A Place Where You Belong

|| Better to read it while listening to Michael Ortega's Cry, piano piece. Here's a youtube link. Hope you all enjoyed. :)

His fingers flew across the piano keys so gracefully, so beautifully, creating sounds that raised the hairs on Sehun’s arms.  There was a meaning behind it and Sehun couldn’t help but let it touch him way beyond his heart, to the depths of his soul. It wasn’t the first time he had heard this beautiful piece and although it wasn’t composed by the boy who was playing it he still couldn’t grasp the fact that the said boy was able to play it so wonderfully. The smile that grazes Sehun’s lips was somehow broken because there was this aching in his heart that he couldn’t explain, because in all honesty he doesn’t know what exactly he was feeling. He was torn between feeling happy and mournful. He blames the way the music flowed through the air and wished for the briefest of seconds that the boy he was admiring from afar would stop.

But the thing is, Sehun doesn’t want Baekhyun to stop. He wants Baekhyun to play the chords to this piano piece over and over and over again because he loves it, because this was the song Baekhyun had played for him back when they first knew each other. It was a piece of his memory and he never wants to forget. He would cry if it wasn’t for the way Baekhyun looked with his eyes closed and fingers moved along the keys, having memorized the chords from playing it too often. The beauty of it was unexplainable and Sehun couldn’t find words that would be enough to do it justice. He watches as the corners of Baekhyun’s mouth twitched just slightly, his emotions clearly visible by the way his lips began to tremble. Sehun knows the meaning to this song. Sehun knows the reason why Baekhyun plays it. His own reason to why he craved for it, however, was completely different. To Sehun, this was his love, his life. Without this song, Sehun would be clueless to what life and love truly means.

A tear rolls down Sehun’s cheek and he quickly wipes it away. There was this overwhelming emotion in his chest and he couldn’t figure out if it was of happiness or sorrow. He could feel the tears pool again in his eyes and they drop when he blinks but he was also smiling. His heartbeat seemed to stop when his eyes locked with Baekhyun’s chocolate gaze. He longs to see his feelings returned through those eyes but all he could see was the love Baekhyun bears for him as a brother. He still managed to crack a smile when Baekhyun smiles at him. He couldn’t be angry at the older as much as he wanted to be. He wanted to be because why couldn’t Baekhyun see it in his eyes? Why couldn’t Baekhyun tell that he was the reason Sehun smiles and cries every day? Why couldn’t Baekhyun feel the same way? But every time Baekhyun flashes that smile, it felt as though the whole room had been lit up and nothing else mattered.

Baekhyun continued to let his fingers press onto the piano keys, despite slowing down just for a brief second when they had caught eyes, and in those hazel orbs, Baekhyun calls for Sehun to come closer. And he did, because he couldn’t fight it even if he tried. Baekhyun was the light that he sees in the darkest of caves and endless tunnels and Baekhyun was the star in the plain night sky up above them. He couldn’t deny the attraction, the pull of Baekhyun’s gaze, as he lets his legs move towards the older male. Baekhyun smiles again and Sehun sits on the little space there is beside the shorter male. Baekhyun felt warm and small and just perfect at his side.

“Tomorrow is our comeback. Are you nervous, Sehun-sshi?” His voice was soft, holding a genuine curiosity as he kept his eyes on the piano and Sehun couldn’t help but smile at how beautiful Baekhyun sounded even when he was just speaking.

“I’m more excited,” He replied, almost softer than Baekhyun had sounded. “Are you, hyung?”

Baekhyun chuckles; in Sehun’s ears it sounded like melodious bells. “Am I nervous or excited? A little bit of both, I guess. But hey, it’ll go the way we practiced, right? If you’re confident about it then I am, too.”

Sehun hoped Baekhyun couldn’t see the tears in his eyes. He doesn’t know this feeling that played at the pit of his stomach. He doesn’t know why it was so easy for Baekhyun to trigger his emotions just by simple words. He held his breath so as to not let Baekhyun notice that his breathing was shaky but it was to no avail because then the music stopped and Baekhyun turns to face him, concern etched on his brows and filled his eyes. Sehun managed to steal a second to remember that Baekhyun was a caring person, despite his hobby to pick on people. And it was one of the reasons why Sehun had fallen in love with him at the first place. He couldn’t look Baekhyun in the eyes; for fear that he might not be able to control his emotions.

