Hi Minho, always remember that I did love you. I only seem distant that one time because I cared too much. Maybe I loved you a little too much. I didn’t know how I was supposed to act when you were always there for me, thinking about my happiness first more than yours. I could never think normally when I was around you. It's as if my mind was all pink while my stomach had butterflies. As cliche as it may sound, it's true. Some say that platonic is different from intimate love but what I felt for you bordered in between. I loved you despite your faults but I also crushed on you like you were the best thing after beef and dancing. You woke me up. You did wake me up. You became my life. You did give a good meaning to my life.

I was raised by the four walls of my room and school. Spending all my time with books. Be it for academics or hobby. Be it reality or fantasy. I used to believe that love was breath-taking, perfect and magical – it was all these things and more. But I also know it was heartbreaking, imperfect and reality. Love has the ability to break you down like a mere puzzle piece, hearing every piece of it shattered once broken.

You thought you were a complete picture. The guy everyone dreamed of. The player every athlete was envious of. A dream every dreamer dreams. You have everything figured out, living your life at it's peak. Here I come, your bestfriend, lodt in hid own feelings. I am here to give it a twist. Be it a good one or a bad, that I don't know. I'll be that one person that would come into your life and make you rethink everything. And I mean everything.

I made you ask questions that you never dreamed of before. I hope I made you want to be better- be someone you would never thought you would be. I made you cling to me like we're peanut butter and jelly. How can you live without me now when you couldn’t even imagine how life was before you met me?

Was it a perfect love between us? Was it the dream everyone wished to have? Loving each other with nothing but the real heart and most genuine feelings.

Here comes the twist: “It’s not you, it’s me”. I swear I want to kill myself for using that line. How cliche can I get? But it couldn’t be any truer. I loved everything about you but I hate everything that I am becoming because of these feelings I have for you. I'm loving you too much more than myself. I’ve become someone who’s constantly afraid of ing up because I just can’t imagine losing you that I have lost myself in this process of wanting to be yours. The me was eaten up by the hought of becoming someone worthy to love you. 

As much as I still want to be the person who sees how the morning light touches your gorgeous face while you’re still sleeping peacefully. I still want to hold your hand, and be held by yours. I still want to take silent walks with you wherein we don’t even need to talk. I still want to cheer for you on your most important competitions. I still want to continue loving the totality of you but I just don’t like me anymore.

I know that loss is bound to happen but I just can’t get the fear out of my head. You might think that I am leaving because I want to lose you. Because I want a life without you. That is partly true. But really, I am leaving because I’m losing me. I wish you the best in life. Truly, I do. Nothing would make me happier than to see you happy even if I am not a part of your happiness. Continue with your dreams. Work hard as ever. Make music. Live the life you want to live. You deserve nothing less than genuine happiness. Maybe someday you’ll meet a person worthy of you. And maybe I’ll meet one worthy of me too.

Maybe someday, we’ll meet again and realize that we were always meant to be but we just met when the timing wasn’t right. When the perfect was imperfect. Maybe we could try again. Maybe, just maybe.

Taemin