Nobody ever said  life was going to be easy, but sometimes it just hurts too much 

                                                                                                                                                          and I just feel like giving up.

 

 

I wish things could have gone different for me. To go according  my wishes. But life always give's you unexpected surprices.

like me and life, that changed in an instant, I never said it was perfect from the beggining, but I always liked to imagen how would it feel if people would actually try and see what's inside my facade.

How would my hyung react if I told him how my life really is. How hard it is to be alone knowing that you are actually sorrounded by people everyday,but they never take a momment to actually get to know me.

How easy has become for me to act like I'm fine and it doesn't affect me, how I have to give my paren't a sweet smile and pretend I have fun in school, It's funny if you think about it. How once I was the innocent child who didn't had to worry about life and it's dilemas and just have fun.

But then when you grow up, you realize that life it's nothing but disapointments, and that the worl it's just a recket place full of lies and fake people.

 

As weeks went by at school, I was slowly given up my hopes to find real friend.

However I was slowly getting used to it. I started to perfectionate the perfect facade. The image the others were seeing. Infront of teachers I was just another child just like the others, for my parents and brother I was still their little choding it always hurted to think that not even my parent's weren't able to know their own child, that they never realize what was under those sweet smiles and sinical jokes. and my favorite my classmates, it was just normal. You know the typical quite kid, who didn't talk much in fear to get pick up by the teachers or just wasn't interested in them. HAHAHA I always laughed because they say it would make you feel better , but for me that just made me realize how pathetic I really was.

 

I always made sure to have my facade everywhere I went, outside I was just like everybody else. But inside I was slowly decaying.

Nobody knew that every nutrition and lunch I will be hidden inside the bathroom, pretending to not care of what was outside the door. Forgetting and sometimes even crying on a hardered day.

I was starting  to scare myself too, slowly developing those little thoughts inside my head. The you are too fat that's why nobody want's to be your friend, the you are so grose ones.

The ones were I started to imagen how would it feel if I started cutting myself, vomiting. I mean it was not like the others would notice and try to prevent it.

and the cycle started again every time the bell *rang* I would just pretend to be fine, when I saw my ex best friend being all giggles and smiles around his new "friends" or when I saw my hyung being all cute and funny around his little gang, remenbering his words.

The wold seemed to have lost all colors around me, I felt like a walking zombie.

day by day having to live through this hell called life. but for every one else I was fine, wasn't hurt, alone or having suicide thoughts no NO NOT at all.

I will always dream at night that I was sorrounded by people who loved me and knew the real me, I  would always cried myself to sleep, under the covers.

little by little, piece by pice my heart was breaking, my dreams and hopes crumblind dowm.

and my heart breaking into  million pieces.

 

 

Yeah i'm smiling, but inside I'm crying...

 

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Hi everyone I came back, I promise to update my story more often. I had to stop for a while because my computer broke dowm.

so I had to wait for a new one. ( LIFE IT'S JUST TO COMPLICATED) kekeke.

Hope you like the new chapter, subscribe and  comment if you like it. bye bye :) 7(*~7)...