“One more, please.” I gave my empty glass to the bartender.

“What kind of alcohol now, Sir?” I gasped at the tone he used at me. I frowned at him but he just rolled his eyes like a girl. him!

“One Dirty Martini, boy.” I said then he turned his self away from me.

“Here, sir.”

“Thank you.” I didn’t mind him and just continue my unfinished business with this glass I am holding right now. I am so dumb. Why did I even let myself do that to her? Now, she hated me! Broke up on me, and left me. This is the first—yes, the first thing that I regret in my whole entire life! I just do ‘it’ with my long-time partner. Why did she broke up on me? Hah—I just her twice when we are both drowned in an alcohol drink. Good right? GOOD! .

“One absolut royal for last.” I again, give my glass to the bartender who is now staring at me like he is going to kiss me. That’s gross.

“No sir.” I certainly backed from reality when he said that. What?

“Just give me my damn-drink. Give me my !” I tried to stand but my legs aren’t listening to me so I ended up still sitting, with my hands on a stool beside me.

“I won’t give it to you your .” I said calmly. I frowned.

“And why the can’t you give me my ing- drink?!” I shouted and gave him a snort of disgust.

“Because you are ed-up! Stop pretending to be strong when you’re actually not!” He grabbed my collar and pulled me. I want to fight him, punch him, but I just can’t. I can’t because I am weak, weak and feeling groggy.

When he finally let go of my hands, he faced me. I tried to punch him but he is fast. Is he fast? Or am I just being weak because of the effect of that ing-martini? I don’t know!

“Who are you, ha? Why are you doing this?”

“Because I cared.” He shrugged as he says that phrase. I felt my spine shivers on what he say!

“Why the hell did you care? I don’t even know you for ’s sake!”

“Maybe you didn’t know me, but I know you too well.” He said—and kiss me!

 

**

“Hmmmn.” I jolted out of sleep when I suddenly felt my head banging like hell. Damn this hangover!

“Are you alright?” I was electrified when I feel that someone is hugging me from behind. I immediately—as fast as I could, jump off to bed.

“What are you doing here? How the freaking hell did you enter my house?!” I snorted at him but he just gave me a sweet smile. No, it is not a sweet smile! What am I even thinking?

“Your house?” He chuckled and roamed his eyes all over the room. And to my surprise, THIS IS NOT MY ROOM! “Your house, ha? Well I think, you consider my house as yours. What is the meaning of that?” He asked—No. More on, he teased.

“Quit playing, will you? I’m not joking here!” I punch the wall making his eyes widened. He bit his lower lip as he bowed down. That made me guilty.

“I just helped you yesterday night. You were drowned with that ing drink, and you can’t utter any word other than Trinity. I asked where your pad or something is but you didn’t—I mean, you just…”

Frowning, “I just, what?” I asked him.

“Vomited on me.” He said turning his face into other direction. What is the problem with that? I just vomited in him. “And I changed your clothes so…”

“Ahh—WHAT?! You just WHAT?!”

“I said I changed your clothes, from top to bottom, from pants to your underp—”

“SHUT UP!” I pulled my hair out of frustration as I walked towards the door of this stupid room. Out of this stupid house that belongs to a stupid guy—I mean, gay! Ugh.

I’m about to leave his condo unit when suddenly he says something that made me stiffened. “I love you.”

And dumbfounded.

 

**

“Ugh. The nerve of that guy!”

“Stay calm, dude.” Chen said as he sip the last drop on his canned-beer. I am now drinking—again, but not on that stupid restaurant for freak’s sake! I’m at Chen’s condo unit right now. Making myself cool down a little bit. But I think I can’t do that.

“How can I supposed to calm myself, ha Chen? He confessed to me, proving that he is a gay! What the hell, right?” And in speaking of confession, I faced palm as I remember our latest conversation.

 

 

“I love you.”

I think I’m starting to be dumb. I think my ears are malfunctioning right now. I think, I might kill this guy in front of me! “What?” I only asked.

