the hot container of scallop porridge and answered the door. He couldn’t really decide which was the most surprising, his mother wrapped up in her winter coat outside his door or his father carrying luggage. 

“Ma! Dad! What are you guys doing here so late?”

Dongwoo’s mom had rolled her eyes before she pushed- gently- her son aside and stepped inside. 

“Howon was keeping us updated and- oh my god, darling, do you see the state of your house? It smells like someone accidentally threw a vat of citrus orang perfume into a pot of coffee in here!”

Sheepishly, Dongwoo took the heavier looking bag from his father, before he ushered the older inside and shutting the door. The two men watched as his mother drifted around the room, opening the windows and shivering before shutting them 2 minutes after. Then she saw the container of porridge, tutted and headed to his bedroom.

Before Dongwoo could stop her, she had yelled out. 

“What have you done to the beautiful curtains I picked out for you!” 

Dongwoo cringed. He had suddenly felt like repainting the whole bedroom- Sunggyu and him had painted dinosaurs and hamsters on the sides when they first moved in- and he hadn’t quite made the right preparations. 

His parents had left 2 nights after, with enough food shoved in his fridge and freezer to last him at least 2 weeks and a half. He had thanked his mother profusely, before he shut the door and closed all the windows. Indeed, his apartment still smelled like oranges and coffee but it was a smell he liked. It was better than the stale, nothingness that used to waft in through all the rooms. 

And, just maybe it was better than the cologne Sunggyu used to wear, or the smell of expensive leather from Sunggyu’s shoes and bags. 

The card that Woohyun had slipped into Dongwoo’s wallet finally fell out one day as he was rifling through it for a message he had taken the other day for a colleague. The card had slipped out and then fluttered to the ground at Dongwoo’s socked feet. Frowning, Dongwoo rested his wallet onto the kitchen counter before he bent down and picked up the unfamiliar piece of paper.

The shiny, embossed words made him uneasy. They felt so real and serious and the words that were printed in what was definitely high quality ink, along with the thick textured paper made Dongwoo want to drop the paper into the bin immediately. But he forced himself to read the details, almost committing them to memory as he read them over and over again. 

Lee Sung Jong

Divorce Attorney 

The numbers that were in italics at the bottom taunted him. The address at the back that was definitely the office of someplace in the middle of Seoul just made him nervous all over again. The simple idea of walking into a private law firm, asking for a divorce attorney was almost unbearable. Howon’s smiling face jumped into Dongwoo’s mind right at that moment and of course, the first person he would think to rely on to bring along as moral support. 

It wasn’t for a few weeks before Dongwoo realised it was Woohyun who had slipped the card inside. Who else could have? Why would Howon know any divorce attorneys or private law firms? Why would Sungyeol, or Myungsoo? Dongwoo had wanted to call Woohyun and ask about the law firm. But what he really wanted to ask was if this was a good idea. This was what he really wanted, right? 

But it was Howon who had made the decision. One evening, Howon had invited himself over, finally giving into his desire to see Dongwoo. The elder looked better than he expected, which was a relief and even though the odd smell in the apartment made him a little dizzy, he got used to it and stormed into the apartment until he saw Dongwoo drinking hot chocolate at the dining table. 

The two of them had paused in their actions. Howon stopped walking and Dongwoo had his mug half- lifted to his lips. 

“Dongwoo.”

“Howon?”

Then Howon had taken a seat on the chair opposite to Dongwoo’s and took a sip of Dongwoo’s hot chocolate. 

“Dongwoo, I think we need to talk. Properly.”

Dongwoo had then given Howon a wide smile, the widest since his parents had left and stole his mug back.

“You’re always here when I need you.”

The business card of the divorce attorney sat in between the two of them as Howon drew up a list of pros and cons. In less than an hour, Howon had ripped the whole page out and rolled his eyes before he ripped it up into pieces and threw them into the bin. 

“Sunggyu’s a douche right? I think this covers all the pros and cons.”

Dongwoo had then laughed and Howon had punched in the numbers on the bottom of the card into Dongwoo’s phone and asked to be connected to Lee Sungjong’s private office. 

Howon had sat in the chair, watching as Dongwoo spoke with a straight face, occasionally brushing a strand of blond hair out of his eyes. Howon watched every nod and roll of his shoulder and he could feel a certain kind of calmness drift around the two of them and even though the funky smell was still tickling his nose, he could smile through it and feel proud of Dongwoo.