"Red"

Jongin/Kyungsoo

3820 words

 “Momma, what color is the sky?"

    “Blue.”

    “What color is the grass?”

    “It’s green, baby.”

    “What about your new car? What color is it?”

    “I... I don’t know.”

    Jongin has known about color blindness since he was very young. Normally, parents just let the issue go until the day their children run to them asking why the world looks different all of a sudden and then they explain how it all works. Jongin, however, has known about it since the age of five.

It was a peaceful afternoon the summer before Jongin would start Kindergarten. He was sitting at the table waiting for his peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch, his mother smiling at him from the counter, making sure to put extra peanut butter on one slice of bread. Jongin opens his eyes from laughing at who-knows-what and sees tears falling onto his sandwich, his mother’s face full of horror.

“What’s wrong, momma? Did I make you sad? What’s wrong?” Jongin hops out of his chair, padding over to his mother who has put the butter knife down and is now holding a hand over and the other over her stomach.

Instead of answering her son, she just kneels down and pulls him into a hug, sobbing into his shoulder until there’s no tears left.

His mother hasn’t seen in color since she was twenty-seven.

That was the day Jongin learned that not everyone saw in color.

“Why not?” He asked, big brown eyes looking up at her still sad face.

“Because not everyone has a soulmate, dear.”

“Well, can you see in color?”

“I used to.”

“But...” Jongin’s forehead wrinkles in confusion. He thought Papa was her soulmate. They say so all the time.

“Jongin, I need you to be happy for me, alright? Just for me. Please be happy, even after I tell you this,” Her eyes start to well up with tears again and Jongin grips his mother’s apron tighter.

“Okay,” he agrees. He’s scared.

“Papa isn’t coming back from his business trip.”

Jongin frowns. “Why not? He said he was comin’ back on Saturday.”

“I know, baby,” His mother puts her hands on Jongin’s shoulders. “But Papa isn’t coming back. You won’t see him for a long, long time, okay? He’s an angel now. And you can see him when you become one, too.”

Jongin sits on his mother’s lap for a while longer, just staring at her. An angel? But angels live in heaven. And heaven is where people go when--

“Papa’s dead?” Jongin whispers, a pressure pushing at the back of his eyes that stings. It feels like when he’d scraped his knee badly that one time at the park and he thought he was going to cry, but now there’s a pain in his chest that accompanies the tears and Jongin doesn’t understand.

“I’m sorry, baby. I’m so so sorry,” Jongin just lets his arms fall as his mother hugs him again, tighter this time.

~

    When someone meets their soulmate, their world fills with color. Quite literally. One day, someone wakes up and they no longer see in shades of black, white, and grey, but in every color they’ve only ever heard about. The world is suddenly vibrant, beaming with amazing colors and hues that make the world a more lovely place. It might take a bit of detective work, but it’s pretty easy to narrow down who you met the previous day that you are meant to be with for the rest of your life.

    Jongin is twenty and still sees in black and white. His friend, Lu Han, however, knows that the cherry blossom trees are pink, knows what pink looks like, and knows that it is different than the red of the tulips in his mother’s garden.

    “They’re kind of similar, but not really. If you faded red, I guess you’d eventually get pink,” he says, just the day after he wakes up and finally sees what his blue sheets look like.

    “Hm,” Jongin responds, kicking the rock in front of him. He’s happy for Lu Han, he really is. It’s just that most people his age can see in color. In his small town, there’s only so many people to meet, so it’s bound to happen sooner or later. (Mostly sooner.) The town he lives in has a small high school and a college just a little bit bigger. It’s where most people in this town meet their soulmate, where their worlds burst into color one morning.

    Jongin has always been an early riser, but he doesn’t tell anyone it’s because he wants to wake up as soon as possible, just to see if he can see in color or not yet. He tells everyone it’s because he’s a morning person (which is a bold-faced lie, if he’s ever told one).

