He blames everything on L. Frank Baum.

Park Chanyeol thinks his life could have been so much easier if Dorothy had been a boy. Then there would've been no need for him to feel like a million flying monkeys were violently playing tag inside his stomach right now. To make matters worse 'Dorothy' just had to wear those ruby red slippers. his life, really.

Everyone will probably think he's crazy yet he most certainly isn't. Well, perhaps a little. It's actually a very sad thing. Looking back, he knows he should have refused to go along with his friends' wonderful idea more adamantly when he had the chance. But he didn't, so here he is years after that wonderful idea, burning in the fiery pits of hell—in the special circle reserved for idiots like him.

Okay, maybe he's kind of exaggerating. But still.

Now, people may think it's extreme to blame someone who died ages ago for his current predicament except Chanyeol believes otherwise. It really is the deceased author’s fault. To better illustrate why he thinks so, let's go a year back... No, actually, let's go about six years back to where it all really began.








October, 2008.



"Why do I have to be a dog?" Chanyeol asks for the umpteenth time.

"Because you look like one," his friend, Jongdae, answers irritably while he bats on the fake hay stuffed inside his collar and sleeves. The boy is busy scratching on his neck and arms and has no time for Chanyeol's whining.

"I don't!" Chanyeol huffs. "Why can't Jongin be the dog?"

At the mention of his name, the olive skinned boy stirs from his nap from the corner of the room and looks up sleepily at his four friends. Deciding nothing's amiss, except maybe Chubby Chanyeol being more dramatic than usual, Kim Jongin returns to dreamland. Chanyeol thinks that the silver-metallic-whatever the youngest boy is wearing doesn’t appear comfortable, but at least it’s not the furry overall his friends are forcing him to put on.

"Jongin can't be a dog because it already took me an hour to get him in that thing," Yifan replies with a scowl, formidable eyebrows meeting.

"Then we can exchange! I'll be the lion. You be the—" Chanyeol doesn't finish because the eldest boy’s scowl deepens and he's just twelve. He doesn't want his life to end so soon.

"We can switch if you want," Baekhyun pipes up from across room.

Chanyeol stares helplessly at the petite girl in front of the mirror and gives up. "Fine, I'll be the dog."

Kim Jongdae snickers. "A pity. I would've wanted to see you walking around the neighborhood in that dress."

"Shut up. Whose idea was this anyway?" Chanyeol looks at Jongdae accusingly.

"It was my idea and it's a wonderful idea," Yifan answers. Of course it was his idea. "So go put your costume on now before those other kids get our candy."

"I want candy," Jongin murmurs in his sleep.

Chanyeol sighs. Baekhyun walks over to him and gently pats him on the head. "At least you'll be my dog."

He leans in to the touch and feels a bit better. ByunBaekhyun's the best. She's the only one who understands him. "Oh, okay."

"And I get to lead you around with a leash," she says with a laugh.

Did he say the best? Baekhyun's the worst. Allhis friends are the worst.

"Just kidding, Toto." With a pinch to his plump cheek, Baekhyun walks away with a swish of her long light blue skirt and dons her ruby red slippers.

It takes only a few minutes more before Chanyeol's being led outside Kim Jongdae's house, wearing stupid dog ears and the stuffy dog costume, with the tip of his nose painted black.

“Let’s follow the yellow brick road!” Jongdae suddenly shouts and hooks his right arm around Jongin's and the left around Baekhyun’s. The brunette girl smiles widely and does the same to Yifan. Chanyeol’s about to hook his own arm around the scariest looking Cowardly Lion ever but then the tallest boy gives him a pointed look.

“You’re the dog," Yifan says.

As if Chanyeol needs anymore reminders. He watches on as his stupid friends march together down the street to go see the wizard, laughing, while he follows grudgingly behind.








So do you now see where the problem lies? No? Well, then let's fast forward to four years later, to their gang’s fifth straight Halloween as Dorothy and friends and to Chanyeol’s third adjustment to his Toto costume because at almost seventeen, contrary to what everyone else believed, he's now as tall as a tree. Sadly, according to what everyone did believe, he's as dumb as one. Why else would he say yes to his friends again?








October, 2012.



Being Toto isn't as bad as it was the first time he did it. A lot of moms seem to think that next to Jongin the Tinman, Chanyeol the dog is the cutest so he gets the second most number of candies. Not that it matters, though, because half of it always goes to Baekhyun. Yeah.

