There are just times when being best friends with Kim Jongdae is an all powerful and overriding  reason to make me want to jump off a twenty-storey building.

Today…is just one of those times.

“Get up, get up, get up!”

As much I tried to pull it back and keep the blanket in place, my arms are still too weak and the fabric is easily yanked away from my body.

“What the hell, Yang Jia, get out of bed already! You don’t know what I’ve been through all night.” Jongdae hollers at me as he shakes me awake violently.

“Oh I’m sure it can’t be any worse than what I’m about to do to you if you keep this up.” I mutter to my pillow but he pulls that away too, along with all my other ones.

“Jongdae, please, I need to sleep.” I beg him, keeping my eyes closed.

There is silence and just as I was about to drift back into slumber, relieved that he’s finally given up, Mirotic suddenly booms in maximum volume around the room.

“Oh , Kim Jongdae, turn that off!” I yell, putting my hands over both ears, a futile attempt to block out the noise.

“What? What did you say? I can’t hear you!” He mockingly shouts back, his voice above the din of Max Changmin’s falsetto.

“Okay, okay! Fine! I’m getting up, just turn that damn thing off!” I slowly sit up in bed and reluctantly open my eyes just in time to see him turn my speakers off. “Where’s mom?”, I ask.

He slowly walks over to me and sits on the bed. Up close, I notice the dark circles under his eyes and the disheveled hair. “Duh. It’s 7’o clock already, she’s gone for work. You were all alone when I arrived here.”

“So how the heck did you get in?” I ask him, irritated and thinking that if I had any other best friend, a normal one, I wouldn’t even be awake at this ungodly hour and on a weekend to boot.

He shrugs. “I have my ways but that’s not important now. Call Xing and Luhan up. Tell them to assemble here immediately, it’s an emergency.”

“Why don’t you call them?” I shoot back.

“I don’t have my phone.” He shrugs.

“You’re kidding.” I look at him incredulously. “You never go anywhere without it. Where is it?”

“It’s lying in bits and pieces back at home.” Before I can voice out another curious question, he roars at me.  “Don’t distract me, woman. Call those two up now!”

“You’re a jackass.” I tell him before reaching for my phone on the bedside drawer and pressing Yixing’s speed dial.

Yixing here. I obviously can’t come to the phone right now but please leave a message and I’ll get back to you.

“Voice mail.” I tell Jongdae, gesturing to my phone.

“Why do I have such crappy friends? I’m in the middle of a crisis here.” He whines and throws his hands upward in mock surrender and I suddenly have the urge to punch him on the nose.

I get back to Yixing’s voicemail. “Hey Xing, you’re probably asleep now though I hope you’ll wake up soon because the crazy one is here and he’s calling for an emergency meeting right now at my house. So yeah. Please, please wake up soon.”

I hang up and press Luhan’s speed dial. Unlike Yixing, he picks up. “What the do you want?” Despite his apparent aggravation, the grogginess in his voice is still evident.

“Yeah, good morning to you too. Listen, Jongdae is here and he’s allegedly having a crisis.” I see Jongdae rolling his eyes at me and I do the same to him. “He’s here at my house and he wants you guys to come for an emergency meeting right now.”

“Do you realize what time it is? Is he ing serious?” I can almost picture Luhan seething with frustration.

“Unfortunately, he is and just get your here as soon as you can. Yixing isn’t picking up and I don’t wanna suffer through this alone.”

Jongdae throws a pillow at me but I duck my head, and the pillow ends up knocking my alarm clock to the ground. He then sticks his tongue out at me.

“I could kill the dip.” Luhan says on the other line.

I pick up the clock from the floor and notice a tiny crack across the plastic surface. Oh what the hell. “Well, get in line.” I say to Luhan while putting it back.

“Tell Luhan to drop by Starbucks and get us some coffee. Frap for me!” Jongdae smiles at me sweetly.

“He did not just order me to get him Starbucks coffee.” Luhan’s voice is getting angrier by the second.

“You heard, huh?” I couldn’t help but giggle in amusement.

“That little .”

