~             Your POV             ~

3:54am.

You sighed as you got up from the couch and wrapped your silk robe around you. He wasn’t coming home again. You turned off the T.V. and walked to your room. Maybe it was good that he wasn’t home right now. When he was, there would be nothing but insults and sarcastic words thrown at each other through gritted teeth. It wasn’t always like that though. You two definitely loved each other. Everyone would always point out how such a wonderful couple you two were. After 3 years, he had proposed to you in the most ridiculously perfect way possible, having scared you to death as he came flying out of the plane that had spelled out “You have no other option than to say yes.”. He had worn a tuxedo, and immediately pulled out a red velvet box as he knelt down in front of you. You said yes, and hugged him while smacking him on the chest once as you told him what an idiot he was. He laughed it off, screamed out “I’m getting married!” and pulled you into a hug, as the people around you in the huge park, clapped their hands and cheered.

You smiled, reminiscing about the beautiful life you had afterwards. Your time as fiancés, your wedding day, your first night together as husband and wife, and other events that brought joy and happiness. But everything began turning sour. Those mornings where you playfully made breakfast together, soon turned to him just wanting coffee or red bull and a kiss goodbye. As time progressed, he would just leave notes saying that he had left early, pretty soon leading up to no notes at all. In the evening what used to be you two talking about your day and just cuddling with each other or some nights of passion, soon became nights of silence and loneliness. He would stay up saying he was busy writing songs and that he wished to not be disturbed. From there, he would text you saying that he was working at the studio, each night coming home later and later, and just like the morning routine had changed, he also stopped texting you.

You two had drifted apart. You slowly became engulfed in a pit of doubts. You didn’t believe it at first, trusting him with all your might, but as you talked it over with your friends, they began telling you that these were signs, and that you should be careful. You knew they were just worried for you, and you’re grateful for that, but you couldn’t let him go. You stayed up at night waiting for his return, sometimes falling asleep on the couch. That’s when you began to notice that he wouldn’t come home at all some nights. When he would be, there would either be a blanket draped over you, or you had “magically” appeared on the bed…It showed he still cared…but when he didn’t show up, you would just lie there in the same position.

If things couldn’t get any worse, he began arriving drunk some nights, waking you up in the middle of the night, saying he was in the mood. He would kiss you deeply and desperately, but you didn’t want to if it was like this. You would push him off and deny him, making him angry. He yelled a bit and would obviously use his foul language, before he walked back out, hearing the door slam. In the beginning you would just cry yourself to sleep, but it then became so routine that you would just tell him to go away, thinking what had gone wrong.

Your patience was wearing thin, and one day you just couldn’t help it anymore. You exploded. You stopped cooking for him, and pretended he didn’t live there anymore, since he basically didn’t. It wasn’t until he woke you up one early morning, asking why there wasn’t any clean clothes. You tried to ignore him and pretended you were asleep. He sighed in aggravation, muttered some unpleasant words, and left. You opened your eyes when you heard him leave, and began crying. This wasn’t how you wanted to live the rest of your life.

But here you were, still waiting up for him, still waiting for him to return to the Jay Park you fell in love with. No matter how much everyone told you to leave him, here you were still holding onto that faith that he will return one day.

You walked to your bathroom, and brushed your teeth. Just as you were coming out of the bathroom, you saw him walk in. Your eyes connected with his for a moment, time standing still. He walked passed you in the corridor and besides the heavy alcohol stench that came from him, you noticed red marks around his neck and the top of his favorite white shirt.

You felt your world shatter, as adrenaline pumped through your veins. Without you thinking twice, you ran in front of him. He stopped and stared at you.

“Ya! What is this?!”

“Mwha?” He slurred in an annoyed tone.

“First you ignore me and now this?!” You pointed to the red stains.

He looked down then glanced back at you. He didn’t say anything and just moved to walk past you, but you slightly pushed his left shoulder, making him stumble a bit. He frowned.

“Mwha’daya want fromee? Letme godu sleep (What do you want from me? Let me go to sleep.)” He attempted to move past you again, but you quickly slapped him. Both your eyes widened, since it shocked both of you. You stayed frozen staring at him rubbing his left cheek. Not once, despite the growing tension, had there ever been any physical violence.

He was the first to react. You felt his strong grip on both your upper arms, as he pushed you against the wall. You felt his breath on your face, but you were too focused on his eyes to notice. He was furious. You had never seen him like this. He had been mad before, but never to this point. And it scared you.

You shut your eyes, as he smacked the wall next to your head, and began his verbal attack. Your head was spinning, and you most likely would have fallen down if his arms hadn’t been pinning you. You didn’t understand him, other than a few vulgar words here and there, and before you knew it, you felt him leave you and walk into the bedroom, closing the door behind him.