He's also uncertain as to why his friends insist on going trick or treating when they're clearly too old for it and honestly, Chanyeol kind of hates it when he has to fall in line next to small kids giving him the evil eye as if he's stealing their candy.

He's in front of his bathroom sink, watching his reflection as he powders his nose black with his mom's eye shadow. For the last time, he thinks. No more of this next year. He's really going to put his foot down and say no. He nods resolutely.

Chanyeol hears a rustling behind the shower curtains. He almost forgets that Baekhyun's inside the bathroom with him, changing into her blue and white checked tunic and her white blouse. They agreed to meet up in his house this time, having gone through all of his other friends' houses the past four Halloweens.

"Chanyeol?"Baekhyun peeks from behind the curtain, shoulder length hair a mess around her small face. "Close your eyes."

The tall boy turns to look at his friend. "Huh?"

"Just close your eyes, okay?"

Chanyeol does, although he really doesn't know why, he has always done whatever Baekhyun says. "Done."

More rustling and then he hears the short girl speak somewhere in front of him. "Okay, now button me up."

Chanyeol scratches his head in confusion. "How am I supposed to do that with my eyes closed?"

Baekhyun grabs for his hand and places it against the soft fabric of the back of her blouse. "Come on.”

Chanyeol holds onto the cotton and the back of his fingers brush against smooth skin. He thinks he hears a slight gasp from his friend. “Sorry, my hands are cold,” he mumbles as he fumbles with the plastic buttons. “Why the frick are these so tiny?”

Baekhyun laughs lightly. His lips spread into a wide grin for no particular reason at all. Well, possibly just because Baekhyun laughed.

One by one, Chanyeol gets them done. He reaches the last button at the base of Baekhyun’s nape and he’s just a boy, how can he resist? He leans down and blows on it, reveling in the girl’s startled yelp. He can't say he is surprised when a small knuckle hits the side of his head. Chanyeol cackles at the sound of indignation from the short girl. Before he can blink his eyes open, he's pushed roughly out of the bathroom. He's still laughing when he falls on his . Baekhyun's so predictable.

"You look stupid," Jongdae says. He's sitting on Chanyeol's bed beside a napping Jongin. Yifan, who's checking his reflection in the mirror hanging on a wall, rolls his eyes at them and continues to primp.

"Not more than you do," Chanyeol replies. He straightens up and crosses his arms. "This is the last time, okay? I'm not going to do this again."

Jongdae snorts. "That's what you’ve been saying the last four years."

"I'm really, really serious this time! Why do we even do this? I mean, it's so silly! And I'm tired of angry kids glaring at me!"

"It's fun," Yifan says with a shrug.

"Of course you'd say that, it's your idea," Chanyeol mutters.

"The first time we went, it was. But you know full well that it's Baekhyun's idea to keep doing it."

Yeah, Chanyeol knows but it's not like he can complain about it to Baekhyun. He pouts. "Still. I'm putting my foot down. This will really be—"

He pauses when he hears the door behind him open. Chanyeol frowns a bit at the surprised looks on Yifan' and Jongdae's faces. He turns around. What's with the gaping it's just—He can feel his own jaw dropping."B-baek?"

Chanyeol has to ask because he's not exactly sure it's his childhood friend standing in front of him, smiling with her eyes disappearing into cheerful crescents. Her brown hair's now parted into two pigtails. It's obvious it's not only Chanyeol's mom who did some adjusting on their costumes. Baekhyun's white blouse now has small puff sleeves and is a little snug across her—chest. It's not just a chest, Chanyeol thinks as he continues to stare. There are two bumps on her chest. Bumps!

His eyes travel disbelievingly down the tunic that used to fall past the girl's knees but it now stops just mid-thigh, letting him get an eyeful of smooth white legs. And really, he believes Byun Baekhyun has been wearing those ruby red shoes since forever (she didn't grow much since they were young) but the sight of them on those dainty feet suddenly got him feeling all sorts of strange.

"Yo, what's up, y Baek?" Yifan teasingly asks and Chanyeol wakes up from the daze he was trapped in the moment he saw Baekhyun. Jongdae wolf whistles before he drops down on the bed laughing, waking Jongin up who smiles lazily at Baekhyun.

"You look pretty," the youngest says.

Park Chanyeol sees a faint color fill Baekhyun's cheeks. "Thanks? I told my mom I want to—Yah! What?"