“Yeah, well, while you’re at it, Macchiato for me, I guess?” I tell him and see Jongdae winking at me.

“.”Luhan curses.

~~~O~~~

It was back in middle school when I first knew Kim Jongdae. He was the new student from Korea, specifically a place I’ve never heard of called Gyeonggi Province. Thin and lanky, with beautiful high cheekbones, Jongdae looked every bit like those Koreans I catch glimpses of on TV shows. But it wasn’t until he smiled that I realized he was special because when his lips slowly twisted upwards in a smile, lighting up the dingy classroom, I had a feeling he was from an entirely different world.

As he stood there in front of the room, being introduced by the teacher, I remember feeling that there was something unique about him, like he had this peculiar aura emanating from him altogether. It wasn’t a negative atmosphere, no, just nameless. It didn’t stay unidentified for long though, because the minute he opened his mouth and began talking, his words light, fluttering over each other and his eyes gleaming with unspoken mischief, I realized what it was.

Our new classmate from Korea was gay.

Now it wasn’t like my radars were top-notch, making me an expert in spotting stuff like that or anything. It’s just that he himself made it very visible to everyone who was watching him. He wanted people to know and he wasn’t holding his self back.

But then of course when one is a foreigner in a strange new place, adjustment is one of the things a person will find difficult to embody. Add homouality to the equation and things get a little more complicated than they originally are. But Jongdae seemed to be uncaring. Never mind that his Mandarin was still choppy and nearly incoherent back then. He just didn’t bother adjusting or assimilating himself with the environment and the people around him. He knew who he was and wasn’t afraid how people would react to him.

I have always been different from the girls in my class. I didn’t have the same interests as them so I often ended up hanging out with the guys. I played soccer, had very short hair and it didn’t take long for me to have a less than agreeable reputation. Especially with the girls who treated me like I had the cooties.  It was a silly predicament in hind sight but as a kid in middle school, it was outrageous. So the more I silently observed Jongdae who remained untroubled despite the alienation he received from most people, the more I came to like and admire him.

I was drawn further into his world.

There I realized that his world wasn’t all smiles, happiness, blissful obliviousness and overflowing confidence. There was sadness too, and loneliness. A vast ocean of it. Because when I found him one late afternoon in the school yard hunched over in a corner, all battered and bruised and crying, I realized Jongdae suffered because he insists on being himself.

He looked up and our eyes met. There we were; a carefree gay and a reluctant tomboy, looking into each other’s eyes across a distance created by silence. The truth was that we were no different from each other. We were all just scared inside. Terrified of the costs we have to pay just to be who we are.

And so I breached the distance between us and did what I should have done from the very beginning. I talked to him.

“You don’t have to cry anymore. I’ll protect you.” I told him and at that moment, I swore to myself that I’ll never see Kim Jongdae in pain ever again if I can help it.

He looked up, blinked and then slowly smiled that beautiful smile at me.

~~~O~~~

I return from the shower all dressed to find Jongdae dallying in front of my laptop. I trudge over and wish I hadn’t because on the screen are distorted images that have immediately imprinted themselves at the back of my skull.

“For heaven’s sakes, can’t you at least postpone your ographic viewing until you get home to your own computer? That’s just gross!” I nearly screech at him, partly covering my eyes.

He shakes his head, unfazed. “Oh please. I was just bookmarking some sites for you, dear. Your web history just gives away how terribly boring your virtual life is. Sports updates, metal rock and astrology are all very nice but it wouldn’t kill you to visit some deliciously voyeuristic sites on the internet once in a while, hmm?” He grins, his perfect white teeth peeking out.

“No! Get away from my computer, you ert.” I try to push him off the chair, exasperated.

The doorbell rings and Jongdae jumps up, skipping away. “I’ll get it. It must be Luhan, that late er.”

I sigh and massage my temples, feeling the beginnings of a migraine overtake my head. This is the thing about being involved with somebody like Kim Jongdae—headaches are to be expected.

I hear the ascending voices of Jongdae and what I’m sure is Luhan’s climb the stairs and sigh in relief. Agony, when shared, becomes a little more bearable. They enter my room and I realize they’re already arguing.