“Sehun, what’s wrong? Is something bothering you?” The sound of Baekhyun’s voice caressed the skin of Sehun’s neck like a whisper. He had only realized that the older boy was a little too close to him and while he actually likes it, he was afraid he might do something that could ruin it all. So instead he smiled again and shook his head even though he really doesn’t know if there was something bothering him. It seemed that he doesn’t know much anymore.

“Can you play the song for me again, hyung? I really like it.” He cursed himself at the way his voice broke but even if Baekhyun noticed it, the older only smiled and gave Sehun a brief hug before his eyes focus once again on the piano keys, fingers moving immediately and bringing them both the bliss of the beautiful song. Sehun was engulfed in familiar warmth as the song filled his ears and his heart and without thinking further, he lets his head rest on Baekhyun’s shoulder, closing his eyes to let his mind take him wherever it wants to go.

The moment was a memory that Sehun would hold for the rest of his life. It was at a point of his twenty-one years where he lets himself fall into a daze, no longer in control of any parts of him. It was no longer his mind that speaks but his heart, no longer his ego that stood tall but his love. He feels that he doesn’t have the time to say all of what he was feeling. He thinks there isn't much that he could do to show just how he actually feels. If he was to explain it all, it would take him forever. So instead of explaining the feelings that he had, he only voiced out what he had always wanted to say, what he had always felt. And all he could feel then was that freedom in his chest.

“I love you, hyung.” He says, soft and barely heard but Baekhyun seemed to have caught it, because his body tensed for a second before he forcibly relaxed.

“I love you, too, Sehunnie.”

But it wasn’t the love Sehun wanted, wasn’t the affection Sehun craved for. Even then, he still smiled with his eyes closed; it was enough to know that Baekhyun still cares.

It was those little actions that showed Sehun just how much Baekhyun cares even though it wasn’t the care that he longed to feel. Baekhyun shed a tear when Sehun got emotional after saying a message to the band members. Baekhyun tries the hardest to make Sehun smile when Sehun was at his lowest. It wasn’t hard for Sehun to smile when it comes to Baekhyun, but there were times when he just couldn’t find it in him the will to be happier. Baekhyun held him while he slept whenever he fell sick and he swore that at that moment, all the pain had been washed away by the warmth that only Baekhyun carries. He wished for it to never end.

It seemed, though, that the end was closer than he had imagined and he feared that Baekhyun wouldn’t know of his true emotions until it was too late. So he wrote a letter.

Sehun was ready, hair gelled perfectly on his head, and eyes lined with makeup. He looked at the boy in the reflection and saw a contented expression, one that tells people that he wishes for nothing more than he already has. He fiddled with his fingers as his makeup artist touched up the product on his face. There was lightness in his chest and he couldn’t explain it but it felt like he could cry at any moment. He didn’t want to; it was finally the day of their comeback and he should be happy. Their dear fans would be waiting, anticipating them all and he truly loved those who had supported them since the beginning. He wanted to see their happy faces tonight. Without them, he wouldn’t be standing where he is now. Without them, he is not who he is.

He smiles at his makeup artist, Ji Rye noona, and thanked her for making him look the best he could. And she doesn’t sense anything, because she only smiled and wished all the best for their comeback performance. He really wanted her to know just how thankful he is so he said it again. This time, she gave him a hug and wished him luck again. When she walks away, he was satisfied; she knows that she is appreciated. He smiled once again at the reflection in the mirror, content and filled up to his cores, a feeling he couldn’t really put to words. His heart began pumping again with the excitement of the comeback. It was time, finally.