He can't take it. He doesn't let his friend finish. Chanyeol pushes Baekhyun back inside the bathroom and closes the door on her. He holds on to the knob to keep the girl from getting out.

"Hey, Park Chanyeol! What do you think you're doing?" they hear Baekhyun's muffled shouts.

Chanyeol turns and leans his back against the bathroom door. He looks at his other friends who are all gaping at him. "She's a girl!" he blurts out.

"Well, yes." Jongdae’s brows knot.

"No, you don't understand. She's a girl!"

"Chanyeol, she has always been a girl," Yifan says, exasperated.

"But she has s!" Chanyeol answers, panicking. He feels the door being pried open and he tightens his hold on the knob. Baekhyun hits the wood with her palm.

"Yah, Park Chanyeol, what the hell? Let me out!"

Why is everyone looking at him as if he's demented? Even Jongin is looking funnily at him. Can't they see? Baekhyun's a girl and when did that happen?

"But you're a girl!" he says back.

"I can't help it. I was born a girl!"

"Chanyeol, let Baek out," Yifan tells him.

His mind rebels. No. Baekhyun can't come out wearing that dress outside! What if other boys see her and finds out she's a girl girl. He wipes his free hand down his face. Why can't anybody understand? "But they'll know she's a girl."

"I'm pretty sure everyone else already does," Jongdae says with a roll of his eyes.

"Stop being dumb, Chanyeol." Yifan starts to walk towards him.

"Okay, wait!" He quickly opens the door and slips in. Baekhyun's the smartest out of all them idiots and so she'll get why she can't go out looking like that. Chanyeol finds Baekhyun glaring up at him, her foot briskly tapping on the tile floor. But maybe she sees the troubled expression on Chanyeol's face for her scowl disappears to be replaced by a concerned frown.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

"You're a girl, Baek. And—and you can't wear that costume outside," he says, willing the shorter girl to understand.

"Chanyeol."

"Baekhyun. Listen. You just can't," he insists.

Baekhyun reaches up and pokes his cheek. "Why?"

Why? Yes, Park Chanyeol, why?He opens his mouth but no words come out. He can't explain it. His brain can't seem to get past the Byun Baekhyun's a girl part. It's pretty much trapped between that and the image of his best friend's legs. Don't look down.

He holds his palms up. "Just, please?"

Baekhyun sighs resignedly and he feels a bit better, relieved. "Alright, Yeol. But what am I supposed to wear now?"

The tall boy starts at the question. He looks around the cramped bathroom. What can they use? He honestly can't think of anything. His eyes settle back on Baekhyun. And on her dress. Park Chanyeol thinks his life really is hard.

The whole street probably hears Jongdae's shout of obnoxious laughter when he and Baekhyun get out of the bathroom. Chanyeol pulls on the hem of the skirt which is just a few inches shy of exposing the family jewels. Kim Jongdae lets out another guffaw.

"Chanyeol, you could've just told us you wanted to wear the dress. There was no need for the theatrics," Yifan says laughingly.

Chanyeol feels his face heat up.

"Stop it, you two," Baekhyun reprimands the two boys and pats Jongin's head when he smiles up at her and tells her once more of how cute she looks. Chanyeol kind of wants to pat Baekhyun's head, too.

Yifan gives Chanyeol a thumbs up. "Looking good. Leggo."

"Did you just say leggo?" Jongdae asks with disdain which earned him a glare from the oldest boy. They all shuffle out of Chanyeol's room, with the newly minted Dorothy's head hanging low and praying that his mom's at the kitchen and won't see him. Yifan leads the way out, his fake tail swishing, followed by Jongdae and Jongin. Baekhyun's about to go out the front door when she looks back at Chanyeol who is sitting on the last step of the stairs, grudgingly putting on a pair of red sneakers. He definitely won't wear Baekhyun's slippers, thank you very much. Not to mention they won't even fit.

"Ready?" the girl asks.

"Yeah," Chanyeol answers though he doubts he is.

"Oh, here."Baekhyun comes closer. Since it's such short notice, Chanyeol doesn't have a wig so his friend removes the hair clip from her hair and tells him to bend down.

"You're too tall," Baekhyun complains. She pulls Chanyeol by the ruffles of his collar and proceeds to put the ribbon in his short hair. "Now, smile. So pretty," she coos.

Despite all the exposed skin afforded by his minuscule dress, Chanyeol's suddenly warm all over and he feels his insides are gonna go bonkers on him any moment now. He jerks back. Baekhyun remains grinning up at him and the tall boy can't seem to breathe properly.