    “I wonder who it is, though,” Lu Han continues, skipping more than he is walking.

    “Dunno, what’d you do different yesterday?” Jongin asks, trying to seem interested in Lu Han’s soulmate-hunt.

    “Let’s see...” Lu Han looks up to the sky (which Jongin knows is blue, he just doesn’t know what blue looks like). “Oh! I went to that new coffee shop above the music shop! And the barista was cute. Oh my god I hope it was him.”

    Jongin laughs, shaking his head. Lu Han has always been a little more on the superficial side when it comes to people and relationships, always telling Jongin how much he dreaded waking up one day and remembering that the only new people he met were ugly ones. He couldn’t have an ugly soulmate, he insisted. But Jongin supposes that’s okay, considering physical attraction is required for a romantic relationship to work. Otherwise it’s just a friendship.

    “Maybe it is. You should ask him about it,” Jongin replies, kicking another rock.

    “But what if he’s met his soulmate, and so we both see in color, but we aren’t each other’s soulmates? That would ,” Lu Han pouts, kicking the rock Jongin had kicked just a second ago. Jongin almost feels bad for the rock.

    “Then it won’t work. And you’ll move on, and find the right person.”

    “But what if I don’t?!” Lu Han wails, throwing his hands up in the air.

    Jongin rolls his eyes. “You’ll be fine, Lu. I’m sure it’s your cute barista boy.”

    Lu Han sighs. “I really hope you’re right.”

    “When am I not?” Jongin smirks, but winces when Lu Han punches him in the arm.

~

    Whenever there was a new student in school, everyone got excited. Their school was small, so classes were small, and in high school, that meant a lot. A good number of people could already see in color, but those that couldn’t were practically humming with excitement the day a new student was introduced.

    There was one time, Jongin’s second year of high school, that he thought he had finally met his soulmate. A small boy that was just his age, perfectly coifed hair, nicely pressed uniform, walked into his classroom one morning, introduced as “Byun Baekhyun” by the teacher. Jongin didn’t know what color Baekhyun’s eyes were, but he was convinced they were beautiful regardless.

    Jongin was head over heels the minute he saw Baekhyun, but woke up the next morning and his sheets were still the same grey hue they had always been. He’d eaten breakfast very slowly and sadly that morning, his mother asking what was wrong.

    “I still see in black and white,” he had replied, and she’d just patted him on the head and said that one day he would see in color, and it would be the best day of his life. The problem was, Jongin wanted it to be that day.

    From then on, Jongin woke up the earliest he possibly could without it being an ungodly hour every time a new student was introduced, but he was always disappointed to see his world still colorless. Now, every time he sees someone new on campus, he just kind of lets the little pain in his chest pass by without affecting him too much. It won’t be them. It never is.

    It’s second semester, and Jongin has to sign up for new classes. He plans on taking at least one fun class, seeing as his first semester was much too dull for his already lackluster life.

    “Don’t seem so down, I’m sure you’ll meet some super hot guy at a party, wake up the next day with him beside you in bed, and be able to see what color hair he has and you’ll know it’s him,” Lu Han rambles on beside Jongin as they wait outside of their counselor’s office to register for classes.

    Jongin is only half-listening, more focused on which classes he’s going to pick. It might seem like a somewhat simple decision: just pick the classes that go with your major. But this is much more of an ordeal to Jongin. What if he doesn’t pick the right class, and misses his one chance at meeting his soulmate? He doesn’t want to be one of those people that he’s heard stories about that die without ever seeing color. They’re called soulmates for a reason; souls may be connected, but that doesn’t mean fate always plays nice. Jongin learned that the day he found out his father died. His mother told him later, when he was older, that the color literally drained from her vision until everything was black and white again. It just happened. It isn’t a little game like when you meet your soulmate and you have to figure out who it was the day before that you met, but a sudden punch to the gut that breaks your heart all at once. Fate is cruel, both in revealing love and taking it.