In the midst of the preparation, Sehun managed to find Chanyeol practicing his rap lines with Luhan just watching him. He smiles at the warmth that filled up his lungs upon the sight. One would guess immediately the emotions that played across Luhan’s features; of love and adoration solely meant for Chanyeol. Sehun knows, somehow, that the future they both dreamt of together will not go to waste. He was happy for them and he wishes for only the best for the two older friends that he had called brothers. He felt slightly guilty for walking in on them but neither Chanyeol nor Luhan seemed to be bothered upon his entrance. Instead Luhan only grinned as he motioned for Sehun to sit beside him. But Sehun had a purpose to why he had wanted to find Chanyeol in the beginning, so he only smiled and shook his head at Luhan.

Chanyeol raised a brow, questioning him with eyes and no words. Something rose up at his lungs and chest and Sehun swore he could burst right then and there. At the moment, he could only be reminded of the love Chanyeol never failed to show him, the care that Chanyeol always showered him with. He was a caring brother, a good friend, and Sehun would never wish for anything more. Before he could let the emotions be poured out in tears, he lets it out instead with an embrace. Wrapping his arms around the older male, Sehun closed his eyes. He wished he could form words to explain the gratitude that he feels, but no words would be enough. Chanyeol returned his embrace almost hesitantly but it was only because he wonders what was really going on. If he asks, Sehun would have no answer. What was going on? Nothing, really. He only felt the need to tell those that he loved of how much he appreciated them.

Smiling, Sehun pulled away and fished out a letter from his jeans pocket; crinkled from the amount of times he’d folded and unfolded it. He hands it to Chanyeol, who eyes him in confusion as he slowly took it from Sehun. “Sehun, what’s wrong?”

Sehun thinks for a second. Nothing is wrong. “Nothing. I want you to give it to Baekhyun-hyung, when it’s time. I think you would know when the right time would be.”

Chanyeol frowned, staring at the crinkles of the letter before his gaze go up once again onto Sehun’s. It was at this time that Luhan approached them both. “What’s going on?”

The older Chinese almost tripped back when Sehun hugged him, losing his balance at the sudden action. Sehun hopes that this hyung would forgive him for all the wrongs that he had done. “I’m sorry, hyung. And thank you so much for everything.”

Luhan’s eyes were larger than usual when Sehun pulls back. He shares a look with an equally confused Chanyeol, who looked slightly angrier than Luhan, obviously not liking the fact that he was clueless to what was really going on. But how could Sehun say it when he himself had no idea? He just had this sudden urge to say it all. Surely everyone felt this way before. Luhan, being the calmer one, only smiled and shook his head, thinking that it was just their maknae being weird again. And Sehun finds that it didn’t matter. He knew, somehow, that Luhan and Chanyeol had long forgiven him. So he smiled sheepishly at them both and even though Chanyeol’s eyes tell him that he wanted an explanation, Chanyeol didn’t push it.

There was this satisfying feeling that just brings you to the depth of fulfillment, and Sehun feels it as he goes around and randomly thanked and apologized to all his hyungs. JoonMyeon and YiXing only laughed and hugged him. He surprised them by wishing aloud that they would be happy together. Minseok and Jongdae had been busy taking pictures of themselves when Sehun interfered. Those pictures are meant for the fans to go crazy over when they decide to post it but Sehun knows that besides all of that, these hyungs were just capturing moments of being at each other’s sides, and this made Sehun unreasonably emotional yet somehow… happy. He was happy for them, though not for himself, at least not yet. But the day will come for him to truly be.

It was also in the way Jongin admires Kyungsoo as the makeup artist touched up the makeup on Kyungsoo’s face. Sehun knows Jongin like the back of his hand and he knows how long it had taken Jongin to finally say it out loud, of the feelings he kept a secret from the boy who would gladly return it. There was that satisfaction there; knowing his best friend would do fine because he had made the biggest confession of his life. Jongin would be fine. And Sehun would be too.

It was almost time for them to be on stage when he finally caught sight of Tao and Kris. Tao, the closest he had grown to, the brother that was always there, the friend that never failed to express just how much Sehun means to him. His vision blurred at the thought he never really did return the favor. Tao was always there where he sometimes wasn’t. He tried recalling ever telling Tao just how important the older’s presence is in Sehun’s life, but he couldn’t remember any because he never did. In the silence that surrounded him and curtains that hid him in the dark, Sehun covered his face for a good five minutes, willing for the tears to never fall because he doesn’t have the time to waste on crying. He needed to be there beside Tao and say it all.

