Parties are not Sehun's thing especially when everyone drinks to get wasted instead of drinking to loosen up a little bit and have a good night. It seems as if everyone at the party is on the same page get as wasted as possible, and don't they realize how sloppy and stupid they look. Luhan is no exception he's grinding on some senior from the music department head lolling from side to side as he dances to the beat of the music. Now that he thinks about it the music department guy's name is Minseok, but he's heard Luhan refer to him as the Baozi looking on who has hips that don't lie. Sehun can see what he means because the way Minseok is dancing, like he could have been a stripper in a past life. He's been the object of Luhan's eyes for a long time and as he stated earlier “tonight is the night I'm going to sink my claws into him” Sehun sort of feels sorry for the guy because behind Luhan's cute face is a devil.

Sehun rakes his fingers through is blonde hair as he watches the party, he pours out his drink when he notices a couple making out nearly in the kitchen and seriously do people not have any modesty anymore. He decides he should have kept his drink when he notices a certain Chinese foreign exchange student dancing in the middle of the floor a huge sloppy smile on his face as some girl in a tight black dress clings to him like a leech. Huang Zitao.

They'd met only a few months before outside of the university while waiting for the bus to arrive. Sehun distinctively remembers it because Tao was shouting something in Chinese on the phone while bouncing up and down on his toes, it was January and the winter winds hadn't let up since they started in late November. Sehun thought it must have been the coldest winter he'd ever experienced in his life. It was simple Sehun noticed the Chinese male's shoes and decided to let the other male know that he liked them “Hey man I like your shoes” he didn't expect the other male to hang up the phone and start up a conversation with him. He didn't expect to have so much in common with Tao, nor did he expect to be such good friends with Tao.

Sehun nearly falls to the floor when Tao looks up, eyes locking on to Sehun a big goofy smile spreading across his face, he hears his name being called from across the room but makes no effort to move towards Tao. Instead he turns on his heel and starts shoving people out of his way so that he can get to the bathroom he needs to get somewhere, anywhere but around Tao. He's about to push the bathroom door shut when a hand reaches out and pushes it open again “Are you avoiding me?” Tao ask and Sehun shakes his head no, but he really wants to make a run for it. He knows that if he allows himself to drink more at this lame party he could end up making a really stupid decision. “Good come have a drink with me” Tao smiles grabbing a hold of Sehun's wrist and dragging him out of the bathroom and into the kitchen. They take two shots before Tao slinks back into the crowd to dance muttering something about getting his groove on, Sehun just shakes his head and laughs.

Its an hour later when Yixing finds Sehun leaning against the railing of the balcony with a beer in his hands. “ I need you to take Tao home, like now” Sehun just looks at him and an eyebrow, why should he have to take Tao home he isn't even the DD tonight. Plus he's intoxicated too and that is a recipe for disaster. “He just broke my mothers antique vase she brought over from China, he's too drunk please take him home”

“Have Jongin do it he's the DD tonight, its not my job” Sehun shrugs. 

“I would have him do it but... he's kind of busy right now with Kyungsoo” Yixing smiles taking the beer from Sehun's hand and taking a drink. “Come on, please just take him home” Yixing whines leaing against the rail pout on his face, Sehun makes the mistake of looking down at Yixing who possibly has one of the best puppy dog faces in thier friend group. 

“Fine.” Sehun sighs pushing off the railing “Where is he?” he ask even though he knows he isn't going to like it, he finds Tao sitting on the couch with a poorly dressed girl draped across his lap, they're both giggling and being obnoxious when Sehun pulls him from the couch and a water bottle in his hand and tells him to drink the water. It takes Sehun nearly fifteen minutes to get Tao through the crowd and out the front door, its when Tao clings to his side that he declares that he hates Yixing, and that one way or another he was going to get the Chinese male back for this. 

"Lets play the truth game" Tao slurred leaning into Sehun's side, too drunk to stand upright and still giggling to himself over the practical joke Jongdae just played on Joonmyun. Sehun's not too drunk just buzzed enough to feel loose and relaxed but still enough to be unable to think completely straight which was why instead of driving Tao home he settled for walking him home, really he didn't even want to come to this party tonight but Luhan had promised him a good time, had promised that there would be good dance music. What Luhan decided to leave out was that a certain Chinese foreign exchange student would also be at the party, the same certain Chinese student that made him question his own uality was at this party and incredibly drunk.

"Tao, you're drunk" Sehun sighed when the other tightened his grip around Sehun's waist twisting his hands into Sehun's loose t-shirt, Sehun was almost certain Tao would regret getting this drunk in the morning, it was amazing he could still walk.

