Neverland
Lost Memories--NeverlandLost Memories—Neverland
Little Kim Jongdae had been living in an orphanage called Neverland for practically all of his currently short life. The three year old knew nothing about his parents, and the only information he did know was what one of the caretakers, Kwon Boa, told him. The only information that stuck in his head was that he was found by one of the other caretakers on the front step of the orphanage apparently a few weeks after his birth.
Jongdae had always been very talkative and outgoing; always making new friends. Because of Jongdae’s friendly nature of welcoming people young and old, Boa started calling him Peter Pan, as the boys in the orphanage were already know as Lost Boys and the girls Pixies. Being Peter Pan, Jongdae was always the person willing to talk to and play with the new comers so that they would not feel alone or afraid on their first day.
“Jongdae-ah, could you come here for a second please?” Boa called sweetly to the three year old, who was playing with one of the other Lost Boys his age.
“Yes, umma.” Jongdae replied. The little boy ran up to Boa. “What is it?”
Because Boa acted like a mother to Jongdae, the boy had started calling her umma rather than what most of the other Lost Boys’ called her, which was noona. Boa did not seem to mind at all, though.
“Tomorrow there will be a new Lost Boy coming.” She said, causing Jongdae to grin. “He’s around your age, so I’d like you to take him in and try to get him friendly with the other boys.”
“Sure, umma!” Jongdae replied happily.
By the time the next day came, Jongdae had already completely forgotten he would have to greet a newcomer. Not that it mattered because Boa came in and reminded Jongdae not soon after he woke up. After Jongdae was reminded about the newcomer, he happily played with two of his dongsaengs, Do Kyungsoo and Kim Jongin. Kyungsoo was a little chubby with huge, doe eyes and tiny plump lips; Jongin was a tall (for his age), dark skinned boy who also had plump lips. Around a half an hour later, Boa came in and told them to come to the gathering area with the other kids.
Everyone who was in the area looked up at Boa. They all pouted, except for Jongdae because he was happy and pouting was not really his thing in the first place. After a bit of coaxing, the ones that were reluctant to stand (Jongdae was not part of that group as he was already on his feet next to Boa) finally rose to their feet. They followed Jongdae and Boa out of the room and into the gathering area.
Standing by the staircase to the upper dorms, where the girls stayed was a small boy with shaggy dark hair and even darker eyes. He was hiding behind on of the stair posts, but it did not really hide him very well. When Boa approached the boy, he bit his lip. He seemed reluctant to move from his hiding spot, but does anyways
“Everyone, this is your new friend, Huang Zitao.” Boa announced, her quiet yet potent voice reaching everyone in the room. “He’s originally from China, so he doesn’t know very much Korean yet. Try to talk to him and make him feel welcomed, alright?”
Everyone nodded and muttered an ‘alright’, but immediately after they felt they were not needed anymore, went back to what they were doing. Everyone except for Jongdae, of course. Boa sighed in annoyance at the lack of friendliness in the kids. Jongdae looked at the little boy—Zitao. Zitao looked back at Jongdae a little bashfully. Jongdae decided that he wanted to befriend Zitao. Not only because Boa wanted him take Zitao in, but also because the boy looked alone and scared. Like a lost puppy. Jongdae did not like it when people felt lonely.
“Umma, I’ll play with him.” Jongdae said, approaching both Boa and Zitao.
“Really? Oh, thank goodness.” Boa smiled thankfully. “I didn’t think you were going to keep your promise of taking him in.”
Jongdae smiled back. “I can take him outside to play, right?” When Jongdae has Boa’s permission to take Zitao outside, he approached the boy, who almost stepped back in fear. “Hi. Follow me?”
Zitao paused. Once again, he looked like a lost puppy to Jongdae. Jongdae suspected that Zitao was trying to translate what Jongdae had said. After a second, the dark skinned boy nodded and instinctively took Jongdae’s little hand for guidance. Jongdae smiled and made his way to the large backyard. Boa followed the boys, even though she knew Jongdae would not do anything stupid like run off.
