Dear Yoongi,

I hope you recieved my last letter. I'm very sorry, that writing it took me so long, but I've had a really busy week, you know?

The sonsaengnims at University are really, really demanding since the last few weeks. For me it seems like they want to have SKY leveled students here in Gwangju. Funny thing, isn't it? Maybe they think we are dying from boredom, or masochists. That even seems very realistic. I mean, just taking Bang sonsaengnim as example! He teaches the out of us!

A propos University - we have had some exchange students from Daegu here. I was even waiting for you, to see your face. To see your adorable smile, and this little sparks in your eyes. But then I remembered, that you aren't studying anymore. And that you are older than me, and we wouldn't be in the same class. But just think about it - wouldn't it be great? The two of us, in one classroom, sitting there together, sharing one desk? A-and holding hands underneath it, maybe..?

Uh, sorry. It's just me having one of my "wouldn't it be romantic?" moments. 

Since you've gone I haven't been on many parties since the last few months, so the one I joined last Friday was like my first one. Sorry, for the sudden change of subject, but I think I just have to write this. I had fun, just like you told me to the last time we saw each other. I tried to enjoy everything. The atmosphere, the food and drinks. Even this called music (yes, I mean Rihanna and company).

But still, even if so much time has passed my favourite music are your little rap complications. I may sound like a psycho fan, who I likely am, but I have all of them saved on my mobile phone.

Even your laugh.

I haven't heard it for six months now. It's such a long time, you know? You just have to know Yoongi, even though you're up there now, and I'm still here. I hope you know too, that I miss you like crazy. Sometimes I even wish for that I have closed my eyes in the same moment as you did.

But I know I can't. Just because of what you have told me.

I still remember it, you know? I remember you, laying there in the hospital bed, your body full of scars, bruises and bumps after this terrible car crash. I even remember the reddest red, what showed up on your cheek, and didn't want to escape from there. It was the most intensive colour I have ever seen.

"Yah, Hoseok, you are a little bit of colour, aren't you? Ask the nurses, maybe they let is sleep in the same bed, huh?" is what you said then, smiling shyly, while I must have been looking like a zombie, even though I wasn't there when the crash happened. Every time I remember this words, the only thing I feel is... astonishment. You were so brave, even though you knew that you... um, you know.

But some minutes before you got your angel wings, which you fully deserve, you told me not to feel sad about what is going to happen, because you would feel guilty for it.

You told me to smile every time I look up to the sky, because you want to see it there, up in heaven. 

You told me to remember you.

To not let my brain forget you.

"It isn't going to happen" I answered. 

I knew it, and still am fully condfident, that it won't happen. Never in a million years. I know it just because the fact, that I'm writing this letter, even though you won't be able to read it now.

H-hyung, am I going insane, or something? I'm writing this letters since this six months you aren't with me anymore. I'm still writing them, even if you won't read them.

But... you know what? I think this kind of things is what means to love someone. This connection between us... I think that was love. That still is love. I can't imagine loving someone, who isn't you.

Even if we won't meet again.

Even if we won't look into each others eyes.

Even if we can't smile to each other again.

Even then - I still love you. Always did, always will.

H-hyung, it's already late now. Let's meet in our dreams, as we always do, okay?

Love,

Hoseok