“I said I love you. I love since the very first time I laid my eyes on you. I know that this confession’s gotten too fast, but I’m telling you this because I…”

I didn’t bother to ask him why he cut his sentence. I just stared at him, frowning.

“I—I want you to…fall in love with me.”

“WHAT?!”

 

 

After saying that, he left. Left me. He ran away and left me. Just what is that, right? I don’t freakin’ get what he really want. We’re both a guy, didn’t he know that? Ugh!

“Just don’t bother thinking about him Kris. Maybe he is just making pranks. Maybe he’s not serious about that.” He shrugged.

I didn’t mind him. I drank my can.

 

He should’ve be.

 

**

“Trinity!”

“Leave me alone, butthole-man!”

“Give me another chance, I promise to be a better man this time, just please!”

She faced me, Trinity faced me with her face looking very pissed—and disgusted at the same time. “Second chance? Ha, Kris! Does giving you a second chance can give my ity back? No, right? Then -off! I don’t want to see you again!” He pushed me, making me and her distance more far away from each other. “Or if you ever saw me again…just pretend that you don’t know me at all, ‘cause if in case you didn’t know, I’ll do that to you! You’re a stranger to me, starting this time then!”

“Trini—”

“Don’t you ever dare to call me by my name again! I hate you!”

This will be the last time. The last time that I will let myself fall in love.

!

 

**

“Give me my damn glass, will you?” I snorted in disgust as I looked at him. Yes, the boy who confess to me. The boy who admitted that he loves me and says that he will let me fall for him. Ha, He think that he can do that? Well,

“Sir, you’re already drank.”

“No I’m not. Give me my drink or I’ll call the manager right away? You choose.” I smirked at him, making his eyes widened a little but came back normal when I rolled my eyes. Tsh.

“Wait a minute, sir.” He sighed as he turn around to prepare my drink. I watch him as he combined different s and all that. After that, he faced me again and give me my drink. “One absolut royal , I’m happy to serve you.” He said that with no proof of happiness in his face. What the hell?

“Is that how you serve the customers? Haha! You should resigned and find another job, boy. This job not suits you.”

Crossing his arms, “And why do you care, sir? Did you already fallen for me?” he smirked.

I felt my eyes turning into a big-rounded one. The guts! “What are you saying?!”

“I’m asking you sir,” he leaned forward and now, he is facing me with I don’t know how near, but it’s ing near inches. “Did you already fallen for me, that’s why you care?”

Care? Did I even say that I cared for him? Ha, ambitious! “I will never fall for you!” I stood up, not minding my shot. I left him.

Why did I came here at the first place? What’s wrong with me? Ugh.

 

 

“Pandaaaaaa!” I unconsciously covered my ears with my two big hands. What the hell was that noise? It is so irritating! I shook my head out of frustration and continue to walk. This place is so, ugh!

“What are you doing here, honey?” I snapped out and immediately turned my body—including my head of course, on what he say. Honey?

“I missed you already. You’re too busy with your work that you less often visit your beautiful honey.” She pouted as she said that. Disgusting! She’s too young for that boy, and the hell! He has a lover and yet, telling me that he loves me and that he will make me fall in love with him. The guts of this boy, eh?

But wait. I mentally slapped my gorgeous face for the thought that drove in into my mind. So what if he has a lover? That a good news to me, why am I bothered? Why am I angry? What is the reason of this pissing—part? Am I… NO! I’m sure this is just nothing. But, Ugh! I slapped my face—for real.

This is so fast. AND I AM NOT A GAY. Period.

 

**

“What now, Kris? The boy’s still bothering you?” I drink my glass. What the hell is happening to me? I think—I am going to die because of the alcohol and toxic of beers and wines. And because of frustration too! I don’t know what it is but, the hell, that scene is pestering my mind for almost two—damn—DAYS!