Once they were in the backyard, Jongdae stopped and turned around to face Zitao. He took a moment to think of a game for them to play. Meanwhile, Zitao looked around at the large background in awe.
“Zitao-yah.” Jongdae called to get the boy’s attention. Zitao looked over at Jongdae. “Planes?”
Zitao tilted his head in confusion, obviously not understanding what Jongdae meant. He did not say anything, probably not wanting to accidently speak in Mandarin rather than Korean. Jongdae smiled, not annoyed or bothered by Zitao’s cluelessness. He sticks his arms out vertically and runs around Zitao to demonstrate what he meant.
Zitao watched Jongdae for a while as he circled around him. The boy was still confused at first but then finally understood what was going on and a smile formed on his face. Jongdae stopped in front of Zitao and repeated the name of the game for Zitao.
“Pla…nes…” Zitao repeated the Korean word. Then he did as Jongdae was previously doing.
Jongdae found himself smiling. Both at Zitao repeating the foreign word and at how cute Zitao was suddenly acting. He joined the fun of Planes with Zitao and they circled around each other. Jongdae could hear Zitao’s quiet laughter as they ran around the backyard happily. Jongdae found it somewhat cute. Then again, Jongdae found almost anything cute. Jongdae had a feeling he was going to like Zitao a lot more than he liked any of the other Lost Boys.
It had been around seven months since Zitao arrived at Neverland. All of those seven months were spend happily playing with Jongdae, despite their language barrier. Boa was thoroughly surprised how close the two were; Boa had never seen Jongdae so close to a Lost Boy before. When Jongdae talked to Zitao, he called him Taozi (which Boa had constantly told him meant peach in Mandarin, but Jongdae only called him that because it was the rearranged letters of Zitao). Zitao sometimes called Jongdae Chenchen (from his nickname, Chen—Zitao probably heard Boa call Jongdae Chen and just added another chen to make it sound cuter), or even Chenzi, which apparently meant orange.
Zitao could have a short, broken conversation with Jongdae, thanks to hearing Jongdae occasionally. If Jongdae caught a mispronounced word, he would repeat the word correctly for Zitao to say. Jongdae was the only person besides Boa (and the Chinese Lost Boys, who rarely talked to anyone younger than them) who could physically understand Zitao and would kindly correct him if he said the word wrong.
“Chen-ge…” Zitao said once. “You…are my only friend now. Why?”
Before replying to Zitao’s question, he repeated the Korean word for ‘friend’, which Zitao had said wrong. Then he said, “They’ll come soon. Don’t worry, Taozi.”
Zitao nodded after mentally storing the Korean words said. It took him a while to put them together and understand, but he managed to do it well enough to understand. “I like you as my friend.” He smiled slightly. “But…I want…more.”
“You’ll get more.” Jongdae reassured, once again correcting Zitao’s Korean. Zitao repeats the word correctly and Jongdae beamed. “You’re getting better!”
“At…Korean?” Zitao questioned. “Jongdae nodded and Zitao’s eyes brightened. “Thank you!”
“It’s no problem.” Jongdae smiled brighter.
Of course, no one knew yet, but Jongdae would still be the only friend Zitao would get for a while. Nevertheless, Jongdae was perfectly fine with having Zitao to himself. Zitao was also completely happy that his only friend was someone like Jongdae.
Four months later was Zitao’s third birthday; his first birthday since arriving at Neverland. He woke up to the sound of Jongdae singing Happy Birthday to him with a pretty voice. Zitao realized then that he liked Jongdae’s singing. He wanted to hear Jongdae sing to him more often.
“Happy birthday, Taozi!” Jongdae said, his ever-appearing smile gracing his gentle features.
“Thanks, Chenzi-ge.” Zitao smiled back.
“C’mon, let’s go have some fun!” Jongdae grabbed Zitao’s hand and dragged him off his bed.
