Plot 15/20

Ok, let's start with how you were inspired by the movie Frozen. 

It was very clear to readers (that have seen the movie) what was inspired by the movie. I'm happy that you didn't make it exactly like the movie! You made Key into your very own character and your plot had it's twists and turns.  It made it very interesting because at times readers would think that they knew what was going on, but just then you would throw them a plot twist.  That is a great skill to have when writing.  It keeps readers interested in the work.

For some reason, I totally didn't see Amber and Key getting stranded on the island and having to survive coming.  I expected them to get picked up in a few hours or something.  A good example of your excellent plot twists!

One thing I would like to inform you about is that sometimes you would fail to introduce characters. Amber's sisters sort of appeared out of nowhere and you had me confused for a little while as to where they came from and who they were.  Also, when Key was in the cave and all of a sudden came across a farmer, that was quite sudden as well.

I would like to mention that some of your plot was quite unrealistic. I just want to say the wave was a bit ridiculous.  I know you had to include it to make the story progress, but you could have written it differently to make it more believable fan fiction wise. Also, Key should've been weak after he gained consciousness. He couldn't have had so much energy to pester Amber. AND when they got chased by the savage man on the deserted island it almost seemed quite comical and not suspenseful like I think you meant it to be. 

Overall, your story was entertaining. I've never read something like that before.  

Oh! I also have an answer to your poll. I choose A!

Characters 15/20

I found Key to be a really interesting character.  It must've been difficult to include his thoughts as well as his dialogue and I think you did a really good job incorporating that into your story.

It was fun reading Key's thoughts when he didn't want to hang out with Amber!  You made me feel bad for her, but at the same time I thought it was sort of funny how evil and reluctant Key was. 

As Key matured, I think you did an alright job writing that. That as somewhat predictable and a bit cliche.  The bad boy that eventually grows up.

Amber's character is also a bit cliche.  She's like the typical girl that falls for the bad boy and then realizes she can't love him, and has fights with herself. Ah, I've seen it so many times.

But you did a good job writing her.  She portrayed tomboys very well.  

Flow 10/15

For the most part, your flow was decent.  There are a few things I would like to point out.

In the very begininng of your story, you describe the event in which Amber meets Key.  The action at that moment was so confusing!  I wasn't sure when she was on the ground or cleaning herself off or just staring at Key.  I believe you can reword that entire first paragraph differently to make it easier to understand.  

Also, please less clothing descriptions.  You wrote descriptions about clothes that were too long and detailed.  Most of the time they didn't even contribute to the story and I'm sure readers skipped through them.

Like I said, I admired your use of thoughts.  But to make it easier for the readers, I suggest you seperate dialogue and speech.  Break up your paragraphs! This brings me to my next point:

You used so much uneccessary description! Your paragraphs were so long and had so much detail that wasn't needed in the story! It dragged on and on, readers are going to find themselves skimming through and sometimes skipping over entire paragraphs because they figure there is nothing important to read. 

You also have a lot of uneccessary dialogue.  I remember my English teacher talking to my class about how you want to avoid "Junk Conversation." It is basically dialogue between characters that contributes nothing to the story.  A lot of your dialogue didn't help to push the story along and just added to the extra detail that readers didn't neet to know.

I noticed a lot of this in the first few chapters, and I kept making notes about it on my paper. 

Also, I would like to mention that you made the common mistake of beginning to write in the present tense and ended up writing in the past tense (or vice versa.)

You also use a lot of elipses (...) and it looks unattractive in your writing. 

Writing Skill 22/30

Your grammar, punctuation, and spelling were quite good!  I always suggest for authors to run a spell check on their work.  I will suggest it to you, just in case.

I also spotted a few sentence fragments. Ex. "Looks great sis." not bothering to look up, still on her phone.

I don't think you have to work on that as much as you have to work on a few other things.  

I would like to mention that I really admired how you avoided using the word "said" anything someone talked!  I noticed how you used various responding words!  Amazing!

Description/Forward 3/5

Ah, it's a nice description, but I think you could make it more subtle and not so obvious as to what the main idea of the story is.  You sort of give away the whole plot of the story in your description, and I know that's kind of what descriptions are for, but it makes your story very predictable and it can make it boring for readers.

Title 5/5

Your title is very appropriate for your story! I like it a lot!

First Impression 3/5

The prologue sort of put me off because I thought it would be so much like Frozen (I don't know why), but as I kept reading I got more into it.  You could've changed up Amber and Key's first meeting a little bit more.

Overall 73/100

-wowsuga