Maybe it’s because Chanyeol’s stupid laugh Baekhyun hates. Maybe because Chanyeol being loud and dork that Baekhyun couldn’t help it. Maybe it’s because Chanyeol’s awkwardness in soothing Baekhyun when he was upset that makes him want to be around Chanyeol.

 

Or maybe because it’s Chanyeol that Bakehyun fell for him.

 

“Baekhyun you’re spacing out again.” Jongdae waved his hand in front of Baekhyun’s face. They are in library right now, studying—not really studying just picking some random books and reading it—in past three days, Baekhyun had spent more times with Jongdae than his own roommate, Park Chanyeol.

 

“I’m not.” He sighed, eyes traveling down to the book on the table. It’s a novel he was reading, already through the half of the book yet he doesn’t understand the story at all.

 

“Psh, yeah.” Jongdae scoffed.

 

“Jongdae.. Can I stay at your place tonight?” Baekhyun asked, fumbling with the paper of the book. He bit his lip, one of his nervous habit.

 

“You’re not going to avoid Chanyeol, Baekhyun. So no.” The latter thinned his pretty lips and gave Baekhyun a look. Just a look to tell Baekhyun to face the reality and move on.

 

“I’m not!” Baekhyun protest, eyes narrowing looking at his friend, “I need help with my building design and you’re the right person.”

 

“Just tell me.”

 

Baekhyun look at Jongdae for a couple seconds before he finally slumped to the table and huffed, “Kyungsoo is visiting Chanyeol tonight.”

 

“And you need an escape..” Jongdae nodded, knowing the situation pretty damn well.

 

Baekhyun stayed quiet. Maybe this is his fault. Having Chanyeol as his crush since middle school, yet he didn’t have the courage to tell Chanyeol the truth. He gave Chanyeol some hints but Chanyeol was being his usual self, dumb.

 

It was in highschool when Baekhyun realize that his feelings for Chanyeol would never be returned. Exactly the second year of high school Chanyeol confessed to Baekhyun that he likes Do Kyungsoo, a small cute and shy boy transferred from Japan.

 

That was when Chanyeol starting to talk about Kyungsoo almost every day, Baekhyun became sick of it. But he stayed with Chanyeol. He didn’t want to lose Chanyeol.

 

So he thought he would be fine even when he was just a side watcher.

 

That he would never be able to be the main character of his own movie.

-

 

 

“Baek, Kyungsoo and I are going to have a dinner tonight, do you want to come?” Chanyeol asked while munching chips he just bought later this morning. Baekhyun who was just came out from the bathroom shook his head.

 

Date.

 

“Nah, you two just enjoy your date. Don’t wanna be third wheel and seeing you two disgustingly all lovey dovey.” He scrunched his face, mocking Chanyeol.

 

I mean it

 

“Good then. It is a date anyway, I won’t let a midget like you to ruin my date.” He laughed as he threw a chip and hitting Baekhyun’s head. The smaller whined.

 

Wow that hurts. Really.

 

“Yah! Kyungsoo is even shorter than me!” He threw his wet towel to the taller’s face. The taller grunt in response but Baekhyun laughed.

 

“He is cuter.” Chanyeol stick his tongue childishly. “Won’t you miss me? You’ll be lonely, poor Baek.” He pretend a sad face and reached his arm to pat Baekhyun’s head. Which Baekhyun maneuvered and slapped Chanyeol’s hand instead.

 

He is more everything than me. Yes. I know it. And wow that’s ironic when you describe how I really feel.

 

“Ew no. I’ll go to Jongae’s place tonight anyway.” He shrugged.

 

-

 

“Jongdae..”

 

Jongdae saw Baekhyun when he opened the door. Baekhyun was looking like a dejected puppy, eyes downcast and almost sobbing.

 

It hurts to see Baekhyun like that

 

“Come here.” He pulled Baekhyun inside his room and closed the door.

 

-

 

Days had passed with Baekhyun and Chanyeol spend less and less time together.

 

Chanyeol was busy with his study—he was serious in getting his MD degree—and also busy with Kyungsoo. Two months of their relationship seems to be warm and all fluffy and whatnot.

