Plot: 13/20

First of all, arranged marriage is always a super cliché way to smush characters together.

And, it makes it even worse when her dad marries her off to Baekhyun just to regain his reputation. Wouldn’t that make her seem scandalous instead? Plus, Mirae doesn’t seem to argue or disagree.

Also, I don’t think she would allow Baekhyun to ‘force’ himself on her in the third chapter. They’ve just met, and she is supposed to be the careful one. Why would she do that?

Other than that though, I think everything else is fine. ^^ It’s just the plot that is way too cliché. I hope you’ll add some interesting twists here and there, especially the part about her memory loss! :)

Characters: 11/20

Your OC, Mirae, has many loopholes. You say one thing about her then demonstrate something else.

Firstly, if she’s so paranoid about going out, she’d be crying and kicking as her father drags her out of the house. But instead she just argues once, and gives up. And if she would have given up like this, why not go out earlier?

Secondly, she’s supposedly very careful. She wouldn’t let Baekhyun just do that to her. She’d ask for… protection or something (awkward face).

Mirae’s dad. He’s too focused on his repution-he doesn’t care as much about Mirae. 0.0 Poor Mirae. Shouldn’t she be resentful in the least?

And Baekhyun. I think he knew Mirae beforehand, and that’s why he’s so forward, and seems to have an interest in her so fast. However, if that’s the case, don’t you think he’ll be gentler with her and take things slowly?

Flow: 6/15

This is going way to fast. Baekhyun is already having *** with her at the third chapter. What?

Yup, you were right.

Some advice, focus more on the romance, unless you plan to get her to fall in love with Baekhyun because of ***.

There should be one or two chapters between chapters 1&2, talking about the repercussions of the gala and the accident (rumors). There should be some clue that her dad is planning the wedding.

Between chapters 2 and 3, if you really want them to ****, you should put at least five chapters between that, talking about the romance (there should be) between Baekhyun and Mirae. Otherwise, you should just put that scene after the wedding.

(I’m sorry I feel so awkward. Never was a author ^^)

The flow between paragraphs is fine, it’s just that the story progresses at such a fast rate that it’s unbelievable. We would all enjoy some romantic, build-up scenes here and there!

Writing Skill: 22/30

Well, the standard is pretty good for someone whose first language isn’t English.

You have some pretty good paragraphs, for example, the first three paragraphs of the first chapter, and that just shows how much better you can write. Somehow, the other chapters seemed rushed, without hesitation to stop and just simply describe.

However, there are some good sentences in there, and I believe it’s just the phrasing.

As for your scenes, I’m not much of a reader and I kind of covered my eyes through it (really not a reader) but it’s pretty emotional, and ugh…detailed.

Good job! (cry cry cry my innocence has left me.)

Also, some parts are really crude (wince)

Grammar /phrasing.

[02;]

He started to tell is how his plan goes, () Baekhyun dint hesitate to agree.

Correction: He started to tell Baekhyun about his plan, and Baekhyun didn’t hesitate to agree.

[08;]

“I dint mean that!” I yelled slowly.

Correction: “I didn’t mean that!” I yelled.

(‘Slowly’ is not needed here)

Crudeness

I nodded my head, my vag hurts.

Correction: I nodded. My body hurt everywhere.

(‘Head is redundant. Also, try not to use short form/slang)

Description/Forward: 4/5

This is actually really good :) However, it would help if it was phrased a bit more elegantly, but it’s still pretty enticing and well-written.

Title: 3/5

The title ‘Married By Force’ is pretty cliché. It does relate to the story, but it’s nothing extraordinary. Maybe you should think of it in an abstract way, like… “An unexpected relationship”, or “We were pushed together” or “Hello, my stranger husband.” (I don’t know XD)

First Impression: 5/5

SO GOOD. The first thing I thought was, ‘woah’. Yes, congratulations, it’s the best I’ve ever seen so far. Good grammar, interesting, good introduction of main character.

Overall: 64/100

Once again, you did pretty well for someone whose first language isn’t English. I suggest you go read up some books, so you can use some more good phrases in your story. I have faith in you!! 

-InvisiNinja

Story Link: 

http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/637420