Yeah, yeah. I’m being weird and paranoid and all, but I really can’t understand what is happening to me. That girl, I am not an evil or whatsoever but when I saw her clinging her arms to that boy’s nape and kissing him in the cheeks, I feel so frustrated that I wanted to pull her hair and slap her. I don’t know what it is, but I think, NO! This can’t be!

“Hey, are you listening to me, chicken head?” I snapped out and without hesitation, punch Chen’s shoulder, hard. “What is that for?” He irritatingly asked.

“Shut up Chen. I’m not a chicken-headed.”

“You are, man. You like chicken a lot, right? That you ate them for every meal, breakfast—lunch—and dinner? Haha!” I looked at him, more on glared. This guy is pissing me, really!

“Shut up or I’ll tell to your X—“

“Ok—alright, I’ll shut up.” He said, managing his self not laugh but obviously, I saw him chuckling, I just rolled my eyes on him. What an idiot.

Some minute later, I feel sleepy. I closed my eyes. I am sleepy but I can’t sleep. The thought of that boy, whose name is Tao, came into my mind. What is happening to me that I can’t get him out of my mind?

He came into my life, saying that he loves me when I am currently in the process of moving on. I am not already moved on actually, but when I saw him with his honey, his face didn’t left me. Trinity’s face suddenly blurred and one day, popped like a bubble. Tao is a good man, younger than me for I don’t know but I think—4 years, he always smile and that makes me think of him all the time. I can’t get him out of my ing—head. His dark eyes lines, weird hair, long hands, and his kiss.

Oh ing—. I think I’m in love.

 

**

I’m in love? Me, Wu Yi—Kris—Fan, in love with that boy? This is a ing-!

I’m busy checking my papers when a guy pinch my left cheek, so hard. “Ouch!”

“Haha! You’re too moody. What is wrong with your everyday life, really?” He laughed hard as he continue his works.

“Tss. I’m not like you Kai, I’m not a guy who’s pretending to be happy even if he’s not really happy. Move on.” I said. I placed my right palm into my stupid mouth when I realized my words. This is so stupid. “Ah—I need to pee.”

I didn’t wait for his response and just walk out on our room. Surprisingly, I bumped into him. Yes, him. “What—”

“KRIS!” I was shocked when he hugged me, tightly. My face suddenly turned into red and I felt embarrassed. Ghad, we’re on a UNIVERSITY!

“Hey—let go.” I don’t want, yes. I really don’t want him to let go of me. I want him to hug me, but I know my limits. We’re on the university where I teach and another reason is, we are both men. I pulled myself away from him and he just smiled at me, very widely.

I look around and noticed that everybody’s attention is in us. I bowed down. “Let’s get out of here.”

 

**

As soon as we get out of the university, and sit at his car, he hugged me again. “I really missed you, Kris.” He said with his voice, sounded so true and with longing.

“I—I missed you too.” I said involuntarily. He pulled away, cupping my both cheeks and smiled.

“Do you?” I nodded that give him more reason to smile. I blushed. This is so gay—I am so gay! “Did you already fallen for me?” I nodded once more.

I’m about to say something when he stopped me, by kissing me.

 

**

“Kris, eat this.” Tao said as he pointed the spoon he is holding in the opening of my mouth. I shook my head saying that I don’t want to what he wanted me to do. I am shy because I am really used to this. We are both men and I am, little by little, adjusting on our situation. “Please?” He pleaded. I have no choice, I know he will feel sullen if I didn’t obey him. “Good.” He said as I opened my mouth.

He continue his meal, so do I.

In our 2 months—yes, we are now in our second months of being in a relationship. He is living at my pad because he wants to be with me all the time. I didn’t bother to protest because like him, I want this to happen too. We are living in my pad and I think, our REALationship is REALly working.

He also said that ‘Honey’ is her cousin. At first, I didn’t believe her but when he said that her cousin visited him here with her husband—I sort of believe him. I trust him. Trust is the foundation of every couples, besides of love.

