*This will be a one-shot based off from Minho's POV. 

I had this on my mind for a few days, and I'm also having a writer's block for 'TLFOH', hopefully this helps me out.

 As always, comments would be much appreciated.

Enjoy!

Life always grants things that you hate or disgust. Me? I personally have nine things I desperately wish to take back.

I have nine things I regret in total:

My social life.

I was, still am popular and well know around the Kpop industry. From SM entertainment to JYP entertainment, from SHINee to Block B, I am still Choi Minho. I was social, especially around the male idols. I attracted girls by my charming and loving personality, yet attracted males with my competitive and strong side of me. Everyone was my friend. Not only did I have my SHINee members, but I also had a variety of friends from other groups that would beg for my presence... I won't lie on how immersed I was with the fact that it would be fun to hang out with friends and be wild like every young adult wishes to be. Friends would call me, talk to me for hours, ask for me to party with them, hang out with them, and all together push me away from you. At that moment, I honestly didn't care and followed along the path that seemed addicting. 

I never thought I would hurt you, and it was stupid to have thought so. Your crooked smile and your nod to my excuses seemed enough for me to be forgiven, but I never gave the thought that maybe, you were faking. Maybe, you were faking it just to make me happy and not have problems. You were and still are the most sweetest female I have known. You have the looks of an angel, but your personality is a replica of an angels'. You don't like hurting people, and you always feel as if you are holding people back when you aren't. Maybe that's what you thought you were doing to me and try to cover it up with that crooked facade. That facade was a happy one, and I regret to never explore deeper to the facade to find the breaking one behind it. I was in too deep to my rising popularity that I never gave a thought about how you felt. About how it slowly pushed me away from you.

I regret my social status.

My ignorance.

I am Choi Minho, and in that name there is a hint that I am human. Every human makes mistakes, but my problem was something out of the league. As I rised to stardom, I grew as a whole. I grew in appearance, in social status, and personality... But I also grew with ignorance. Not that I was a complete ignorant, but I was an ignorant towards you. I got busy with robotic schedules, performances, interviews, and family and friends as a whole. Maybe, I had the reason to treat you in that way when I was stressed out or just depressed with my results of my idol life, but then again, treating you like that on a normal daily basis can be considered a sin. Nobody knew that hidden flaw of me. Everyone thinks I'm just a perfect gift from heaven, but you were the only person who received my ignorance... Maybe being a famous is something bad, but I don't regret being one when I receive love from fans I now adore and having people admire me just like my childhood where I also admired my own heroes and role models of famous humans. 

However, being famous did take me to the path of you getting my ignorance. You don't deserve that, and I hate myself for that. You were always quiet and smiling that crooked smile of yours. We always planned for things or conversed over similar topics, but not a single time did I give a thought about your own thoughts and opinions. Just me, and all me. I was always right, and the slightest word you said was wrong. I would disagree roughly, never giving a thought about how maybe those small words could've hurt you. When you felt sick or had that solemn expression, never did I go deep to your soul and try to help you come back to life. I left you suffering with those feelings with a nod and my ignorance to how maybe you were breaking inside or even breaking into pieces. Never did I ever give a thought about how my ignorance was slowly lowering your self-esteem on my attraction towards you. My ignorance placed a wall of feelings between us, not allowing me to know a single thing about you anymore.

I regret being such an ignorant towards you.

My obsessions.

