My habit of checking my calendar was suppose to help me with patience, but it only made me anticipate for graduation and getting to see Mark. Each day, I placed a check by the day that was done and over with. From time to time, it almost felt like I’ve forgotten about graduation since I was so focus on seeing Mark. It became a motivation for me to push through my days and enjoying every bit of them.

“Joey, has your brother mentioned to you about his trip back home yet?”

Joey, Mark’s younger brother by two years, came along with my group of friends and I to our favorite sushi bar. Since we’re all a close bunch before Mark left, we included Joey just as much as we did back when his older brother was still around.

“He did, but he’s—”

“He sent us all a brief email about it.” Jessica jumped in. “Do you have anything in mind to do when he comes?”

I shrugged my shoulders, “I have no clue. Do you guys have anything?”

“Maybe it’s better to not plan anything yet….” Max filled in.

“Just incase Mark doesn’t want to do what we want, you know?” Timothy chimed just after.

“That’s true, I guess. Mark can be picky at times.” I agreed.

As our sushi arrived, Jessica kindly excused herself as she dragged Joey with her to the car, saying that she had forgotten something. Knowing the Tuans and Jessica, they’re simply close like family and none of us has ever thought wrong of any. Digging into the plates in front of us, Max, Timothy, and I picked at our favorite sushi rolls.

“I’m so stuffed.” I pouted at the uncomfortable feeling.

“Same.” The three guys echoed.

As we walked to the car, Joey ran up to me. “Kate, hold up.”

I shifted my attention to him.

“I—I heard you got into UCLA. Why didn’t you tell me?!” His expression was decorated with excitement.

“It’s no big deal. I haven’t really told anyone besides my family and just them.” I lifted my chin, motioning it towards Jessica, Max, and Timothy.

“No big deal?! That’s huge! You haven’t even told Mark?! He’d be so proud of you!”

Bringing my finger to my lips as if to tell him to keep quiet about it, I clarified it for him. “Don’t mention it to him yet. I want it to be a surprise. I’ll tell him eventually, just not now. I’ll spill it when he comes.” I smiled at the thought.

“But, why not now?” His eyes drooped. “Can’t you just tell him?”

“I’ll save it for later. Go on now, Timothy and Max are waiting for you. You don’t want to walk home, do you?” I hugged him like a sister would and waved him goodbye.

----

The days swept by and it was May 27th. Half of the day was spent reciting our graduation walk and what not. Decorations on the bleachers went up, chairs were lined, signs were hung, speakers were tested, caps and gowns were distributed, and the students gathered. It was a nice way to remove my mind about Mark’s arrival in two days. Preparing for graduation and college has kept me on my toes so much that I’ve just realized Mark and I has not talked since the day he emailed me. He was probably busy himself so the blame wasn’t on either of us. I decided to shoot him a text.

Text Message: Mark! How are you?! Busy? Well, me too! Can’t wait to see you! Let me know if you need someone to pick you up from the airport! ☺

Hours passed and he never informed me about him arrival or anything regarding his visit. Wow, he must really be busy and restless. Understanding how his life may be, I simply shook off my worry and texted Joey instead.

Text Message: Jooooeeyyyy! ☺ Do you know what time Mark is arriving on Thursday?

…

Joey: Mark didn’t tell me. I think my parents will be picking him up though.

Joey had no clue either. I guess Mark just wants to arrive quietly, so there wouldn’t be such chaos. Sighing deeply, I decided to put myself to sleep after such a draining day of rehearsal in the LA heat.

----

May 29th

So far, there hasn’t been a word of or from Mark. I’ve decided to just let it go, knowing that I will see him tomorrow anyways. No emails, no calls, no video chats even though I log onto Skype to see if I could catch him online, but no luck.

“Sweetie, are you ready for tomorrow?” My mother stood leaning on my doorframe looking at me as I sat at my desk.

“Ready or not, tomorrow will come.” I smiled. “I’m pretty excited.”

My mom made her way towards me and embraced me in her scent. “I can’t believe my baby girl is growing up so beautifully. You’re already going off to college.”

“Mom, tomorrow is only graduation. I’m not going to college until 3 months from now.” I chuckled trying to bring her out of her sad mood.

“I know, but still…” She became quiet after some time. Holding both my hands, she patted them. “So, does going onto college mean you’ll forget about Mark and start fresh?”

