Dongwoo is the first to wake up, his shoulders aching from keeping them tucked around Howon the whole night. He wakes up a few seconds before his alarm rings so before it has a chance to wake Howon, he picks it up and turns it off. Howon is still curled up against him, his face buried in his chest and his legs tangled in the duvet. Lifting him off gently, Dongwoo pulls his arms above his head and stretches. 

Leaving breakfast and a note on the dining table, Dongwoo leaves his apartment for work. He feels good, better than yesterday, that’s for sure and there’s a spring in his step he hopes stays for a while.

When he reaches the studio, he’s more than a little surprised to see Sungyeol standing at the door of his studio with a take- out cup of coffee. 

“Sungyeol?”

Sungyeol almost drops the coffee, catapulting it before scrambling to catch it before it fell any further. The iced coffee luckily doesn’t upend itself all over the tiled floors, and Sungyeol grasps onto the cup with a clumsy hand, squashing down on the lid for extra precaution. 

“Dongwoo- hyung! I’ve been waiting forever for you.” 

Dongwoo walks over leisurely, getting the keys out and unlocking the door as Sungyeol impatiently shifts his weight on either feet while waiting. When Dongwoo lets them both inside, Sungyeol s the cup of coffee into Dongwoo’s free- hand and starts off on what feels like a monologue. 

“Myungsoo was talking about how you seemed a little upset yesterday and of course I didn’t notice cause I’m a little dense sometimes but he said you needed to be cheered up but after the trip Myungsoo and I got a little carried away by something else, if you know what I mean,” Sungyeol’s smirk made Dongwoo bark out a laugh, “But anyways, that’s why I’m here this morning with your favourite type of coffee, risking my job to come see if you needed any cheering up.” 

After taking a sip of the more chocolate- than- coffee mocha drink, just how he liked it, Dongwoo grinned. He threw an arm around Sungyeol’s shoulders- the best he could reach, really- and pulled the taller man down into a bone crushing hug, even with the cup of coffee still in his hand and his bag dangling off his forearm. 

“I really appreciate you coming over and risking your job, Sungyeol! But tell Myungsoo he has nothing to worry about, I’m in a great mood today!” 

A little brief exchange later, Sungyeol was on his way out and Dongwoo’s first few students started trickling in. Dongwoo taught his class like usual, smiling when a student commented on his good mood. He was just in a really good mood today and he was pretty sure it was because of the crying last night, and probably the fact that he actually had someone to cry to for once. 

But it might also have had something to do with the dream he had had last night. As soon as he had fallen asleep, memories and images of his relationship with Sunggyu had surfaced and passed as if in a montage. 

“Baby, what do you think about this table?” 

Dongwoo hmmed and looked up to see his husband surveying a round wooden table with squinted eyes. 

“Gyu, the table feels insecure.”

Sunggyu had then burst out laughing and pulled Dongwoo to him, enveloping him in a hug and snuggling into the crook of his neck. In the end, they had bought the table and Dongwoo had stripped it and painted it white with Sunggyu. It was their dining table and every time either one of them sat down at it, Dongwoo was sure that it only brought back sweet memories. 

Sunggyu grinned up at Dongwoo. It was a mischievous smile and although Dongwoo smiled back he had to admit he was a little afraid. They were at the beach and Sunggyu had just surfaced out from the water, his forehead at the same height as Dongwoo’s stomach. 

“Gyu, what are you thinking?” 

The little brush on the edge of Dongwoo’s board shorts had Dongwoo squealing before they found themselves back at their hotel room in less than 5 minutes. 

Dongwoo was making dinner and somehow it smelled absolutely delicious. He wasn’t really sure what he was doing but whatever he was doing seemed right and even if he just poured in a cup of chocolate sauce, the smell only got better. 

That’s when the front door opened and Dongwoo had turned off the stove, leaving his pan on top of it and turning around to face Sunggyu. 

His husband walked through, half- dressed, and carrying his briefcase. Sunggyu strolled right in, giving Dongwoo simple kiss. 