"No I'm not" Tao insisted with a pout on his lips "see" he added when he attempted to walk in a straight line completely failing as he staggered to the left and then to the right "Totally not drunk" he beamed thinking he'd walked in a perfectly straight line and all Sehun could do was shake his head and laugh. "No but seriously" Tao exclaimed gluing himself back to Sehun's side resting his cheek against the younger male's side "play the truth game with me, it will be fun."

"Tao I don't even know what the truth game is" he countered while dragging the other down the street somehow he'd gotten stuck with the job of making sure Tao got home safe and sound or else Yixing would kill him. He was going to kill Yixing for this tomorrow.

"You have to ask me a question and I have to answer it with only the truth and then I do the same to you. If someone lies then the other wins and if someone refuses to answer the question then the other wins. Got it?" he asked eyes glued to Sehun's face waiting for the other to nod and when Sehun ignored him, Tao snuggled in closer and smiled until Sehun nodded in agreement "No lying, you have to tell the truth." Tao reminded him with a harsh look that meant he meant business "Okay I'll go first" Tao smirks as he taps in index finger against his chin pretending to be thinking about a question, he gets the grin on his face and Sehun expects the worse 'What color are your underwear?”

Sehun can't say he's not a little relieved because he was sure Tao was going to pull the whole who do you have a crush on card but, underwear that's an easy question “Black, but what does that have to do with anything” Sehun asked but is cut off before he can say anything else

“You aren't lying are you?” Tao asked and Sehun's about to protest that he's not lying when Tao pulls the back of his pants to check if his underwear are indeed black, and he's sure his face has turned a brilliant shade of red. “Nope not lying” Tao giggles before slightly stumbling, it takes Sehun a few moments to steady himself as well as his drunken friend before they're walking again.

“Why would I lie about my underwear Tao?” he ask, at this point no longer buzzed and slightly irritated because one Haung Zitao is ruining his life and two because Haung Zitao is ruining his life. Really he only has himself to blame because Sehun could have avoided this entire confusing mess by not complimenting his shoes that day, by simply keeping his mouth shut and waiting for the bus.

“I don't know why would you?” Tao slurs he's got a goofy grin plastered on his face and Sehun can't tell if he's up to something or if he's just drunk. “You're turn” he chimes as he lets go of Sehun's side to skip forward a few steps, surprisingly he doesn't fall on his face.

Sehun thinks about it what could he ask Tao that he doesn't already know, really he could pull the crush card but that one is a given and he's not sure if he really wants to know who Tao has a crush on, because its probably some really pretty girl at their school that he'll have to look at everyday until graduation. “Tao” he starts but stops to make sure his friend is even paying attention to him the panda looking boy hums and smiles in response “who was your first kiss?” he asks, its an innocent enough question right? Wrong.

“Kris” Tao's answer is totally not what Sehun expected he expected to hear I kissed blah blah in first grade because she shared her crayons with me, not that he had kissed the captain of the basketball team.

“You kissed Kris?” Sehun ask still unable to comprehend what he's just heard because as far as he knew Tao was straight, he liked girls who wore short skirts and heels, he like athletic girls who wore jeans and t-shirts, fashionista's Tao just liked girls. Every time they were out Tao was either flirting with some girl or complimenting her outfit choice, and Sehun can't lie and say that it didn't bother him that Tao flirted with girls.

“Mhmmm” Tao half smiles half smirks to himself as he walks along side Sehun, who thinks that he's slightly less drunk than before which is nice because he doesn't want to have to drag a passed out panda up three flights of stairs and into his apartment “Why do you think I'm lying?” Sehun shakes his head because surprisingly he doesn't think Tao's lying “because we can go back to the party and ask him, I'm sure he'll tell you all about it” Tao starts to turn back to the party but Sehun grabs him and pushes him back in the direction of Tao's apartment.

“I don't think you're lying I just didn't know” Sehun shrugs a frustrated frown already forming on his lips, he's kind of pissed that Kris kissed Tao, but he's not jealous. Is he? Probably.

“O-kay” Tao emphasizes before linking arms with Sehun “Its my turn then.” this time he doesn't wait and pretend he's thinking of a good question. “Have you ever kissed a boy?” he ask and Sehun stops walking which causes Tao to stumble forward quiet a bit.

“No.” he answers flatly, its not a lie if Tao had asked, have you ever thought about kissing a boy he'd have to find a way to lie about it because there was no way in hell he was telling Tao that he had thought about kissing him several times since they'd met. Hell would have to freeze over before he'd ever admit to that. 

“Really?” Tao smiles a smile that Sehun recognizes it as the I'm up to no good smile that Tao is so good at making. “Are you lying to me Oh Sehun?” Tao ask poking Sehun in the ribcage, which actually kind of hurts so he swats Tao's hand away a frustrated growl leaving his lips.