"Do I look okay?" she asks, her head tilted.

"Of course, yeah. You do."

"Really? You look all Dorothy now but do I look all Toto?"

"Yeah—Oh, the nose. Your nose. It needs to be black and oh my god you're laughing. I still have the make up on mine, don't I?"

Baekhyun nods, giggling. Chanyeol groans. "Okay, wait here I'll go get it."

"That'll take too long. Just come here." Baekhyun pulls him down again, tiptoes and promptly rubs the tip of her nose against Chanyeol's. His breath hitches and then he can't breathe at all but surely it must just be because the waistline of the dress is digging into his ribs. For he has been this close to ByunBaekhyun before, even closer as a matter of fact and, and, and—

"All done." She beams up at him, tip of her nose adorably black, and then walks out of the front door to their waiting friends. Chanyeol's left trying to catch his breath, a sense of foreboding settling in the pit of his stomach.








Almost two months later and Chanyeol still can’t seem to catch it.








December, 2012.



Chanyeol looks inside his wallet and nods happily. With the additional money he got from helping at his aunt's store, he has enough to get all his friends better Christmas presents this year. Well, late Christmas presents. He just got back from spending the holidays with his relatives outside the city. He had purposely been very nice to his annoying cousins so his mom would let him spend New Year’s Eve with his friends at Jongin's.

The youngest boy’s place was the only one with a rooftop so they all decided to meet later and watch the fireworks from there by midnight. He won't need to arrive until ten in the evening so Chanyeol has enough time to go around the mall and buy the gifts. There are only a few people roaming about the mall to his relief, most opting to spend the day at home or going out to attend parties.

Buying gifts is fairly easy since he always gives his friends identical presents every year anyway. Everyone does. He chuckles as he recalls their exchange last Christmas. Chanyeol gave his friends fuzzy hand warmers ("Hey, at least they’re useful!"). Yifan bought them animal print wallets ("One word, Jongdae, and you're dead."). Baekhyun got porcelain mugs hand-painted with their names ("No one is allowed to complain."), Jongin, a bar of chocolate for each ("They're buy one get one so Baekhyunnie gets two."), while Jongdae threw them a pair of socks each ("100% cotton. You're all welcome.").

They'll probably get the same kind of gifts this year, Chanyeol thinks, shaking his head. He enters a clothing store and walks aimlessly around. Those beanies look cute, he tells himself as he goes to a shelf of hats, but too expensive. He sighs and turns away. Now what to buy? Just then his eyes go to a stand full of colorful knitted scarves. He moves closer and breaks out into a wide grin at the prices. They're perfect.

He takes five red ones and goes to pay at the counter. He's still contemplating on whether to have them gift wrapped when he gets distracted by a display of sparkly hair clips near the register. A particular blue one in the shape of a ribbon catches his attention. It kind of looks like the one Baekhyun put on his hair last Halloween.

Chanyeol gets that strange breathlessness again when he thinks of Baekhyun's smiling face close to his, brown eyes full of concentration as she pinned the clip on Chanyeol. That memory inevitably gets followed by the one where their noses rubbed together and how Chanyeol felt all disoriented even after the day ended and he was already on his bed, stomach hurting from eating too much candy and the sugar from Baekhyun's smile.

He doesn't notice that he's touching the hair clip until the lady on the counter speaks. "That'll be a good present for your girlfriend."

Chanyeol jerks his hand back and immediately shakes his head. "No, no. I don't have a girlfriend. You're mistaken. She is a girl. A girl, yeah. She is a girl friend but not a girlfriend. Just a friend." Of course Byun Baekhyun's his friend and—why is his throat closing up all of a sudden?

"Slow down, young man. I understand," the lady says with a grin and there's something about the look she's giving him that makes Chanyeol want to run for cover. "It's still a pretty present for a friend. Who's a girl."

Chanyeol pauses. Yes, it is. The ribbon sparkles from its case as if beckoning for him to pick it up. It would look very pretty on Baekhyun's soft dark hair he thinks. It's also the same shade of her Dorothy dress. Baekhyun looks great in blue. He thinks she always has. But no. It will be weird, wont it? He can't buy Baekhyun the ribbon because, because, because. He already got her the scarf and if he buys her another gift then she'll have two.

If Baekhyun gets two gifts then the others will think that Baekhyun's more special to him and she isn't. Not really. She's has always been just one of the guys but with bumps on her chests and smooth legs and pink lips and pretty hands and pretty eyes and a pretty smile and—One of the guys, he'll stop there.