“Dude, just pick the classes you want. It’ll happen on its own,” Lu Han nudges Jongin out of his thoughts, walking into the office to leave his friend in the hall alone.

Jongin sighs. That’s easy for him to say.

~

He shouldn’t have picked this class.

Jongin really shouldn’t have picked this class.

It’s full of girls.

Jongin has known for quite a while that he is not, under any circumstances, attracted to women. And now that he has signed up for a poetry class and found himself the minority, he is sincerely regretting his decision. This wasn’t even a class where he was hoping to meet his soulmate. That’s what his four other classes had been for. He just needed a language credit and thought poetry would be easy.

Just when Jongin is about to tell the professor that there was a mix-up in his schedule and he really shouldn’t be in this class, in walks a boy, small and quiet and unassuming. Jongin stops himself from standing up.

His mother had told him that, besides being able to see in color, she had this undeniable feeling of everything being just right when she had met Jongin’s father. She said it was like she could already see in color, her eyes just didn’t know it yet.

Jongin might not know exactly what that feeling is like, but what he’s feeling right now seems pretty darn close. He sits himself back down, making sure seats on both sides of him are open just in case the boy decides he wants to sit beside Jongin.

He doesn’t, but Jongin supposes you can’t win all your battles.

Jongin doesn’t take his eyes off of the boy for the rest of class. It’s just the first class anyway; the only things he’s missing are the syllabus and rules. He can always ask one of the girls in the class what the professor said, since they all seem to be smitten with him (such is his luck).

The boy has darker hair from what Jongin can tell. Ever since That One Time Lu Han Dyed His Hair Blonde and it looked more white than black to Jongin, Jongin has been able to tell at least if someone’s hair is light or dark. And this boy’s hair is as black as the ink on Jongin’s paper, soft and fluffy and unstyled. His skin looks soft from what Jongin can see, his clothes simple (though Jongin can’t tell if they’re colorful or not). Unlike Jongin, who is otherwise preoccupied, the boy seems to be diligently listening to the professor and even scribbling a few notes down.

Jongin has to meet him.

Just after class is dismissed, Jongin tries to subtly make his way over to the boy, avoiding a majority of the girls on his way.

The boy is still packing up his few things when Jongin stops beside him in the small room, like he was on his own way out and happened to sit on the same row.

“Hi,” Jongin says, seeing as the boy hasn’t acknowledged Jongin’s presence yet.

The boy looks up at Jongin with large eyes and full lips (he’s quite a bit shorter, Jongin notes). “Um, hello. Do I know you?”

Good. Confirmation that they’ve never met. “No, I don’t think so,” Jongin smiles. “Just wanted to introduce myself, considering you’re the only other source of testosterone in this class.”

The boy lets a small smile slip onto his lips at that. Jongin counts it as a victory.

“I’m Jongin. Freshman.”

“Do Kyungsoo, Junior. It’s nice to meet you, Jongin,” Kyungsoo smiles, his lips forming into a kind of heart shape that Jongin kind of falls in love with.

“And you as well,” Jongin starts to follow Kyungsoo as he leaves the room, figuring that he has the time considering his next class doesn’t start for another hour. “So do you live on campus?”

“Yeah, I’m not from around here, so I don’t really have anywhere else to stay. I’ve never had anyone to split apartment rent with, either,” Kyungsoo replies, heading to what Jongin assumes is his hall.

“Well you didn’t miss much,” Jongin says, keeping pace with Kyungsoo’s slightly faster gait. Jongin is used to a more relaxed pace, but he supposes he can move a little faster. In the name of possible-soulmate-ship. “There’s not much around here anyway. You’ve seen it once, you’ve seen it a million times.”

Kyungsoo hums. “Well I guess that’s good for me then, because I haven’t even seen it once.”

“What do you mean? Haven’t you been here for like three years?” Jongin asks. If Kyungsoo is a Junior, he should have lived here for at least three years. Jongin may not be good at math, but he’s pretty sure he’s right on this one.

