wow what

When Sungyeol woke up again, it was 5 in the morning and Myungsoo’s room door was creaking open. He could hear the other still sleeping, breathing regulated and movement nonexistent.

                “IS YOUR BROTHER ASLEEP?” Sungyeol heard a woman’s voice call from downstairs.

                “Yeah, Mom,” L, Sungyeol guessed, replied. Sungyeol wasn’t even sure how L’s reply could be heard from inside the room.

                Sungyeol quickly pulled the cover over himself, allowing him to push deeper into the bed so that his level was on par with the overly fluffy pillow’s. Myungsoo groaned a bit before fully transferring his body over to Sungyeol’s side, maneuvering himself so that he was on top of Sungyeol.

                That was lucky, Sungyeol thought, because  now he was sure he wasn’t seen.

                “Hey Myung, you awake?” L whispered from the door, carefully shutting it before walking over to the bed.

                Sungyeol held his breath and waited for Myungsoo to answer – he didn’t.

                “I guess you fell asleep,” the younger chuckled. Sungyeol could hear him take a seat on the ground beside the bed. “Anyways…I just wanted to say some stuff.”

                Four seconds pass by in near absolute silence.

.               “I know I joke around with this a lot…but you really do mean a lot to me.” L breathed in, setting his elbow down on the bed. “And it’s just…I want to give you everything you want, be it an expensive car or a priceless feeling. But I don’t really have a way to show it, to let that thought show, but somehow, you do. Somehow you manage to always sacrifice ing everything for me and not because you’re my hyung, or because Mom or Dad tells you to, but just ‘cause you want me to be happy or smile or something stupid like that.”

                Sungyeol felt his fingers clench tighter to the bedspread as Myungsoo let out a few more hazy breaths.

                “Sungjong was talking to me about you a while after we started dating and I never knew how to really tell you this but he thought I was you when we first met, and that if he…if he hadn’t really gotten to know me, he would’ve ditched me for you.”

                Myungsoo let out a snore, and that was it.

                “And I know, I know I told you I like Sungyeol and that you should back up away from him and what frustrates me more than anything is that I meant that. I don’t want you touching Sungyeol, and this is the same stupid feeling that I had with Sungjong. I knew Sungjong’s first choice was you and I know Sungyeol’s first choice is you. No matter…no matter how hard I try, how much feeling I can’t put into something and how much time I do, everything always leads back to you.”

                L, Sungyeol thought with so much pain that he knew if he was given four more minutes, he would start crying.

                “We’ve both done so much to each other, me more than you sometimes, but you’re such a big baby about everything. And not a crybaby, not a bad one, you’re just…you’re that one precious person everyone wants to protect and not hurt, and you’re that way to me too. I don’t wanna hurt you, so I end up stopping you from achieving anything at the beginning.”

                But you’re the one who always gets hurt at the end, L.

                “I’m gonna go to bed now,” L shuddered, standing up. “And when I wake up in the morning, you’re still going to treat me like I’m the best little brother in the world, the person you’d be willing to take a bullet for. You never even think of yourself for a second, huh? It must to be you.”

                Sungyeol wanted to laugh but he couldn’t, his throat already choked up with tears.

                “G’night Myung…

It was at least twenty minutes later that Sungyeol had the genius brilliancy to force himself out of the covers and run out the door in hope of finding L somewhere in the house.

                Myungsoo didn’t even move a tiny bit, just twist and turn underneath the blankets. He was fine, he would always be fine. That was what made Myungsoo him, Sungyeol had figured out. He was always fine.

                L, L on the other hand…that guy was a ticking time bomb. No one knew when he was ever going to just collapse into a bunch of explosive pieces and the worst part was, no one knew what he even was. Everyone thought he was always so confident of himself and his surroundings and his decisions and his actions but in truth, he was just as insecure as the next person and a hell of a lot less secure than Myungsoo ever was and would be.

                “What the hell –“

                “Shh!” Sungyeol hissed when he caught sight of L, grabbing the boy and pulling him into the nearest room with an open door, which just happened to be the same room the other had just came out of.

                “Sungyeol,” L started as he watched Sungyeol try to find the light switch. After at least six hours in the dark, L gave up and pulled the older over, finding the switch himself.

                “Hey,” Sungyeol breathed out, his voice taunt and light.

                “You wanna tell me what you’re doing here?”

                Sungyeol balanced his thoughts for a minute, wondering what he should really tell L. I was sleeping in your brother’s bed? You know, when you were kinda-ish-not-really confessing all your messed up feels to him? Yes? No? Is that creepy?

                “I’ve been here,” Sungyeol decided. “You know, since last night…kinda came over to hang out with Myungsoo.”

                “Oh.” The look on L’s face reminded Sungyeol of the tone of voice the younger had not even half an hour ago in Myungsoo’s room. “Is that why…is that what you were busy for?”