Shocked at her words, I couldn’t answer.

“Sweetie, I know you have a slight admiration of the boy and I know you two are good friends, but isn’t it too much? He’s living his life and you must live yours too.” Her soft voice showed that she was concern.

“Mom, the last time I told you that I may be having feelings towards him may be three years ago, but today those feelings still remain. I don’t think I can just throw it away.” I bit my bottom lip, hesitating to tell her.

“I know it’s hard. Mark is a sweet guy and I have nothing to dislike him for, but I just don’t want you to hurt yourself if the time comes that he can’t reach all your needs due to his limitations. The same goes for you too. If he also has feelings for you, it would be hard for you to reach his needs  due to the distance.”

My mom had valid points, but somehow I couldn’t buy her words just yet. Being the optimistic person I am, I always tried to make light of it. Although her words spoke truth, somewhere in me persuaded me to keep holding on because it could be different. It could be that he feels the same and would invest in us if the time came around for us to be together more than friends.

“I know mom. As of right now, me admiring him from the distance doesn’t mean much because he doesn’t even know of how I feel and I don’t even know if he sees me in the same way. I’ll keep my heart safe. Don’t you worry.” I hugged her for being so thoughtful.

Mom mouthed, “Okay.”

Once she left my room, I began to ponder how crazy I’ve been to keep my feelings hidden so well from Mark. I then recalled one of my favorite quotes.

“Do not make homes out of people. This will leave you homesick and sad, missing arms that cannot hold roofs, hearts with shaky foundations.” —Michelle K. (Home).

Wanting to text Joey to ask of his brother, I thought twice. Firstly, I didn’t want to annoy him and secondly, I didn’t want to sound so desperate for information. I kept my cool and reminded myself that it would make no difference to hear if he made it to Arcadia safely when I was positive I was going to see him tomorrow and some other days after. I grinned at the thought of a reunion.

----

May 30th

“Are you ready for this?” Jessica asked me as she slipped her palms into mine.

“Let’s do this!” I squeezed her hand and before I knew it, I heard our names be announced. “Jessica Koh and Kate Tran.”

I was more than happy that Jessica and I were walking partners. We made our way down the aisle to our seats as I hear applauds and voices that belonged to our families scream our name. It felt superb to finally see this day come. It was a bit sad to finally accept that there will be no more high school after this. More names were called and soon enough, the whole class was seated in the white chairs and the event started. Songs were performed, speeches were given, the band performed, and lastly, firecrackers shot up for celebration. All the graduates were now allowed to go greet their families and friends for hugs and pictures. It was all a quick rush of sudden happiness and joy. I passed friends with tears in their eyes and smiles plastered on their faces. Everyone was at their happiest moment in life. I spotted my parents first and ran towards them to give them a bear hug. My parents both kissed my cheeks and my little brother happened to click the camera at the perfect time. Jessica and her family joined in on the chaos and it was just a big party already. Reuniting with Max and Timothy’s family made us a huge clump. Looking around, I remember that Mark and his family were going to be here too. My eyes zoomed everywhere, but there were too many bodies surrounding me.

“Hey, come on let’s hurry to the car. Your mom said we’re having a barbecue hangout at your place!” Jessica gleamed with sparkles in her eyes.

Giving her a faint smile, I let her drag me to her car. Our families loaded their cars with gifts and flowers. As for Jessica and I, we got into her white Lexus and drove towards my house. Since we carpooled, it made it easier to find one another after the ceremony.

“By any chance, did you see Mark tonight at the graduation ceremony?” I asked curiously.

“Uh—no, I didn’t why?” Jessica focused on driving.

In a strange way, I wondered why she wasn’t worried or seemed to not be bothered with the fact that Mark wasn’t at our graduation when he told us all specifically that he was. Did she not care or was I just putting too much thought into it? She probably knew and heard in my tone that I was worried, so she cleared up the confused air.

“Look, maybe he’s flying in a bit late? Joey and his parents didn’t show up either so maybe they’re all at the airport waiting for Mark. Cheer up. This is our night. Let’s own up to it, yeah?”

I nodded. Jessica always had a clear view of something when my mind gets fuzzy. That’s one of the reasons why I adore her so much.