With a resolute shake of his head, Chanyeol grabs onto the bag of scarves, thanks the old lady and all but runs out of the store. He spends another half hour buying sparklers and other stuff, studiously avoiding the paths leading back to the blue hair clip.

Chanyeol returns home by six and helps his dad set up the fireworks in their front yard. He has dinner with his family before kissing his mother's cheek on his way out the door, bearing his plastic bag of gifts and a container of kimbap. The tall boy lights up when he sees Jongdae and Baekhyun at the bus stop waiting for him, the two also carrying food and presents. His breath hitches when Baekhyun bumps her shoulder to his but he ignores it and tries to play cool.

They talk about their holidays excitedly while on the bus, catching up on the past ten days as if they haven't been in contact for long, when in truth they've been messaging each other almost every day. Four stops later, the three friends get off and meet up with Yifan who lives only a few blocks away from Jongin. They trudge through the snow covered streets, guessing each other's presents and laughing as the guesses become more and more ridiculous.

Chanyeol isn't sure how it happened but he ends up carrying all of Baekhyun's things while the girl walks ahead of them, skipping cheerfully from time to time. At one point, she turns to face the three boys and beams at them, walking backwards. "I am so happy," she says with a giggle.

"Really not obvious," Yifan replies straight faced but his lips eventually lift into a smile when Baekhyun makes a face at him. The girl returns to her skipping, looking too short to be seventeen. She doesn't see it but her three friends share a look.

"How is she older than us?" Jongdae asks Chanyeol. "She's so tiny, too."

Chanyeol has no answer to that. His brain becomes engrossed with the way the tips of Baekhyun's ears redden with the cold and how her hair trails in loose curls down her back. They've known each other since second grade and Chanyeol has seen that same hair frame Baekhyun's small face the first time they met, but why can't he suddenly seem to take his eyes off of it?

Thankfully, they soon reach Jongin's apartment building, granting Chanyeol a reprieve from his increasingly confusing thoughts. The Kim’s welcome them graciously inside their home where they snack on Mrs. Kim's cooking. With stomachs full, the five friends go up to the rooftop an hour before midnight. It's fifteen stories off the ground and the air is really cold but they don't mind. The group of teens stands side by side against the low wall surrounding the place. They can see the city from there, beautiful and glowing like thousands of twinkling lights.

They start exchanging gifts shortly after and everyone is torn between hugging and strangling each other when each present is revealed.

"I was tempted to give you, poopies, hand painted plates, but you know I gave up on painting all together so," Baekhyun says while her friends were opening her gaily wrapped gifts.

"Thank god," Jongdae comments, earning him a glower from the girl.

Chanyeol finishes unwrapping his. It's a framed picture of all of them in their Halloween costumes, taken five years ago. He wants to laugh at the scowling Cowardly Lion, the sleepy Tinman, the grumpy looking Scarecrow and the sad-looking Toto but the laughter gets stuck in his chest as he stares at their forever smiling Dorothy—at the twelve year old Byun Baekhyun. She looks younger in the photograph but no less sparkling. Chanyeol stares and stares and he feels his brain is on the verge of telling him something. But whatever it is, it's gone before he can even blink.

"A framed picture of our stupid faces.Great," Jongdae deadpans.

"Shut up. It's way better than your gift. Insoles, seriously?" Yifan throws said insoles at Jongdae. "You're the only one here who needs them. Even Jongin's taller than you.”

"Kim Jongdae is obsessed with feet," Jongin mumbles.

"I am not!" Jongdae holds up a tiger printed handkerchief from Yifan. "Is this any better then?" The boy goes on to complain about Jongin's energy bars and even Chanyeol's red scarves. Exasperated, Baekhyun picks up Jongdae's scarf and wraps it around his mouth, assisted by Yifan and Jongin who are holding the boy down. "This is not umf—“

They end up tangled in wool and laughter, everything else forgotten for the meantime in the face of paying Jongdae back for everything he pulled on them the past 365 days. But then fireworks start to go off all around them, painting the sky with bursts of light and color. The five friends scramble to light up their own sparklers and shout and cheer for the coming of the New Year, all hopeful and eager.

Chanyeol’s wishing that they’ll stay like this forever, corny as it may sound. It’s just that even if they are the worst, his best friends are also the best, not that he would admit that aloud. He feels a finger poke at his cheek and he glances down at Baekhyun standing beside him, smiling impishly, her eyes reflecting the fireworks quite spectacularly.