The younger complied and allowed himself to be dragged into the playroom by an excited Jongdae. Jongdae, who always seemed to be smiling, continued his smile, only wider and brighter. However, rather than playing, they two talk. They taught each other their mother tongues; talked about their pasts (or what they remembered about them); et cetera.
Boa called on Jongdae around halfway through their conversation about Zitao’s parents and life in China. He stood up after telling Zitao he would be back in a while. With a smile directed towards Zitao, Jongdae ran up to Boa. He waved and followed Boa out of the room.
It was about a half an hour of agonizing loneliness for Zitao when Jongdae finally came back. That was when Zitao realized he did not like it when Jongdae was not there to talk to him and keep him company. He stood up and greeted Jongdae with a grin when Jongdae approached him. Jongdae grinned back and grabbed Zitao’s wrist gently, pulling him forward slightly before saying anything.
“Follow me, Tao-ah!” He finally said, and without any forewarning, dragged Zitao to only he knew where.
It turned out that Jongdae and Boa had gathered a few boys (who all seemed slightly annoyed and/or displease) for a small party. Zitao could not help but smile. Even though the only pleased guests were Boa and Jongdae, Zitao was touched that Jongdae planned all of this (and he assumed it was Jongdae because he is just that nice).
“Happy birthday, Huang Zitao!” Boa and Jongdae exclaimed simultaneously. Boa sent the other boys urgent glances to do the same. Eventually, they did wish Zitao a happy birthday, albeit very lamely.
Zitao grinned happily at Boa and Jongdae, but also made sure to send small, friendly smiles to the boys who were probably forced to be there. He received and affectionate squeeze on the arm from Jongdae. Zitao looked around for a second. He realized while there was a cake, there were not any presents. He could not help but frown at that.
“Zitao-ah.” Jongdae said. Zitao turned to look at Jongdae. The older leaned over and pecked Zitao on the cheek. “Happy birthday. I’m sorry I couldn’t get you a better present…”
Zitao was actually completely fine with such a gift. He grinned at Jongdae, shaking his head saying that he did not mind. He suddenly felt genuinely loved. He felt happy.
Ever since Jongdae promised Zitao he would get friends, Zitao had been trying to talk to the other Lost Boys. One day, when Jongdae was busy helping Boa, Zitao, out of loneliness, decided to try to talk to a couple of people he had seen Jongdae playing with. He approached the two boys shyly. As far as he knew, the two were only a few months older than he was.
“U-um…Annyeong, Jongin-ah…” he stammered sheepishly. “Annyeong Kyungsoo-ah.”
Both boys looked up. One of them (Jongin) all but glared at Zitao, who tried his best to ignore it. Kyungsoo just scared at Zitao with his big doe eyes with an almost sad, pitiful expression. Zitao tried to put on a smile.
“What do you want, China-boy?” Jongin asked coldly, turning his attention back to the toy he was playing with.
“I—I want to play…” Zitao responded, trying not to mess up on his pronunciation.
“With us? Yeah…how about, no.” Jongin spat. “I don’t care if you’ll understand this or not, but I really don’t like you. You and your…creepy face. Even if you are older than I am, please—I’m still much better looking than you. You look like someone from a horror movie. Like that boy from the Grudge. Go back to China, kid, no one wants you here.”
Kyungsoo stared at Jongin. Zitao stared at Jongin too. He wanted to pretend he did not understand what the dark skinned boy said, but thanks to Jongdae and Boa, his Korean has gotten to the point where he can understand almost anything. He turned to Kyungsoo with a hopeful expression. Kyungsoo stayed silent for a while, his wide eyes looking anywhere by at Zitao.
“Listen, I’m really sorry, but you are a little bit scary looking.” Kyungsoo finally said (nicely, fortunately for Zitao). “I don’t really like scary looking people. From what Jongdae-hyung has said, you seem nice but maybe you should go somewhere else for now. I only hang out with people that Jongin like. Unfortunately, you are not one of them. Jongdae-hyung on the other hand, Jong in loves to hang out with…even if you’re Jongdae-hyung’s friend…I’m sorry, I can’t.”
