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February 15 2014

Minseo glares at her plate as she listens to the sounds coming from their bedroom. Well, she isn’t sure if she can call it their room considering that Kyungsoo is packing his stuff at the moment. The noises stop after a couple of minutes and Minseo closes her eyes in order to stop her self from crying. It’s not like she didn’t see this coming but it doesn’t mean it hurts any lees. It seams like just yesterday they were so in love with each other that they couldn’t go a day without seeing or hearing each other. But where are they now?

He was getting ready to disappear from her life and she wasn’t even moving a finger to stop him.

Minseo can feel him watching her so she turns around to look at him. Their eyes meet and Minseo can only sigh when she sees him holding his suitcase. They don’t say anything and just look at each other. They used to have staring contest all the time and the first person to blink would own the other one a favor. He asked for hugs she asked for kisses but it seams like right now both of them only want this to be over as fast as it can.

After a minute of silence he is the first to speak ˝I’ll be going now.˝

It’s almost a whisper but Minseo hears it perfectly. She just nods slowly because she doesn’t her voice. With that he turns around and walks to the door. He opens the door but before leaving he turns around and says something that only brakes Minseo’s heart even more ˝I’m sorry.˝

Minseo can’t stand it anymore. It’s just too much to even think about the fact that in couple of seconds he will walk out of their apartment and her life as well. She can’t stand it anymore so she speaks for the first time since he started packing ˝Just leave.˝

Kyungsoo doesn’t say anything and does what Minseo asks. Minseo stares at the closed doors for a minute before she gets up and takes her plate to the sink. She wasn’t even hungry but she needed something to occupy herself with something until Kyungsoo was gone.

Minseo doesn’t know what to do now; she doesn’t even know what she should feel right now. She should probably be angry, hurt, devastated but she doesn’t feel anything. To her it seams like she is watching some movie. It feels like she was cuddled up with Kyungsoo while they watched the lead actress cry her eyes out when her love interest left her. The only difference is that in the end of those movies the man would come back and everything would be all right but she knows that Kyungsoo isn’t coming back. She knows that this is the end; she knows that they will never be together again.

While she walks to the living room to get her phone so she can call her friend so they can go out because Minseo can stand being in the apartment alone any longer her eyes land on a photo.

There is nothing special about it it’s just a simple photo they took in a park after all. But the looks in Kyungsoo’s and her eyes are filled with love and that is the final straw for Minseo.

Why couldn’t they look like that now?

Why did he leave her?

What went wrong?

Minseo doesn’t even bother to pick up the phone once she drops it to the ground. She just stands on the same spot like a statue and cries. Minseo herself doesn’t even know why exactly she is crying. Maybe it’s because he left, maybe it’s because of what he did, maybe because she was stupid enough that she didn’t see it coming. The only thing she is sure of is that she wants to go back to the times when they were so happy and in love.

September 21 2012

Minseo shakes her head and grips the strap of her bag tighter while she tries to slowly get away from her best friend, Hana. Just as Minseo manages to take two steps away from her friend she bumps into somebody. Minseo stumbles but instead of falling she feels somebody grabbing her wrist. Minseo looks to her left and to say that she is surprised when she sees Kyungsoo there is an understatement.

˝Kyungsoo,˝ She says a little to loudly ˝I thought you needed to meet your parents.˝

˝I did.˝ Kyungsoo simply says and starts walking without letting go of Minseo’s hand.

˝How did it go?˝

˝Like always.˝ he simply answers and they keep walking ˝I’m more interested in the fact that my girlfriend is in an amusement park without me.˝

Minseo’s eyes widen when she realizes that Kyungsoo is implying that she is cheating on him. Minseo hits him on the chest whit her free hand ˝My friends dragged me here and they went to the horror house and you know that I hate that so I just wanted to walk around for a while.˝

Kyungsoo hums in reply and starts leading Minseo somewhere. Minseo isn’t sure what she expects but it definitely isn’t being dragged to the horror house while Kyungsoo laughs at her horrified face. Somewhere in the middle of walking thru a house witch is filled with fake blood, ghosts and other scary creatures Minseo thinks that it isn’t as bad as she thought but maybe it’s just because Kyungsoo tightens his grip on her palm and whispers encouraging things to her.