                “Yeah.”

                God, this was embarrassingly awkward.

                “You should go home?”

                “No!” Sungyeol rushed, standing straight and looking back up at L’s face. “I just – I really, really, really need to tell you something.”

                In L’s mind, he ran over possibilities and situations and anything that Myungsoo could’ve said or that they could’ve done or, or, or…. “If this is about Myung –“

                “It’s not.”

                With that, the two were left without another awkward moment that didn’t seem to want to go away for another ten minutes.

                “I just…I know that you think that everything goes your way and that you get everything you want whenever you want it, but that…that isn’t really true.” Sungyeol cringed, wondering how stupidly mean he sounded. “Myungsoo…last night, he told me about Sungjong. And wait, stop, don’t look like that! You know your brother, he wouldn’t say anything bad about you out loud. But I kinda, you know, sensed it in his voice.”

                L cringed, wanting to step back but staying in his position nonetheless.

                “I was pretty pissed off, now that I think about it,” Sungyeol continued, “but I wasn’t sure if it was at you or at Myungsoo. I told you, I hate keeping feelings a secret and even if Myungsoo managed to go tell Sungjong how he felt…your boyfriend still died. And I don’t know about you, but I would be hell of a lot more broken than you are right now.”

                “You should’ve seen me in the months after he was gone,” L muttered beneath his breath, looking away at the ground.

                “And I don’t know if this is fate giving you a second chance, but I don’t know about what I said to you yesterday anymore.”

                “What you said to me yesterday?” L’s head popped up immediately. You said a lot of things to me yesterday.

                “When I said,” Sungyeol breathed in, “when I said I liked your brother. That might not actually stand anymore.”

                L’s inhale hitched and he couldn’t exactly feel for that moment. “What?”

                “And before you start freaking out and going through the probability that the person I like might not be anyone in this family at all and some other jerkface at school…yeah…yeah, it just might be you.”

                “Sungyeol –“

                “No, just – just give me a hug or something before I try to figure out why I just made that choice.”

“Why?”

                It was 5AM and neither of them had fallen asleep, both trapped on L’s bed and looking at the plain and dark ceiling. On the other side of the room, Myungsoo was asleep and snoring as if nothing had ever happened in the two hour lapse.

                “Why what?” Sungyeol said quietly, still scared to wake anyone up.

                “Is it still too soon, or can I ask you why you decided to tell me that?”

                There was a brief moment of silence until Sungyeol finally thought it was a good time to answer. “I think I’ve always liked you, it’s just…Myungsoo’s a bit more attractive to me. Not the physical kind, but the mental kind. He’s my type, I’m attracted to guys like him. The way he thinks, the way he talks, the way he acts. He’s the kind of guy that every person wants, you know? Someone that makes them feel warm and loved and always number one.”

                “Hope you know that you’re not making me feel any better about myself.”

                “Shut up,” Sungyeol said, elbowing L’s side. “Either way, though, he was always the better choice. And that’s how I think Sungjong was like…he was shocked to find that you weren’t Myungsoo because Myungsoo’s always the person that anyone wants as their boyfriend. But it takes a while to get used to you, to understand and comprehend the fact that you’re actually that dangerous jump over a cliff that leads to waterfalls and flower meadows.”

                “Sungyeol…”

                “I know, cheesy as hell. But I’m serious, L, I’m dead serious. Sungjong stuck with you because he found out the same thing that I managed to discover. You’re worth the risk, you’re worth the leap. Sungjong was conflicted when Myungsoo confessed to him because he felt bad. Myungsoo was always his first choice and nobody wants to hurt a precious baby like Myungsoo…”

                “Won’t he be hurt tomorrow though, when he finds out about us? Because I know for a fact that he likes you…it’s kinda hard not to like you.”

                “Last night Myungsoo told me another story too, one that you probably weren’t aware of.” Sungyeol lifted his body over so that he was on his side looking at L. “It had something to do with your photography, and after that, it kinda struck me on what kind of heart Myungsoo has. He’s living in a pit of guilt right now and even if he wasn’t, he’d rather be in pain for a while than see you in pain for even two seconds.”

                Knowing that he shouldn’t ask questions, L stayed quiet in the solitude for his mind for a little while. “How lucky was I, I swear, to have a brother like Myungsoo?”

                “Even luckier than you were to have finally ended up with me.” 

omg i'm sorry if this LOOOOL i just wanted it finished and out ;; my lyeol feels were screaming at me 

either way i hope you enjoyed some of it? at least? a bit? hehe hoho

i stole the title of this thing from ron pope's a drop in the ocean and it's a pretty great song so you guys should go check it out yes ;)

AWOEIFJAO;IEAFJIOSDFAO;IJEWA OKAY THANKS I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH YES ♥♥♥