Zitao liked Kyungsoo’s way of telling him off better than Jongin’s. He sighed reluctantly and walked away dejectedly. As he weaved around the halls in a crestfallen demeanor, he did not notice one of the older Lost Boys walking in the opposite direction and accidently ran into him. Zitao fell on his on the ground painfully.
“Yah, kid! Watch where you’re going!” said the older boy, who was around six or seven. “I don’t have time to deal with Chinese chibis like you. I have my own Chinese kids to take care of and one of them is very ill, so if you don’t mind, I need to leave.”
With that, the boy walked off haughtily, accidently stepping on Zitao in the process. Zitao was not sure how ‘accidently’ it was though. He did know that he was sad because of that. He started to cry as he stood up and ran towards his bedroom. He plopped himself on his bed, once again crestfallen and depressed. He cried until Jongdae found him. He was not sure how long he was crying for, but it felt like a long time.
“Zitao? Zitao, what’s wrong?!” Jongdae called, running up to the sobbing Chinese boy.
He sat on the boy’s bed and pulled him into a comforting hug. Zitao just cried for a while, not talking. Jongdae ended up singing for him for a little while, in hopes to calm the younger down. Zitao enjoyed Jongdae’s singing voice. Despite the older being only five, he had an amazing singing voice. Eventually, Zitao calmed down a little. He was still crying, but at least he was calm enough to speak.
“Tao, tell me what happened.” Jongdae said. “Why are you crying?”
“Th-they were being mean to me…” Zitao stammered.
“Who? Who was being mean to you, Zitao?” Jongdae asked, staring at Zitao, who was wiping his eyes.
“Jongin…one of the older boys—I dunno his name…” Zitao responded. “Kyungsoo also told me to leave, but he was nicer about it. The older boy, who I accidently bumped into stepped on me as he left, too. It hurt…”
“The older boy—what did he look like?” Jongdae inquired.
“U-um…he was tall…and he said something about having his own Chinese person that was ill to take care of.”
“Yixing-hyung is ill again…? Poor boy…” Jongdae muttered to himself. “Well if it’s Yixing-hyung that’s sick, then I bet it was Kevin-hyung you bumped into. I’ve talked to him a couple times. He’s Chinese, but came here from Canada, and that’s why people call him Kevin. His real name is Yifan, though.” Jongdae eyed Zitao again. “Should I go and talk to Jonginnie and Kyungsoo? I’ll try talking to Kevin-hyung later. It would be nice to see Yixing-hyung anyways.”
“S-sure…” Zitao managed.
Jongdae stood up, helping Zitao up too. Then he made his way to the playroom where he suspected Jongin and Kyungsoo to be. They were indeed in the playroom and Jongdae walked up to them. Zitao toted along behind, trying to hide behind the older, which was hard considering Zitao was slightly taller than Jongdae now.
“Jongin-ah.” Jongdae called out to get the dark skinned boy’s attention.
Jongin looked up and smiled when he noticed Jongdae. The smile disappeared when he seen Zitao trying to hide behind Jongdae. Kyungsoo also looked with a dull expression on his face. Jongdae sighed at the sight of his friends being so rude to Zitao and sat down in front of them.
“Jongin. What’s wrong with Zitao?” he asked straightforwardly. When he got no response, he took the toy Jongin was playing with.
“Yah! What’s wrong with you?!” Jongin exclaimed.
“Shut up and listen.” Jongdae said seriously. “I’m sorry for being rude about that. But you were rude to Zitao, and Zitao is my friend. I just want to know why you don’t like him.”
“Because he’s creepy.” Jongin said. “I mean look at him. He looks like a murder.”
Zitao lowered his gaze. Jongdae squeezed the younger’s hand. “Jongin, that’s really mean. I don’t care if you don’t like him. Just don’t be mean to him. He has feelings and he’s very sensitive. He wouldn’t hurt a fly, Jongin.”