So when he finally found the strength again to move, Sehun strode over to Tao with long strides of his legs, smiling when the older boy waved excitedly at him. Like before, Sehun wrapped his lanky arms around the boy who listened to him at night when he had no one to talk to, the boy he told about his feelings for Baekhyun, and the boy he calls the best friend he ever had. Tao hugged him back immediately and that was when he burst into the tears he had wanted to hold back. What kind of feeling is this in his chest? Why does it hurt? It was no longer satisfaction that filled his heart but pain; pain of knowing that he doesn’t have much time left. And he was scared for a reason that couldn’t actually be true, scared that he could no longer feel the joy of being in a family so precious, so dear; a band of brothers he had never imagined he would have.

When he looked up again after crying into Tao’s shoulder – the older only rubbing down his back, no questions asked – Sehun met the bright, hazel eyes of Byun Baekhyun. There was something in that chocolate gaze that willed Sehun to pull away from Tao, and it was no surprise because Baekhyun was like the magnet and he the metal. Baekhyun smiles, small and soft, opening his arms wide to welcome Sehun in his embrace. Sehun doesn’t deny the steps he took towards and into Baekhyun’s arms. The warmth that soon embraced him was familiar, one that he craved for every night. There was a swelling in his chest as he tightened his arms around the boy who had so unbelievably stolen his heart since the very beginning. Baekhyun embraced him almost equally as hard and no matter how much he tries to hold back his emotions, Sehun could no longer stand it. At the hitch of Baekhyun’s breath, the tears began to fall again and Sehun doesn’t try to wipe them away. He wished he could say it; the words he wanted to say.

He wished Baekhyun would love him the way he loves Baekhyun.

“Don’t cry, now, Sehun-sshi. I’ll play you your favorite song once we get home.” Baekhyun spoke in a whisper, close to Sehun’s ear and meant for only Sehun to hear. He closed his eyes, not letting go of the older boy as he nodded and wished he would be able to listen to Baekhyun playing the piano again. He places a kiss on Baekhyun’s cheek, savoring the softness of the skin underneath his lips. He forces a smile; knowing he could never do anything more than just that.

“I love you, hyung.”

Baekhyun wipes away the tear on Sehun’s cheek with his thumb, smiling still. “I love you too, Sehunnie. We all love you.”

And Sehun smiles back because he likes the answer. If Baekhyun couldn’t love him the way he wanted him to, there was nothing that he could do.

The smiling faces of their fans crowded the confines of Sehun’s mind as they went on stage. The whole stadium was loud and filled with cheers by the fans that had so anticipated for this very moment. He tries to remember what they had all rehearsed and hopes that he would not disappoint. There was a throbbing in his head, like an impending headache. He wishes for it to go away; for now he only wanted to please those people who had brought him all the way here. He smiles at the thought of their pleased expressions and it quickly became the motivation for him to keep his strength, to believe that he could do it. It was time, finally. It was time.

The music began and Sehun lets himself melt along the flow of the tune, body moving into the choreographed dance he had practiced for months. Soon Baekhyun began to sing and even though he loves listening to Baekhyun’s voice, at the moment he could only focus on his dance moves. The audience cheered and clapped louder and louder, close to drowning out the music and Sehun finds that it sounded almost heavenly, despite it being loud and incoherent. It reaches all the way to his bones and it gave him the chills as he continued to dance to the song. He could feel the weight in his chest being lifted up as the cheers grew, free finally. He was happy.

It was almost halfway into the song, in which the choreography had him knelt down in front of Baekhyun, when he began to feel lightheaded. His heart pumped and his head throbbed. He was seeing double of everything and even though his hands moved he could tell that they no longer follow the routine. He blinks, once, twice, his body swaying a little. The cheers turned into gasps and the music stopped. Why did it stop? He wanted it to continue, he wanted s to go ahead but as his body swayed, all he could hear was the sounds of his panicking bandmates. It felt like he could no longer open his eyes as his body failed him, falling back and onto the ground.