"Happy merry, Yeol,” she says softly.

He wants to smile, greet her back, and reply with the same words but the sudden difficulty in breathing attacks him again and all the tall boy can do is gasp and cough and sputter incoherently. Jongin hears him wheeze and the younger boy pats him quite hard at the back, pushing him against Jongdae whose knees buck under Chanyeol’s weight. Jongdae grabs Yifan’s jacket on his way down, pulling the eldest with them along and Jongin, thinking it’s some kind of game (“Woohoo!”), throws his body into the mix, making them all groan in pain. Amidst all the dumb, Baekhyun laughs while watching them sort out whose limbs are whose. The only girl soon joins them on the rooftop’s floor and they all lay there grinning in tired and contented silence until Jongin’s father comes up and tells them it’s time to go home.

Mr. Kim takes them all home in his car, dropping Chanyeol and Baekhyun off at the girl’s street and continuing on to Jongdae’s a few blocks away. Chanyeol has always been on the Walk-Baekhyun-Home duty since forever, having the closest house to her. She goes on to complain about the end of the holidays, twirling the ends of the red scarf wrapped around her neck while Chanyeol gets distracted when he slips his hand into his coat pocket and feels the corner of a gift box inside.

Okay, he admits it. He wasn’t really able to stop himself.

He wants to give it to her and he’s puzzled because why does this have to be so difficult? If he's being honest with himself, he really doesn't care what the other boys will think if Baekhyun gets two presents from him. He doesn't know why he's so nervous and why this feels different. He's kind of scared of the part where he has to actually take out the gift and hand it over to her because, because, because.

"Hey, Yeol, where are you going?"

Chanyeol halts and belatedly notices he already strolled past the gate to Baekhyun's house. "Oh, sorry," he apologizes and walks over to her.

Baekhyun's head is angled to the side and she's looking curiously up at him. "Is there something wrong? You've been kind of preoccupied lately." His heart thumps hard inside his chest when the girl pulls him close by his coat until he's standing directly in front of her. "No wonder, your brain's frozen. You don't warm yourself up properly."

The girl proceeds to button up Chanyeol's coat all the way to his collar before carefully arranging his scarf around his neck. "There. Really, what would all of you do without me?" she says.

The banter is familiar enough that Chanyeol's able to stick his head out the ocean of uncertainty he's drowning in to say, "Celebrate?" He lets out a small yelp when he feels a sharp pull on his left ear.

"Shut up, Park Chanyeol. You'd waste away and rot without me," she responds and Chanyeol thinks she's undoubtedly right. The girl gives him a last poke to his cheek and then turns to open the gate.

"Baek," he blurts out. Baekhyun pauses and looks back at him, brow raised expectantly. "I—uh—I." Before he loses whatever courage he managed to scrape up, Chanyeol grabs her hand and places the gift on it.

Baekhyun's lips open in surprise as she stares at the box. "What's this?"

"A gift?" the boy mumbles.

"Oh, another one?"

He watches, stomach churning, as the girl grins and opens it. Chanyeol is tempted to crawl under a big rock when Baekhyun holds up the electric toothbrush he bought for her.

(Yeah, he couldn't handle the hair clip.)

The toothbrush looks stupid in her dainty hands. Easily as stupid as Chanyeol’s feeling. Who the hell even gives something like that for Christmas? And Byun Baekhyun's just standing there, too, staring at it intently and most certainly thinking the same thing.

"I just had extra money and well, it's the first thing I saw and I know it's really stupid, right? I'll just—" Chanyeol, fully embarrassed, moves to take back the damned toothbrush, intending to burn it and burn himself in the process, too, but Baekhyun snatches it to her chest.

"You can't take it back," she says with a pout. "You already gave it so it's mine now." Chanyeol's amazed because the girl's holding the stupid thing like it's something precious. And as if he isn't stumped enough, Baekhyun beams up at him and says, "You got it in blue, my most favorite color. Thank you, Yeol."

Then Baekhyun tiptoes and places a small kiss on his cheek before she enters the gate and closes it behind her without another word. The place where her lips touched tingles. Flying monkeys, he thinks in a daze. His insides are filled with violent flying monkeys.

"Happy merry, Baek," he whispers a few minutes too late. Chanyeol walks home deciding to have his lungs checked soon. They don’t seem to work properly anymore.