“Nope, never kissed a boy” he replies with more anger than he intended, because he wants to be on any other topic but this topic. Why did he agree to play this stupid game in the first place? Sometimes Sehun thinks he's a real idiot. “Its my turn then, do you miss China?” he asks because that question is the most innocent question he can think of and its completely unrelated to kissing or crushes on boys. Sehun's not gay he can't have a crush on Tao.

Sehun catches Tao frown out of the corner of his eye “Sometimes” he smiles a little to try to cover up the fact that the question brought down his mood. Sehun knows how much Tao misses China even though he won't outright say so, whenever the decide to order take out its Chinese, anytime Tao's had a bad day he lies across Sehun's couch and watches Chinese drama's. Sehun notices all these things because he notices everything about Tao, but he can't bring himself to admit he likes Tao a little more than a friend would “My turn again, if you could kiss a boy who would you kiss”

“Seriously Tao?” Sehun sighs raking his fingers through his hair, his brain is screaming abort mission abort abort abort. He really just wants to punch Tao but he can't because he doesn't want to hurt him. “Why are you so interested in me kissing boys” he ask shoving his hands deep into his pockets. Biting his bottom lip he stares ahead deciding not to answer Tao's question, because he doesn't want the other male to know that for some odd reason that he can't explain, sometimes he wants to slam Tao against a wall and kiss him, sometime he just wants to hold the others hand when they watch a movie, or cuddle late night when can't sleep because his bed seems far to large and lonely.

He can't tell Tao these things because he can't quite come to terms about it himself. He's not gay, he just has a thing for Tao. Sehun hates that Tao's able to make his heart jump, he hates that girls just don't look the same anymore because all he can seem to think about is Tao. Sehun doesn't find any other males attractive, he's tried looking to see if its all guys or just Tao he's noticing in that way. No matter how many guys he looked at none of them even phased him.

“Are you not going to answer” Tao whispers almost like he realizes he's crossed some imaginary line he shouldn't have, like he knows he's pushed Sehun a little to far into his thoughts. “If you're not going to answer does that mean I win?” Sehun closes his eyes and takes a deep breath because he really wishes he didn't have to answer the question, he'd almost rather let Tao win. “Sehun?” he hears Tao whisper his name again and when he looks down he regrets it because Tao is looking up at him with wide eyes and a pout on his lips and Sehun wants to die.

“Um, I don't know, Tao” he lies because he knows who he'd kiss if he could, but he's almost sure that Tao's going to buy his lie, but he gets pinched so hard on the side that he ends up shoving Tao several feet away from him “What the , Tao!” he yells yanking up his shirt to examine the red mark left behind by the drunk panda.

He looks up just in time to catch Tao shrug “You lied”

“No I didn't” he growls determined to put this stupid question to rest, because even if Tao kissed Kris that didn't mean he was into all guys. He really didn't want to give his real answer only to get laughed at, he really didn't want things to be awkward. Rejection and Sehun really isn't in the mood to be rejected tonight because the truth is he really likes Tao, he doesn't just want to kiss him, he kind of wants a relationship with him. Not that he would ever admit that out loud, because he isn't gay he doesn't know what the hell he is anymore. 

“Yes you did” Tao argues taking a few steps forward a determined but angry look on his face, its not like Sehun really thought he was going to get away with lying because he and Tao had been hanging out non-stop for nearly six months now. He knew it would be easy for Tao to call bull on one of his lies, and even though he knew it he hoped that Tao would just let it go “Its Luhan isn't it?”

“No! hell no, why would I want to kiss Luhan” Sehun laughs horrified at the idea of kissing Luhan who had been his best friend since they were in grade school. Luhan who had a thing for hooking up with random people at parties, Luhan who claims he's finally found the one, in the form of a short music major with hips that absolutely don't lie. 

“I see so now we have a guessing game, is it someone I know?” he ask with a grin on his face, Sehun doesn't answer “It is someone we know, this is great” he laughs clapping his hands together and then rubbing them together like he's about to dive into the worlds greatest hamburger. “Is it Yixing?”

“No” Sehun's reply is flat in tone, he really doesn't want to do this right now.

“Kris?”

“No” he lets out a loud sigh and rakes his fingers through his hair again a nasty habit he had whenever he was stressed, frustrated, or nervous. “Can we not right now, Tao” he ask looking at the Chinese male with pleading eyes he really doesn't want to play anymore he just wants to drop Tao off at home and forget this night exist.

“Xiumin? No not Xiumin he's not your type” Tao says to himself and Sehun thinks its kind of cute how his eye brows are knit together in concentration. “Kris? You would kiss Kris, let me tell you he is lacking in that department” he laughs Sehun shakes his head “Baekhyun's with Chanyeol, you don't like Chanyeol, you fight too much with Jongin who is with Kyungsoo and Jongdae is a butthead who is obviously in love with that idiot Joonmyun so that leaves....”