 

With Baekhyun, well he tried his best not to see Chanyeol. Not to encounter things they used to do back then. They didn’t spend time playing xBox and whining for losing. Bakehyun avoid deep talks and it change with some light chats. Asking how’s school, how’s project and stuff.

 

Baekhyun even spend more time with Jongdae. Often having sleepover and almost practically living with Jongdae. He even have quarter of his stuffs at Jongdae’s.

 

Somehow Chanyeol felt dejected

 

“Baek, I’m jealous.” He mumbled one night, just before they both fell asleep. The room was dark and both of them already in their own bed.

 

Bakehyun didn’t response, he wasn’t asleep yet. He has the blanket covering half of his face as he staring on the ceiling.

 

“Baek I know you’re awake..”

 

“Hmm..”

 

“You’re spending too much time with Jongdae.” Baekhyun could hear Chanyeol was pouting when he speak.

 

It hurts

 

“So what?” Baekhyun replied with a tired tone.

 

“You should spend time with me too.” Baehyun heard Chanyeol was shifting on his bed, probably facing Baekhyun’s side right now.

 

“I thought Kyungsoo was enough.” He didn’t want to sound like he was jealous but heck a stupid person would know straight away that Baekhyun is jealous.

 

But Chanyeol is an idiot.

 

“It’s different! He is my boyfriend, and you’re my best friend. It’s totally different.”

 

Yeah I know

 

“I don’t like Jongdae anyway..” he mumbled.

 

“Why. He is my best friend, you’re rude, Chanyeol.” He didn’t mean it but it sound harsh.

 

“I thought I am your best friend?” He could hear Chanyeol sat on his bed, totally puzzled.

 

“That doesn’t mean I can’t have another best friend, Chanyeol.” Baekhyun sighed, he turned his boy and now back facing Chanyeol. “You’re selfish..”

 

There was no response. Baekhyun felt his heart broke into pieces for the nth time since forever. He couldn’t help it. He just hates it. He hates everything. He hates himself, he hates Chanyeol.

 

I am the selfish one

 

He didn’t know since when but he felt his cheek was wet. He was crying in silent.

 

He felt the bed dip sue to someone’s weight. Suddenly he felt a pair of warm and muscular arms around his small figure. He can even feel the warm chest on his back. They used to sleep together like this, but it’s different right now. Baekhyun don’t want this.

 

“Chanyeol go away.” His voice was muffled by his hand. Chanyeol was hugging him and rest his chin on top of Baekhyun’s head. Baekhyun was trying so hard to get away from Chanyeol but he failed.

 

“No. I want to sleep here.” His deep voice was stern. Baekhyun lost his power all of sudden. He lost to Chanyeol. Chanyeol always win. He hates it.

 

“Please..” Baekhyun sobbed.

 

Chanyeol kissed the top of Baekhyun’s head.

 

“I don’t know why but I have this feeling to apologize to you. Baek, whatever it is, I’m sorry.” He whispered. Baekhyun heart hurts, how can Chanyeol say sorry when the problem was Baekhyun. “Please don’t cry..”

 

Baekhyun hates Chanyeol.

-

The next day, and the day after, Baekhyun didn’t utter a single word to Chanyeol.

 

The taller seemed to feel guilty as well but he tried to speak to Baekhyun. Baekhyun just answer things Chanyeol ask with a simple yes or no and nothing else.

 

-

 

They drifted apart.

 

One Friday evening, Baekhyun just went inside their shared dorm when his eyes fell to a tall boy’s figure sitting on his bed.

 

The taller looked up and grinned sheepishly.

 

“Kyungsoo canceled the date. Want to play video games?”

 

Baekhyun didn’t say a word at first.

 

But he nodded and gave him a small smile.

 

-

 

“Yeah? How about next Tuesday? You can’t? Oh.. okay, that’s okay baby. Alright, love you too.” Chanyeol’s smile fade as he put down his phone to his table.

 

Baekhyun looked at him from his bed.

 

“Chanyeol you okay?” his head tilted a bit as his glasses slide down a bit from the bridge of his nose.

