(I suggest listening to this song while reading ; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KZHSR5VG0uU )

I always seem to catch you out on the balcony, staring off into the sky, at the clouds I think.

I walked quietly outside, "TaeMin-ah, what are you doing?" I stopped, standing beside you looking at your face.

Were you crying? Why are your eyes so red? TaeMin, stop thinking those thoughts, they aren't good for you.

You smiled and shook your head, wiping your eyes with your hands, "Ah, nothing. I think it might rain tomorrow though."

It's strange how you knew the weather before the weatherman, before anyone, just by sitting alone. I sometimes don't like when you do though, you cry like you did, and think of awful things.

I smiled back at you, "You think?.." I looked into the perfectly blue sky and at the clouds, "It looks fine out though--" "Why is life cruel, MinHo?" I blinked and stepped back slightly, "What do you mean?" You took a staggered breath in, "Is it weird to sometimes with you were never born?" I tilted my head, "TaeMin-ah.." I sat down beside him, "Why do you keep thinking this way? Is it someone in the school?" He shook his and and stood up, "N-no. Nevermind, I'll be going to my room now."

You would always leave, just like that. Off to your room, and not speak to me for the rest of the day, only coming out to ask if we had a bottle of sleeping pills and disappearing again. You always said you liked and prefered being left alone, though you loved going out and shopping.

The next day you were your happy-self again, marching out of your room and sitting at the table, "What's for breakfast, Froggie?" I smiled being called that again, "Taeminnie, you know. It's either eggs or cereal." You got up and stood beside me by the stove, "Eggs, I like your eggs." I nodded and raised my eyebrows, "Alrighty Minnie." You laughed and sat back down patiently.

During the school day you suddenly had a frown on your face, I jogged up to you under the tree as you looked up at the sky getting cloudy, "I told you." You looked at my eyes and got up, "Get to class though, I want you to pass this year." You pranced off again, My Minnie.

I opened the dorm's door and saw you watching something on the t.v. about different ways of death. I was alarmed but, it was just another show that was on. Looking back on it, you knew that show was coming on and you recorded it on the t.v., why's that TaeMin? You were never interested in death as you were now, is something wrong?

I threw my bag aside and sat beside you, "What're you watching Minnie?" You shrugged and continued staring at the television with interest, "Ways of death...It seems so sad.." I blinked and sat up, "Yahh, don't watch it then. Watch happy things." You shook your head, "No, it's interesting too."

You were never interested in death before.

What's wrong Minnie?

Are you sick?

Please don't be.

I woke up that night to a muffled crying noise coming from your room across the hall. I got up quickly and opened your door, you were curled in a ball, crying again. I quickly shuffle into the room and sat on the bed beside you, hugging you, "TaeMin-ah, what's the matter? Hm?" You continued to sniffle and you mumbled into your hands, "I feel so hopeless. I'm stupid, and can't do anything right. I'm useless, and an idiot, and I shouldn't have been born at all." I felt something strike me in the heart and I hugged you closer, "TaeMin-ah, no you're not...Please stop saying that about yourself." You sat up, away from my arms and stood up, "Where's the beer?" I blinked, "Since when--" You looked back at me, "Where is it?" I clenched my jaw, "In the back of the fridge, why do you want beer this late at night?" You left the dark room without a word.

TaeMinnie, why are you starting to drink a lot more? You started that night and kept doing it. TaeMinnie, please stop it. You're everything someone could hope for. Taeminnie, please.

You began breakfast around lunch-time now, and lunch around dinner, and dinner who knows when. I want to cook for my happy Minnie again. I only cook for myself while you watch t.v. about murder and death.

Taeminnie, you're not only hurting yourself, but me.

You came into the room with bruises on your arms and attmepted to hide them from me, "TaeMin-ah. What's on your arms?" You bit your lip, "Nothing, I just fell a few times. I'll try to be less clumsy." I blinked and put the book I was reading down, "Did you do that to yourself?" You widened your eyes and shook your head, "N-no. Why would I? That's useless of me." I nodded slowly, "Okay. Just watch where you're stepping, alright? I don't want you getting hurt." You nodded and continued to your room.

You began giving out some of your collectable cards to people, and some of your clothes. I'm not sure why you started to, you just left the house with things, and came back with nothing saying you left it at the laundry-mat. I saw other people wearing your things, they said you gave them out. TaeMin, those clothes were for you to have over the semester. You'll soon only have a little to wear, TaeMin.

We went to a picnic a few days after that, and when we left you acted like you weren't going to see anyone anymore after that day. We still had another semester to go through with some of them. Why are you acting this way, TaeMin? Don't you know how much I care for you?

You acted a lot more anxious too, Minnie. The day before the picnic you almost didn't sleep because you were anxious again. I want you to sleep, Minnie. You always called away from class, sick. You weren't sick Minnie, were you? Why didn't you tell me if you were? I would've cared for you a lot, Minnie.

I stood quietly above a dark grave;

" Lee TaeMin "

1993 - 2014

The ray of sun on the dark cloudy days

I let the tears fall out as the dark clouds rolled over and I put a pin with a sun on it and I smiled faintly, "I love you TaeMinnie, I'll see you tomorrow. Alright? Get plenty of rest, and eat well."

I walked off and the rain slowly dropped down.

He did say it was going to rain today, I didn't know it was going to rain this hard.