“Thirty minutes. That’s how long it will take for you to get here. Not forty five minutes and definitely not an hour.”

Luhan places the Starbucks goodies he bought on the study table before responding. “Seriously? You disturb my sleep for some obscure reason, make me buy you coffee so damn early in the morning and still demand thirty minutes from me? Are you on crystal meth?”

I go over to the table, ignoring them both, and picking up my cup of Macchiato and a scrumptious cinnamon bun and start wolfing it down.

Jongdae puts his hand on his hip. “Oh no, not at all because factoring in the time you legitimately leave your bed, have your daily ory period in the morning, take a cold shower, get dressed, have breakfast, get in your car, drive by Starbucks and arrive here, I’ve accurately summed it up to thirty minutes.”

Luhan blushes heatedly and I choke on my coffee. “ory period?” I gasp at both of them.

“Jongdae, I don’t care if Jia is watching. I can castrate you and I will.” Luhan’s eyes are menacing as he takes a step towards him, probably intent on following through with what he said.

“Now, now, let’s not get violent.” Jongdae holds two hands up in front of his body in what I assume as a pointless gesture of defense.

But with movie-perfect timing, Yixing enters the room all sweaty. Without warning, he starts talking. “Hey dudes, sorry I didn’t get to receive the message earlier. I was out jogging and I left my phone so I only got to listen to Jian’s voicemail when I got home. Anyway, what’s good here?”

“Since when do you jog?” Luhan asks incredulously.

But I have a more important matter to discuss. “Forget that. How did you get in?”

“Door’s not locked.” Yixing shrugs.

I glare at Jongdae. “You didn’t even lock the door?”

“Luhan was the last one to come in.” He reasons.

“Well, how was I supposed to remember to lock the damn door when he started harassing me the minute I came in?” Luhan explains, looking like all the veins in his neck are going to pop out anytime.

I sigh deeply. I have definitely seen better days.

Jongdae claps his hands. “Alrighty! Now before we get any more distracted by Yixing’s new fitness shenanigan or Luhan’s unhealthy habit of jerking himself off every morning, there is an important reason why we’re all here together.”

Yixing laughs and Luhan sends him a deathly glower, effectively silencing him. “Don’t act like you’re not guilty of the same crime, Zhang Yixing.”

Yixing visibly pales. “Well, not…not every morning, I’m not.”

Right then, I decide I’ve had enough. “Okay, that’s it. You guys obviously hadn’t noticed but there is a girl here and maybe, just maybe, she doesn’t need to hear about when her stupid monkey friends e, damn it.” I raise my voice, making sure they hear me. There is a limit to what I can take, especially if I hadn’t gotten enough sleep.

They all look at me in silence and I resolutely stare back.

“Oh sorry, dear. We sometimes forget you’re a girl. We honestly can’t tell the difference most of the time.” Jongdae waves his hand dismissively.

I catch my reflection in the mirror by the dresser and see the cropped boy haircut almost covering my eyes, the jersey shirt that’s a tad too big for my size and yeah, you guessed it, a flat chest. I look around my room and see posters of my favorite basketball players and rock bands, the basketball ring hanging by the door and the battered dartboard hanging by the bathroom door.

Okay, so maybe I had that one coming. But Jongdae is going to pay for that little careless remark. I turn to Luhan. “You can go ahead and castrate the now. I’ll even help you.” I say to him.

Luhan’s lips curl into a triumphant smile and he ends up tackling a laughing Jongdae to the ground while I join them and Yixing watches, a clueless look on his face.

One hour later, we’re still in my room, empty coffee cups and plastic wrappers strewn all over the floor and the bed but Jongdae’s story doesn’t seem like it’s coming to an end yet. And although he started off everything with quite a shocking revelation (my dad said that if I fail another semester, get this, he’s going to send me back to Korea and in a sudden fit of indignation, I ended up throwing my phone to the wall) in which we were all ears and ready to offer advice and comfort, now he’s just whining about everything (I hate my hair, the stupid weather is getting it all frizzy and gawd, no wonder why Wufan broke up with me) that by this time just left the rest of us bored and unfocused already.