Their classes resume and everything is as it was before except for the newly acquired clog in Park Chanyeol's throat every time Baekhyun's next to him. Which is really unfortunate for the tall boy because the girl is almost always next to him. He tries to figure out what's changed but he comes up blank.

The problem is, no matter how much he looks, Baekhyun's still the same. She still laughs the same way, fills out her uniform the same way, and pulls on their ears the same way. Her hair's still the same color, she hasn't grown a millimeter since Halloween, and yeah, he can't un-see the bumps on her chest but at the back of his mind he knows they've already been there for some time.

So if Baekhyun isn't changing, was it him who is?

Then he doesn't like it. More so when he realizes just how bad the change is turning out to be.








February, 2013.



The four boys fall into a line, hands held out eagerly as they wait for the girl with the pink paper bag to hand out the goodies. It has become a tradition. Every Valentine's day, Baekhyun would make them heart-shaped chocolate and give it to them before the classes started. Honestly, the boys receive enough chocolates inside their lockers from their admirers but these are Byun Baekhyun's specialty, passing it up is out of the question.

Yifan, being the oldest, has always been the first in line, followed by a rabid Jongdae and then their youngest, Jongin. It’s alright, Chanyeol prefers to come last anyway since for some reason, that place makes him feel a bit special. It's perhaps because Baekhyun spends extra minutes teasing and telling him that the sweets have ran out. She does it every year, too.

Except this time, Chanyeol feels a strange tightening in his gut when Baekhyun hands him his and promptly traipses off to the lockers across the hall. He watches as she walks up to another boy and gives him the last heart-shaped chocolate. The guy smiles and an annoyingly cute dimple appears on his right cheek.

“Hey, isn’t that boy a senior?” Jongdae asks.

“Yeah, he’s in my class,” Yifan answers. “Didn’t know Baekhyun knew him.”

“She gave him chocolate.” Jongin nudges Chanyeol. “Is he her boyfriend?”

Boyfriend? But Baekhyun can’t have a boyfriend, right? She can’t have one without telling them. That will be like a breach of the best friend contract or something. So Chanyeol laughs, and the three boys look weirdly at hm.

“Don’t be silly,” replies, although he doesn’t sound as confident as he would like. And that stitch twisting his insides remains with him until the end of the day. It makes him so uncomfortable that when he sees Baekhyun and Jongdae waiting for him outside his classroom, he makes up some flimsy excuse and tells them to go on home without him. He watches his two friends walk down the corridor and he feels even worse.

For the first time since forever, he ditches his Walk-Baekhyun-Home duty.








At this point, perhaps everyone already knows where this is going except for Chanyeol himself. In his defense, he is just seventeen and his life has revolved too much around games and ice cream and hanging out with the gang to understand that he is falling in love with Baekhyun.

Or has always been.

But he is a silly boy.








March, 2013.



Bright yellow forsythia flowers blossom along streets and highways with the coming of spring. It’s the sixteenth day Chanyeol has walked home alone and he’s getting frustrated. He runs a hand through his chestnut hair while muttering to himself.

If he can just get his brain straight and his stomach to stop twisting then everything will be okay, won’t it? He just wants to hang out with Baekhyun except every time he gets close to her the rollercoaster ride of unsettling emotions starts all over again. And it gets worse because there’s an additional pinch when he sees Baekhyun with that be-dimpled guy.

“Yeol.”

Chanyeol turns in surprise to find Baekhyun marching purposefully towards him. She reaches out to him but she doesn’t speak and just looks up at the taller boy. Most likely satisfied that she has seen Chanyeol squirm enough, she raises a hand and flicks the boy on his nose.

“Ouch?”

“It didn’t even hurt,” she says with a scoff but then she loses the expression and it's replaced by a frown. “Park Chanyeol, is something wrong?”

Her tone sounds sad and Chanyeol feels like a worm. “No.”

“Really?” She looks away. “Because I feel like you don’t want to see me.”

“That’s not true,” he denies. He always, always wants to see her and be with her but he has to get over this weird feeling first and learn how to breathe again.

She studies his face and disappointment fills her eyes. “I miss you, Yeol,” she whispers.

Chanyeol opens his mouth but Baekhyun‘s already moving away.

I miss you, too.








