The Broken Lock

The lock has been shattered.

That's just it. I was sitting on my comfy couch at the dorm, watching some cheesy drama Yuri recommended me. It was almost 12 a.m. and I was worried why Tiffany hasn't come home yet when she said she'd be back before 11. I was about to send her my fifteenth text message asking her where she was but then the door creaked open and she just stormed inside right towards me. Before I could utter any word, her arms wrapped themselves around me so tight that it took my breath. And then I saw her smile; her eyes curved along as she showed her captivating smile. My stupid heart decided to beat crazily fast. The sight of her smile made my heart go up in the clouds. Little did I know that what she was about to say would drop me hard to the ground. I mean, really hard.

"He asked me out!" She said, blissfulness filled her face.

My stupid heart paused a beat.

"Wh--what do you mean?"

"Nickhun, silly!" She slapped my arm playfully. "I went out with Khunnie, remember?"

Right then and there, I lost the ability to breathe. I forgot how my whole body works. My falling heart shattered from the impact as it hit the solid ground. I felt my world slowly falling apart around me. The love of my life...has been taken away from my embrace.

I swallowed silently. I summoned all the strength left in me just to force a smile. I just couldn't break down now. Not in front of her.

"I...I don't know what to say..." my awkward smile didn't help.

She put a finger on my lips. "You don't have to. Just be happy for me."

"I am, Tiff..." I showed her my whole set of teeth. "Congratulation, Mushroom!" I pulled her into an embrace.

"Thank you, TaeTae! You're the best!" Her eyesmiles flashed once again.

She finally found her prince. The princess--my princess--had finally met her prince charming she always dreamed of. He has everything. He was the most perfect guy every girl could ever ask for. And he was more than qualified to be the one who makes sure her smiles last forever.

Besides, who am I? What do I have to compete with prince charming? I only have my voice. But even the most beautiful voice alone could never be enough to win her heart. I've always tried to make her feel special, but nothing seemed to matter. I even wrote a song for her and sang it live. I never asked for anything in return from her but to always be with her wherever she goes. But now that she already found what she'd been looking for, all the fear I always tried to get rid of came crashing to me; the fear of being replaced.

As soon as she closed the door to her room, I let out a drop of tears that I'd been holding in. I took my heavy feet away from her door and into my own room that I shared with Sunny. She was there on her bed with her eyes glued to her handheld video game console as her short thumbs danced on the controller buttons. I sat on my bed, back-facing her, and began to sob silently.

"Tae..." Sunny called. "Tae...what happened?"

"Nothing..." I lied, still back-facing her. "I just need a warm shower right now."

"Okay. Just...don't keep it all to yourself. You know you can always count on me! Ha!" She tried hard to make me smile and it worked.

I took the warm shower. I just stood under the pouring water, hoping that everything that had made my heart feel heavy would be washed along down the drain. But it wasn't enough. Every word she said earlier had been etched inside my head like the ink of a tattoo under the skin. What if I didn't allow her to go with him just now? What if I asked her to just stay in the dorm with me instead? What if I confessed tonight, before everything went exactly the opposite? I felt tears streaming down my cheeks as I wondered about the endless, yet empty, possibilities of the 'what ifs'. It was all too late. There was nothing I could do but to accept the fact laid out in front of my eyes, no matter how much it hurts. I just have to be happy for her, no matter how much tears I'd shed in the process.

The lock that had kept things together all those years had cracked. Even if someday time would fix it like Sunny always told me, or if someday someone else would come into my life and try to mend the broken lock, it would not be as perfect as when I was with her. It would be fixed, but it wouldn't be the same. Because the only key that matches for this broken lock is in her heart.

I sat down on the floor and curled myself up, hugging my knees inside my arms. As the warm shower poured down on me from head to toe, all the tears I wasted streamed down along. I felt my broken lock inside me. The one key had left it broken and hollow. It wouldn't be the same anymore. I would not be the same without Tiffany Hwang.

The lock has been shattered.

Knock, knock.

Someone knocked on the door.

"I'm okay, Sunny. I'll be out in a minute." I said to the door, assuming it was Sunny just checking on my condition.

"Tae..." The answer came but to my surprise, it wasn't Sunny's voice.

I fixed myself up and stared at my reflection in the mirror. My eyes were red and swollen from the tears. I adjusted my bangs so that it covered most of my face, especially my eyes so that no one would notice.

Knock, knock. She knocked again.

I braced myself and opened the door. "Sorry I make you wait. I was just---"

The moment I stepped out, a pair of hands grabbed my face softly. I was puzzled of this action until I saw a pair of worried eyes. I remembered how those eyes used to feel so cold and icy. It was the same pair of eyes, but the feeling they radiated was different. It was warm and full of affection. And it wasn't Sunny's.

She brushed off my bangs away from my face, revealing my swollen eyes. "Oh, Tae. I should have known..."

She wrapped her arms around me, tight but gentle. I haven't felt this kind of heartwarming feeling in a while, not even from my members. It made me shed my tears once again.

"Tae...you don't have to be alone. Let me share your burden. Let me mend your broken pieces. You are not alone..."

My tears overflowed and I couldn't stop it. I burst out as I slowly put my arms around her.

"Thank you, Sica..." I mumbled between sobs.

At least for now, I don't feel so alone. Maybe one day, even though it wouldn't be perfect, I would still be able to fix this broken lock of mine.