♪ Music: Lucky by Ashily (Boys over Flowers OST)

 

Keeping You

by: xcandyclouds1818x

Type: Chapter
Featuring: EXO, Infinite
Characters: OC, Chanyeol, Sunggyu
Pairings: OC x Chanyeol, OC x Sunggyu
Theme: Romance, drama
Completed? : No.
Review based on: FIRST 15 CHAPTERS

 

Title (3/5):

Upon first glance, I think the title is lacking in general. It just doesn’t scream out at me. Just how you had Chanyeol dress up in a dress to figuratively scream for attention, I think your title could have a lot more potential. Even after reading the first fifteen chapters, I just can’t say that your title is completely fitting. I understand where you are trying to get at with your story and your title, but it just doesn’t completely speak to me >.<

 

Description/Forward (7/10):

The description is fair. I would say that it’s a bit slow and to be honest, it really doesn’t interest me right from the start. I feel like it’s a little too long, or has too much of the same content. It is very well written for the most part. From the start, I could see that you have control over your grammatical skills, which is always a plus to me.

Perhaps to make your content a bit simpler, yet keep its complexity , we could try something like this:

 

Lee Jung Hee has always been the same; that same, quiet girl who was dropped off at the orphanage. No note. No nothing. Just a baby. Growing up, she had so much curiosity, her eyes shining bright only to have them dull away when she was no longer able to hold onto the things that mattered to her. She had nothing to lose, nothing holding her back. So she ran. Ran as far as she could to reach for that fresh, new start. But even with that new start, Jung Hee only reverted back to her usual self: that same, quiet girl…

…until she came across two people who showed her a different view of the world. She unexpectedly learned new things along the way, some good while others she wished she had never known.

 

In the end, will these two people stay as the people she thought they were?

Will she stay as the person she thought she was?

In what way will fate decide to play with them?

Three people each with their own secrets, will they get to find and keep what is dearest to them?

 

 

It’s totally up to you. Your current description is fine as it is. I’m also not saying that my edits are any more appealing than yours. Please don’t get the wrong idea x.x It’s just that your description is a bit too wordy on my account. 

 

Originality/Creativity (6/10):

I can’t say that this is the most original idea for there are plenty of stories out there where the OC is orphaned, lives alone, and has a depressing outlook on life due to her past (whatever the past may be), then she gets an eye-opening experience from random people who suddenly becomes a huge impact in her life as she might fall in love and what not and what not. I will say that it is a bit mundane. However, the collaboration between an EXO member and an Infinite member is a bit unique. I have yet to read a collaboration between the two unlikely groups and the story seems to flow pretty well with such out-of-phase members.

 

Storyline/Plot(16/20):

I only read the first 15 chapters as of right now. I could see a storyline out of the first 15 chapters, but I have yet to see a definitive plot. I understand that your story is ongoing and there is more going on later, but from what I’ve read so far, I have yet to get anything solid out of it.

Just to get the overview, JungHee ran away from the orphanage and lives on her own. She’s normally seen as the awkward, quiet one who gets teased and bullied by almost everyone. She manages to juggle school and work. At school, she is enlightened by Sunggyu, while at work, Chanyeol comes to her rescue from solidity, always giving her a warm feeling since the day he saved her from getting fired. There is definitely something going on between the three characters, each of them having something to hide. Towards the end of the chapters, I started to get a sense of direction.

There’s definitely been some cute scenes in the story, that is relevant to the storyline. The relationship JungHee and Sunggyu builds and the levity in nature between JungHee and Chanyeol are more defined as the story moves forward. I thought the pink fairy incident was really cute. Definitely caught myself smiling and chuckling here and there when reading some of their antics and jokes.

 

 

Character Development/Details(17.5/20):

I could see that you took a LOT of time developing your OC, Lee JungHee, which isn’t a bad thing. You supplement her current life with flashbacks of her past, giving the reader the details needed to evaluate and empathize with the OC. I think character development is very important in stories and you appear to think the same way seeing that you have legitimately used the first 4-5 chapters to describe Junghee’s character.

Sunggyu’s and Chanyeol’s characters were somewhat lacking in the beginning. Again, this is just from the first fifteen chapters I’ve read. It seemed like you took way too much time with JungHee, and then suddenly shoved Sunggyu into the story. Chanyeol’s first appearance