Nights like this were the ones Eli dreaded most, as he was well aware of how dangerous it was to lay in bed and overthink. How long had it been since Kevin had last slept in his arms? After months of dating Eli found it almost unbearable to sleep without his lover tucked safely away in his embrace, though lately he had sadly grown accustomed to sleeping alone. He missed having a good night’s sleep.

Being in love was the worst. It had made him pathetic and desperate, despite his best efforts to keep his crushed spirits hidden from everyone else. Missed anniversaries, abandonded dates...he knew they weren't what they used to be. It takes two to fix a damaged relationship, and it was clear that Kevin had no interest in fixing something he probably viewed as broken beyond repair. But he'd still wait for Kevin each night, fighting off his heavy eyelids as he hoped to finally feel the warmth of another before he drifted off to sleep.

Kevin never came.

How long would Kevin string him along out of pity like this? Why couldn’t he have been the one to fall out of love? It would have been easier that way, for sure. Heartbreak was something he never experienced before. Eli had dated countless girls and never seemed to care much when they broke up. They didn’t connect with him in ways that would allow their relationship to last very long. He always felt relieved and free when those relationships had ended, as if he never wanted them to happen in the first place.

But Kevin was different, after all. He was Eli’s best friend, boyfriend, lover...his everything. But all of Eli’s feelings meant nothing if they weren’t reciprocated. And it was clear to him that their love had become one-sided. Still, he desperately clung on to whatever was left of their broken relationship. He loved him too much to let go, even though the distance between them continued to grow each day. He still believed that things could be fixed, if they both put in the effort. He was stuck in the past, choosing to spend his days reliving their old memories rather than come to accept that fact that days like that were long gone.

He saw how Kevin’s face lit up whenever AJ came around...how long had it been since Kevin smiled at Eli in that way? He took for granted all the times Kevin’s loving gazes were for his eyes only. When Kevin only had eyes for him. He’d stand there silently and watch AJ’s arms wind around Kevin’s slender waist, a cocky grin tugging at his lips as he murmured into the singer’s ear. Kevin visibly melted at his touch, though it was the glint of desire in his eyes that said more than any of his actions ever could. AJ would kiss his forehead and slide his palms against Kevin’s perfect figure, causing Kevin to blush and playfully tell him to stop, though he never moved away. Did they think he was stupid? Trying to cover up their actions and act as if they were close and ‘nothing more’. He knew what a blossoming love looked like, and it was staring him in the face.

He felt like a fool for believing Kevin’s words. Surely it’s impossible to promise someone that you’ll love them forever. Nothing lasts forever, after all. A beautiful angel like Kevin deserves the best, not some derpy and overly possessive pigeon like himself. Kevin’s love for him had changed, he knew he was seen as nothing more than a close friend in his boyfriend’s eyes. Their love had undone itself, and Eli was now tangled up in old memories.  

Finally the day came. Kevin’s words were cold and short, which sent a shiver down Eli’s spine. Had he really become such a burden? He thought he’d feel relieved to finally be let go, believing that he’d slowly be able to move on once his last shred of hope had been crushed. But still he’d dream of their first kiss, that magical night in the rain that changed everything. The night when their feelings for eachother were too much to contain anymore. Their umbrella had long since been forgotten as they shared a gentle kiss, which quickly became a more passionate and desperate kiss. They had wanted each other for so long that words simply weren’t enough. He could never forget how Kevin looked at him that night, a gaze that made his heart melt instantly. He’d kill to have Kevin look at him like that again. He loved Kevin more than life itself and selfishly wanted to rekindle their romance, but knew that their time was up. His memories were keeping him from moving on, though he would never let it show in public. It’s because he loved Kevin that he finally let go without begging for a chance to fix things as he had done before. He wanted Kevin to be happy, and if he found happiness with someone else...he certainly wouldn’t stand in the way any longer. Even though his heart was shattered, he still smiled whenever he saw how happy Kevin had become. The weight of being with someone he didn’t love was lifted off of the singer’s shoulders, and Eli was relieved that Kevin had returned to his happy self. He always did look best when he smiled…

Eli never forgot about Kevin’s loving words and promises of a future together. Perhaps ‘forever’ can stretch on to different lifetimes? If that was the case, Eli prayed that in his next life he’d be able to hold Kevin in his arms once more. Until then he’d silently admire Kevin from afar, just as he had done before that night in the rain.