TIFFANY

            It was 10:08 PM, and I look hot –I mean, I should look hot, since I spent the past hour and a half working for it. after all, it was my idea to hit up a party tonight. I thought it would help un-freeze things between Taeyon and me. I was surprised she even agreed to come tonight.

            Something hit my window with a dull thud, and I almost drop my lipgloss. I can’t believe someone would be playing a joke on me at this time of night. I stomped to the window to shout at whoever it was who thought it was funny to throw rocks at windows. I slid it up and looked down. It was Kai. I felt blood rush to my face, and I was about to close the window(the draft was unbearable), but he started waving his phone. At the same time, mine started ringing.

            ‘I was in the neighborhood,’ he said as soon as I answered. He was looking up at me so I could see his lips moving.

            ‘No, you weren’t,’ I said, joking. ‘You live seventeen blocks out of the way.’

            He looked down at the ground.

            Great, Tiff. You manage to humiliate him on the first sentence.

            I cleared my throat. ‘Well –I’m glad you weren’t in the neighborhood. You want to come in?’

            I felt like Taeyon was going to barge into my room any second, and I decided I didn’t want to wait for it to happen. It’s not that she took the news that badly. After the initial surprise on her face, she was all, ‘Okay.’ Then she said, ‘I hope he treats you better than Chanyeol.’ I actually kept my mouth shut after that, because I wanted to say, ‘Yes, he will.’

            Instead, I said something more idiotic which went like, ‘Well, we didn’t actually put him on the No-Kiss List.’ At that moment, I saw calm Taeyon appear, and in her place stood a demon who smiled coldly at me like I was being a pesky child and answered, ‘I didn’t bother to put in your dad either, but I think some things should be obvious. Kai is in a relationship with someone. And no one was nearly drunk enough to lose all semblance of straight thinking –or at least I think so.’

            It was the first time she ever reacted to something so hatefully. She was right, of course. I knew that. Although lately, my brain seems to be all messed up and thins ended up being total bull.

            I hurried down the stairs as quietly as I could and smuggle Kai into my room, which sounds awfully ty and traitorous, I know, but give me a break. It’s not like we were doing anything. He sat down on the floor, dusting the snowflakes off his head. I thought he looked really cute just sitting there like a kid. I was about to offer him a drink, but then I though, whoa, that would be like inviting him to stay longer than necessary. But that wasn’t my idea –didn’t look like it was hi either. In fact it seemed like he had absolutely no idea what he was doing there.

            ‘Kai?’ I asked. He had been staring at the floor, and I was pretty sure he’d frozen on the spot. If he had, it would be a very nasty business trying to explain the Popsicle boy in my room. But it turned out he’d just stopped being expressive.

            Damn, I shouldn’t have let him kiss me. But if I wasn’t meant to be kissed by him(there’s a small confusion with the part of who kissed who, but that doesn’t matter –we kissed, that’s the point), why was it that it happened, right? Right? Great, I’m starting to sound like a lunatic.

            ‘I’m sorry,’ Kai muttered, still staring at the floor. It made me feel like it was the floor he was apologizing to.

            ‘What for?’ Of course, I knew what for, but what was I supposed to say instead, ‘It’s okay, no big deal?’

            ‘For coming here so late. For wanting to see you. For actually seeing you.’

            This was the perfect time, so I answered, ‘It’s okay. It’s not a problem. I was about to go out anyway. It’s not like you woke me up or anything.’ I didn’t touch the ‘wanting to see you’ part, because seriously, that set off a lot of alarms in my head, particularly the indecency and traitor alarms.

            There was a soft rap on my door, followed by Taeyon’s equally soft, ‘I’m going down.’ I bit my lip. We’d stopped the knocking on each other’s doors already when we started getting all twin-sisterly with each other, but now it turns out we were back to it. or maybe she’d been standing there for quite some time and didn’t want to barge in an witness my complete and utter betrayal. Either way, I was at a lose-lose situation.

            ‘Be down in a minute,’ I called back, then to Kai, I mouthed. ‘Stay here.’ I grabbed him semi-roughly by the scruff of his cashmere sweater and pulled him to the bed. He seemed to be confused for a moment before nodding in assent. It was one of the many moments when I mentally shouted at myself, ‘YOU. ARE. A. DUMB.’ What exactly was I doing, telling him to stay and wait? How long did I think I was going to be out?

            There was another rap on the door. I panicked and pushed Kai to the ground, stuffing him under my bed. There was a dull thud as he scrambled to follow where I was telling him to hide. I knew it was safe and he wouldn’t turn into a monster when he came out because I just vacuumed the place last night. Although the whole hiding under the bed was weird. When I was sure he was sufficiently hidden, I opened the door.

            ‘What was that?’ Taeyon asked, peering inside my room.