Except it wasn’t the ground that caught him. Sehun managed to open his eyes again to look straight into Baekhyun’s, who had caught him in his arms. He smiles, his hand reaching out to caress the side of Baekhyun’s face. It was smooth under his touch. It was difficult to breath but he felt that it doesn’t matter because his angel was holding him. Baekhyun is an angel, eyes lined with eyeliner, white outfit a contrast to his black hair. Sehun had never seen anything so beautiful before this. The only thing he doesn’t like was the tears that lingered in Baekhyun’s eyes and fall down Baekhyun’s cheeks. Why is his angel crying? Baekhyun should be happy.

“I love you, hyung.” He managed to whisper it aloud, slow and in between ragged breathing but he managed it. He could feel himself slipping away and he found that he wasn’t grasping onto Baekhyun, however much he wanted to. Baekhyun nodded vigorously, tears falling down his cheeks continuously. Around them, Sehun could hear the other members asking for help to hurry but he didn’t need it, didn’t want it. He was happy. But he also felt that there was something else he needed to hear or he wouldn’t be able to let go.

Someone held his hand as Baekhyun kissed him on the cheek, and he recognized those fingers to belong to Tao. He barely managed to see Jongin right beside Tao, looking like he’d cried the whole week. Why are they crying? They, like Baekhyun, should be happy. He couldn’t hear his best friends’ sobs over Baekhyun’s words that whispered into his ear. I love you too, Sehun. Baekhyun kisses him on the lips and that was when he felt it; the true freedom, the happiness of being, the satisfaction of having his love returned. He could finally let go.

Baekhyun loved him too, just the way he had always wished.

His free hand was clutched close to Baekhyun’s chest and he wanted to be able to feel Baekhyun’s steady heartbeat but he couldn’t. All he could feel was the slowing of his own heartbeat, Baekhyun’s words and Baekhyun’s laugh from his memories. His breathing came in shallow exhales and he could hear Tao saying that it will be okay, everything would be okay. And he knows it will be, because now he knows Baekhyun had loved him too.

“You know I love you too, right, Sehun? I love you.” Baekhyun says between sobs, kissing the back of Sehun’s hand and resting it on the side of his face, his tears wetting Sehun’s skin.

And Sehun would say it back gladly but he couldn’t part his lips. He couldn’t move as his eyes began to droop close. The last thing he saw was Baekhyun’s angelic face, smiling down at him in tears that won’t stop falling. He smiles back, or at least he tried to, and wished Baekhyun has his answer.

He knows.

Tao broke down the moment Sehun’s hands went limp in both his and Baekhyun’s. Everything everywhere was chaotic, sounds of the management crews trying to get help to hurry and fans overhead already crying upon the sight of their idol’s fall. Baekhyun, unlike Tao, still held onto Sehun’s hand and looked around to see if they were getting help at all. He still held hope. Sehun couldn’t have possibly left them all without a reason. He must just be too tired from their never-ending practices. He must have just fainted because of their tight schedule. But however much he wants to believe, the peaceful look on Sehun’s face only told him otherwise.

By the time the paramedics arrived, Baekhyun had already given up. He was pulled away from Sehun’s unconscious body and he couldn’t find the energy to thrash against those hands that pulled him because he knew there would be no point to it. Sehun is gone. There was no life in his cheeks, no pulse on his neck and no signs of breathing. Sehun is gone forever. The hands that pulled at him released his grip and Baekhyun fell onto his knees, still speechless and unable to believe this tragic fact. When was the last time Sehun had smiled at him? It was just yesterday that they had picked on each other during dinner. It was just yesterday when Sehun asked him to play the song again on the piano. It was just a few minutes ago when Sehun hugged him.

Baekhyun could see Jongin seated with his knees pulled up to his chest, still as a rock as the tears cascaded down his cheeks. The paramedics stood from gathering around Sehun, shaking their heads in a way to say that they could no longer help. Sehun is gone. Although no one said it, the words still rang loud in Baekhyun’s head. Out of the corner of his unblinking eyes, he could see Jongin’s shoulders shook as Kyungsoo wrap his arms around the younger. Tao wailed into Kris’ arms and Chanyeol… Chanyeol, their happy virus, the emotionally strongest amongst them all, were seated much like Jongin, face hidden in his arms as his shoulders shook as well.

