“You... really do look like him.”

It was the first time, since the two months he knew the younger boy, since weeks of working together in this project, that Youngjae smiled at him— to actually talk to him. His pearly white teeth, and the little dimple in his cheek, were enchanting . His eyes shone bright and blinding.

Just exactly how Daehyun had imagined it to be.

It wasn’t because he was shy, or because the younger was unfriendly. It’s because Daehyun felt it was just enough of looking at the perfection, simply enjoying the beauty from afar.

But he wished, somehow, that the younger would actually notice his lingering gaze and talk to him.

Just like this.

“You really do look like Joonie, my boyfriend!”

And he laughed, a laugh so melodious it healed the forming wound in Daehyun’s chest.

And he was okay with that.

Because only this time, only for this, he would endure the pain.

 

 

“Wow, I still can’t get over how much you look like my Joonie!” It was a company dinner. Another two months of being friend with Youngjae, and just any other night he got to hear the little fact. “Well, he’s a bit more fat, and his hair just plain black. And I don’t even think you look alike, but really you just resemble my boyfriend soo much!”

Daehyun just smiled. Mirroring the other’s expression.

“You should meet him someday, maybe we can hangout together. People will think I’m dating my friend’s twin brother!”

And Daehyun just smiled some more.

Playing the perfect bestfriend, listening to how much he resembles ‘my Joonie’.

The Joonie that Youngjae cares about.

The Joonie that he loves.

That he adores.

That loves him even more.

And he was okay with that.

Because only this time, only to hear Youngjae’s laugh and smile, he would endure the pain.

 

 

“You... really look like my Joonie....”

Youngjae slurred his words, face beet red as he put his head on the table. Daehyun slowly removed the soju bottle from the other’s grasp. In the night like this, he would always be the one trying to be sober.

“Your eyes.... Your lips.... My Joonie...”

In the night like this, when Youngjae’s boyfriend was abroad for another business meeting, the younger would always drag him after the second night. Trying to wash down his longing with bottles of soju and alcohol. And just like any other night, Daehyun would get to hear the little fact.

“He will be back in three days...” Daehyun smiled. His voice soft and loving.

Just like how it’s always been.

The younger looked up at him. Squinting to keep his focus. “You even sounded just like him....”

Daehyun’s smile didn’t falter.

“I miss you.... Joonie-yah...

...I miss you.....”

And Daehyun keep smiling. Playing the prefect bestfriend he is.

Because in the night like this. Youngjae would let him sit a little bit closer. Hold his hand a bit longer. And embrace him a little tighter.

Youngjae would let Daehyun loves him a little bit harder.

And he was okay with that.

Because only this time, only to feel Youngjae’s wamth just a little bit closer, he would endure the pain.

 

 

 

Daehyun ran as fast as he could, ignoring the freezing night air. He bumped into people in the road, he bumped into people in the lobby, and didn’t even want to wait for the elevator. Because Himchan’s words was echoing in his fuzzy head like a repeated music track.

“He died. An accident on the way to the airport.”

The apartment was dark, but Daehyun knew it just like the back of his hand.

Like how he knew the younger boy.

 

Who was curled on his bed.

Sobbing. Wailing.

Dying just a little.

 

Like him.

 

“He’s.... he’s....”

The younger cried as he pulled him into a hug. Shaking.

“He’s....”

He had died.

Joonie. His Joonie.

The Joonie that Youngjae loved. Adored. And cared about.

The Joonie that looked just like him.

 

It hurts.

It hurts.

It didn’t hurt him to hear the other man’s death. But it hurts him immensely to hold the crying boy in his arms.

To hold the love of his life, crying for the loss of another man.

“I love you...”

But then, he was okay with that.

“I love you....”

He was okay with that.

“I love you.... I love you...”

He was okay.

Because in the night like this, he would hear Youngjae said the words in his ears.

 

“I love you, Joonie-ah.... I love you...”

 

Because only this time, only to hear the words he would never ever gets, he would endure the pain.

 

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Euhmm....don't judge me.

I don't know what the hell is this.

Confused? Like? Hate? Do leave comments. It made my day ^^