Snow crunches beneath his boots. The air is fresh and clear and sharp, so sharp. Like a dagger that pierces his soul. He stumbles over something and falls to his knees. As his bare hands meet the freezing snow, a clear thought flashes across his mind. Why am I here? Why must I dwell in the past? It’s ruining his life.

Kyungsoo gets up and continues on. The clarity of his thoughts are gone. Everything is jumbled, mixed up, impossible to read. One sentence rises above the others. I must find it. A picture forms… an old, gnarled tree, dotted with pink blossoms. The flowers fade, and are replaced by shimmering green leaves. The leaves change into magnificent colours, glowing orange and gold, but they don’t fall. Not yet.

I’m not ready. He wants to cling to every memory, every moment. He’s already begun. His heart is cold as ice, trapping the past, pushing away the present. The future isn’t even considered.

At long last, he lifts his eyes. As he takes in his surroundings, the coldness in his eyes begins to soften. Almost. But not quite. When he steps forward, his shields of ice snap back into place.

WHY IS HE HERE? Kyungsoo’s thoughts suddenly merge into a single screaming existence. He shouldn’t be, CAN’T be here. His legs give out, and for a second it seems like he’s going to shatter into a million pieces, but somehow he pulls himself off the ground.

Directly in front of him is the tree of his imagination, but its branches are bare and dead-looking in the harsh winter sunlight. At the very top of the tree is a single leaf that shivers in the wind, about to fall. He’s not here. Of course he’s not here. A wave of relief rushes through him, immediately crushed by the heavy despair which flows through his soul. He sinks to his knees, wordlessly imploring the tree to bring him back. Kai. Bring him back. My world has fallen apart, and only he can mend it. The wind stops, and nothing stirs.

His eyes fill with tears, and they fall. One, two. With each drop that falls on the perfect snow, a part of him melts. His world may never be whole again, but he can patch it up and try to keep living.

Slowly, ever so slowly, he starts to accept reality. His icy heart melts, and for the first time in weeks, he puts down the shields which protected him from the world. He stands up and dries his tears. As he takes a deep breath, a surge of cold air rips through him. He shivers and is about to turn away, when something catches his eye.

A splotch of darkness against a sea of white. It drifts down slowly, the last leaf from the top of the tree, and as it settles on the ground, he feels his heart let go. I’ve let go of everything, it’s nothing but memories. He captures the image of the bare, dead, clean branches in his mind and turns away.

~~~

A few months later, he looks out of his window at the fresh, green spring. It looks the same, exactly the same, as the day it all started. Was it only one year ago? It looks the same, but so much has changed. He smiles sadly as he remembers the boy he met in the flower shop.

Memories, only memories, all of it. The good, the bad, the sweet, the sad. Nothing but memories.