Baekhyun is caught somewhere between what is truth and what is lie, unable to differentiate between reality and something more like a dream.  There are days he startles from sleep mind hazy from the remaining wisps of dream and isn't all that certain if Kyungsoo hates him in this reality or not. Feeling like he leads multiple lives he floats around his own subconscious trying to find answers to questions he doesn't even have.

 

There is a mass of words stuck to the tip of tongue, attached tightly enough that he can't quite shake them loose.  They get warbled in the back of his throat sometimes as well, stuck in saliva and tonsil and warped by fear.  He lacks a sense of courage when it comes to dream vs reality - words remain locked behind too loud laughter, forced smiles and pinched eye lids.  He stares at the world through monochrome glasses and wonders if he's really missing anything at all.  Colors flash by in blurring lines but all he sees are the shadows of all the inbetweens; black and white and shades of grey.

 

Kyungsoo is sharp words and sometimes angry fingers that slap and pinch and scratch across the surface of delicate skin,  they leave marks in their wake, a skattering of purple bruises and bright red welts.   But he's also feather soft kisses and sparkling eyes and raspy murmur of long declarations that vibrate along the curve of ear, warm fingers curling around stray strands of hair and twirling. He’s strength that’s so astounding Baekhyun forgets himself sometimes and just stares, so in awe of Kyungsoo’s abilities.  Kyungsoo is a series of differents and sames - he is someone else and also himself.  He is someone that Baekhyun both does and does not recognize each time he opens his eyes, hurling into another world, another dimension, another life where Kyungsoo always exists, but isn’t always his. 

 

Baekhyun gets lost between the reals and falses, heres and theres, dreams and nightmares.  Forms fade into others, words drifting from sweet to vicious to endearing in the span of seconds. Love is hate is like is adoration is desire is malice; all the emotions whirling together and ripping through Baekhyun repeatedly.  He tries to grasp at anything, tries to bring things with him, leave pieces behind when he goes - but it doesn’t work that way.  Because Baekhyun is and isn’t himself every time he wakes. 

 

Baekhyun knows he's losing his mind, perhaps he lost it long ago - maybe he lost his life entirely and he's simply stuck in his own personal hell forced to live for eternity wondering what's real, what's false and if he's even still breathing.  It's possible he's not real.  He could be buried six feet under and now just wasting away forced to spend a lifetime in this middle ground,  this permanent hell, never even knowing.   He wonders occasionally if he really is a danger to anyone, but mostly he thinks he’s really only dangerous to himself.  His own worst enemy is the person staring back at him in the mirror, every reflected surface shows a picture of him that doesn’t always match the image in his mind he expects to see. 

 

Life is a cruel fate.  Its more tragedy than anything else.  And Baekhyun walks the line closely, dangling himself over the pipping pit of despair and travesty and hopelessness.  Toes dipping into molten lava before he's snapped back into a possible reality,  one of his favorites - the one where Kyungsoo smiles prettily at him and laughs at words he doesn't understand and links warm fingers through his own slightly chilled ones. 

 

Kyungsoo in reality A is sweet and squishy,  he likes Bakehyun and Baekhyun likes him best.  This is the reality Baekhyun never wants to leave. But it's the one he's pulled from the most, while he visits it often as well, he spends much of his time outside of A grappling for a way to get back to that Kyungsoo.  When he wakes outside of A, there is a sense of anxiety and anger that settles into his stomach, but mostly he’s just overcome and overwhelmed with fear.  Terrified to move or talk or even open his eyes sometimes. 

 

 

Baekhyun comes to sluggishly,  eyes heavy and limbs stiff.  There's a lot of white and harsh lights that burn into his retina.   Reality Z, he knows it before he comes into full consciousness - its neither his favorite nor his least favorite reality.  He's surrounded by white walls here, padded surfaces to keep him safe from the world but he's not safe from himself here.  Kyungsoo is a nurse in this reality.  They aren't friends or lovers or related.   They don't even really talk because Baekhyun is incapable of forming words through liquid medicine that leaves him floating on the edges of alertness and pulling him under towards the current of oblivion.  

  He never lasts long in Reality Z, because his medicine has been upped to the most potent dose to keep him under, to keep him asleep.  Because Baekhyun has tried to throw himself from 10 buildings, 3 bridges, in front of 4 cars and 2 buses and even a handful of bicycles.  This Baekhyun is depressed and sad and alone, he’s terrified of life and everything outside the pure white walls of his place.  He’s scratched his arms raw and screamed his throat dry, he’s cried and sobbed and begged for it to end so many times that the words are robotic when he manages them at all.     So he’s swimming in drugs and pain and all the self-loathing, the hatred of himself, the memories of all the pain he’s caused or been through or witnessed shuffles to the front of his mind.  Bonds around his wrist explained away by the memory of stabbing himself with a sharpened plastic spoon two days ago.  His mind is full of hazy watered down images out of order and jumbled together.  He's just getting a grasp of himself when his eyes close again and there is just blank darkness.     Suddenly he's startled into another reality by a painful tug on his wrist, too strong fingers digging into flesh and bone no longer strapped to a bed.  

He sits up rubbing at blurry eyes with his free hand.  Blinking too slowly Kyungsoo comes into focus.  He knows by the grip,  the inhuman strength behind the delicate fingers, that this is Reality M. Another world vastly different from every other reality,  he's covered in sweat and slowly comes to realize that his entire body is shaking.   Kyungsoo is looking at him with emotion blown eyes, so many swirling colors in their depth that Baekhyun gets dizzy before he forces himself to look away.  There is a tickle in the back of his throat before he starts coughing and hacking, body shivering as Kyungsoo pats a little too hard against his back.  There will be a bruise there, but it will fade as quickly as this reality when he moves on to his next plane of existence. 

 

There is a sound in the distance a crackling hum and then a pop. Kai. He is in this realit