You slid down the wall, as hot tears began streaming down your face. After you seemed to have composed yourself, you picked yourself up and walked towards the restroom. You washed your face and dried yourself. You looked up at the mirror. You saw someone but they seemed familiar. That’s when you realized it was you. You noticed how pale your skin was, how deep your dark, heavy circles had become, how thin and fragile your frame was, and worst of all, how pathetic you looked. At that moment you realized that, you didn’t deserve this. No matter how much you still loved him, he obviously didn’t, and you were just paying the price of this insistence.

You made possibly one of the hardest decisions of your life. You were leaving. Hopefully with you leaving, he can turn his life around for the better. That would be the best outcome out of this since you didn’t want him to keep suffering.

You walked back to the room, noticing that it was unlocked. You saw his body sprawled over his side of the bed in only his boxers. You walked towards your closet, pulled out a medium sized suitcase and silently began placing clothes you bought into it. You didn’t want anything he had ever given you. Once, you finished packing you walked towards him, who had flipped upright, and stared at his peaceful face. You kissed his cheek and smiled sadly, but preferred to remember him like this, as the last image. If he had awoken at that very moment you might have stayed, knowing how persuasive he can be, combined with your love for him. But he didn’t. A stray tear fell, as you gently placed your wedding ring on the nightstand. You whispered to him.

“Goodbye…”

~             17 months later                ~

“We’re done!”

“Have a safe trip back!”

“We’ll miss you!”

“Come back soon!”

You smiled and waved your goodbyes, as you get into the taxi.

You were working on writing some lyrics with a company in Los Angeles and now you were heading back home to Singapore. At first, you had applied to only be a music teacher in the school’s section, since music was what your major was in, and you needed a job fast after leaving Jay. But one day, one of the producers overheard you spitting some rap out during your break. He loved your style and asked if you would like to help out with some lyrics for an artist that was debuting. You agreed thinking it would be fun, and from there they had offered you a position to be one of the company’s main lyricist, and soon to be producer. Life was good. You made friends easily with your production team, and they were practically your family now. Plus, you travelled everywhere now, never feeling lonely. But you always dreaded going back home. No matter how long ago it had been, the feeling of being alone in the house brought back those painful memories of solitude. You put up a smile pretending everything was alright, but the empty hole that had been left, was always empty no matter how hard you tried to recover. But then there was Zelo… He was a rapper as well, and helped with the company’s lyrics for artist, and to top it off he was in your production crew. You two immediately became friends and started spending a lot of time together. Everyone would tease you two, since you two were the youngest, and say that you guys were secretly going out. You two would laugh it off and just joke around saying things like “maybe…” or “you will never know…” He was your best friend.

You checked in at the airport, and got on your flight back. Once the plane landed, you were about to get in a taxi when, you suddenly felt someone cover your eyes. You jumped and were about to hit the person, but then you heard a familiar laugh.

“Zelo…”

He let go and turned you around. You hugged him and leaned into his chest. He patted your head.

“Welcome back~”

You looked up at him and returned his charming smile.

“I’m hungry.” You said.

“Fine~ since you just came back, I’ll take you wherever you want to go…”

You told him the restaurant you both like.

“Okay let’s go!” He took hold your suitcase, and walked you to his car.

 

~             Your home          ~

You were both laughing as you entered your apartment. You looked around, noticing that there was flowers everywhere. Your heart skipped a beat at the sudden surprise. Zelo’s voice pulled you out of your thoughts.

“What do you think?” He smiled, as he took off his shoes.

“Very funny~”

“Aww is that all? I even woke up early for this” he pouted.

You picked up a flower. “Fine…Thank You.” You smiled at him.

You saw him look away and clear his throat. “I’m gonna go pick out the movie.”

“Okay! I’ll be right back, I’m going to go change.”

You walked into your room, and changed into some comfortable sweats and an oversized shirt. When you came out, the lights had been turned off. You cautiously walked towards the living room and saw the T.V. .

“Zelo?”

No reply.

“Zelo?”

Still no reply.

“Aish…” You turned around and bumped into someone.

“Hi.”

You’re heart began racing.

“Zelo!” You hit him on the chest. “Why’d you do that?”

“Haha I just wanted to scare you.” He inched his face closer.

You rolled your eyes. “It takes a lot more to scare me.”

He crossed his arms over his chest. “I’ll try harder next time then. C’mon let’s see the movie.”

You followed him to the couch.

“Which movie are we seeing?”

“Step Up.”

“Yeah!”

He hit play and sat closer to you. You both watched the movie, all the while playing games and joking around. About 2/3 into the movie, you both began play wrestling. You both tried to pin each other down. You were on top of Zelo as he put his arms up in defeat.

“Alright! I give up!”