Baekhyun’s hand fisted his shirt, on the place where his heart should be because he had never known or felt pain such as this. He wanted to stop it all but he couldn’t. His sobs were silent save for his rapid breathing, and he wished for it to end but the pain only increased. It was as though something had been ripped off from his chest and he could never retrieve it. In his mind were flashes of Sehun’s images, of Sehun smiling and Sehun laughing, of the way his eyes turned into crescents whenever he smiles or laughs and the way he looks at Baekhyun whenever Baekhyun plays the song on the piano. The reasons Baekhyun actually continued to smile for every day of his life. Sehun is gone, his inner voice painfully reminded him. What was his reason now?

The fans were being ushered out of the stadium but Baekhyun knows that it was going to take forever. They want to know what’s going on, they want to see if Sehun would be awake again. Baekhyun felt sorry for them. He had lost his ability to think and his hands and feet felt like they no longer have the muscles they should have. He sat frozen on the cold hard ground, fingers trembling as they clutched his thighs. He managed, however, to scoot over to where Sehun’s limp body lay, pushing past the paramedics that were trying to get Sehun onto their stretcher. Baekhyun laced his fingers with Sehun’s still warm ones, placing kisses on the back of Sehun’s hand as he tries to carve the memory of this warmth into his heart and soul.

He would remember.

The sounds of the piano tunes were cold and sharp, pricking into the depths of Baekhyun’s soul, tearing open each and every scar that refuses to heal over time. He pictures a certain boy with beautiful eye smile and a laugh that was intoxicating, an addiction for Baekhyun to listen over and over again. He remembers the boy’s smile, portraying such happiness, with eyes that could only show love. His lips trembled at the memory as his fingers continued to fly across the piano keys. Many times he failed to get the right notes of the songs because all he could think of was that smile he could no longer see, the laugh he could no longer hear. And all it reminded him of was that he no longer had the chance to tell Sehun that he had loved him from the beginning.

His fingers stopped abruptly as he burst into yet another series of tears, unable to withhold the emptiness and sorrow in his chest. He lets his head fall into his hands, his shoulders shaking as his tears fell down his cheeks. It was hard to breathe because everything hurts and it felt like nothing could ever cure him. He was broken, and he would be broken forever. It hadn’t been long since the day Sehun fell, the day they were supposed to celebrate and be happy for their anticipated comeback. Instead of ending it with hugs and happy tears, it had ended with mournful cries and pleading for Sehun to please wake up, don’t leave us all. But Sehun couldn’t hear that.

Sehun would never be able to hear that. Sehun is gone.

Ugly sobs parted Baekhyun’s lips as his eyes swell even more from the amount of times he’d spent in tears. He wipes them away but they kept coming, never-ending, and each second ticked with a sharp stabbing in his heart. Memories of Sehun praising him and holding him came rushing back like waves, drowning him in an agony he couldn’t possibly handle. He wasn’t surprised when the sudden clearing of throat came from behind him. It felt like nothing could surprise him anymore. Everything else was dull and colorless. Everything was black and white.

Chanyeol appeared beside him by the piano, forcing an unsuccessful smile as he handed a piece of folded paper to Baekhyun. Baekhyun watched it lay fragile on Chanyeol’s trembling hand. “He wanted me to give it to you,” There was a crack in Chanyeol’s voice, and he took a deep breath before speaking again. “He said I would know when the right time would be so I guess it’s now.”

Baekhyun silently took the piece of paper from Chanyeol’s palm, unfolding it with both his hands, half afraid of what’s inside and half curious. The first he noticed was Sehun’s slightly untidy handwriting, and he almost smiled if not for the first few words on the letter.