February 21 2014

Minseo let’s out a sigh as she drops the last item inside her suitcase. Her eyes scan the now empty apartment and she feels uncomfortable pan in her chest. It doesn’t hurt because she is leaving it hurts because all of the memories she ever had in here with Kyungsoo replay inside her head. After six days of crying she thought that there is nothing left but it seams like she is wrong because her vision starts getting blurry once again.    

˝Are you ready to leave.˝ Hana’s voice brings Minseo back to reality.

Minseo looks at her friend and nods before grabbing her suitcase. They don’t say anything while Minseo locks the apartment’s door. In the elevator Minseo is the first one to speak ˝Thank you for letting me stay with you until I find my own place.˝

˝Don’t mention it.˝

They don’t say anything else. Minseo isn’t sure if it’s because Hana doesn’t know what to say or because she knows that Minseo doesn’t want to talk about it. No matter what the reason is Minseo is just glad that she doesn’t have to assure anybody that she is all right when in reality she wants to scream, cry, yell and be childish but she knows that now isn’t the time to do that. She knows that now is the time to get up and move on. That thought scares Minseo because she has no idea on how she is supposed to do that.

Too lost in her own thoughts Minseo doesn’t even notice they arrived to Hana’s until Hana points it out. After Minseo doesn’t move Hana takes her hand and squeezes it comfortingly ˝It’s going to be fine.˝

˝I know.˝ Minseo answers ˝It just doesn’t feel like it right now.˝

Later that night while she is trying to sleep on Hana’s couch Minseo remembers the day Kyungsoo and she moved into the apartment. Minseo spends that night trying to muffle her sobs into the pillow. She knows that one day she won’t be heartbroken and that she will think crying for six or more days was stupid but right now when she fells like somebody is stabbing her heart she really doesn’t know what else to do.

December 31 2012

˝Come on,˝ Minseo whines ˝Let’s go somewhere.˝

Kyungsoo mumbles something and Minseo turns her head to look at him. He is lying face down on the couch probably tired from moving all the boxes to their new apartment. But that doesn’t stop Minseo from asking him to go out somewhere.      

˝We can’t spend the beginning of a new year like this.˝ Minseo can practically feel Kyungsoo rolling his eyes at that statement.

˝Like what?˝ he finally lifts up his head from the couch to look at her.

˝Just sitting here not doing anything fun.˝ Minseo pouts in hopes of wining Kyungsoo over with her cuteness.

Kyungsoo groans once again and lies down again. Minseo knows that she can easily win this if she wants to. But the exhausted look on Kyungsoo’s face stops her from pouting some more and getting what she wants. Minseo sighs and places her hand on his back ˝It’s fine. We don’t have to go out tonight.˝

˝Really?˝ Kyungsoo lifts his head just a little so he can speak but he doesn’t look at Minseo.

˝Yes.˝ Minseo pats Kyungsoo’s back a couple of times ˝But only if we do something really special next year.˝

˝Deal.˝ Kyungsoo grins and pecks Minseo’s lips once before lying down once again.

Minseo grins at his back and shakes her head when she hears a soft snore ˝Deal but it better be super special.˝

Even if Minseo enters the New Year listening to Kyungsoo’s snores and mumbling while she watches a random movie she doesn’t mind it one bit. Especially not when Kyungsoo gives her    a New Year kiss and apologizes for being an hour late. It doesn’t matter anyway because they will do something special next year.

December 31 2013

Minseo doesn’t believe her ears. She stares at Kyungsoo while million questions go thru her head.  

How can he do something like this?

Does he even remember what he promised her a year ago?

Why didn’t he say anything sooner?

Does he even care about what she feels right now?

