Six months after Sulli severed her friendship with Sehun, she tells herself she’s okay. No more dramas, no late-night ramyun escapades that stalls her from studying, none of those stupid jokes with lame punch lines. No Oh Sehun in Choi Sulli’s life. It was her decision to break it off so she should be fine. But why does it feel wrong after almost six whole months? Why now when they’re not even officially together?

She convinced herself that he’s not good for her. After she stopped talking to him, her life went smoothly like he was never there in the first place. She goes to parties, meets with her friends, studies a lot, and has got more time in her hands for herself. Just when she thought she’s successfully moved on without Oh Sehun in her life, she sees him with another girl and her whole façade went crumbling down. It took her some time to build that defense only to be destroyed in a matter of seconds. And it hurts. It ing hurts because he loves Oh Sehun and she never stopped. It hurts because she gave him time to love her back but he never did.

After she saw Sehun and Krystal together in her favourite café, sipping coffee, eyes connecting and talking like they’re each other’s favourite person, she grimly admits to herself that she’s miserable. That she’s an idiot and she, no matter how impossible it sounds, wants her bestfriend/almost-boyfriend back in her life. She got tired of waiting, maybe a little anxious that he’ll never reciprocate her love, so she broke whatever connections they have and saved herself from further pain. But seeing them like this makes her wanna go back in time and take back everything she said to him and kiss him ‘til he’s out of his senses. But she can’t do that now, can she?

“Sehun,”

The man being called stopped in his tracks but did not turn around. So Sulli took this chance to continue talking. Fortunately, Sehun’s alone as he makes his way to his room. It’s freezing outside but the way Sehun gives her the cold shoulder is incomparable.

“Oh Sehun,”she calls again. This time, he turned around and she almost ran into his arms because God he missed him.

“What?” his face blank as he meets her eyes.

“I—I miss you,” there, she said it. Whatever happens, she will let him know how she feels about him, no matter how late she is.

“Oh,

“H-how are you these days?”don’t cry, Sulli. If you just explain he will understand and maybe—

“Sulli, no.” she gulped. Sehun, please…

“Let me ex—”

“Explain? What for? You already made it clear that you want nothing to do with me anymore.”

She can’t stop her eyes from b with tears so she tried to smile. Sehun knows she’s in the brink of crying. But no matter how much she’s hurt him, she was still his best friend before everything turned sour. He softened his voice.

“Look, I’m sorry. I just,”

“don’t be.”

“Sulli,”

“Please I—”

“I love her, Sulli.” And her tears fell down.

“I loved you too,” He should not have said that. It feels like sprinkling salt to a fresh wound.

“But you did not wait. You took off even before I told you… you did not trust me that much,” he’s right and no amount of ‘I’m sorrys’ and ‘I still love yous’ can turn things around.

She walked away that day with warm coffee in her hands and a cold heart to freeze her from the inside. She doesn’t know what to do so she went back to her room and let her tears flow because she deserves it. Warm coffee forgotten until it turned cold, just like what she did to him. She knows that it’s the end of the road for them. But she can’t let go and that’s what’s killing her.