“I transferred just this year. So I’m new,” Kyungsoo replies.

“Oh,” Jongin supposes that makes sense. But why would someone want to transfer to this small town from... anywhere? “Well if you ever need a tour guide, you should ask me because I’m free and you’ll pay some old guy way too much money to tell you things that everyone already knows if you get, like, an actual tour guide.”

Kyungsoo laughs. He has perfect teeth. “Thanks for the offer. I might take you up on it some time.”

Jongin smiles. Another victory.

~

Throughout the rest of his day, Jongin refuses to meet anyone new. If he even as much as sees someone he doesn’t recognize, he avoids them like the plague. He can’t have any mix ups if Kyungsoo does end up being his soulmate. He also crashes at Lu Han’s place since he has an off campus apartment, that way Jongin won’t run into any new transfers. He’s already met a majority of the people in Lu Han’s apartment complex, most of them ahjummas anyway.

“Are you for real?” Lu Han asks as Jongin’s making himself comfortable on the couch, just in time to watch the new episode of a drama he’s been following.

“As real as the dirty clothes on your floor,” Jongin responds, expecting the pillow he gets to his face in return.

“You’re unbelievable,” Lu Han mumbles, stalking off to the kitchen to grab what Jongin supposes is a beer.

Jongin hollers so Lu Han can hear him. “At least I won’t be confused as to who my soulmate is!”

“Then I hope he’s not your soulmate!” Lu Han yells back, the fridge slamming after him.

Jongin just laughs; he knows that Lu Han doesn’t mean it. Lu Han’s the one who has kept him going this whole time, even after everyone in Jongin’s homeroom in high school could see in color. Jongin watches his drama, horrified at the unfolding of events. He could have sworn the two main characters would end up together.

But the whole time, though interested in his drama, there was an undeniable twisting in Jongin’s gut. What if Kyungsoo really wasn’t his soulmate? Jongin doesn’t think he could get over that one. If Kyungsoo wasn’t his soulmate, Jongin would be convinced that he’s doomed to live his life alone forever. And he doesn’t even know if Kyungsoo can see in color or not yet, either. What if he’s getting his hopes up for nothing?

Jongin eventually falls asleep, despite the churning in his stomach and the worry swelling in his chest. He sets his alarm for 5:30 AM.

~

    “What color is my shirt?”

    “How am I supposed to know?”

    “Oh, right,” Lu Han pours another cup of coffee for Jongin, adding in exactly three teaspoons of sugar, just how Jongin likes his coffee. Lu Han tries to tell him it’s too sweet, but Jongin insists that Lu Han’s lucky he doesn’t use five teaspoons full.

    “But, oh my god, it doesn’t even matter,” Jongin says, leaving his coffee on the counter in front of him. “It doesn’t matter what color it is, because it is a color. It’s not black, it’s not white, and it isn’t grey.”

    Lu Han smiles.

    “I can see in color,” Jongin stares at his coffee swirling in his mug. It’s lighter than black, but not exactly grey.

    Lu Han’s grin is face-splitting. “That is brown. And my shirt is green.”

    “I feel like I’m back in primary school,” Jongin says, but there’s no complaining tone to his voice. He’s just so amazed and excited with every other good emotion that is possible pumping through his body, making his heart thrum with anticipation.

    “Poetry class starts in fifteen minutes, you better high-tail it out of here,” Lu Han reminds him.

    Jongin showers in record time, picks out clothes that match for once (out of Lu Han’s closet; most of Jongin’s clothes are monochromatic), with Lu Han’s help of course, and is out the door with five minutes to spare.

    Jongin tries not to be amazed at the vibrant world around him because he only has three minutes to get to his class on time -- to get to Kyungsoo on time.

    Jongin runs into class with one minute left, the professor giving him a disapproving look, but nevertheless checking his name off on the roster. He’s feeling a bit daring, so he picks a seat right behind Kyungsoo. The elder doesn’t seem to notice, which is better for Jongin’s spying agenda.