Jongin sighed and looked at Zitao, who was looking down still. “Well…he is kinda cute…”
“There you go.” Jongdae said. “Now shake hands with him and everything will be fine.”
Jongin eyed Zitao a bit longer. Finally, he shook hands with Zitao, and so did Kyungsoo. Zitao was pleased that Jongdae had went through the trouble to get Jongin on like terms with Zitao. But Zitao also suspected that it was only to please Jongdae that Jongin accepted Zitao; he knew they’d never be friends. His only friend would forever be Jongdae.
Boa and a few of the other caretakers were leaving for eight years. While Jongdae was sad about it, he tried not to show it. He, Zitao, and everyone else were dressed up fancily for the farewell party. Boa seemed to be more visibly sad about leaving than Jongdae was. She was hugged all of the kids at least two or more times. Jongdae was hugged at least five times by Boa already.
“Oh, I’m going to miss you both so much!” Boa said, referring to Zitao and Jongdae.
“We’ll miss you too, umma.” Jongdae responded. “It won’t be the same without you.”
“I know, sweetie, I know.” Boa sighed. “Don’t change too much on me, okay?”
Jongdae smiled. “We’ll try not to, umma.”
“Good boys.” Boa patted both boys on the head.
Zitao turned to Jongdae. “Hey, hey. We should get married before Boa-noona leaves!”
“What?” Jongdae questioned. “Married?”
“Just play-marriage.” Zitao clarified.
Boa laughed. “Oh, that would be interesting.”
“See, see! Even Boa-noona agrees!” Zitao said, tugging Jongdae’s arm.
“Do I have to wear a dress?” Jongdae grumbled.
Zitao laughed. “Only if you want to.”
“I don’t want to.” Jongdae said.
“Then you don’t have to.” Zitao replied.
Jongdae sighed and reluctantly let Zitao drag him away while Boa followed them chuckling to herself. Little kids were so cute, getting away with marriage so easily. They probably do not even realize what that means—they just want to have fun. They end up in Zitao’s room.
Immediately, Zitao grabbed both of Jongdae’s hand and faced him. “I’d just like to say, let’s always stay together and be the best of friends. We’re a package, okay? Wherever you go, I follow.”
“I’d really like that, Zitao.” Jongdae smiled. “Together forever.”
“Together forever.” Zitao repeated, hugging Jongdae.
Jongdae pulled away from Zitao and looked at Boa. “You too, umma. You’ll be with us forever too.”
Both boys ran over and hugged their favorite caretaker. Boa hugged them back with bleary eyes. Yeah, she was really going to miss them. Eight years meant a lot of growth, and a lot of change. She really hoped those two would not drift apart over the years. She wanted to see them this close when she came back.
After Boa left, they did indeed stay as close as they were when they were kids. Every year, they became closer and closer. It was possible that both even harboured stronger feelings for the other at some point. Of course, they did not want to say anything about that until later on in their life.
“Gege~! You’re getting your eyes done tomorrow, right?” Zitao asked.
They were ten (well Jongdae was ten—Zitao was nine) now, and Jongdae had been complaining about having blurry vision for a couple months. Boa had been sending postcards from all over the world, but Jongdae would have to give it to Zitao to read because he was unable to read the words very well. At first, Zitao thought it was to test how good he was at reading Korean, but then he realized Jongdae could not read it at all. Therefore, he went to their new caretaker, someone Chinese named Zhang Liyin (Zitao thought she was related to Yixing because they had the same surname, but apparently, they were not).
“Yeah, why?” Jongdae replied.
“That involves going off property, right?”
“Yes, Zitao, it does.”
“Take me with you.”
“Tao, it’s not like I’ll be gone forever. It’ll only be maybe an hour.”
“Do you remember?”
“Remember what?”
“Before Boa-unnie left. We promised we’d be a package—wherever you went, I’d follow.”
“I didn’t think that included simple things like going to an eye doctor.”