“Hey Gyu, how was work today?” 

As Sunggyu spoke, his voice seemed to get lower and before Dongwoo could ask about whether Sunggyu was coming down with something, Sunggyu turned around.

Dongwoo reached out a hand to turn Sunggyu back to face him, but as his fingers touched the familiar pale skin, it felt as if it was almost expanding under his hand. The skin started to turn a little tanner and when he turned around, Howon faced Dongwoo instead. 

Oddly enough, he didn’t feel surprised. He welcomed it as Howon crushed Dongwoo up against his chest and Dongwoo only laughed. 

That’s when Dongwoo had woken up. He had woken up peacefully, and he was glad he hadn’t woken up crying like he sometimes did when he dreamt of Sunggyu. It was pretty  bizarre though,  to have dream- Sunggyu suddenly morph into Howon. Again, he wasn’t about to think too deeply into it like how he hadn’t thought too deeply about his cancelled appointments with Sungjong. Besides, his sub- conscious was probably just responding to Dongwoo being around Howon so much.

Dongwoo hadn’t really had a best friend before. When he was in high school, he was pretty close to this one boy, Kim Minseok, but after they both left Gyeonggi for Seoul, they lost contact. Seoul wasn’t that big but it wouldn’t have been easy looking for one particular boy. Either way, Dongwoo had left it as it was, knowing that if they weren’t meant to stay friends, they wouldn’t. 

But Dongwoo knew that Howon was his best friend now. In fact, they were so close Dongwoo was almost sure Howon knew him better than his own mother did. Or even Sunggyu. Dongwoo was pretty sure in another universe they were probably brothers but for some reason, he didn’t think they should be related that way. 

The dream however, was forgotten as soon as Dongwoo woke up. He only remembered that he had had a really good dream and that he had gotten a good night’s sleep for the first time in weeks. 

They were at the shopping mall one Saturday, which was unusual for the both of them as Dongwoo and Howon usually spent weekends lazing around at Dongwoo’s apartment or with either one of their friends. Surprisingly, they had no plans with either Woohyun or Sungyeol and Myungsoo. Instead, they were at the grocery store, because Howon had recently found that his fridge was completely empty. 

They’d just been spending so much time at Dongwoo’s that Howon barely spent any time at his own home. The mention of Howon’s house made Dongwoo curious. He had never seen Howon’s home, was it a house or was it an apartment? He didn’t even know.

Picking up an apple and holding it in his hand, Dongwoo looked up to see Howon bagging some apples beside him.

“Howon, how come we never hang out at your house?” 

He wrapped up the apples and placed them into the basket, to be weighed later. 

“Hmm? It’s because the studio is in the complete opposite direction of my place, and yours is too.”

“I’d like to hang out at your place someday. I bet it’s full of secrets.” 

Dongwoo had giggled as he went ahead to look at other fruits. Howon shook his head, Dongwoo wasn’t far from the truth, although it wasn’t as if he kept some bodies in his bathtub. Howon didn’t do much in his home, it had been almost as empty as it was the day he bought it. He just didn’t believe in making it too homey, especially if there was a chance he would move out. But a few weeks after meeting Dongwoo and Sungyeol and Myungsoo and Woohyun, and even Sungjong, he had given in to his friends’ endless suggestions and decorated his apartment a little. 

There were now framed photos all over his apartment, hanging or sitting on tables and counters. Howon didn’t really want Dongwoo coming over, or anyone for that matter, because they would just see the dozens of photos Howon kept of him hanging out with his friends or the slightly more intimate ones he had with Dongwoo. Myungsoo had caught onto Howon’s less- than- secretive adoration of Dongwoo and occasionally gave him photos he had taken of Dongwoo on any day out. They were always accompanied by a mocking smile and Howon would always begrudgingly take them.

He never framed those. The photos Myungsoo tended to take were the quiet ones. There were photos of Dongwoo as he fell asleep onto Howon’s shoulder during a car ride, or as he dug into a bowl of noodles. There were photos of boisterous laughing and some not so candid photos as Dongwoo made funny faces. Nonetheless, they were all beautiful. 