After a couple of minutes Minseo finally speaks. From all of the questions, all the cuss words and all of the insults only one word slips from Minseo’s lips and it’s almost a whisper ˝Why?˝

Kyungsoo doesn’t answer. He just walks past her and locks himself inside their bedroom. All of shock, confusion and hurt that Minseo feels are replaced by anger. Minseo starts banging on the bedroom doors and yelling at Kyungsoo to open it so they can talk. But Kyungsoo doesn’t open it and Minseo falls asleep on the floor.

Next morning when Minseo wakes up on the bed in their bedroom for a moment she thinks that last night was a dream but when she sees a note on the night stand her heart sinks. Their on the paper writhen by none other than Kyungsoo himself is all the confirmation Minseo needs in one sentence, I will come back to pick up my stuff. Minseo reads the note again and again trying to understand how this happened. Not even a week ago everything was fine at least Minseo thought in was but it seams like she was completely wrong.

Without even thinking it thru Minseo grabs Kyungsoo’s phone from the night stand, she guesses he forgot it because he was trying to leave as soon as possible. Minseo never thought she will become like one of those crazy girlfriends that spy on their boyfriends but she doesn’t even know if she is his girlfriend anymore after what he said to her yesterday. She only sees messages from herself and a couple of his close friends. Just when she was about to put the phone down one massage catches her eyes.

From: Mom

Come home for diner we need to talk about something important.

Minseo stares at the phone. It couldn’t possibly be that his parents had something to do with this. Sure Minseo knows that they aren’t fond of her but they couldn’t possibly be the ones behind this. Could they?

February 28 2014

Minseo yawns as she watches her friend talking to one of his customers. Jongdae was working in his mothers flower shop while and right now a girl around their age was ordering flowers for her wedding or something like that. Honestly Minseo wasn’t listening to her and was just waiting for Jongdae to finish so they could go out to lunch.  

˝I don’t think he would like this…˝ the woman starts once again and Jongdae gives Minseo an apologetic look. Minseo shrugs because she honestly doesn’t mind being in the flower shop. She even worked in the shop if Jongdae or his mother couldn’t make it.

A sad smile appears on Minseo’s face when she remembers that her first meeting with Kyungsoo happened in this shop. Thru the last couple of days she was starting to get better. She wasn’t crying every day and she even found her own place the only thing left was to move in.

But life is harsh sometimes and just when you think things are going your way reality slaps you hard. Minseo doesn’t feel like she is just being slapped she feels like somebody is ripping out her heart as she watches Kyungsoo enter the shop, walk up to the girl that is buying flowers and kiss her on the cheek.

Minseo s frozen on her spot, she can feel Jongdae watching her but she doesn’t move. It hurts and it hurts much more because in the back of her mind Minseo hoped that Kyungsoo would find her one day and tell her that it was a joke. But looking at the couple rings on his and the girl’s fingers she knows it wasn’t some kind of a sick joke. It was the painful reality.

May 15 2011

Minseo looks up from the magazine she was reading when she hears the bell signaling that somebody came into the shop. She is little surprised when she sees a good looking guy around her age standing right in front of her. Middle aged women and boyfriends who were begging for forgiveness are the usual customers but Minseo isn’t complaining at all.

˝How can I help you?˝ she asks in the polite tone Mrs. Kim instructed her to use when she was talking to the costumers.

The guy grins awkwardly ˝I’m really not sure myself.˝ when he sees Minseo’s questioning look he starts explaining ˝My mother wanted me to get her flowers for her guests but I really don’t know what to buy.˝

Minseo giggles because the guy is so adorable. She gestures to the many bouquets on a counter next to her ˝You can look thru this and pick the one you like.˝

The guy starts looking thru the bouquets while Minseo watches him but really it was hard to not look at him when he looked so good doing practically nothing. After some time the guy picked out a bouquet and Minseo was surprised to see that it was the one she begged Jongdae to let her take it but he was to cheep to give it for free.     

˝You have nice taste.˝ Minseo compliments him when he pays for the bouquet.