But Jongdae just wants to keep talking. We know him well enough to let him chatter on because that’s how he copes with stress. So it doesn’t really bother him that Yixing is already fast asleep on the bed while Luhan and I are taking turns on playing Flappy Bird in his tablet.

Jongdae continues. “I know I said college is what life is all about but just these course subjects. I mean, seriously, give me one actual situation wherein Calculus is applicable to daily life and I’ll denounce premarital and dedicate my entire life studying Math and all its many splendor.”

Luhan gives him a pointed look. “Why does everything have to be about with you?”

“Luhan, love, haven’t you been listening to Freud? Everything revolves around .”

“Freud is screwed up. I totally dissed him in that essay part at our recent midterm.” I tell them.

“Which of course is the reason why you flunked that exam.” Jongdae sports a smug look on his face.

“True. But I’m not the one in danger of being shipped back to Korea due to low grades, am I?” I laugh and Luhan gives me a high five.

“You , don’t remind me!” He wails and flails his arms around.

Luhan rolls his eyes at him. “While I’m perfectly agreeable to the notion of listening to you gripe and about every single damn thing that doesn’t go your way on a Saturday morning when I could be enjoying the comforts of my ing bed, I have to ask, what part of all this is an emergency?”

Jongdae sticks out a tongue at him, a gesture all three of us find disturbing and irksome. “It’s nice to know that you obviously care about my troubles, you son of a . And to answer your question, yes, there is a legit reason why I called you all here.”

The thing one has to know about Kim Jongdae is that before he gets to the point, he will still take you on a tour of his very colorful life, open door after door, showing you different aspects of his existence whether you’re interested or not. That’s just the way it is. Jongdae talks, you listen. End of story.

“Wake the princess up first. He needs to hear this.” Jongdae motions at Yixing, head hanging off the bed.

Luhan simply gets hold of Yixing’s legs and start tugging. “Yo, dude, wake the up.”

Predictably, he doesn’t budge. I stand up from my place on the floor and push Luhan aside. “Let me.”

I sit beside Yixing on the bed, bend my head closer to his neck and start blowing air out. Immediately, he springs to life. “What, what, what?” He exclaims, frantically looking around.

Jongdae chuckles and then proceeds. “You, Zhang Yixing, will tutor me from now on in all subjects. I need to get those wretched grades up. I’m not going back to Gyeonggi if it kills me.”

Yixing is clearly horrified. “What?! Do I actually have a say in this?”

“Of course not, dear, don’t be ridiculous.” Jongdae waves his hand glibly at him.

Unfortunately for Yixing, being the most intelligent one in the group never really worked out well for him. He has always been our go-to person with all matters regarding academics. If it weren’t for him, we wouldn’t have survived high school at all what with him providing simplified reviewers for all of us and working on our papers and projects.

“That’s what this is about? You want us to ing tutor you?” Luhan asks him, scratching his head.

Jongdae just reciprocates with an incredulous look. “Oh, don’t flatter yourself, Luhan, you’re just as brainless as I am when it comes to school. Yixing’s got that covered.” He winks at Yixing and then turns back to Luhan. “Now you’re here because I need to use your credit card. I’m going to buy a new phone and I don’t have any cash right now.”

If Yixing is the scholarly guy and Jongdae is the free-spirit then Luhan is definitely the rich one in the crew.  The one who drives a sleek blue Audi.

“What the—? No way, not gonna happen.” Luhan shakes his head vehemently.

“It’s a loan, dumbo. I’ll pay you back.”

“That’s bull and you know it. You’re incapable of paying anyone back.”

“Testified.” Yixing and I raise our hands, referring to the multiple times when Jongdae borrowed money from us on different occasions and then claimed to have forgotten about borrowing anything at all.

“Traitors.” Jongdae hisses at us but then he backpedals and changes tactics.