 

Chanyeol just smiled, “I’m fine.”

-

 

Two days after, Baekhyun found someone knock on their dorm room. When he opened the door, he didn’t expect to see Chanyeol standing there, shoulder slumped and head hang low.

 

He looked depressed.

 

“Baek.. Kyungsoo broke up with me..”

 

Baekhyun hug Chanyeol.

-

 

 Baekhyun came across a poster on wall magazine the next day. There was written ‘Annual Festival’ of their university.

 

Baekhyun was deep in thought.

 

-

 

The university’s lawn was crowded. The university’s annual festival was being held and most of the students were there to celebrate. Lots and lots of food and other attraction. Basically just like amusment park—except for the ferris wheel and roller coaster and all big rides—being moved to their university.

 

A tall boy was walking around aimlessly looking like a zombie. Breaking up with Kyungsoo was like a slap across his face. All of sudden, humiliating, Kyungsoo said with the reason because Chanyeol was too weird.

 

That hurts

 

He didn’t even know why he was here at the first place. But Baekhyun told him to come to the festival and Baekhyun will be there.

 

He couldn’t say no after Baekhyun begged and sent him his puppy eyes.

 

He came across lots and lots of food and games tent yet he haven’t found Baekhyun. He was getting tired and about to walk away from that place but then he saw a big brown head that looked really familiar.

 

Mr. Rillakumma

 

Chanyeol squinted his gaze, making sure that it was a big rillakuma costume with rillakumma head held lollipops for the passerby. He was standing in front of candy tent. Chanyeol can’t believe his eyes. The long gone Mr. Rillakumma is in front of him, giving away cadies to people. Chanyeol walked closer.

 

“Mr. Rillkaumma?” He asked, the rillakumma turned to face him. The rillakuma threw his arms on the air as he hugged Chanyeol.

 

“Wow you are! Where have you been?” Chanyeol’s mood flipped one eighty degrees seeing the rillakumma. The rillakumma just patted Chanyeol’s back.

 

“Serously,” Chanyeol pulled back, eyes arrowing, “Why did you leave suddenly? I was about to introduce you to my friend and to my boyf—I mean..” he sighed.

 

The rillakumma seemed to understand, he hand Chanyeol a lollipop and do a stupid dance to make Chanyeol laugh.

 

Which he did and it’s a good sign.

-

 

They sat under the three, where Chanyeol told the rillakumma about all of things happened after Mr. Rillakumma left. When he confessed to Kyungsoo until when Kyungsoo broke up with him. He even told Mr. Kumma that he made his best friend sad and how much he felt guilty about that.

 

“Where’s Baekhyun?” He mumbled, it’s getting to be dark soon and Baekhyun wasn’t here yet, he wanted to introduce baekhyun to Mr. Kumma so badly.

 

Mr. Kumma pulled the sleeve of Chanyeol’s shirt to get the taller’s attention. Chanyeol looked at him—the rillakumma head—and raised his brows.

 

The rillakumma made gestures meaning that he had to go. Chanyeol pouted and whined.

 

“You need to go? Right now? But you haven’t meet Baekhyun!”

 

The Kumma clasped his hands together, meaning sorry. He stood up, followed by Chanyeol. Mr. Kumma shrugged as he hugged Chanyeol goodbye. Chanyeol didn’t know why but it was comfortable, hugging Mr. Kumma. And somehow it felt familiar.

 

Must be because of the costume.

 

Mr. Kumma bid his goodbye.

 

Chanyeol was feeling sad somehow.

-

 

That night, Chanyeol was talking about Mr. Kumma to Baekhyun. Baekhyun was baing scolded by Chanyeol too because he didn’t show up at the festival.

 

Baekhyun just grinned and said sorry and made some excuses.

 

Before going to bed, Baekhyun didn’t forget to send Jongdae a message.

 

To: Jongdae

Thanks for saving the costume (: I owe you

-

 

Baekhyun was happy that Chanyeol’s mood change after meeting Mr. Kumma.

 

-

 

It’s May 6^th and Baekhyun was excited.

Their little group, meaning him, Chanyeol, Jongdae, Kris from international law department and some of their old friends held a party at one of local bar at 8PM.