The guy rubs the back of his neck ˝Well…I saw my mother buying something similar once so I decided it’s best to play it safe.˝

˝In that case your mother has good taste.˝ she extends her hand for a handshake ˝My name is Minseo by the way.˝

A big smile appears on his face and he shakes her hand ˝Do Kyungsoo.˝

Minseo can’t help but feel happy for the rest of the day even when Jongdae comes back and doesn’t stop teasing her about her smile. She just shrugs him of and goes back to work thanking Kyungsoo’s mother for sending him to get flowers.

January 2 2014

˝In the end I hope you realize that our company is more important to Kyungsoo than some silly relationship.˝ Minseo watches Kyungsoo’s mother not believing her own ears. This couldn’t possibly be the same woman that welcomed Minseo into their family with a huge smile. The woman doesn’t even wait for Minseo to answer her before she speaks again ˝Do you understand what I’m talking about?˝

Minseo knows that taking back is the worst thing to do at this moment but her tongue is faster ˝No, I don’t understand.˝

  Surprise is clear on the woman’s face when Minseo says that but her eyes harden when she speaks again ˝I never thought you were this dense.˝

Minseo knows that there is no use in fighting with somebody as powerful as Kyungsoo’s mother but she doesn’t care at the moment ˝I never thought you would force Kyungsoo into a marriage because of your company.˝

A chuckle leaves the woman’s lips ˝Well, it seams like both of us thought wrongly.˝

The woman stands up but before she can walk away Minseo spills out everything that is on her mind in that moment ˝How can you be this evil? You don’t even care about your son; the only thing that matters to you is that stupid company. I never thought that I would meet somebody that would actually force somebody into a marriage to save their company. This is such a horrible thing to do.˝

˝That might be thru.˝ only word to disrobe the smile on the woman’s face as she speaks is wicked ˝But shouldn’t you ask yourself why Kyungsoo isn’t fighting to be with you.˝

The woman leaves the café but Minseo doesn’t move from her seat. The last thing that Kyungsoo’s mother said keeps repeating itself inside Minseo’s head. Kyungsoo loves her so why didn’t he fight for them?

March 18 2014

The reporter smiles after finishing his story about Do Kyungsoo and his lovely fiancé visiting an orphanage. Minseo can fell Hana’s and Jongdae’s eyes on her. Its annoying Minseo a little but she doesn’t say anything because she knows they are just worried that she will do something stupid. In order to assure them that she is all right Minseo gets up and heads to the kitchen of her apartment ˝I’m going to get a drink. Do you want anything?˝

They don’t say anything and that only annoys Minseo even more. She isn’t a child so she definitely doesn’t need to be treated like one. She knows her friends are worried for her but treating her like she is made of glass won’t do anything. If she told them that she is fine they should believe her.                                    

Yes, Minseo knew that Kyungsoo was getting married and it did hurt a lot but she also knows that there is nothing she can do about it. She takes a glass but before she can do anything else Hana and Jongdae come into the kitchen. Jongdae is fidgeting and Hana is nudging him. After a minute of silence Minseo talks first ˝What’s going on?˝

Jongdae clears his throat before speaking ˝I’m so sorry about this but my mothers flower shop was hired for Kyungsoo’s wedding. I really don’t want to see him ever again after everything he did to you but…˝

Minseo doesn’t let him finish because she knows that his mother’s shop was having rough couple of months and that they probably need any kind of income they can get ˝It’s fine.˝

Just as Jongdae opens his mouth to probably thank Minseo and apologize one more Hana interrupts him almost shouting ˝It’s not fine.˝

Minseo and Jongdae look at Hana surprised. Hana just keeps talking while her eyes burn a hole thru their heads ˝Don‘t lie Minseo. We aren’t going to hate you if you say that you are hurt. You don’t have to be strong right now. You can cry, scream and do anything you want but instead you are only letting yourself suffer more because you don’t want to talk about your feelings.˝

Minseo gapes at Hana not believing her own ears. Hana was always supportive and never asked to many questions but right now she looks like she wants to rip out Minseo’s hear because of her frustration. Minseo speaks in the well practiced tone ˝I’m completely fine.˝