“Oh Lulu, don’t be like that. We’re friends here, we give and take, that’s what we do. For example, how will you be able to sneak out of class and have your hot make out sessions with Tiffany without the professor catching you because I’ve always been covering for your ? Or how will you be able to have a peaceful and fangirl-free life since I, your loyal and ever loving friend, constantly throw them off your trail? ” He wags a finger at Luhan, his smile sickeningly saccharine. 

Yixing and I exchange looks and break into quiet giggles.

The red tint on Luhan’s cheeks would put a tomato to shame. “Sh-shut up, you tard!”

Jongdae smile widens even more, knowing very well that he had pushed the right buttons. This guy is a genius. “Oh I could go on but I think you get the point. You’d be lost without me. Now, I could always borrow money from anybody but don’t expect me to suddenly jump on the table during History class and start singing South Korea’s national anthem while you slip unnoticed out the window and into your girlfriend’s pants.”

“ you.” Luhan churns with a blend of exasperation and defeat.

“Maybe some other time, dear. Right now, we have a phone to purchase.” Jongdae gets off the floor and dusts off his pants.

“What, right now? Luhan asks.

Jongdae fishes out an eyeliner from his pocket and applies a thick layer under his eyes. “No time like the present.”

Luhan grudgingly gets off the bed. “I think the best time for us to kill him is right now.” He tells me and Yixing.

“You hold his arms from behind and I’ll stab him in the heart.” I say, nodding.

Yixing’s frightened gaze drifts from me to Luhan. “What? Seriously? After all we’ve been through?”

We both burst out in laughter. “, Yixing. How are you the smartest again?” I rumple his hair.

Jongdae makes his way towards Luhan who is still laughing and drags him towards the door. “You guys can talk about your assassination plans for me next time”

Yixing shrugs the entire thing off and proceeds to lie back down on the bed.

 I call out to Jongdae. “Hey, wait.”

“This better be good.” He turns back impatiently.

“If Yixing will tutor you and you need Luhan to buy you a new phone, then where do I stand in all this?”

He pretends to ponder for a while. “Oh, nothing. I just needed a meeting place and you’re the only one whose house doesn’t have parental supervision most of the time.”

“.” I tell him.

He blows me a kiss and then disappears.

Planning to continue my interrupted slumber, I take my place on the bed. “Move aside, Xing.” I shove him a little to the right to give me enough space and lay down beside him, my back facing his.

Their distant voices downstairs could still be heard, including Luhan’s outraged stop shoving, dickhead and don’t forget to lock the door this time. I then hear the Audi’s engine start and speed off outside until there is only stillness.

“Are they finally gone?” Yixing asks.

I close my eyes. “Uh-huh.”

There is a bout of silence for a few minutes.

“Jia?”

“Hmm?”

“I never forget you’re a girl.” He says, his voice quiet. “Just…just so you know.”

I can’t help but smile. That is such a Yixing thing to say.

“I know, silly. I know.” I answer, still grinning.

~~~O~~~

Yixing and I go way back. If I met Jongdae in middle school, then I had my first encounter with Yixing in kindergarten. Although he’d grown taller and developed wiry muscles because of his dancing, he will always be that scrawny kid I first saw in the swings at the playground, talking to himself.

I didn’t pay much attention to him but that didn’t really last long. At some obscure point, he started coming near and sitting beside me and it’s odd because he would start fondling my hair. I had long wavy tresses back then when I was little and he would slowly slide his fingers along the strands. And the even weirder thing is that I would just let him. He never spoke to me and neither did I to him but soon enough, it became our thing. I sit, he my hair and we stay in silence. Our own strange little relationship.

And when my father died, he went from caressing my hair to holding my hand while I cried.

We’ve been best friends ever since.

~~~O~~~

I can feel tendrils of sleep slowly closing in on me as I press my face into the pillow.

 “Jia?”

“What?” I ask, a bit annoyed by yet another disruption.

“What cell phone model do you think they’ll buy?” Yixing asks.

I sigh deeply.

 “Xing?”

“Yeah?”

“Just go to sleep.”

And we do.

So yeah. A little introduction of the dynamics of their friendship. Oh gosh, I totally at comedy. Sorry.

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