 

It’s already eight thirty

 

Chanyeol wasn’t there yet

 

“Baek? You sure he’ll come?” Jongdae nervously asked with drink on his hand.

 

Baekhyun nervously chew his bottom lip while dialing Chanyeol’s number.

 

“He said he’ll come. He went this afternoon saying that he have something to deal with..” he mumbled.

 

‘The number you’re calling is not active or-‘

 

“Chanyeol please.. you promised..” Baekhyun mumbled, tapping the table with his fingers.

-

“Come on Baek, dance a bit! When you’re getting old you won’t be able to go to club like this.” Junmyeon, one of his old friend offered when he went to the table where Baekhyun sat to get more beer.

 

Baekhyun just smiled, “You enjoy it, old gramps.”

 

“Tsk, you brat.” He smiled and went back to the dancing floor.

 

Baekhyun held his phone in his hands.

 

He read the message once again.

 

From: Chanyeol

I’m sorry Baek, I’ll be right there. Kyungsoo needs me right now.
I’m sorry

 

-

 

Bekhyun ended up being wasted in the club.

 

He drank every strong drinks exist there.

 

He hates this.

 

He knew that Chanyeol would never be his.

 

Let’s just be wild for a night, shall we?

-

 

The streets were empty, the weather was cold and a boy was pinned on the wall by other male.

 

“Y-yes.. “ Bakehyun moaned when the guy in front of him on his neck harshly, groping all of sensitive part of his body. His head lolled back when the man massage his .

 

He grinds harshly against the other’s leather pants, seeking for friction. With the amount of alcohol in his system, no way he’d be sober. He just want to be sinful for tonight.

 

He hates of being nice

 

When the male in front of him about to pulled the zipper of Baekhyun’s pants, he was being peeled off Baekhyun. Baekhyun groaned as he fell to the floor and trying to open his eyes. All of he heard was the man grunts and yell and lots of beating sound.

 

“The who are you- !” The other figure kicked the male’s stomach.

 

“ off!” He pulled the male and shoved him to the street.

 

Somehow the voice seemed familiar.

 

“Baekhyun..”

 

Baekhyun opened one of his eyes and chuckled, his leather jacket almost fell off his shoulder and his shirt nearly ripped. His hair was a mess and there was no nice Baekhyun.

 

“Is that you Chanyeol?” he chuckled.

 

Chanyeol didn’t say a word, he pulled Baekhyun’s jacket to cover his body and picked him up, Bakehyun on his shoulder. The smaller was kicking and hitting and shouting, telling the taller to get him off.

 

“Chanyeol you jerk! Let me go!” He hit Chanyeol’s back. When the taller didn’t budge, he bit Chanyeol’s ear. The giant grunted and finally put him to the ground.

 

“What the hell?!”

 

“You what the hell!” Baekhyun pointed at Chanyeol. Despite his wobbly situation, he managed to stood and eyeing Chanyeol. Eyes already glossy and ready to burst into tears in any minute.

 

“You liar! You said you’d come! You said you’ll be there!” Baekhyun yelled, fists on besides his trembling body. “I hate you! I hate you for being so clueless! I hate you being hurted! I hate you for making me fell for you!”He hit Chanyeol’s chest wildly.

 

Chanyeol just stood there, looking at Baekhyun, not knowing what to do.

 

“Baekhyun..”

 

“You know what?! You were so in love with that Kyungsoo boy back there and I didn’t have the gut to confess to you! I thought by always be there for you will at least make me happy… but I was wrong! I’m not happy.. I’m not happy at all!” He wiped his tears on his cheeks harshly.

 

“Maybe this is not your fault.. maybe just because I am a coward.. for being stupid and bbeing a pathetic boy, longing for the one he love to come to him and love him back… but he can’t…”

 

Chanyeol pulled Baekhyun into a hug and let Baekhyu cry on his chest. His shirt was already drenched with Baekhyun’s tears.

 

“Baekhyun I’m sorry.. I’m sorry..” He whispered.

 

“I hate you..” he hit Chanyeol’s chest weakly, “I ing hate you..” he sobbed.

