I sat on the bar’s seat, facing the door of this beautiful have-it-all house.

I stared at the bar’s multiple choice of world class beverages.

This idea came to me after tucking Kevin, our son, to bed a little after six pm. After almost two years of having him as a husband, of doing these house wife duties every single day of my married life, I think I could use a hard drink.

As I finished the second bottle of my chosen drink, he came.

Looking tired, but frustratingly still picture perfect. I gulped the last of the hard drink and stood to get another bottle. In the process, I looked at the clock near the fridge.

“Twelve thirty? Wow. You’re early tonight,” I heard my voice slurring and almost inaudible. I returned to my seat and looked at him.

He is still at the door way, looking at me weirdly. This is the first time he saw me like this, I guess. Being the kind and always understanding wife of an ever busy picture perfect idol.

I felt a smirk crawl on my lips, and I drank straight from the bottle, like what I’ve been doing to the previous bottles.

“What’s this?” he said, his voice raising a little, and started walking towards the bar.

He threw his bags at the sofa and stared at me with his lens tinted eyes. They’re green today, the shade I like.

“What are you doing? Is Kevin already in bed?” he asked. Maybe it’s my drunkenness, but I think his voice contained anger.

“I tucked him in at six. Don’t worry, I got my son. Go to bed,” I think I heard my voice emphasize a word in my sentence.

I think I saw his eyes narrow. Yes, he never heard me talk to him like this. He was used to a loving, never tiring, always going with his flow wife.

“What?” I asked, “Why are you staring at me like that?”

“What’s happening to you?” he asked me back.

I can hear disbelief in his voice. Or maybe it’s his tiredness today.

“What do you care?” I raised my voice a little louder than I intend to, which made him double take.

“You’re drunk,” he said flatly.

I released a breath i didn’t notice I am holding. I took another swig and drank half the bottle. I looked at him, and controlled my voice, knowing I will have a hard time if Kevin wakes up this time, in my condition.

“Yes. So what?”

“What…” he released a breath, looking at me with anger now.

“You know what “what”? Huh?” I exclaimed, the alcohol fuelling my feelings now.

“What?” he shouted back. I can see him make an effort to not awaken our son, who’s just in the first room on the right once you climbed the ornate rosewood stairs.

“I…. am tired!” I huffed the words with my exhalation, realizing I’m crying softly.

“Tired?” he said the word forcefully; as if he thinks I don’t know the meaning of the word.

“Why? Do you think it isn’t possible for a house wife like me to experience that?”

“What are you pointing out to? That I don’t do things in this house? For this house? For who do you think I do all these for?”

And I’m flabbergasted.

“Listen to me,” I started, my voice breaking, “I know you do everything you can for us. I know… I understand. You work harder than before, you take every work opportunity available but you still make sure to go home every day. Sometimes, you don’t even have a good night’s sleep and you have to wake up early the next morning. You don’t even hang out with the members like you used to before…”

I looked at him intently, sniffled and laid the bottle at the counter.

I waited for him to say something, but he only looked at me.

“I know all of your sacrifices…” I trailed off.

I can feel the seconds tic by…

He is still looking at me, maybe he’s thinking where all this came from.

“But you see…” I started again weakly.

I sighed.

“When we were just starting, do you remember how you would take my hand? Every time you have a chance, we used to go eat together, and we’d watch a movie and stay late, even if you have a scheduled guesting the next day. The way you used to look at me, your smile, our celebrations with the members…” I laughed quietly, reminiscing.

I avoid looking at him, because my words may stick to my throat. I need to get this all out, once and for all.

“You may think this so out of my saneness. But, I think we are way better then than we are now that we are bound to be together forever. Now, I almost don’t see you, every morning, you leave without even tasting what I cooked for you. Every night you come home late, and go straight to bed to rest. When Kevin came, I thought things will be better. Because I’d have an extra pull towards you. But, no. I even gave birth to him and you weren’t by my side because you were scheduled for a photo shoot that is out of town. But that’s ok. I can still take that. But, Kevin’s growing up. Our son is growing up without you.”

I stopped. I’ve been too carried away, I didn’t notice he is now kneeling in front of me, his head between my knees. I can feel him trembling. I touched his hair, caressing the way I do every time I watch him sleep.

“This isn’t the way I thought our life would be. I thought we’d get by. I always say to myself “It’s ok. It’s going to be ok. I love him.”,” I inhaled sharply to help my voice be steady, “I know you are doing everything for us, but money… the world--- my world, doesn’t go around it. My world goes around you, honey. And I want you to be included in Kevin’s world, too. So I want to tell you this.”

“I’m tired not because I’m tired serving you,” I said, holding his face with both of my hands. I smiled and wiped his tears, “I said I’m tired, because I want you to realize things like these. I’m tired waiting for you to do so.”

His eyes are now red, and puffy.

“I… I’m so sorry. I was so busy providing for you… I forgot to stay with you. I forgot to remind myself that i…” he’s crying so hard he had trouble speaking.

I kissed his forehead.

“It’s ok.”

He looked at me, and I smiled.

“There,” I murmured.

“Hmm?” he asked, shifting gently that my hands aren’t displaced.

He put his hands on top of mine.

“Your eyes, they’re the way they used to be.”

I looked at his eyes and savoured their depths.

“Thank you, honey,” he said, kissing my right wrist.

“For what?”

“For reminding me that I have the perfect wife,” he kissed my left wrist, “And for loving me. Even though…”

I pushed his face away, making him stand up.

“Yes, I love you. Even if you leave the toilet bowl unflushed sometimes, I love you. Even if you use the mirror as long as I wash all our dishes, I love you. Even if you spend half of your budget on facial toners, lotion, facial washes, a lot of creams and maintenance for your pretty face, I love you. Even if you can’t eat rice without a minimum of two viands, I love you. Even if you are so picky on drinks, I love you.”

I paused for a while, catching my breath and taking a look at his face.

I laughed.

“You should see your face,” I kidded.

“Do you have more?” he asked me.

“Yes, I can go on forever.”

His eyebrows rose, urging me.

“Even if you snore really loud and I can’t sleep at night, I love you. Even if you tend to be in the bathroom than with me because of those make ups, I still love you. Even if I use local bathing soap and you use imported and high class bathing things, I still love you. Even if you tend to look more beautiful than me---”

“I don’t!” he cut in.

“Yes, you do. And I still love you,” I crept closer to him, and I can feel adrenaline rushing through my veins and clearing my head as he put his arms around my waist and looked at me the way he used to when we were just a new couple.

Instinctively, I put my hands at the back of his neck and continued.

“I have so many things to complain about having you as my husband, you know. But, I can get by. As long as I know that---”

Just like that, he can knock the breath out of me.

As I closed my eyes, I can’t remember when was the last time he kissed me like this.

With love.

He pulled away a little, enough for me to see the lightest shade of his eye lenses.

“You can be sure always...”

“About what?”

“I would never want anyone but you to be my wife.”

I made a sound of disbelief and playfully punched his left arm.

“Why is that?”

“Because you are the only woman I know who would have the patience to still love me despite everything,” he paused and just before he touched his lips on mine again, he said the three words I longed to hear for a long time.

And for once, I know and felt he means it. 

_________________

my sister wrote this stuff. 

goodbye...