“You should go out” Heera inhales “there’s millions of guys, out there who is and will be better than him” Heera exhales

 

Its been days since Jia is stuck in her room, eating and sleeping like a lifeless person who does nothing rather than sulking herself. She had many other things to do, but no, she choosed to sulk herself to death because that’s the only way she could remember him.

 

“I cant. He was perfect” Jia whispered (which ended up with a small sob after that)

 

Heera cant do anything. Jia was too broken, she couldn’t blame that guy since it wasn’t her fault (neither it was anyone’s fault.) Past is the past, presence is what’s going to happen. Heera wanted to tell Jia that but she didn’t had the urge to do so

 

=

 

Its been weeks, and Jia finally went to school again. She wore one of the worst outfits of her there, people didn’t judge her but instead told her to be strong, all she can do was smile and told them that she is strong

 

Which she was lying. She ended up hiding herself in the toilet, crying over and over again. She kept blaming herself and she couldn’t stop so (or anyone else because Jia is a hard person to convince. Only people like Jongdae knows how to do so)

 

As Jia went back to class, she passed by the music room, where Jongdae’s piano was placed. And slowly the memory is coming back.

 

Jia however forced herself not to remember things. Past memories should be forgotten for her to move on. But she forces herself to go into the music room just to get Jongdae’s soulful melody. She was devasted of course, she remembered the sound but she couldn’t get a hold of him.

 

=

 

Jia skipped the next class after that and headed towards Jongdae’s house. She ran there so she could get a hold of Jongdae. She wanted Jongdae again. His voice, his laugh, his scent, everything, everything about Jongdae she wants back. She misses him deeply she wants him badly so she ran and ran until she arrived at his house

 

She knocked on the door twice

Jongdae’s mother came out, her face wasn’t good

 

But it was never good after Jongdae left.

 

“Jia, I thought you weren’t coming back I was jus-“ Mrs Kim was interrupted with Jia’s hug

 

“I want to go in Jongdae’s room, please.” Mrs Kim nodded afterall there was something that she wanted her to see.

 

=

 

 

They went in Jongdae’s room. Mrs Kim left Jia in there alone because Jia persistently asked her to do so. But she told her there’s something under the pillow that Jongdae wanted her to read. Jia nodded understandingly.

 

=

 

Jia stayed in his bed all day long. His scent was still there, it smelled like citrus with a bit of vanilla. A weird combination but Jia liked it, or love it. She didn’t do anything beside just laying there and kept thinking how is it if Jongdae was alive, how would their future be. Why didn’t he tell her that he was suffering because if she had known she would have helped him.

 

-Flashback-

 

Jongdae went to Jia’s house because they were suppose to be heading out on a date but due to the awful weather, they had to stay indoors so Jongdae suggested that they went to her house (because it was close) she agreed.

 

Jia was resting her head on Jongdae’s lap when he asked

 

“What if I die, what would you do” Jia got up and asked him why which replied

 

“No reasons. Im just curious, hey you were suppose to answer that”

 

Which Jia replied

 

“I would cry all ing night if you die Kim Jongdae, you are the only thing that I still have beside’s Heera so don’t you dare to ing leave me hanging by myself”

 

In which Jongdae responded by giving him a light kiss on the nose (the way Jia liked it)

And told her “ I wont leave you, I promise”

 

It was a lie,

 

Jongdae was found dead, hit by a drunken bus driver after coming home from their last date

 

Jongdae broke his promise and Jia is blaming it on her.

 

=

 

After quite sometime Jia finally took the letter that was suited under the pillow. The front was,

 

To:Park Jia

From: Your incredible laughing gas

 

Jia laughed bitterly. Jongdae was forever his laughing gas. Slowly she opened the letter and it inside it wrote,

 

To my dearest wonderful fragile woman, I may not be with you now as I am already up here in heaven watching you. I want you to be happy once I’m gone. No, you don’t have to force yourself to find someone else as I am not forcing you but please remember to be happy instead of crying because of me. I may be gone but I am still with you, remember my voice and remember the song we used  to sing together and remember the kisses I always give you whenever you’re mad, remember I had always love you no matter how you think of yourself. Please don’t kill yourself because of me, You have Heera and my mom to accompany you throughout your life journey, I love you, I really do love you so please take care of yourself when I’m gone, be happy and enjoy life. This maybe the shortest letter a peson could ever give you, but again, I love you Park Jia, I love you, I love you so much.

 

P/s: Please take care of my mom. I’m not there to tell her to stop crying, but you’re there to keep her strong,

 

P/s/s:There’s something in the box inside my closet, open it after reading this letter.

 

P/s/s/s: I love you.

 

=

 

As Jia calmed herself down after reading that letter, she went to Jongdae’s closet. Slowly she opened it, revealing a medium size box.

 

She then slowly opened the box, surprisingly inside it contained their memories together. From the piano sheet of the song called, Atlas Hands to their Polaroid pictures (that was taken weeks before his death).

 

Jia later then found an mp3 player. She plugged her earphones onto the mp3 player.

It played, Atlas Hands at first but as the song slowly comes to its end, Jongdae’s voice appeared, he was singing the last time. Ironic how the ending he told her to be happy and he gave her this. But truthfully Jia is thankful enough for Jongdae to be leaving some of his things to her.

 

 

=

 

After the whole thing ended, Mrs Kim asked Jia to stay over for dinner, Jia agreed.

 

=

 

Jia told her everything that she found in his room. Mrs Kim though couldn’t hide her expression, she missed her son badly. Jia helped her calm down.

 

=

 

After quite a while, Mrs Kim calmed down but she asked Jia to accompany her. She agreed but she had to be somewhere first so she told her she’ll be back in a couple of hours, Mrs Kim asked her to take care of herself.

 

=

 

Jia went to a certain place where their name was carved on a tree. It was the park near the school where Jongdae and her dated a few years back. She sat under the tree

 

Jia inhaled

 

“Kim Jongdae, you promised me that you’ll never leave me but its okay God loves you more than I do. I miss your wonderful voice even though you recorded it for me but  it doesn’t feel quite as same as it was live. I miss your adorable laugh, I miss your citrus scent with the vanilla combo. I know you’re disagreeing about the vanilla but I’m serious you smell like a citrus mix with vanilla. I’m talking to myself and I feel crazy but hey that’s what love does to people. They make you crazy.”

 

Jia sobbed

 

“I love you too Jongdae, I promise to take care of your mom from now on. I miss you but you ask me to be happy. I cant promise you that I can be happy right now but I can promise you that I will be happy but not now. I love you Jongdae, I love you too”

 

And Jia cried for the last time under the tree where their name was carved for memories.

---

Kill me because it .

Atlas hands: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pyue2N1XZ0M&feature=kp

The last time (lets just imagine that kyungsoo wasnt in there): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zvMY94tnm9U