“Well it does.” Zitao looked down. “It includes everything—getting adopted and going out for appointments included.”
“Tao…?” Jongdae questioned. Zitao did not look at Jongdae. “Tao are you mad at me?”
“No…” Zitao muttered.
“You are.” Jongdae said. He took Zitao’s hands. “Look, I’m sorry…you know how I am. I don’t take things into consideration very well. Here—how about we make the promise again. On a pinkie-swear this time. I promise I won’t break it, either.”
Zitao looked at Jongdae. “Really…?”
Jongdae nodded and let go of one of Zitao’s hands to offer the younger his pinkie. Zitao smiled and accepted the pinkie-swear. Jongdae made the promise official by saying, “I promise to never leave your side no matter what happens. We’ll be together forever and never separated. Do you also promise?”
“I promise.” Zitao said, his pinkie tightening around Jongdae’s pinkie.
Jongdae grinned and hugged Zitao. “There. Now it’s official. And of course you can come to the appointment with me.”
Zitao grinned back at Jongdae and squeezed his hand. “You’re the best, gege!”
The day Boa finally came back was one of the happiest days of Jongdae and Zitao’s life. While they liked Liyin, she just was not the same as Boa. She was nice and all, but lacked many things that Boa had. While everyone was just their normal, boring selves, Jongdae and Zitao were dressed up for Boa, but also still stuck together like glue. They had been since they remade their promise two years ago.
“Zitao-ah? Jongdae-ah?” Boa called, looking around.
“Umma!” Jongdae exclaimed, jumping off Zitao’s bed, dragging Zitao up with him by the waist. “Welcome back! We missed you.”
Zitao, whose arm was around Jongdae’s waist now (while Jongdae’s was around Zitao’s shoulders), nodded in agreement to what Jongdae had just said. “It wasn’t the same without you, noona.”
“I see you guys haven’t changed.” Boa smiled. “Still as close as ever.”
“Closer, really.” Jongdae responded, looking at Zitao with a smile. “We haven’t left each other’s side since we made the promise.”
“Is that so?” Boa commented. “Well good for you both. When did you get glasses, Jongdae?”
“When you were giving us postcards two years ago, Jongdae-ge kept giving them to me to read.” Zitao explained before Jongdae could open his mouth. “I thought he was testing me, but it turned out he really couldn’t read it because the characters were blurry. So I told Liyin-jei and she got an eye doctor appointment. And that’s how gege got glasses.”
“Well, your Korean sure has improved a lot, Zitao-ah.” Boa smiled again.
“Thanks to Jongdae-ge.” Zitao said. “And the tutor I guess…”
Boa laughed. “I can tell who you care more about in this case.”
Zitao blushed. “Well gege was one who originally started teaching me Korean…”
“I understand.” Boa said. “Jongdae-ah did a good job. You seem fluent now. And you’re only what? Eleven?”
Zitao nodded. “Yeah. As of two months ago.”
“Jongdae you’re…twelve?”
Jongdae nodded. “I’m gonna be thirteen in two months.”
“Oh, my! You boys are getting so old~! I wish I could just make you stop growing.” Boa joked. “I mean look at Zitao. You’re way taller than Jongdae now!”
“Don’t rub it in…” Jongdae grumbled.
Boa laughed. “Short people are cute though.”
“Yes they are.” Zitao agreed. “But Jongdae-ge is the cutest.”
Jongdae flushed. “S-shut up. I’m not cute.”
“Oh don’t be silly, Jongdae-ah. You’re both adorable.” Boa hugged the two. “Ah, it’s good to be back.”
Two months later, just a few days before Jongdae’s thirteenth birthday, Zitao was acting different. He was fidgety and awkward. Jongdae thought he was sick and got worried. When he went to check Zitao’s temperature by putting his hand on Zitao’s forehead, the younger flinched slightly. Jongdae looked at Zitao, who looked away from him nervously.
“Taozi, what’s wrong?” Jongdae asked. “Are you mad at me?”