Sehun takes a deep breath and prays all will go well because if Tao says his name he's not sure he could say no, he in his bottom lip and prays for the strength to say what he's been meaning to say for a month now. He can' hear Luhan's words in his head “labels are lame Sehun, in life you just have to go for what you want and not worry about what other people will say or do, sometimes you have to reckless without worry which is why tonight I'm going to sink my claws into that cute little Baozi and never let him go” Sehun thinks on it for a while and then he looks up at Tao who is mouthing off names and trying to calculate just who Sehun thinks is attractive or worthy enough to kiss.

Somehow Luhan's words make sense, life if too short to be defined by labels to worry about what's going to happen in the future. He realizes that life is far too short to allow his opportunity with Tao slip through his fingers, because now might be the only time he can tell Tao how he really feels. Even if Tao laughs and rejects him at least he won't regret not telling him in twenty years.

“Who could it be” Tao mutters to himself as he scratches the top of his head, Sehun's never seen a drunk so determined to figure out an answer in his life. He lied, once he watched Yixing glare up at the stars determined to discover the meaning of life, that had been an interesting night.

“You” Sehun voice is barely audible but somehow Tao catches it and looks up at Sehun eyes wide, like he hadn't expected that answer.

“Me?” he ask eyes still wide Sehun nod unable to talk or breath. Hes waiting for it the rejection the disgusted laugh, the awkwardness but all he gets is “I was so sure that it was Taemin, he's just so cute” he teases with a soft smile on his face.

“Um Taemin and Onew kind of have a thing going on”

“Really!” Tao exclaims “I totally knew it” he smiles then looks at Sehun with a serious expression. Sehun braces himself because here it comes. Rejection. “Its cute how you try to hide your crush on me”

“What?”

Tao looks at him and rolls his eyes “Please stop pretending you don't have a crush on me”

“I'm....I'm not gay” Sehun protest

“Story of my life” Tao smiles and clings to Sehun's side wrapping his arms around the other males waist like nothing had happened, like Sehun hadn't just told him that if he could kiss anyone it would be him. “I'm not gay, but I could be” Sehun's brows furrow because that doesn't make any sense how could you not be gay and be gay at the same time. “Its hard to find someone that you feel completely comfortable with, harder to find someone you like and can be comfortable with. Its even harder when that person is a guy, because it makes everything really difficult. So many questions run through your mind and you're constantly fighting that attraction because you think, I can't be gay. I like girls, I've been with lots of girls but I want to be with this person.”

“I don't understand”

“Basically, what I'm trying to say sometimes attraction works in strange ways. I kissed Kris because I thought I liked boys the way I like girls but I didn't feel anything. It doesn't make sense because whenever I'm around you my heart beats really fast and I can't explain it but I want to...”

“Kiss me? I know the feeling” Sehun smiles cheeks burning red, he can't believe he said that out loud because everything that Tao is saying is what he's been going through for the past month and hearing someone say it out loud has given him a new perspective on how he sees this whole Tao issue. 'Haung Zitao do you have a crush on me?” now its Sehun's turn to tease, but he ends up getting pinched in the side again.

“Nope”

“Bull” Sehun pinches back he doesn't know why but the air seems a little lighter than before and for the first time in a month he feels like he can breath, really breath again.

“Oh just go ahead, get a big head, I liked you better when you tried to hide it” Tao laughs clinging to Sehun's shirt as they walk up to his apartment building. There is a silent agreement between the two, an understanding that there is a mutual attraction. They don't need to tell each other how they feel because they already know. They manage to make it up the stairs with Tao clinging to Sehun's shirt and refusing to let go, when they make it to the top they stand in silence for a moment looking at the door then at each.

Tao keeps looking at Sehun like he wants him to do something, he in his bottom lip and continues to stare. Sehun makes the first move pushing Tao against the wall and then he kisses him like he's been wanting to for the last month, maybe even longer he doesn't know when he started feeling like this. Tao's fingers thread in Sehun's hair, like he's afraid if he lets go Sehun's going to disappear.

Sehun's not gay he just has a thing for Tao, he doesn't need to label it he just loves Tao. 

Authors Note: So here it is possibly the worst written fanfiction in the history of fanfiction. I'm sorry I'm so terrible, please don't hate me too much or do.  I'm the worst. Anyways I hope you enjoy my crappy writting.  I don't know I just felt like writing a uality confused Sehun, who runs from his feelings. The first part was really hastily written when I realized I faild to finsih the introduction. 

Mkay enjoy now that we've come to the conclusion that I'm the worst. 

Everytime I reread this I realize how bad this is, why am I even posting this.