    Kyungsoo does, indeed, have black hair, and it is still as black as ink, even in Jongin’s colorful world. His clothes today are also simple, and the colors are not bright. Actually, they’re mostly black and white. Jongin’s heart falls a bit at that, but he brushes it off easily. The rest of the world is still full of color, and he can still appreciate that. Plus, Kyungsoo might be like Jongin and have a mostly monochromatic wardrobe since he has never been able to see in color. Until today, that is.

    Jongin has never had two hours of his life pass so slowly. He needs to find out if Kyungsoo woke up this morning seeing in color. He can’t focus on whatever the professor is saying, probably something about feminist poetry by some American woman fifty years ago. Honestly, he doesn’t care right now. He might later, but right now, his priorities lie elsewhere.

    Finally, the class is dismissed, and Jongin packs up just that much quicker than Kyungsoo so he can be making his way past Kyungsoo just as the other is pulling his bookbag onto his shoulders. His timing is perfect.

    “Hey,” Jongin greets, staring probably a bit too much at Kyungsoo’s lips, which are a lovely pink color that Jongin compares to the color of Lu Han’s coffee mug (one of the many pink things that belong to Lu Han; it’s the only reason Jongin already knows what pink looks like).

    Kyungsoo looks up a few moments later, seemingly not focused on Jongin. “Hey,” he says, staring at Jongin’s shirt.

    Jongin purses his lips. “Everything okay? You seem kind of out of it.”

    Kyungsoo nods, but it seems more like he was shaking thoughts from his head rather than just replying to Jongin. “Yeah, I’m fine. Thanks for asking,” Kyungsoo begins walking out of the room, Jongin right on his heels.

    “Hey, can I ask you something?” Jongin asks, clenching his fists, knowing that his palms are sweating.

    “That depends. If it’s personal, I probably won’t answer considering we just met yesterday,” Kyungsoo replies, and Jongin supposes he appreciates the honesty.

    He forces a laugh and clears his throat. “I was just going to ask if my outfit matches? I let my friend pick it out and his fashion sense can be a bit, um, different.”

    Kyungsoo glances at Jongin’s whole outfit, taking no more than a second. “I suppose. I’m kind of new to this whole color thing.”

    Jongin gapes. “Like, how new? If that’s not too personal of a question,” His heart is beating so loud in his chest he’s almost positive Kyungsoo can hear it.

    “Oh, well, I woke up this morning and found out that none of the socks in my drawer matched.”

    Jongin smiles so wide he’s afraid he looks mad. “That’s great.”

    Kyungsoo gives him a confused look. “How are mismatched socks great?”

    “No! I mean, the fact that you can see color is great. Like, really great,” Jongin says nervously. He’s practically shaking.

    “Yeah, I guess.”

    “You guess? What? Are you confused who it is?” Jongin asks, probably a bit too quickly, but he just can’t help it. He has to know for sure that Kyungsoo is it.

    Kyungsoo clears his throat. “Not-- I mean, no. I just...”

    Jongin waits not-so-patiently for Kyungsoo to get his words out. He feels like his chest is going to either explode or collapse. He can’t really tell if the pressure in his chest is building or crushing him.

    Just then, Kyungsoo stops walking. He’s gripping the straps of his bookbag so hard his knuckles are white. “You are the only new person I actually met yesterday. Well, I mean besides my advisor and my eighty-something-year-old math professor. So... I guess...”

Jongin just smiles. And at that moment, his world is brighter than it has ever been.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

yes! updates!! omg i love writing semi-confident jongin. like i feel like he might be really shy irl so this is great for me.

anyway~ as you can see, this is not the end of the story!! this is an au that i will continue to write in, so look forward to more!

oh, and titles will all be colors, based on the main emotion of the chapter. ofc red is for love/infatuation~

hope you all enjoy c: