He came and messed up the world you created yourself. He brought down all the walls, all the lies, all the characters inside your head. He taught you that your demons are your toughts. Showed you that you can always fight your demons and turn them into your angels, into bright light that can help you, guide you. Taugh you to reach out when you need, not to hide in your little cave when you mess up or when you break down. Yet you don’t listen. You hear, you understand, but still going in the wrong way. He was trying to help you all along.

 

 

And you… you broke him. Are you happy? You broke him into little pieces. He didn’t need much. He didn’t want the world. All he wanted was honestly and love. Love that comes right throught the bond, making his lightheaded, forgetting his all of his problems. He was the prettiest rose out there, and you picked him. He hurt you with his torns, but honey, oh honey, he was torn out of his home, kidnapped from his dreams. Who do you think hurt more?

 

 

He gave you so much, sunshine, rainbows, child play, the world. And all you did is shook his world, the scariest earthquake, making him close in. Making him want to die.

You are not proud. But all you do is sit and type and cry and type. You want to talk to somebody about this. You want to change. But what? You are afraid of standing up, going to him and speaking. Why? Because at first you were shy, with time it got easier. But now…now… you know he is sick of you, sick of your smile, humour.

 

 

You gave him three years happiness, he gave you love for eternity.

You wrote him poems. You wrote him letters. You wrote and produced song…just for him. You sang him songs. You played guitar for him. Trying to figure out a way to say I’m sorry, I love you.Trying to turn back time.

But this is not what he wants.

And you know what comes next, right?

You said..no, you promised to yourself the othis night that you will fight until the end, you will make his stay on this world, build for his a brand new world.

 

 

Save him.

Save him from you. From drowning in your blood, suffocating in your so called love.

And now you are here again. Late at night, starring blankly at the computer as you type and type.

Crying your eyes out.  Hoping this can get out of you another song, another poem.

This won’t help you, darling.

Your angel sitting in front of you, explaing, guiding, talking and talking. You understand him, this is why you are crying. You are not crying because somebody accused you or because you are misunderstood. You are crying because you know, you are aware of the mess you made. But you cannot fix it. You don’t know how. No, you know, but you are not yourself. You are living in the outscards of the world right now. Come back. Stay hise. Do it for him. Be the man he fell in love with. Be Hyukjae.

I know you want to help him, like he helped you. I know you want to be his saviour. He is the baby in other’s eyes, but they are wrong. He is the angel, he is the wisest, strongest man on earth, filled with patience. You don’t deserve him.

 

 

Be his angel, be his angel. And defend his with a shot gun.

This will make you go mad.

But you don’t care.

It is for him. Even if you go craz?y, become mentally ill – you are ready to do this for him. Why

This is more than an ordinary relationship.

It is all or nothing. Your favourite phase.

You could write a book about him, about how he makes you feel,  about the things you did, about the things you discussed. You wish you could sing to him all the song  that remind you of him. You could show to the world why you are crying every night. You can show to your friends,members, family, fans how much you ed him, screwed him up. You can show how cruel and mean and ruthless you are. What kind of a monster lives in side you. This isn’t you. This isn’t even your demons.

Is this the cost he pays for getting inside your head? Is this why you had walls? Is this why you ignored people? Is this why he is now on the edge?

You are screaming words of wisdom, but he doesn’t believe you. After all the things you did…after all the lies you said, after so many forgotten promises.

You are this, and you are watching him jump. You shout your heart out. But honey…

 

Don’t talk.

Don’t speak.

Don’t cry.

Just go and jump with him.

Trust him.

He will never lead you on.

You were the one that always led him on.

He will never send you to hell, even if you are the devil.

You chose that kind of a man.

So jump and don’t be afraid.

You will fly.

 

 

And he will know that he is not alone. He is not alone. He is not alone.

You made a lot of him. But like you said – you will trust him even if the world is against him. Even if you know others are right – you are on his side, you will be falling with him, flying to your new home…with him. Why? Because the moment you saw those eyes, you knew that it will be hard but you won’t give up.

He will scream to back off, he will hit you, he will scratch you, he will make you feel like you are the devil.  But you cannot give up. You shan’t  give up. Because those eyes…those eyese were in pain. And you hate seeing him in pain.

If he was happy, you would have let him go. If you knew he was going to met someone better, if you were sure that his future was better without you… You would have let his soar in his dreams.

But no… he is not.

So you gather all your power and run and jump at the same moment he falls.