Standing In The Rain - Nell
 

I've always loved the rain.

The pattering sound it makes as it falls to the earth; the music it seemed to contain hidden deep within it, the life it brings after the blistering heat of summer. 

Sometimes, if I listened close enough, I believed that I could hear the whispering of words in the cold, unrelenting raindrops: the names of people I held dear to my heart, the tune of my favourite song, a piece of my future, a secret that no-one but me would know.

As I listened to the falling rain, I believed that everything would be alright, that every problem would be washed away by the purity of the clear raindrops; and, for a while, it worked.

But it doesn't anymore.

Because can the rain make someone love you again?

Let's carve onto the hearts only those memories that we wish to hold on to
What else can we do?
Let's let go, and only suffer with what we can withstand
There's nothing we can do

I've always treasured memories.

For every year of my life, I had a notebook that served as as a diary, and as a scrapbook, all in one. 

I used to write down everything that happened to me, no matter how small it seemed to others. I used to paste in pictures of me, my family, and my friends; my whole life contained in the covers of those black hardcover books now stashed under my bed, collecting dust. 

Every once and a while, I would go through them again, reliving my existence from the tender age of 6.

My first friend, Seokjin. My younger brother, Jungkook, on his second birthday. The day I started highchool with Yoongi and Taehyung. My first badge for outstanding acedemic achievements. My gradution day picture. Jungkook's priamry school diploma. My parents' wedding picture. My acceptance letter into my first-choice university. My various compositions...

My memories, my most prized posessions; I had vowed to retain them all, for what would happen if I lost them? I would no longer be Jeon Mirae, because what is a person without the events that had shaped them? 

All of them; I kept them all, bad or good, because I believed that even a bad memory was a memory none the less

I had believed that I could handle them.

But happens when you can't take it anymore?

It won't be easy, when the tears that the leaving heart had to shed, and the ones shed by the heart staying behind were so uneven
Nothing's gonna be alright, but
There were the moments; where every minute and second were precious, where I missed even when I was there with you

Only remember those

This is so unfair.

I spent so much time crying over you, missing you, grieving over you, only for you to forget me? You said that even if I died, that you would still love me. But now that I really am dead, you've moved on. The only problem is that I'm not really dead.

What would you do if you found out that I'm alive?

Would you love me again?

"Where are we going, Jungkook?"

"Abeoji said we have to leave, now."

"Why all of a sudden? And why are we at a cemetary? If we are leaving, shouldn't we go to an airport or something?"

"We can't leave any traces behind. So, the both of us are dead, appa too. A freak car accident."

"What?! What about Himc-?

"Forget about him. We have to leave as soon as possible, unless you want to go to jail"

"Jungkook, please d-"

"Please, noona, just follow me. Don't argue, because, in the end, this all for you and me. This isn't about Abeoji, or even eomma. This is for your future, and mine"

"... Fine."

Again today, I fall in love and say goodbye
To the remaining pieces of you inside of me
How about you?
I need you
Each time I try to erase you, everything completely breaks down
White Night-Nell