 

Chanyeol can’t stand seeing Baekhyun like this. He honestly didn’t understand what is happening. Things happened all too fast, his head hurts, he can’t process all of it.

 

“Baekhyun!” another voice was heard from the club exit. Chanyeol could see it was Jongdae. Baekhyun suddenly pulled back and ran to Jongdae. He hugged the other boy while still crying.

 

“Baekhyun..” Chanyeol called, hands hanging awkwardly in the air.

 

“Just go away Chanyeol.” Jongdae said, his eyes were piercing Chanyeol’s soul. “You’ve hurt him enough.” With that, Jongdae pulled Baekhyun back inside the club.

 

Chanyeol left there.

 

Alone.

-

 

“If this not because of Baekhyun I’d beat the out of you, Park Chanyeol.” Jongdae hissed.

 

The two male sat on the nearest bench at the nearest park. Baekhyun was already in Jongdae’s place. Jongdae was living alone in a house his parents gave just outside the university local.  Chanyeol just looking out the street.

 

“So you say..”

 

“Yes. That Mr. Rillakumma you really love was Baekhyun. He knew you love rillakumma and he just want to be close to you. At least before you were together with Kyungsoo.” He sighed, “Look. BAekhyun never really good expressing his feelings..”

 

“I know that..”

 

“You know, every time he went to my place, either he was crying or almost crying. I have to admit that he was stupid.. just crying over.. psh this guy.”

 

“Geez thanks.” Chanyeol let out a bitter laugh, “I am a jerk am I?”

 

“Yes. And you’re going to fix this.” Jongdae said last time as he stood up and walk away from Chanyeol.

 

-

 

Chanyeol couldn’t sleep last night. He couldn’t even close his eyes because Baekhyun’s crying face would always appear every time he close his eyes.

 

Now he stood in front of Jongdae’s house. Face looking like but he didn’t care. He just want to see Baekhyun right now and confirm everything.

 

He pressed the bell on the left of the door and after multiple seconds, the door slowly opened. Revealing Jongdae in his tee.  

 

“Uh.. can I see Baekhyun?” he asked, eyes full of expectation. Jongdae was eyeing him, uncertain whether should allow Chanyeol to meet Baekhyun or not. After some seconds, he opened the door wide and let Chanyeol in.

 

“He’s upstairs, second door to the left. He had been awake when I check on him but I guess he fell asleep again now.” Jongdae said, disappearing to the kitchen.

 

Chanyeol nodded and took a step to the stairs. When he arrived upstairs, he instantly turned left and looked at the second door. He took a deep breath before he opened the door slowly, careful if Baekhyun might still sleeping.

 

When he went inside the room, he could see a human size lump in the bed, with thick blanket cocooned the small boy Chanyeol knew it was Baekhyun.

 

Ha carefully walked to the bed and sit on the edge of the bed. He could hear Baekhyun’s steady breath. Baekhyun’s head was popped out from the cocoon and it was the cutest thing Chanyeol ever seen.

 

The trace of tears were visible on Baekhyun’s cheeks. Chanyeol felt a pang of guilty on his chest. He couldn’t help but to trace the line of the tears with his thumb. He broke Baekhyun, the vurnerable Baekhyun he promised to protect since they were a child.

 

The smaller scrunched his face feeling the ticklish sensation on his cheeks. He snuggled up closer to the pillow. Chanyeol sighed.

 

“Baekhyun I’m sorry..” He kissed the smaller’s cheek.

 

Baekhyn’s eyelids flutters open hearing the deep voice of Chanyeol. Baekhyun frowned and scrunched his nose cutely before he finally opened both of his eyes. After he adjusted to the light, his eyes widened, he suddenly sat up and backing to the headboard.

 

“Chanyeol?” He said, a bit puzzled and shocked, “What are you doing here?” somehow, his eyes were getting watery again.

 

“I want to commit my stupidity, Baekhyun..” He sighed, he took Baekhyun’s hand on his, “I know everything now.. I’ sorry I was an insensitive jerk back then.. I didn’t realize that you like me.. I didn’t even realize that you’re that Rillakumma boy.. I didn’t even realize that.. I like you.”