You smiled and were about to get off of him. Then you saw him smirk. Oh no. He flipped you over and overpowered you as you struggled.

“Never let your guard down.”

You scrunched up your face. “Well played…”

You both laughed, and as the laughing began dying down, you both stared into each other’s eyes. You smiled innocently to him, but his smile started disappearing as his lips slightly parted. You stayed like that for moment.

“I missed you.”

You blinked at him. “What are you talking about? I was only gone for 2 weeks.” You playfully replied. You expected some kind of teasing response, but didn’t receive it.

“It was too long without you.” He started closing the distance between you two.

You became nervous, but thought that it had been far too long without being in a relationship. You couldn’t lie and say you hadn’t thought of Zelo “that way”, but you wanted to take things slow and were comfortable in the friendship you had formed. It was time to stop restraining yourself. So you decided to give him a chance. Maybe this was what you needed to completely forget Jay Park. You wrapped your arms around his neck and finished closing the distance between you two.

…

That night, for the very first time in a long time, you felt loved.

~             2 weeks later      ~

Word had gotten around that you and Zelo started going out and they immediately congratulated you two. These past two weeks with Zelo brought you so much joy and happiness. It brightened up your world in a way you missed, filling you up with warmth.

Zelo gave you a ride to your apartment, walking you all the way to the door.

“You don’t have to come all the way with me up here.” You said unlocking your door.

He shrugged. “It’s the least I can do since I have to go back to work right now.” His phone blinked and he checked the screen. He scratched his head a frown appearing on his face.

“What’s wrong?”

“Turns out they need me back at the studio right now” He put his phone back into his pocket. He leaned forward and gave you a peck. “I’ll see you later” He winked at you, then left.

You stepped back into your apartment and closed the door, but something was stuck in the way. You turned and saw a foot stopping the door. You were about to scream, but stopped when you saw him.

“Long time no see.”

You froze in your spot, but decided to not show it. “Yea long time” You walked into the living room and set your bag on the sofa. “You want something to drink.”

He stepped inside and closed the door. “No I’m okay.” He kept his hands in his rear pockets.

“Make yourself at home. I’m gonna go change.” You said in a happy tone.

You changed and mentally slapped yourself. You needed to make sure that he believed you had moved on. You took a few deep breaths and once you felt you were ready you walked out.

He was standing up in living room, eyeing a Polaroid you had taken with Zelo the other day. He noticed you walk in and saw you wearing what you usually wore at night time when a guest had come over. It hurt him thinking that you thought of him as a stranger.

“Take a seat.” You smiled at him and grabbed the remote, turning on the T.V..

He stayed standing up and just stared at you.

“Does he really make you that happy?”

“What?”

“That guy that left before I came in, does he make you happy?”

“Of course…”Your voice was softer. “Why else would I be with him?”

He shrugged. “To forget.”

“Pfft, right…there’s nothing I need to forget.”

He stepped closer to you. “Are you sure?”

You didn’t want him to see your face, so you turned around and pretended to fix some mail on the counter. “Yeah… nothing important at least.”

Your breath hitched as you felt his arms around your waist.

“I missed you…”

“Well, no need to anymore. You saw me already.” You tried to maintain your voice happy, but the sadness peeked through.

“I missed having you in my arms.” He moved his nose to your neck and took in air. “I missed your scent.”

You tried to maintain your composure. He continued.

“I missed the way you would make breakfast and have that cute pout when you messed up…I missed your laugh, your smile…I missed hearing your voice, especially when you attempted to rap my songs.”

You placed a hand over his. “Jay, stop…let go.” You knew where this was going, and you didn’t want it to get too out of hand before you gave in.

“No.” He placed one of his hands over yours. “I missed your touch.”

You felt tears begin to well up in your eyes as a lump appeared in your throat.

“I missed your kisses.” He planted a kiss on your shoulder. “But you know what I missed the most?”

“Hmm…” Was all you could muster.

He turned you around in his arms and looked straight into your eyes. “Our love.”

You didn’t know what happened. All you knew was that he was there in front of you, kissing you so deeply and sweet. A kiss that made your wall breakdown. You tried to not respond, trying to show him that you were better off without him, but you knew you would give in eventually. You were engulfed in what was now, living in the moment, but then you remembered the pain and that made you pull back.

Tears were falling, as you covered your mouth and looked at him in shock. He came closer to you, but you stopped him.

“You’re real funny you know.”

He gave you an incredulous look. You continued.

“You think you can just suddenly come into my life, and take me back?”

“__-” He began saying your name, but you interrupted him.

“No! You listen to me… My life became better without you!” Tears were freely falling everywhere. “I have a new job and friends, and also someone who loves me very much. So please! I beg you, just leave…” Your voice became softer towards the end, as you wrapped your arms around you.