Who doesn't have obsessions? Everyone does. I,  personally am obsessed with sports, food, my rising acting career, kids, and being SHINee's rapper. Sports has always been my passion and my love, especially soccer. If it wasn't for my dad disagreeing of my dream to be a soccer player, I would be running on the field with the soccer ball besides me right now as I speak. Someones says a word about soccer, and I'm a total chatterbox. I am always the first idol to be in soccer games or volunteering for variety shows which involve sports and exercising. I am an athletic person and people praise my toned figure but are surprised after they see me eat. I eat with desperation and hunger. I eat all types of foods. From spicy to sweet foods, I eat it in big gulps and sizes. I love to eat, I have no hatred towards food when it is almost heaven for me. Acting has been grabbing my heart, and I love it. I love the feeling of being a whole different person with a whole different way of living for a while. My passion burns in excitement when I leave the staff gaping at my 'talent' for acting, leaving me wanting for more acting and more scripts. It's been a small amount of time, but I have grown fond over being an actor later on. Kids, especially toddlers or newborns can be my weakness to being manly. I am sometimes seen as if I'm a creeper or a weird male, but I love kids. They are adorable and fun to play with, they always make you pop a smile out of your face even in the hardest times. For instance, Yoogeun, my son. He's not my real son, but I surely do treat him and see him as my own child. I am fond over the boy who is growing beyond my eyes as the years pass, but that's just another thing that makes me love kids the most, seeing them develop. Being SHINee's rapper made me a whole different person from the past, and a better one. I got to experience a whole new world with a new set of people. I get to do what I love, explore the world, do things I never imagined I would be doing. Being part of something makes me feel alive.

There I go again. I have obsessions, but did I ever speak about you? Of course not, and that's what I hate about my obsessions. I get so into them, I forget about you. I love sports, yet I never gave a thought about how much you hate them. No matter how much you have tried to love sports, your body just isn't fit and adapted to that, but I appreciate you for even trying even if I would bash on how out of shape you were when you really weren't. I always thought going to a date to eat was the best thing for couples to do, but I would always take you to places with the best food selection, nothing romantic. You are a girl, and I know that beneath that small smile, you wished to be in a five-star romantic restaurant rather than my favorite corner store that made the best homemade ramyun which you must've been tired of eating after having enough of it in your trainee years, but like always you would show me that crooked smile. My official debut of an actor was in the year 2010, but my most special one would be the role I had along with you as the main lead roles. 'To the beautiful you' showed me a new sight with you besides me smiling. We were both happy then, but after that, I got addicted to being scripted in a role. I was so looking forward to another role, that when I got one in 'Medical top team' I was determined to get it all right and perfect. Not once did I give a thought on how distant we were getting when we would end our conversations with you just hearing me speak out words of a facade from the script and you softly praising me with a sigh. Yoogeun is someone special to me, and so are you. But maybe getting to know Yoogeun before you had me more attached to him when I could get the chance to see him? You giggled and said words of forgiveness when I postponed our movie night at the theaters when Yoogeun's mother called me to know if I wanted to have dinner with them since Yoogeun was now free from school. However, not once did I give a thought that you were already standing in front of the theaters with a big sized popcorn, soda in hand, and a real broken smile in your beautiful pale face.

For that, I regret having so many obsessions.

My competitive side.

Everyone loves that side of me. Fans, idols, and even the CEO of SM entertainment. It catches attention, it has everyone biting their nails to see my ending results. I can be loosing just like that nightmare of dream team I wouldn't give up no matter how hopeless I was, but that's how competitive I am. I would win sometimes, and I would be on cloud nine at the sound of praising and claps ringing my ears. I would be happy and joyful at the thought that I was the one who won out of all players, and the best out of all of them. Yet, I would lose also, and that always is one of the most horrible feelings I could ever experience. My teeth always gritted in anger, I would be frustrated in myself. I envied the winner with passion, and almost slap myself for the mistake I had done that maybe gave me the chance to win. It could be a big or small game, but I both take seriously in order to win. I never liked to lose, and always expect to win. It was some of the things that makes me well-known, it's actually one of the many reasons why I'm known as 'Flaming charisma.'

And still, when I lost, my dark side would take over me. You would call me with soft words to help me get over the petty game, but would always end up with me yelling at you and leaving you almost in tears. It was my voice yelling over the phone so loudly, I always thought my ears would pop at the sound, but at the sound of my vulgar words insulting you in how much you don't and never will understand. Your angelic personality will be crushed with my annoyance and my disagreements to whatever you said. You, who only had the intention to help me and give me a small smile