Thirty Two
6162160My phone alarm jars me awake. With closed eyes, I drag my body out of bed.
A week of trying to be cheerful, and getting no word from the person you love is exhausting. I'm already dead tired from work, but I still act like Kai's maid.
It's just sad when I smile and ask Kai questions, but he just stares at me, with a blank face. It pricks my heart, everytime he does that.
Splashing water all over my face, I stared at my reflection. My dark circles just turned worse, and I think I'm getting thinner and thinner. But that's alright. He told me I'm beautiful no matter what. Didn't he say he'll love me endlessly?
I found myself smiling. Just thinking of those days makes my heart flutter and my stomach twist. But at the same time, it brings tears to my eyes.
Cooking breakfast, I felt so delighted. Worries were forgotten. It's the first time I cooked something good. It's not as good as mom's but it's pretty well for my level.
I excitedly set the table and literally hopped my way to the room.
"Jagiya!" I poked him. "Breakfast's ready! Come on up!" I smiled. I can't wait till he tries it.
I was too excited. I've forgotten we weren't in good terms.
"How can you smile like that? How can you still be happy when you've lost marshmallow?"
Standing up, my smile faded. Oh, that's right.
"I'm not happy, Kai. If you're hurt, my pain is probably triple than yours. Mentally, physically, and of course, emotionally. I had marshmallow inside me for months. I treasured marshmallow, and gave up a lot. It was hell for me when I lost marshmallow. It was hard. But if I act like you, if I show how hurt and weak I am, that will be the end of this marriage. We will fall apart, completely. I figured out I need to be strong for this family, cause the savior I looked up to already gave up." I sighed, and walked out.
Walking to where my feet takes me, I found myself in the streets, still wearing my pj's.
I sat on a wooden bench, and looked up.
The sun is shining brightly. Winter's almost done. Funny. It just comes and goes like that. As if it didn't take my marshmallow's life. I closed my eyes, and that night's accident kept replaying. How Sehun struggled on the wheels, how I screamed for jagi, everything. That painful memory keeps repeating.
My cheeks were wet. Tears were still flowing, even with my eyes closed.
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