Chapter 17

Chen and I were standing together at the bus stop in silence again. I constantly touched the smooth but rough hanji paper that I was holding while I was thinking about how kind Chen was being lately. I kind of felt nervous and I didn't know how to calm myself so I had to do something to take my mind of him, but it wasn't working when he was standing a few feet away from me. He paid for my paper even though I didn't ask him to nor did I think it would have happened. I was really shocked when the ahjusshi told me it was him who had paid. Why would he do that without even telling me? Was he planning this the whole time or was he thinking about doing this so I could owe him back? Just as I was about to speak, the bus pulled up and opened its door. The bus driver looked at me and was waiting for me to get on but for some reason, I shook my head at the bus driver and he closed the door, leaving me alone with Chen.

"You're not getting on?" Chen looked over at me surprised. "That was the last bus."

"Why did you pay for this?" I asked as I looked over to meet his eyes, ignoring his question.

"What?" He looked a little taken aback.

"Why did you pay for this?" I repeated. "Are you... Are you doing this because-"

"Does it make you uncomfortable?" He asked cutting me off.

"No, it's just... I..." I stopped myself from saying anything recklessly.

"I'm not doing it because I want you to owe me back." It was as if he was reading my mind. "I just... I just thought I'd do it since... Since you... Since... Uh..."

I observed him and noticed how awkward he was getting. "Since what?"

"Because you were always so nice to me." He finally replied, making me feel like he was speaking a different language.

"You didn't have to pay for this just because I was being nice to you." I chuckled as I looked at the paper down at my hands. "But still, I will say thank you, Chen. Really."

"I also paid for the cups so don't worry about that either." He added quickly.

"T-thank you for paying for the c-cups." I said a little more awkwardly than I intended.

There was a silence between us. It wasn't awkward - it was quite relaxing actually. Throughout this silence, it had me thinking about how we were growing closer to each other every day but slowly, but it didn't bother me. I was just happy to see that there was at least some progress going on. Chen was starting to open up more and more even if it seemed like he was still keeping a few things from me. And he was more than kind. I honestly didn't know how I should react to it but I was thankful for him today even if it wasn't much.

"Didn't you have a date with Yoo Seung Ho today?"

I turned my head to him with my mouth a little ajar. I would have never expected Chen to ask me that out of all the things he could have asked me right now.

"H-how was it?"

"Ah... Well... I-it was good." I could have told him what happened, but I didn't want to speak about it carelessly and I wasn't sure if Chen actually wanted to know or if he was just asking because there wasn't anything to really talk about right now.

"H-how do you feel?" Chen asked.

"Suffocated." I whispered.

"What'd you say?" He asked confused.

I pressed my lip together and sighed. "Nothing. Nevermind."

"If I ever asked you out on a date, would you go with me?"

My eyes widened at his question. I also felt like my heart had stopped beating and I forgot how to breathe for a second.

"I would take that as a no." He answered.

"W-what? N-no! I didn't even answer." I waved my hands in front of me.

"It's okay. I wasn't going to ask you out on a date."

I bit my lip and looked away from him. His tone somehow sounded weird, as if he was joking and yet, he wasn't. I couldn't tell if he really wanted to ask me out on a date or if he just wanted to see how I would reacted, but it still shocked me that he would ask something like that.

"What are you going to do?" Chen asked.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"There are no more buses and you live far from here. Are you planning to sleep on the streets?"

"No, but-."

Chen reached over and grabbed my hand. The warmth that came from his hands made my face burn and I could tell that it was turning a shade of pink even if I couldn't see it myself. I was embarassed and nervous from his touch. I'm sure I was going to start sweating if we held hands any longer, but it didn't look like he was going to let go of my hand because we started to walk to who knows where. Everything was closing down and there weren't many places that we could stay since I had little to no money, but just as we were walking down the streets, Chen took me to a bath house. We stood there, our hands still intact. I looked over at him, confused to why we would come to this place out of everything that would have been opened.

Before I could even say anything to him, he pulled me inside. He paid for the both of us, which didn't cost much, and we went to opposite directions because we had to go to the locker rooms to change out of our clothes. This was the first time that I've been to a bath house in all of the years I've lived in Korea. I didn't feel comfortable seeing so many women in one room; most of them walked around as if this was normal, which it wasn't to me since this was the first time seeing so many people at once. I pretended to not see them and went into a stall to change out of my clothes - it made me feel better about myself.

After I finished changing, I wrapped a towel around my neck and walked out into the opening where everyone was lying around and sleeping. I felt out of place being there. I blew out a sigh a plopped down where I was and pretzel-legged so I could sit comfortably while my eyes would wander around to find Chen, if he was even still here. I was sitting there for about at least ten minutes now and I was starting to think that he wasn't going to come and that he probably ditched me since he didn't want to be around me. I sprawled across the wood floors and closed my eyes. There wasn't anything better to do so sleeping will probably do me better than staying up and doing nothing.

As I closed my eyes, I listened to the ahjummas and ahjusshis that were around. Many talked about their hardships or gossiped about their daily life in work and about friends. I kind of wished Jung Ah and Ji Min were here with me so we could do the same thing, but I guess that can happen next time whenever I decide to come here again. I let out a frustrated sigh as I turned my body so I was now leaning on my side. Did Chen really ditch me? He wouldn't do such a thing, right? Maybe I've spoken too soon about him being so kind to me, but no... He... He wouldn't do this. I opened my eyes since I couldn't go to sleep and just as I did, I felt my face flush and my heart drop down. I don't know if this was really happening, but I seriously was starting to think that I have asthma, not a heart problem.