            ‘I dropped my hair dryer,’ I answered. Liar. Liar. Liar. Taeyon looked good in her opaque stockings, plaid skirt and -me stiletto boots. I gave her a once-over while she gives me the third degree. She looked more seventeen than two months to twenty though. We’d taken on the habit of making sure one was as hot as the other even if we didn’t agree on it. We usually end up dressing a lot better than we normally would, so no one’s complaining.

            ‘Huh,’ she muttered, then, ‘You ready to go?’

            ‘In a minute,’ I answered. ‘What jacket are you wearing?’

            She shrugged, distracted by my question. ‘Whatever. Mom’s trench.’ I swear I could hear Kai’s breathing from under the bed. Bad move.

            I shook my head, trying to distract MYSELF. ‘Borrow my leather jacket.’

            She shrugged again. ‘Okay. It looks better on me anyway.’ I swore she smiled just a little.

            ‘All set?’ I asked.

            ‘Hey, do you mind if my boy comes along?’ she asked back. Clearly, I balked, or maybe looked like I swallowed something disgusting, because she laughed and supplemented, ‘He came over to borrow a DVD because they left him alone, and he’s got no work for tonight. I figured he would appreciate a cool down like a party.’

            I stood there gawking.

            ‘Donghae,’ she finally clarified. ‘Not your cheap-thrill kissing partner who also happened to be my boyfriend. If I didn’t know you were having a rebound phase after Chanyeol, I’d let you have him for longer. Anyway, you good now? Let’s go.’

            I turn out the lights and leave my room, since I always do that, and I don’t want things to seem more out of ordinary than usual. Not that they weren’t out of ordinary already. It wasn’t until we were on the foyer and about to put on our coats that I exclaimed, ‘Wait!’

            Taeyon almost dropped her purse and turned to me abruptly. ‘What happened?’

            ‘I forgot something. I’ll be right back.’

            She shrugged in her usual indifferent manner and picked up her purse. Donghae entered from the living room, wearing his usual I’m-a-hot-guy clothes and nodded at me. Sometimes I find it sort of weird that he still hangs out with Taeyon(and me), when  my sister is already past baby-sittee age, not to mention she’d already gotten into NYU, no problem. I also still had to figure out how he and Taeyon managed to meet way back when we still weren’t step-sisters(she lived in Connecticut then).

            I ran back to my room and caught Kai getting out from under the bed.

            ‘Stay,’ I told him. ‘I’ll be back as soon as I can.’

            He nodded quietly, and even in the dark, I could see he didn’t look too happy.

            I sighed, ‘You’re not a cheap thrill, and you’re not a rebound,’ I assured him, though I have no idea how reassuring my words actually were. I had no idea what it was, but I was sure it wasn’t either of those.

            He stepped towards me and pat my head lightly.

            ‘I swear, I won’t be long,’ I said again.

            He nodded again. ‘Go. I’ll be waiting.’

            I was about to walk out again when he whispered loudly, ‘Gum.’

            ‘Huh?’

            He threw me a pack of Wrigley’s. ‘You had to come back for something, right?’

            ‘Thanks.’ I nodded. And once again, I was a liar. Liar. Liar.

            I ran back down the stairs. Taeyon and Donghae were already in their coats and ready to walk out, and my step-sister was holding my coat. I think she might have been holding it the entire time. It struck me again that despite being too smart to care, she was completely gorgeous. And I love it because she’s actually one of the people who complement with me, but not just because of that. i always tell her so, and she loves me because of that. There’s been no actual declarations or anything, but we both know that. I love her because I can tell her the truth without the judgements, and she loves me because I was honest. Except now.

            ‘Got what you needed?’ she asked, helping me with my coat. It might have made more sense if Donghae did that, but the weird co-dependency relationship we’d suddenly developed was like that.

            I nodded and held up the pack of gum in my hand. I was holding it so tightly to stop the trembling that I squished it into an inedible-looking lump.

            Taeyon’s eyes flit to the pack of gum, then towards my face. Very imperceptibly, she shook her head and sighed. ‘Tiffany, you don’t have to be so secretive, you know.’ Her hands fell to her side. Donghae seemed to notice the sudden change in Taeyon’s mood, and touched her arm lightly. I found the action slightly sweet, if it wasn’t for the fact that I wasn’t panicking.

            Taeyon brushed off his hand gently. ‘Don’t. I don’t think I want to go to that party with Tiffany after all.’ She turned to Donghae. ‘Just go home.’ Then she walked away.

            It wasn’t until they were both out the door and out of sight that I remembered that Kai was in my room, waiting for me.

            And that I LIKE HIM.

