Lately it seems like everybody's sick everybody's dying 

Build myself a wall up on happy highs 

Know in my heart that my head is lying, lying 

As time ticks by, my days are counting.

1 year, 

10 months,

8 months, 

now only 3 monthrs left.

I'm dying.

I don't know if I am blithe or if I am scared. But why would I feel scared? I've been waiting for it. I just want the pain to end. 

My parents often told me to hang on because I deserved a life. Do I? Do I really deserve one?

Just 3 months left. Great. During this period, what can I do? I don't know. I have this very urge to just leave. Leave everyone and just face god.  

I feel so empty. My parents always tell me, “ __________, do you know why you're still alive now? It's because you deserve a life. God loves you, we love you so please, hang on. ”

I wish I could tell my parents, “  If you want to help me, help me die. ” But sady, I can't.

Truth is, I don't sleep.  All night long I'm wide awake, thinking and devoting quite a bit of my abundant liesure times thinking about just one thing - death. There are secrets in my past no one needs to know. Secrets in my present might just kill myself. I don't want to take my secrets with me when I go. When I pass through the light, i want to be free of everything and everyone. 

You know what's sad?

Not being able to fall in love. 

As a teenager, we all have lots of time right? We'll all definitely fall in love. Except for me, I won't. 

I'll never get to experience how it is like to be in love with somebody. I'll never get to experience how it is like to get over a break-up. 

I'll never know how it is to be loved. 

How am I supposed to fall in love when I only 3 months left? 

Hell, 3 months feel like 3 days. 

Night time at Hongdae is always vivacious and exuberant.

Filled with spirited and tireless youths going all out along with the upbeat songs blaring through the speakers, you can never deny that indeed, Hongdae is the place with unlimited energy in South Korea. 

Oh, how I wish I had that much energy. How I wish I could jump around like all of them. 

How I wish, 

I was normal. 

I sat on one of the many benches available at the skate park with a cup of coffee in my hands. 

I stared blankly at the under ground band that's performing. 

I felt someone's presence beside me but I decided to dismiss it. 

” I can see that you're in deep thought there, _________. ” 

I turned to my left. 

, not him. 

I sighed inwardly, this . 

Out of all people, out of all day, Kim Jong In appeared. Why? 

” I wasn't deep in thought, just appreciating the music. What are you doing here anyway? ”

He flashed his sweetest smile at me. 

” Just out to have some fresh air and I spotted a lonely pretty girl so I decided that why not, I approach her? ”

I laughed a little. 

We chatted for a while and it felt good until .. 

“ Do you want to know something? I've always liked you, ever since highschool. Scratch that, I love you. Notice how I say love