I was staring right into Chen's eyes. His face was so close to min, I felt like there wasn't enough room for the both of us to breathe. How could I not feel his presence right next to me or feel his breath hit my skin? Even though I've seen him so many times, he never failed to take my breath away. He was still handsome and his features still surprised me every time. I felt like I wasn't even staring at someone real - it felt like a dream staring at him. I was about to sit up so I could catch my breath again, but Chen's hand lightly touched the side of my neck and he pulled me back down so we were still in the same position. The way his hand had touched the skin on my neck made it feel as if something shocked me - I couldn't really explain how I was feeling right now.

"It's cold." Chen's voice sounded sleepy and it made my heart go crazy. "You're very warm, Ga Eul."

Just when I thought I couldn't breathe even more, Chen scooted closer to me. We were so close to each other, I felt like our faces could have touched and it wouldn't have bothered him. Our hands were near one another's and I was going to pull away to give him a little more space, he grabbed my hand and held it. I really need an inhalor. How was it even possible for someone to make me feel this way in such a short matter of time? Seung Ho's never made me feel this way and even when we had kissed, it never felt like this. Shouldn't a kiss make me feel more than how I feel now? It made no sense to me. I wonder... I wonder what it would have felt like kissing Chen if I was already feeling this way.

"Why do you keep staring at me like that?" He asked, breaking the dreading silence between us.

Without even realizing it, I found myself smiling. He looked so shy realizing that I have beenstaring at him.  "Aren't you used to it yet?" I asked.

"No." He said rather quickly before closing his eyes.

I reached towards him, about to touch his face, but his hands suddenly shot up and grabbed my hand, scaring the hell out of me. I was about to pull away from him, but he pulled me forward, making me closer to him. I was just about to retract my hand from him, but he opened his eyes and looked at me with a small smile on his face. He twisted me around and pinned me on the ground, raising an eyebrow at me before I could even react to any of his actions.

"What were you trying to do to me?" He chuckled as his eyes pierced right through me. "Were you trying to do something?"

The way he had laughed made my heart start beating like crazy. I had to contain myself, but seeing him so close to me and us having this skinship was not helping me at all.

"Okay. I'm sorry." I breathed out, a little embarassed that this was happening at a bath house. "I was just... I just wanted to touch your face."

He scoffed teasingly. "What if I did that to you?"

"W-what?"

He let go of me and rolled over beside me and closed his eyes. "I'm too tired to do this right now."

I scoffed this time. "You always do this to me."

"Do what?" He asked.

"You always ask me questions and I answer, but when I ask you questions, you never answer me."

There was a suddenly silence between us and it made me wonder if he was asleep. I turned my head and looked at the side of his face. I was disappointed. Did he really fall asleep on me without answering me again?

"I'm not mad... I'm not mad that you... You saved me from my attempt at the beach." Chen said catching me off guard. His eyes suddenly opened, but he looked up at the ceiling above us. "I'm not going to do it again... Ever... It was stupid of me to even think about doing that... I... I wasn't thinking." He shook his head and looked away from me. "I didn't think the movie was boring at all. It was... It was actually a refreshing movie, except for the fact that the main guy is an because he made her fall in love with him even though he knew he was going to leave. And she... She was stupid... How could she still love someone who did that to her? She... She was left alone..."

I finally understood what he was doing. Chen... He was answering my questions that he's never answered yet.

"I find him selfish. Selfish for leaving someone so kind and loving... But he... He was so good to her... So good and honest... I couldn't blame her for falling for someone like that... Or him for wanting that before leaving the world..." Chen continued as I stared at him.

I scoffed hearing this, but a smile was planted on my face anyway. At least he was trying, right? He chuckled and this made my heart flip. This was the first time that I saw him chuckle earnestly and it seriously took me away.

"I can't sleep." I said after a moment of silence.

"Close your eyes. You'll eventually fall asleep."

"Can you sing a song to me instead?"

Chen suddenly opened his eyes and furrowed his eyebrows.

"Please?"

Chen blew out a small sight, his breath lightly hitting my lips before opening his mouth a little and started to sing. 

"The autumn wind that blows into the window passes through my empty heart. I lean against the cold wall and look at the brightening dawn sky. I miss you, but I can't go close to you, I need to leave you now. You, who gave me such a big and warm love into my lonely and dry eyes. I may regret leaving you but it's because I love you. I can't forget that I love only you but I need to erase you and my sadness..."

Who would have thought that his voice sounded like an angel singing? I was so mesmerized by him that I didn't even know if I was still awake or not. Hearing his voice linger around me made my heart beat right out of my chest and the way he hit every note made me wonder if he had ever dreamed of becoming a singer. I don't know how I was feeling, but Chen... Chen seemed too good to be true. He was perfect. Everything about him made me think twice, but then again, I still had so much to learn about him.

**A/N: THIS IS GOING TO BE A LONG AUTHOR'S NOTE. I don't care if you read it or not. Anways, my heart is heavy. I'm seriously so hurt and saddened by the news of EunB passing away in a car crash, their manager passing away, Sojung and Rise in critical conditions, etc. It's also Sojung's birthday. I feel awful that she would have to wake up to news that one of her members had passed away on her birthday. It truly is so sad. I honestly am loss for words. Please, let us all pray for their recovery and give our condolenses to Lavelys, their family, friends, etc, whether you're a fan or not. 

#PrayforLadiesCode #RIPEunB

As of now, I'm sure many of you realize that I'm updating super slow. School is finally back in session and this means that I'll be updating slower. I apologize in advance. I'm trying my best to update, but school is more important to me so I would like to get that out of the way if anything. No, I will not be going on a hiatus, it's just that it'll take me longer to update more than usual. Yes. Worst author award seriously goes to me. Sorry guys! Please understand. I promise I won't leave the story and I will update! Be patient, as I love all you readers who are supporting me. Thank you.

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