 

Baekhyun pulled his hand back, “No, Chanyeol. You didn’t understand and you still don’t understand any of it..” he sighed, trying not to cry. “You don’t like me..”

 

He laughed bitterly, “Yeah I thought so too. But I realized that I liked Kyungsoo because he pretty much looked like you. Small and delicate and I just came up with the urge to protect him. I was just in my denial, I didn’t want to admit that I like you more than friend. So I picked Kyungsoo..”

 

“And because Kyungsoo was cuter than me..” Baekhyun mumbled.

 

“No. Baekhyun. He is not. He is cute but you’re more. Your pure heart, your smile.. it’s different and nothing can compare you.”

 

Baekhyun scoffed, “Wow you sounds like a sweet talker. Better be a con artist, Chanyeol.”

 

“Baekhyun. Please. I realized that it’s not Kyungsoo I want, it’s you. Bu I was too stupid t realize it, okay? Now call me jerk, bastard, er, whatever you want to call me but please, at least give me a chance..” He pleaded, he held Baekhyun’s hand again, “Please..”

 

Baekhyun’s tears fell.

 

He jumped to Chanyeol, hugged him and buried his head to Chanyeol’s neck.

 

“I can’t hate you..” He sobbed, “And I hate myself for that.”

 

Chanyeol rubbed Baekhyun’s back and whispering him some calming words. Baekhyun was still sobbing on Chanyeol’s neck. Chanyeol pulled away to look at Baekhyun. The smaller’s eyes were puffy, and his nose was red. He brought his hand to Baekhyun’s cheek to wipe the tears away.

 

“I’m sorry..” He said, he kissed the tears away, “Please don’t cry.. I won’t let you cry ever again..”

 

Canyeol lift Baekhyun’s chin and landed his lips on Baekhyun’s. It was brief, it was fast, it was sweet.

 

“Just promise me you’ll never break my heart ever again..” Baekhyun mumbled on Chanyeol’s lips.

 

Chanyeol smiled

 

“I won’t.”

 

And Baekhyun let his lips captured again by Chanyeol’s.

 

-

 

November 27th

 

"Is Baekhyun taking a revenge on me? where is heeeeeeee." Chanyeol slammed his head to the table. It was in a cafe and it was also Chanyeol's birthday. they set a small party at the nearrby cafe for the giant.

 

Jongdae hit Chanyeol's head.

 

"The hell?" Chanyeol hissed in pain.

 

"He is not that kind of jerk you idiot." He narrowed his eyes and back eye- the cute barista with bun-like cheeks.

 

Chanyeol pouted. he looked at his watch and back to the door of the cafe. Minutes later, he slammed his head to the table again.

 

Ring

 

The doorbell of the cafe was heard, Chanyeol was still deep in thought.

 

"You hired a Rillakumma?" Kris voice was heard, puzzled.

 

Chanyeol frantically sat up with a  big grin accross his face.

 

"Mr. Kumma!" he beamed. The rillakumma waved his hand shyly and walked to Chanyeol. Chanyeol stood up and hugged the Kumma.

 

"You come! I thought you'll take a revenge on me." He pouted, but he felt the Rillakumma jabbed his stomach.

 

"Ouch!" Chanyeol hissed while he laughed. He held both Kumma's shoulders and he carefully pulled the Kumma's head.

 

A brunette haired boy was smiling shyly as he tried to cover his face with his costume-covered hands.

 

"Aww Baekhyun you're too cute stop it or I'll bite you." Chanyeol laughed, as he pulled Baekhyun's hands away.

 

"Oww ~" Kris sang at the background. Chanyeol shot him a glare.

 

Chanyeol softly put his palm on Baekhyun's cheek and hed it gently. Baekhyun looked up at Chanyeol with his brown innocent orbs.

 

"Happy birthday, Chanyeol." He said, smiling.

 

"Thankyou, Mr. Baekkumma." he smiled back and he put his lips on Baekhyun's tenderly.

 

 

 

Mr. Baekkumma

---

 

I didn't check anything

I can't even.