Zitao shook his head. “No. I’m not mad…”
“Then what’s the matter?” Jongdae questioned. “Are you sick? Tired?”
“No…but I have something to tell you…”
“Sure. What is it?”
“I…I like you.”
“Well of course you like me. I’m your best friend.”
“N-no…I mean I like you…a-as more than a friend—more than a best friend even.”
“Wait…w-what?”
“I want to be y-your boyfriend…” Zitao looked at the floor. “That way, we’ll never be separated.”
“Z-Zitao…” Jongdae stared at Zitao with wide eyes. “Y-you don’t really mean that, do you?”
“Of course I do, gege…” Zitao said. “But…if you don’t want to, you don’t have to.”
“No…” Jongdae shook his head. “I…I feel the same way. I have…for a long time.”
“M-me too…” Zitao stammered. “So…you will go out with me?”
“Of course I will, Taozi!” Jongdae grinned and threw himself at the taller in a hug. “Because I love you.”
Zitao hugged Jongdae back. “I love you too…”
Jongdae pulled back after a while. He looked at Zitao, who was holding him safely. He leaned up and pecked the taller boy’s lips. Zitao reacted immediately and nervously leaned closer to Jongdae for more. He liked the way Jongdae’s lips felt against his own. He did not want to stop kissing him. He risked deepening the kiss slightly. After another second, Jongdae pulled away.
“It feels like you’ve done this before.” Jongdae joked. “Because that was amazing.”
Zitao flushed. “I-I’ve never kissed anyone…I’ve only ever wanted to kiss you.”
Jongdae smiled and pulled Zitao into his embrace again. “I love you. Let’s never separate. Always remember the promise.”
However, than following year was the last year they had together. Neither knew it, but just a month after Zitao’s thirteenth birthday, he would be adopted—a fate that could not be changed. Even though they promised to stay together forever, getting adopted back into your mother country is inevitable.
“Zitao what about our promise?!” Jongdae shouted after hearing the news. “We promised we’d stay together even through adoption!”
“I-I know…”Zitao looked at the ground, playing with his fingers. “B-but if we got adopted into the same family, we’d be brothers, not lovers.”
“I wouldn’t care.” Jongdae said. “You’d still be my boyfriend even if we were brothers.”
“But hyung, I’m moving to China.” Zitao pointed out. “Even if you did come with me, you wouldn’t know anything about the language.”
“I—I can learn!” Jongdae said. “Just…please don’t leave me…I’ll be lonely without you.”
“What about your friends? Kyungsoo, Jongin, all the other Lost Boys.”
“I—it won’t be the same without you.” Jongdae whined. “I don’t love them. I love you.”
“I know…” Zitao said. “I’m sorry. If I could, I would take you with me…But I can’t.”
Jongdae tried not to cry. He failed and Zitao pulled him into an embrace, to which Jongdae began hitting his chest lightly. “I hate you so much, Tao. We promised. Why do you have to leave? Can’t you wait?”
“Well if you hated me, you wouldn’t care if I left.” Zitao said, pulling away. “And if you hated me, you wouldn’t want me to do this.”
Zitao leaned down and captured Jongdae’s lips in a tender kiss that Jongdae returned quickly and eagerly. They were sad kisses. Kisses that said ‘don’t leave me’. Jongdae was still crying. He did not want his panda to leave him. He wanted to grow old with Zitao—get married if possible. At some point, they pulled away and Zitao sat on the bed cradling a still crying Jongdae.
It was funny how mature Zitao could act sometimes. Yet on other times, he acted as if he was still five. Normally it was Jongdae comforting Zitao, but now it was the other way around. Zitao even attempted singing for Jongdae, but shut up when he felt like he sounded like an idiot with his terrible singing voice that could never compare to Jongdae’s voice. They sat in silence for a while, Jongdae crying against Zitao’s chest while Zitao tried not to cry himself. He showered Jongdae with tiny kisses in hopes to make him feel better.