My dearest hyung,

I know that I haven’t been the best to you in many ways that you are to me. I never told you what I should have told you. You were always there beside me or behind me, to walk with me or to catch me when I fall. I never told you just how much I appreciate everything that you’ve done for me and I’m scared that I will never be able to so in this letter, I would. Thank you so much for the shoulder you lent me when I needed to lean on someone. Thank you for listening to me when I needed to talk. Thank you for the arms you wrap around me when I am cold.

I wish I could hold you longer than I ever have and tell you all the things I’ve kept to myself.

I wish I could look you in the eye and tell you that I love you. I always have and always will. If you ask me why, I wouldn’t have a reason. And if you ask me how, I wouldn’t know how to explain. I guess maybe because you are you, and you make me happy, in more ways than anyone else ever had. You are the light. You are brighter than life. You are life, at least to me.

If I’m beside you while you’re reading this, would you kiss me? I’ve always wanted you to kiss me. I’m sorry I never had the courage to make the move. Or would you rather I kiss you now? That is, if I am beside you. If I’m not, then I hope you would smile knowing that I love you and I will never stop loving you. I hope I make you smile when I had the chance. I think I did, when I told you I love your voice. I really do love it. I love you, mostly.

I am sorry, most of all. I’m sorry I couldn’t make you happier and I’m sorry I never showed you the care and love you so deserved. I’m sorry for everything. I hope you would forgive me.

I love you, hyung. And it makes me so happy whenever you say it back.

If given the chance, I promise I would make you happy.

Love,

Your favorite dongsaeng, Sehun.

Baekhyun doesn’t know when exactly when the letter fell from his hands. All he knew next was that he was crying even harder and his chest hurt and he wished the pain would stop but it kept coming. He was in Chanyeol’s arms, the younger boy trying with all his might to calm Baekhyun while crying himself. It hurts every part of his being, from his head to his heart and to his soul. If only Sehun is there beside him, he would hold the youngest and kiss him and never let go. He wished he had been braver to make the first move. He wished they were given more time to spend with each other. But those were just wishful thinking and Sehun isn’t coming back.

He could feel another pair of arms wrapped around him when Chanyeol lets go and noticed that it was Jongin, eyes swollen and lips quivering as he tried to smile when they pulled away. Tao’s embrace was even tighter, holding him close to the taller’s chest. Tao’s sobs were loud and his arms trembled around Baekhyun. JoonMyeon handed him the letter he’d dropped earlier and smiled warmly at the black-haired, sadness clouding his eyes despite the curve of his lips.

“Keep this, Baek. He’s always here. Just remember that.”

And it was supposed to reassure Baekhyun but all he could do was cry again. Sehun is just but a memory. He didn’t want that. He wants Sehun here with him, beside him, for him to hold and be held with. But he also knew that it could never happen. His wounded heart would heal over time, maybe longer than it probably should but it doesn’t matter. Sehun would not die in everyone’s hearts and memories. Sehun would live still through those memories and in their hearts. Sehun would still be alive in Baekhyun’s, smiling and laughing and… happy. Sehun would be remembered as that boy who stole many hearts, including Baekhyun’s. The boy they would love until the end of times. The boy who will live in not just memories.

The boy who still lives in Baekhyun’s dreams.

“Will you wait for me?” Baekhyun asked and Sehun in his dream smiled and nodded.

“Will I see you on the other side?” Sehun had stepped closer now, closing the gap between them and wrapping his arms around Baekhyun. He smiled and breathed in Sehun’s scent, baby-like and perfect as he buried his face into Sehun’s neck. Sehun’s answer was another nod. Baekhyun had smiled wider then, closing his eyes as his arms circle Sehun’s waist.

“You won’t have to wait too long.”

A/N: Heyyy. I hope this piece touched you all like it did me. I think I cried more times in this than the others. I don't know. Don't ask me why I did that to my bias even. I don't know why okay? I just.. I have a lot of feelings and I cry easily and SeBaek always gave me ideas. I will never stop writing SeBaek. And I hope you will never stop being a SeBaekian. Never ever stop, arasseo? ^^ 

In love with the poster, btw. Thanks to summerswirlies @ PosterShop. <3

Anyway. I got my first request at my shop! So excited to be working on it! <33 See you next update. Love you alls.