(Introducing…)DONGHAE

            Here’s what I love about big-city newbies(particularly ones who were previously really obsessive thinkers). They come knocking at your door in the middle of the night, and carrying several cups of Starbucks, a bunch of newly-purchased DVDs and a pack of microwaveable popcorn, asking you if she could spend the night at your place, because she knows it’s freezing cold even though she’d blown you off an hour earlier –like it’s the most normal thing in the world. Right after she stormed off for some unknown reason that escaped me completely, I ran after her in my usual princely effort to save everyone form any kind of harm. but she glared at me with demon eyes and stalked off towards the twinkling center of New York.

 I’d already been lying in bed and trying to lull myself to sleep when the doorbell buzzed. Taeyon stood at the door, looking a bit worse for wear. Her hair was matted to her forehead, and I was pretty sure her clothes were soaked. Of course, it was snowing again, and it was pretty clear she went walking alone(I shudder to think about that). It was the first time she’d ever seemed willing ti involve me in her life personally. Usually, it was just going to the library, or something she didn’t understand in class, or a tip about studying. I was like a professional friend, in that department. Except I found myself wanting more. But ever since my jerk brother who thinks he’s the best person in the world emotionally scarred her step-sister, it became more impossible than ever. This isn’t me being weepy and girly. I aced my psychology courses and my psychology internship. It pays to observe people.

Fifteen minutes later, Taeyon was sitting on the couch, dressed in new clothes(courtesy of my outgrown ones), and cradling a cup of vanilla latte in her hands. Her dependency to caffeine still bugged me, because I was pretty sure it was bordering addiction. I was sitting on the floor, feeling a little awkward even if I was twenty-six and holding a steady job(not that it matters).

There is one concrete reason why I feel awkward though. Taeyon, who’d lived in Connecticut until seven years ago, had turned so city girl that she won’t allow herself to cry, even if it’s obvious she really wants to. Instead, she laid herself down on the sofa, picking off the sprinkles on the froth of her coffee, while her stomach seemed to quiver from her sob-avoidance. She stared blankly at the screen, not even noticing that I was staring at her. I think he reason why she came to me instead of her other girlfriends was because –

‘What would you do if your girlfriend suddenly decided she was into Chanyeol?’ she asked, startling me.

I was going to say ‘because I never ask her anything personal’, but I guess that’s a moot point now. That’s an interesting word moot. Like how her question was a moot one because- ‘I haven’t a girlfriend,’ I answered.

She snapped to attention. ‘You don’t?’ She said it like it was her first time hearing that fact. Maybe it was. ‘Let’s just say you have one, and she decides she’s into Chanyeol?’

‘I hardly see-’ I cut myself off. ‘Is this about what happened earlier?’

‘Kai and Tiffany are sort of together.’

‘What?’ This is why I don’t bother dating. The main problem is that I never actually asked anyone out on a date, but I choose not to think about that problem as a problem, it’s actually a solution. My lack of dating life means I have no problem except concentrating on not killing whoever was on my table. ‘When did you break up?’

‘When my sister decided it was okay to kiss my boyfriend, and my boyfriend decided he wanted to be in her room and wait for her there tonight,’ she mumbled, stressing on the hatred of the sentence. I’ve always admired her for that kind of articulation.

‘Wait, WHAT?!’

She looked at me with pathetic brown eyes and sniffed.

‘Don’t cry!’ I pleaded.

‘I’m not going to cry,’ she insisted and sniffed again. ‘Guys. Why do you all panic when something like that happens?’

I shrugged. I wanted to grab her and hold her hands and tell her it would be okay, but a) her hands were occupied by the coffee; b) I was trying to maintain a tough-guy image, and c) I wasn’t sure things really were going to be okay. And I wasn’t sure if she was upset that her sister betrayed her, or if her boyfriend betrayed her. Basing from what I had seen from the past,          they all had a pretty functional interaction.

‘Do you want to talk about it?’ I asked, tiptoeing around her sniffles.

‘Yes. No. Maybe. I don’t know. Does it matter?’

I shrugged. ‘Will it help if you talk about it?’

She sniffled again. ‘I don’t really care about Kai. It wasn’t serious. But Tiffany? Where’s the loyalty?’

I cleared my throat. ‘This is the first time I’m hearing something like this. So, -’

She cut me off. ‘I don’t really care if you don’t say anything. That’s all I have to say anyway.’

‘How did you know?’

‘Know what?’ she asked.

‘That he was in her room.’

‘The Wrigley’s gum,’ she answered.

I didn’t really get it, but I guess if you’re a girl, you just know.

‘Can I ask you something?’

‘What is it?’

‘Can you hug me?’ She was looking at her hands.

I pulled her into my arms and hugged her tightly. ‘You do know that this is the first time we ever did something like this.’ Started crying softly, wetting my shirt with her tears. ‘Let it out, Taeyon. Just let it out.’ I buried my face in her strawberry-scented hair. ‘You can stay like this for a little longer.’

She sighed and clutched at my back. ‘Yeah. Just a bit longer.’