It was only a few days later when Zitao had to leave. Jongdae tried to get the most out of those three days, but it was hard when Zitao kept being pulled away for meetings with Boa, conversations with his new parents, etc. They shared as many kisses as they could, and even started to sleep in the same bed just as they did when they were little.
“You leave tomorrow, right?” Jongdae asked one night, staring at Zitao with sad eyes.
Zitao nodded. “I’m sorry for breaking our promise…I didn’t think I would be the one breaking the promise. I always thought you’d be the one to break it.”
“I’m going to miss you…” Jongdae burrowed his head into Zitao’s neck.
“Me too, gege.” Zitao replied, kissing Jongdae’s temple. “I love you.”
“I love you too, Taozi.” Jongdae whispered, biting his lip to hold back more tears. He promised he would not cry anymore until Zitao actually had to leave. “Never forget me.”
“I won’t.” Zitao said. “I promise.”
“I won’t forget you either.” Jongdae’s grip on Zitao tightened possessively. “I’ll never love anyone else besides you.”
“I—I’ll come back for you someday, gege.” Zitao said, tears forming in his eyes. “I promise. I won’t break anymore promises, either.”
“Let’s sleep.” Jongdae decided. “You have a big day tomorrow.”
“Night, gege.” Zitao said pecking Jongdae’s lips.
“Good night, Tao.” Jongdae returned the peck. “Love you.”
The next morning, Zitao and Jongdae were reluctant to let go of each other. They would have left the room holding each other, but that would have been awkward. So instead, they settled for just holding hands. Zitao met Boa in the gathering area, where everyone else had gathered as well to say goodbye to him. His new parents were standing by Boa.
Jongdae already felt like crying. His grip on Zitao’s hand tightened and Zitao sent him a comforting squeeze. While walking up to the front of the crowd, Zitao got many claps on the back and high fives from people he did not really know very well. No one seemed to mind that Zitao was dragging Jongdae up with him to greet his parents. Mainly because they probably knew how close the two were, especially after they started dating.
“Zitao, are you sure you’re ready to leave?” Boa asked.
Zitao looked at Jongdae, who tried to send him a reassuring smile. Reluctantly, Zitao nodded. “Can I just say goodbye to Jongdae-ge one last time?”
“By all means of course.” Boa said.
Zitao turned to Jongdae, who had started to cry. He pulled the older into a tight embrace, rubbing his back comfortingly. He was also about to cry. “I-it’s going to be fine, gege. Just remember I’ll come back for you.”
Jongdae nodded, arms tightening against Zitao. “I—I love you. So much.”
Zitao was crying now too. “I love you too, gege.”
He pulled back and looked at Jongdae. He did not care if people were watching. He needed to kiss Jongdae goodbye. Just one last kiss was fine. And that’s exactly what Zitao did. He leaned down and captured Jongdae’s lips in his, making it official to his new parents that he was gay. He did not care. This was the last time he would get to kiss his Chenchen and he was going to do whatever it took to stop Jongdae from crying. He pulled away and brushed away Jongdae’s tears.
“Well…I guess this is goodbye.” Zitao said. “Wait for me, alright?”
Jongdae nodded. He managed a quiet ‘bye’. After that, Zitao walked over to his new parents and smiled at Jongdae. He blew him a kiss and left with the two adults. Jongdae tried to keep a smile on his face, but it failed. He immediately ran towards Boa once everyone left. He cried against her for a long time before he finally went off into his bedroom feeling lonely already.
Word count: 5,626
A/N: Phew, I finally got this done! Sorry it's written so weirdly. I cut it mainly into the journal entries of Lost Memories so it wouldn't be 5 gazillion words rather than only 5 thousand (why am I saying ONLY? It's like saying 'it's only $1000 to get one k-con ticket'). I hope you don't mind the random time jumps. But just to make it easier, I seperated most major time jumps. Ugh the sadness I felt writing the last part. But on a happier note; here's a cute video I was shown with Taochen being too cute. I wish they did this more often. ;-;
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