He reached a hand out and gently grabbed your arm.

“____.... Don’t be like this…” He his lips. “You’re hurting yourself more…” He tried to pull you in a hug, but you denied him.

“No…You’re the one that hurt me… I can’t and won’t go through it again. Do you know how many sleepless nights I went through? How many times I would wait for at least a message letting me know that you’re okay? How I would cry alone at night?” You shook your head. “But worst of all, how you practically killed me, when I found out you had been with another woman?” You’re voice fading towards the end.

“I’m sorry! I know, I was an , and I don’t deserve as anyone as great as you, but please,” He dropped down to his knees in front of you. “I can’t live without you…”

You shook your head slowly. “Get out…”

“____...”

Finding strength in your voice you yelled and went to open the front door. “Leave.”

He stared at you, as you tried to keep yourself up. After a few moments, he stood up slowly and walked. As he passed you, he looked at you and handed you a USB. “It’s songs from my new album…Check out number 11…” You took it from him, and he walked out. You closed the door and after a few seconds you broke down and slid down the wall as you brought your knees up.

Why now? Why did he have to appear right now? Why couldn’t he have found you sooner if he was going to look after you? Not now that you had a stable life…

 

~             The Next Morning            ~

You woke up, feeling lousy and sticky realizing that you had fallen asleep near the door. You’re hair had stuck to your cheeks, due to its wetness. You went to the bathroom and cleaned yourself up, then called in sick at work. You didn’t feel like doing anything that day. You felt like how you had, the week after you left him. You stayed in bed and tried to sleep some more, but found yourself just staring at the ceiling. Around noon, you saw someone enter your room, and realized it was Zelo.

“You okay?” He asked, coming around to your side.

“Yea… just felt bad today is all.” You smiled weakly at him as he ran his fingers through your hair.

“You missed me that much huh?” He teased.

Usually you would have laughed and replied with something that would make the both of you laugh, but this time, it just brought back memories of last night. He noticed, but before he could say anything, you requested he leave.

“Please?”

He contemplated. “Are you sure you’ll be alright by yourself?”

You nodded.

Hesitating, he got up, but settled his flowers in one of your vases.

“Take care.”

“You too.”

He left.

After a while, you remembered the USB Jay had given you. You got up and your laptop. When it was ready, you hesitated in playing it. You listened to every song, leaving #11 for last. You liked them. They were definitely your style. After a good amount of time, you clicked on #11. Within the first 2 lines you already knew what it was about. You heard his smooth voice go over every note, missing him. You could feel the emotion he tried to convey, since it definitely wasn’t fake. By the time the song had finished, you were crying. You wiped them away, mad at how much you had cried within 24 hours. It wasn’t good.

Your doorbell rang. You went to the bathroom and tried to make yourself look presentable before opening the door. There in front of you, you saw Jay again. He pulled you in for an embrace, as he shut the door behind him.

“Don’t cry.”

You sniffled.

“Cuz then I’ll cry too.”

He pulled back, and you noticed how red his eyes were. Come to think of it, you hadn’t taken a good view yesterday, but you noticed how much thinner he had become, how paler he was, and how dark his eye bags were.

“I understand now…I understand how helpless you felt. When you left me, I felt the world end that morning when I woke up and realized you were gone. The clothes and other things I had given you were all there, like you were ttying to leave as much of me as possible. What hurt the most, was possibly finding your ring, your wedding ring on that nightstand...it hurt and ing burned me, knowing that there was a possibility I would never see you again.  I stopped eating and would wait up, wishing and hoping that you would walk through that door, and that you’d say you forgave me. But you never did. So i searched and looked for you, trying to find any clue or evidence that would lead me to you. . That’s how you must’ve felt. I’m sorry…please forgive me. I’ve changed. I won’t go back to being the same person I was…" his voice cracked. " I need you."

Deep down, you knew you still loved him, and you knew that you could be with no one else.

“I forgive you…”

You felt him tense up. “What?”

“I forgive you…”

He stared at you, mouth agape, not knowing if what he was hearing was real. “Really?”

You smiled as you rubbed your eyes. “Yes, but this is your only chance… after that… don’t look for me ever again…”

He smiled. A genuine smile for the very first time. He hugged you tightly, kissing the top of your head repeatedly. You wrapped your arms around his waist. You both just stood there, a huge relief being lifted off. That empty space was slowly being filled and it began to complete you. After who knows how long, Jay spoke up.

"This isn't a joke right."

"Haha no..." you sniffled. " That'd be cruel...actually I should be asking you that."

"Me? Never...never again do you have to doubt me."

You squeezed him harder. " I won't..."

"______?"

"Hmm..."

He placed a hand under your chin and made you look up at him, noticing the same sparkle in his eyes when he said "I Do.".

"I Love You."