After our breakfast, I decided to start doing my written report so that we can have a vacant time for each other later. He is now washing the dishes. Like a partner does. I am so happy right now for I think about him and me all the time. But I snapped out and came back to the real world when I felt somebody poking my cheek. I looked at him and as he frowned. “What?” I asked.

“I am talking here.” He pouted.

“Oh really? Sorry if I’m spacing out. Continue what you are saying.” I smiled and patted his head.

He rolled his eyes and give me a cute slight pout. “As I was saying, my teacher in literature offers me a scholarship in—” I lost my focus and didn’t hear a thing anymore when I saw him his lips. It is soft and red. I don’t know if he is using any cosmetics or jelly but for now, I only want to kiss him. And I did. I kiss him, with full of love, with sincerity.

 

**

-AFTER 4 YEARS-

 

“Ouch!”

 

“Oh my Gosh! Call a police!”

“I think he’s hurt.”

“What happened? Did he know that guy?”

 

As soon as the crowd panicked, I immediately run and wipe the tears that fell into my eyes. I pity myself for being like this. I kicked him, hard and punch him after. I am not yet contented at kicking and punching that bastard but I am afraid that I might be sued for killing my live-in boyfriend.

“Kris!” I didn’t bother myself turning around to know who the owner of that voice is because at the first place, I already knew that voice. And I knew that this will happen. “Let us talk!” I run and run and run until I can’t hear his voice anymore. I stopped in the front of a bus and catch my breath. I looked around to make sure that he didn’t follow me. And I don’t know what to feel when I saw nothing but a crowd—without him.

I guess, “This is really good bye.” I sighed and entered the bus.

 

**

I hug my knees and bowed my head down. I don’t know how many times I cried since he left but I can’t stop myself.

He left me, hanging. He left me for four-damned years and now he is back.

In those four years, he didn’t contacted me. Even once. There is nothing but a letter on my door, saying ‘Sorry.’ What the heck was that, right? He is so stupid! He left me without any sign if he is coming back or not. Without any closure if we are still with each other or we’re already apart. But now, I think it’s clear. I think it is really over between us.

I drink a glass of water then turn around to look at my new pad. I moved out and changed my number, even my phone. I leave everything that can help Tao track me. I made sure that there is nothing he can do to find me.

Sometimes, seeing each other again doesn’t mean a new beginning. Sometimes, it is for the closure, and good byes, finally. Actually, it is a sad-bad-bye.

 

**

“Hi professor!”

A girl greeted me but as usual, I didn’t mind her. Even though what happens, I am me. Still the ‘always-in-bad-mood’ guy. A short tempered and a drink-a-holic guy. What it is to change myself, right? Tsh. I passed through her and continue checking my I-touch.

“Aish!” I hissed when someone bumped me. I turn my head up only to be shocked and surprise by the presence of him.

“Let us talk, Kris.”

He held my shoulders and look straight into my eyes. “Let me go.” I said calmly, managing myself not to look at him because I know, I might give up and accept him again if I look in his dazzling eyes. I don’t want that to happen. I am tired.

“Let us talk.”

“We’re over.”

“No we’re not.”

“Yes we are, Tao. YES.WE.ARE.” I emphasize every word I am saying. I wanted to be strong but my eyes are beginning to be swollen. I slapped his both arms and stepped backwards.

“I can’t let this happen!”

“You can’t? Why? You can, of course! You left me without saying anything! I don’t even know that you are leaving that day!”

“I said to you that, believe me, I did!”

“You didn’t. You left me for four years! You left me, Tao. You left me!” I shouted not minding the students who is watching us. I wanted to punch him. I am so gay right now, I cried because of this. I cry for Trinity then, but not like this! The effect of this boy in front of me is really, something! And I hate it! “It is over, Tao. It is now over.”

“Shut up! We are not yet over!”

“I said we’re over!” I cried out loud! “You left me!”

I’m about to punch him but I stopped. I stopped when I saw a tear fell from his eyes. A tear that made my sobs stop. And my heart did stop too.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I didn’t, you did.” Then he left.