The first thing I saw as I opened my eyes was light. A blinding, bright light.

Everything seemed blurry, and when I tried to move I could only lift a finger.

What happened? Where am I? Why am I in so much pain?

I looked at my hand, and realizing I'm attached to devices that I am in a hospital.

The memories slowly started coming back and I felt like I was in even more pain.

That bastard that almost killed me. Taemin stepping in and defending me, something I never saw him doing before.

And Soojung. Soojung walking away from me, and me breaking Jinri's heart.

I furrowed my brows. Why am I even still alive, after every ed up thing that happened. I do not deserve to live after everything I've done, and everything that happened.

I hear a door opening and slowly turned my head to its direction, only to find Jinri coming out of the bathroom. Her eyes widened seeing me awake.

"Oh my god." she says, almost tearing up. She ran to my side and held my hand, letting her tears fall freely.

I slowly lifted my other hand and removed the oxygen mask on my mouth.

"What happened? Where's Taemin?"

"You've been in a come for four days, Jongin. We were all desperately waiting for you to wake up. Your heart beat almost failed twice."

Now I was even more shocked. To think and realize that after years of torture from that man who was bold enough to call himself my father, my body finally gave up and I almost died, twice.

Jinri tried explaining to me what happened, how Taemin was fixing every mishap that happened since I ran out from our supposed engagement party, and how he had put his own father in jail with a lot of evidence proving that he was manipulating not only us, but a lot of people as well.

It was backfiring on his own image of course, as people started doubting his abilities as president of this country, but many more also sympathized with his situation. I'm glad he's able to handle it well.

"He allowed no press to enter the hospital grounds, and ordered every person sneaking in to get a glimpse of you to be put to jail immediately. He didn't want you to be part of all this. He said for once, he should be responsible enough to handle you, and handle himself and his people. Your brother loves you so much, Jongin." Jinri said.

I suddenly felt like crying. Taemin, who was always too scared to face anything, is now protecting me. I was sorry I couldn't be there for him, and probably scared him twice when I almost died. I suddenly felt stupid thinking about those things earlier, how I shouldn't have survived. I still need to live. For my brother. For my true family.

"Aren't you angry at me? For what I did to you?" I asked Jinri honestly.

She chuckled and wiped the tears on her eyes.

"You love her. And I can see it. I'm not someone who's and idiot enough to break something so wonderful. Your eyes shine when you look at her. And she does too." she says, smiling.

I felt relieved. It's nice knowing that there are still good people like Jinri existing in the world.

"Jongin. You need to know something."

I got nervous all of a sudden, seeing her so serious. It was like something was wrong. I can feel it.

Just as when she was about to speak, the door opened and Taemin came in, with Kyungsoo in tow. Kyungsoo was the first one who spotted me, and he gasped.

"You're awake!" he screeches and runs over to the side of my bed next to Jinri.

Taemin also widened his eyes seeing me, and walked towards the other side, suddenly  my hair.

"I'm so glad." he said shakily, as if he was about to cry. I smiled at him and felt like crying myself.

Jinri and Kyungsoo left the room and I was left with Taemin.

"Have you been okay?" I asked him.

"Never been better. It's like a huge weight has been lifted off my chest. Now I'm sure, no one can bother you anymore. You are safe, for as long as I'm here."

I started crying, and Taemin hugged me while patting my head, letting me cry onto his shoulders without worry.

I had to stay for a few more weeks in the hospital, and was surprised to find Jinri and Kyungsoo always visiting me. They seem fidgety whenever they're around, and I always kept wondering what Jinri was almost about to say that day.

Althroughout my stay in the hospital, I wrote. All the hidden feelings I have kept inside, the hurt I was secretly feeling, the pain that I had to conceal, all my pretentions, I wrote them down in long paragraphs.

Soojung was right. Writing really feels better. It's like letting out a breath you've been holding for so long.

I always wondered, how she is. Where she is right now. If she even knows I'm in the hospital right now, and if she hates me enough to just....... leave me alone like this.

I sighed. Maybe it's time to give up. Maybe we weren't meant to be, and that things fall apart so better things can fall together.

The night of my last day at the hospital, I wrote something about her. I remembered how she wrote about me, how for her, I was always someone perfect.

You come to love, not by finding a perfect person, but seeing an imperfect person perfectly.

She once said that. She saw me as someone who can be capable to love and be loved. She taught me about valuing things and moments more, and that everything must not be taken for granted. She calmed down my hard heart. I will always be thankful for all of those.

"Soojung." I said to myself out loud. "Wherever you are right now, I hope you're happy."

~

It's been two weeks since I got back from the hospital. It still feels strange how peaceful the house is, now that that man isn't here. I feel at ease, but also cautious because he might just pop out any minute.

Taemin has been busy being in and out of the country, so I'm left alone in the house, with Kyungsoo constantly keeping me company.

An idea came to my mind and I decided to bring Kyungsoo with me, since I have no other friends to take with me. 