That sentence has Hana taking a step foreword and Minseo guesses Hana would probably slap her if Jongdae didn’t pull her back. Jongdae tries to calm boat of them down ˝Why are you being like this? We should talk if something is bothering any of us not fight like children.˝

˝I’m sorry.˝ Hana’s voice is just above a whisper now ˝It’s frustrating to watch you and know that you are hurting while you insist that everything is fine.˝

Minseo doesn’t answer and just hugs Hana. Minseo doesn’t want to say anything she just wants all of this to be over as soon as possible. She doesn’t want to be reminded of Kyungsoo every time she watches TV because he and his fiancé went for a walk in a park while she is sitting in her apartment still thinking about him.

˝It’s going to be fine.˝ Hana says and somehow Minseo believes it more than all of the times she tried to convince herself.

February 14 2014

˝So, this is how it ends.˝ the only way to describe Minseo tone is hurt.

Minseo an only see one emotion in Kyungsoo’s eyes, guilt ˝It’s not my fault. I have to…˝

˝You have to do this for your family.˝ Minseo finishes for him.

Neither of them says anything else. Minseo is still trying to make sense of this situation but nothing comes to her mind. The only words that repeat in her head constantly are he is leaving me.

Minseo reaches across the table and takes Kyungsoo’s hand ˝Can’t you stay?˝

She knows the answer already but it doesn’t stop her from feeling like somebody just spilled a bucket of water over her when he speaks ˝You know I can’t.˝

˝I know.˝ she mutters and starts moving her hand away but Kyungsoo grips it.

˝You deserve somebody better than me.˝ Minseo opens to protest but he puts up his free hand in order to make her listen to him until the end ˝You need somebody who isn’t a coward like me. You need somebody who will be with you no matter what happens. I only hope that you will be able to find somebody like that and that you will be happy without me.˝

Tears start falling from Minseo’s eyes ˝Is this the time to say goodbye?˝

Kyungsoo tries to smile but fails; he sighs ˝I guess it is.˝

May 15 2014

Minseo would laugh if she watched this scene in a movie or read it in a book but now when it’s happening to her it’s everything but funny.

Standing in the café where she and Kyungsoo said goodbye to each other and seeing him whit his fiancé is painful. But surprisingly it isn’t as painful as she expected it to be. Minseo thought she would feel like somebody is killing her when she sees Kyungsoo with his fiancé once again but right now she feels hurt because this used to be their special place nobody else knew about.

Minseo drinks her coffee trying her best not to be noticed by Kyungsoo. It seams like her plan failed because ten minutes later somebody takes a seat across Minseo and when she looks up she sees that it’s Kyungsoo.

˝Hey.˝ his voice is barely above a whisper like he is afraid that she will hurt him in some way.

Minseo doesn’t know what to say. A part of her wants to scream at him because he doesn’t have any rights to come here after everything he did but there is another part of her that wants nothing else than him staying and talking to her like he used to. In the end she just goes with a simple ˝Hey.˝

Kyungsoo smiles ˝I thought you would scream at me or even hit me.˝

Minseo’s voice clearly tells him that he said something wrong when she speaks ˝Why would you think that?˝

˝I just thought…˝

But Minseo cuts him off ˝I’m not a child.˝

Kyungsoo’s eyes widen ˝I’m sorry.˝

˝I’m fine.˝ Minseo says and stands up ˝I’ll be going now.˝ she doesn’t even give him a chance to answer and leaves.  

Minseo tries to calm her racing heart down as she walks away from the café. Maybe saying that she was fine was a lie but the truth is that she is going to be fine. One day she won’t be crying because of Kyungsoo anymore. One day she will find somebody else and forget about him. To do that she just needs to start living like she did before she meet him and there is no better day to do that than today because today she finally said goodbye to Kyungsoo.

Whit that decision a small but the most genuine smile in the last five months appears on Minseo’s face.   

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