My dad was in charge of grilling as the other dads hung around joking. All the moms sat on the patio with sparkling wine as they talked among themselves. The kids were in the pool swimming into the night. Jessica and I sat with our feet into the pool and spoke of our high school memories. Timothy and Max were playing some tag game in the pool.

“Look, the Tuans are here to join in on the fun!” I heard Jessica’s mom voiced who she saw come through the back door.

Mr. Tuan, Mrs. Tuan, Joey, and…………………………..

No Mark?

Before I jumped into any thoughts, I welcomed Joey to join the four of us by the pool.

“Hey Joey, come on over.” I waved.

He did a little handshake with the guys and came over to give Jessica and I a hug.

“Sorry I couldn’t make it to the graduation guys.”

“No need to apologize man.” Max notified.

“Where’s that older brother of yours?” I asked smoothly without being so direct all of a sudden.

The two guys swam away and Jessica offered to go get us some strawberry-lemonade. Their disappearance made the atmosphere odd.

“I’m sorry, Kate. I know it may seem like we’ve all lied, but we really didn’t want to.”

The way Joey started off his clarification left me blank and extremely confused.

“Before you get upset, know that we all wanted today to be an official reunion too.” He paused and motioned for me to follow him inside. I took the chance without a question and followed.

On the table was a brown box, taped as if whatever in it was able to break if it wasn’t handled with care.

“What’s this?” I pointed.

“It’s from Mark.” Joey grabbed it and placed it in my hands. “Obviously as you can tell, he isn’t here. ”

By now, I knew Mark wasn’t here or else he would’ve popped out to greet me with his angelic smile and warm hug. “Where is he then?”

“He got caught up with work. I’m sure he’ll explain more once he finds the chance to talk to you.” Joey grinned ever so lightly as if he felt sorry.

“We all have something to say too.” Jessica spoke from behind me causing me too look back and see Max and Timothy by her side. “We’re sorry to not have told you. We all knew Mark wasn’t able to come.”

I finally spoke, “Why didn’t you guys tell me?”

Timothy replied, “It wasn’t our place to tell you.”

Inside my heart, I was honestly upset that Mark wasn’t visible. It made me more upset that he did not reply or informed me on his change of plan. Knowing my friends, I knew they didn’t mean to have hid it from me. Although they don’t fully know of my feelings for Mark, it is sensible that they could kind of sense that Mark is somewhat special to me. Out of them all, of course Jessica knew more, but the secret is guarded by a girl code between us. Nonetheless, I shot myself down by putting so much hope in Mark’s visitation. All these months, I looked forward to finally seeing him and expressing to him about life like the old times. Perhaps this was what my mom warned me about when she spoke of distance and not being able to provide for each other’s needs.

It grew late and having company over was quite nice, but soon everyone bid farewell and vanished. I was now alone in my room and I decided to open the box that was shipped from Korea by Mark. Using the scissor to remove the tape, the box was now open. Removing some wrappings, I saw a black picture frame with silver writings, probably written by a gray sharpie, around it. The writer of the words were no one else besides Mark. The words ‘congratulations’, ‘you did it’, and ‘I miss you’ were scribbled everywhere until there was no more space to fill. Inside the frame was Mark making a cute little heart with his hands. It was hard not to stare at him for too long. Searching through the batch, there was a bag of some Korean candies that he taped a note on that read, “My favorite! You should try! :P”.

At the very bottom of the box was an envelope that held a letter or at least it felt like it. Quickly I opened it and something fell. As I bent to pick it up, I examined it.

GOT7 MINI-CONCERT

VIP PASS

ADMISSION FOR 1 ONLY.

DATE: JUNE 12, 2014

I rushed to read the letter.

Dear Kate,

Sorry that I was unable to make it to AHS’s graduation. I know I told you I was, but it was a last minute change since the promotion I was suppose to have on the 25th moved to the 30th. I was overly excited and I did everything in my will to make it happen. Since I failed to come see you, I hope you are able to come see me. If you come, I’ll make it up to you by giving you a tour and treating you out everyday. Deal? Here’s a VIP ticket for you to Got7’s next concert here in Seoul. Talk to you soon! I’ll call you sometime this week.

                                                                                                                                                                  Mark

Before I could question how I was going to get a plane ticket in time, I checked the envelope again and found that Mark had a boarding pass sealed in safely. I was left speechless and literally in tears. He got me a plane ticket, a VIP pass to his concert, and gifts on the side. It was all too overwhelming.