"Where are we even going? Your scars are just healing up Jongin, you shouldn't be straining yourself like this." Kyungsoo asks worriedly as he wraps another scarf on my neck. Autumn is almost ending, and the breeze gets cold by the minute.

"You'll see. Just come with me and stop whining!" I teased and nudged him hard. He almost fell and he looks back at me with a glint in his eyes.

"Why are we....... in your old apartment?" he asked when we arrived.

I didn't answer and went up to my floor. We walked silently in the hallways and arrived outside the door of what used to be my home.

I came home to find her sprawled down in front of my door. At first I thought she was dead, but the falling and rising of her stomach tells me otherwise.

When will this ronald mcdonald stop bugging me seriously.

I carried her inside. People might think I'm heartless for just leaving to to sleep outside.

I smiled a little. I typed the passcode on my front door, hoping there wasn't a new tenant, and hearing the satisfying click confirmed my suspicions.

The apartment looked the same as it once was. Nothing was out of place, and there was dust all over.

"Taemin said he told the owner never to sell this apartment to anyone else and payed for it whole. He said he knows you'd wanna come back here someday. Guess he was right." Kyungsoo says.

I slowly walked inside and saw the sofa.

When we reached home, I slowly put her down on the sofa. 

"This the the 2nd consecutive time you slept in my apartment. And I don't even know who you are."

I grabbed a clean blanket from my closet and wrapped her in it. She was still shaking, apparently, after almost 30 minutes, but she looked fine and peaceful asleep.

I chuckled a little, surprising Kyungsoo.

"We had a lot of memories here, didn't we? You, me, and Soojung."

"Yeah. I guess we did."

We then went on an impulsive hiking trip. The same mountain where she and I got lost.

I laughed as I remembered us arguing. It felt like it was just yesterday.

I woke up in the middle of the night because of her small whines. I thought it was just because she was having a bad dream.

"Yah, wake up. You're too noisy." I said as I poked her. No respose.

"Yah." I repeated, my voice going up a notch.

"C-c--c-ccold....." I heard her mutter, and immediately, I knew something was wrong.

It's like I've become psychic when it comes to Soojung. I already know when something's right or wrong. And we only met like what? 2 months ago?

I inspected her body temperature, and just as I thought, she has a high fever. A really high one.

I rubbed my aching forehead due to stress. Without even thinking twice, I let her face me and pulled her close to me. She needed some heat.

Next, we went to the amusement park.

"Hey, this is where we had our first date!" Kyungsoo cood, wiggling his eyebrows.

I punched him in the arm and smiled. I remembered how much I hated this place back then.

We went to Hangang, and to the venue where Taemin once had a party.

Kyungsoo somehow realized the pattern, and by the end of the week, he talked to me

"I know what you're doing, Jongin. Why are you doing this?"

"I just...... wanted to experience everything one last time. It's my form of closure."

"Closure?"

"I'm letting her go, Kyungsoo. If she really doesn't feel the same way anymore then, I'll respect her decision. I won't force her to love me again. Even if I didn't know what I did wrong, for her to suddenly change her mind, I know that knowing her, and loving her, were the best few months of my life."

I sighed and cried silently as we walked along the campsite where the four of us once stayed.

Kyungsoo took a deep breath beside me.

"Jongin, there's something you need to know."

~

My hands were shaking as I waited in the cafe. I knew they were coming any minute now, and I suddenly don't know what to do. 

How could I not know this was happening? How could I not realize she was going through so much? I was too selfish, thinking about myself, that I failed to realize she needed me. Without words, she needed me.

The bell at the door rang, and I turned to see who entered.

I almost regret looking because as soon as I saw her holding a walking stick, I immediately felt tears in my eyes.

I'm sorry Soojung. I'm so sorry......

Kyungsoo sat me across from her and I was afraid to move, much less make a sound. I stared at her face. She looked the same as always, happy. Beautiful. I didn't know she was going through so much.

Her brows suddenly furrowed and I was confused when she suddenly grabbed my hand. I was shocked for a second, but realized she'd mistaken me for Kyungsoo. I look at him from the table across ours and saw him crying as well, sorrow filling his eyes.

I looked back at Soojung and held her hand tightly. I wanted her pain to go away. If I could just take it all away from her I would.

"It's strange. You're Kyungsoo, but you don't feel like Kyungsoo. Holding your hand, it feels comforting somehow. Like I'm at peace." she says to me.

I held in my sobs and tried to calm my breathing. It's so hard to stop from breaking down seeing the one you love being in such a situation.

"Sorry I'm late Soojung. Sorry I wasn't able to help you carry your burdens." I say quietly.

She widens her eyes at the sound of my voice, and her grip on my hand tightens.

And suddenly, she cries.

"I won't let go anymore." she says, a smile through her tears.

~

sorry it took me a while to update! The net's still ty so expect the next update to probably be late again ㅠㅠㅠㅠ I'm sorry our country's internet ㅠㅠㅠㅠ