Howon did sometimes think he was a little stalker- ish, and his friends- yes, they all knew- never failed to remind him that, but at least Dongwoo cared about him too. Even if it wasn’t in the way he wanted. Well, it wasn’t as if he had ever had some private me- time with the photos, anyways, so Howon thought it wasn’t that bad. 

But the idea of Dongwoo finding out that Howon loved him as much as he used to love Sunggyu was scary. Scary because he knew Dongwoo didn’t feel the same, and scary because Howon really didn’t want to lose someone like Dongwoo. 

After leaving home and moving to Seoul, Howon didn’t try too hard to keep in touch with his family, especially after their grand gesture of affection when he had told them he was leaving. Dongwoo didn’t know much about Howon and he didn’t know much about Dongwoo either. He only knew the things that had happened this year, and of course about his parents. They were both barely breaching the surface of friends, or best friends. Even if Howon wanted to learn more, he would wait until Dongwoo started sharing his stories. 

“Howon!”

Dongwoo’s voice nearly sent him running and Howon looked up to see the older man holding up a funny looking fruit with a comically astounded expression. 

They had brought home a whole bag of the odd looking fruit. It was currently sitting on the counter in Dongwoo’s apartment, whereas Howon’s bag of groceries were sitting on the floor by the counter. The real reason Howon had wanted to hang out with Dongwoo on this particular day was because he had wanted to get rid of Sunggyu’s things. Yes, he did need his groceries but it wasn’t urgent and ever since Howon had found Dongwoo in the closet, he had been thinking of what to do about the boxes. 

Howon knew where Sunggyu was living, and it took one phone call a day from Dongwoo to stop himself from walking over there and properly dismantling the guy. He had wanted to just take the boxes and dump them at the house. He hadn’t told Dongwoo yet, but somehow, Dongwoo was avoiding any talk about Sunggyu lately. 

For example, on the way to the supermarket, Howon had brought up Sunggyu casually. They had been talking about ambitions and how Sungjong had the most of all 6 of them put together. Howon had casually brought up Sunggyu, just nonchalantly mentioning his success. He hadn’t wanted to compliment Sunggyu at all, but he needed to be a little blasé than his usual self. Then Dongwoo had immediately changed the subject, stopping at a red light and randomly talking about some signboard built above them. 

Then whilst in the supermarket, Howon started talking about fruits, and why apples were good for you and why watermelons were good in the summer and just randomly rambling, when he had brought up Sunggyu. He had just asked what Sunggyu’s favourite fruit was and Dongwoo had just shrugged his shoulders cutely and almost ran away. 

So Howon decided not to bring it up anymore. Instead, he decided he would just wait. He would sit Dongwoo down and they could finally have a proper talk. Dongwoo was a lot smarter and observant than people often gave him credit for, he could read a person’s body language like a book and react accordingly. So Howon had tried not to give anything away. 

Right now, Dongwoo was in his bedroom, doing whatever it was he did in there. 

Dongwoo was standing in front of the shelf of boxes. He knew Howon wanted to get rid of them. And deep down in his heart, Dongwoo knew he needed to get rid of them too. Sunggyu was just being plain selfish by leaving them here, wasn’t he? Honestly, Dongwoo knew he wasn’t very strong. He didn’t have to act strong in front of Howon but he just knew that if brought these boxes back to Sunggyu, everybody would know how horribly he had reacted to the divorce, even if he had been the one who had asked for it. 

They would know how weak he was and how incapable he was of controlling his feelings. Besides, boxes full of random stuff shouldn’t be affecting him this much, should it? Dongwoo didn’t think so. He didn’t want to lie to Howon, but he didn’t want to tell him the truth either. Maybe he could just get rid of Howon for now and just incinerate the boxes by himself or something. 

Dongwoo closed his eyes and almost laughed at his stupidity. 

He was ridiculous, and being incredibly impracticable. Of course he wouldn’t incinerate Sunggyu’s things. He couldn’t. No, he wouldn’t be able to.