He tries really hard to bridge that gap he himself made. One day, he finally decides to stop running and instead he endures the breathlessness and the high flying monkeys. He stations himself outside Baekhyun and Jongdae’s class room. The latter rolls his eyes when he sees Chanyeol while the girl looks surprised. That afternoon, he walks Baekhyun home and the smile she gives him before going in makes him feel that it’s all worth it.

The two friends go back to their routine but alas, it doesn’t last for long. As it has been said before, Chanyeol is a silly boy.








June, 2013.



“At first I was afraid, I was petrified!”

“Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side,” Baekhyun immediately picks up after Jongdae. “But then I spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong~”

“And I grew strong,” Chanyeol pipes in with his baritone. “And I learned how to get alonggggg!”

“Not another note,” Yifan warns the trio at the back, not taking his eyes from the road while he drives. “Or I’ll push you all out and let you walk the rest of the way.”

“But it’s our special song for you,” Jongdaewhines from Baekhyun's left side. “We want you to know we’ll live without you—We will survive! Yeah, yeah!”

“I don’t need a song.”

“We do!” Baekhyun says and dramatically plops her head down on Chanyeol’s chest. “Don’t leave us.”

“I’m not dying so stop with that, Baek,” Yifan sighs.

“It’s the same thing!”

“Seriously, shut up guys. You're all gonna wake Jongin up,” the eldest says.

Their eyes drift over to the said boy in the passenger’s seat eternally lost in his dreamland. The three quiet down and the rest of the drive to the beach continues peacefully. Well, for the others at least. Baekhyun has yet to remove her head from Chanyeol’s chest and the boy fervently hopes she isn’t hearing how his heart is floundering about in his ribcage.

“Borrowing you for a while, okay? I’m sleepy,” Baekhyun murmurs.

“S-sure,” Chanyeol stutters. He can’t help but feel that Baekhyun fits quite well against him, though. A desire to pull her closer makes Chanyeol look out the window to focus on the passing scenery instead. By now, he can see the ocean’s water sparkling into the early afternoon sun as they drive along the highway.

School's out so it's time for a little fun. It’s hotter than normal this summer and since it will be the last one they get to spend with Yifan before he goes off to college, they got permission to spend overnight on the beach. It was quite tricky to convince Mr. Byun to let his daughter go with four young men. They had to remind him that Baekhyun knows hapkido and can very well kick all their butts if they tried anything funny. Mr. Byun took a good look at their weak and skinny asses and said yes.

They reach their destination soon enough. The resort is crowded with people trying to fight off the heat with a swim into the cool ocean. The boys run excitedly towards the water, discarding their clothes on the way until they’re down to their shorts. Baekhyun laughs, amused, and collects them before taking off her dress, revealing her one piece bathing suit underneath.

The dark blue swimsuit is by no means provocative in the least but one glimpse of it gets Chanyeol rapidly running back to the shore and covering her up with a towel. “Baek, what are you wearing?’

“A swimsuit,” she answers, squirming out of the towel. “What are you doing?”

“You can’t wear that!” It’s the Dorothy costume all over again. With more skin!

“Park Chanyeol.” Baekhyun scowls.

“ByunBaekhyun,” he replies with a frown of his own.

“Kim Jongdae!” Jongdae butts in, suddenly standing a foot away from them. “What is this? A roll call?”

“No!” Chanyeol looks pleadingly at the other boy. “Jongdae, tell her!”

“Tell her what?”

“That she can’t wear this thing!”

Jongdae glances at Baekhyun’s suit. “It’s just a swimsuit, Chanyeol.”

“Look at it! It’s not decent!” the tall boy exclaims.

He expects Baekhyun to agree with him just like last time but she stands her ground. She's being unreasonable! That swimsuit’s all wrong. It outlines her body and hugs her hips and shows her thighs and—it’s just wrong.

"You want everybody ogling you?" At that, the girl shoves him off indignantly, forcing him to let go of her.

“I can't believe you!” the girl hisses and then she angrily strides away, ignoring Chanyeol’s calls. Jongdae shakes his head and goes back to swimming. Chanyeol looks at his friends in disbelief. Why are they letting Baekhyun wear that when clearly every male there will look at her and want her?

And that's bad.

Baekhyun ignores him for the rest of the afternoon which is fine as Chanyeol is not pleased with her, either. On second thought, it isn't fine for the boy at all because he was looking forward to this trip and now he can't enjoy it because Baekhyun's not even looking his way. The girl talks to everyone else, even to the greasy looking boys who stop by their large umbrella. His mood darkens further when she accepts an invitation for beach volleyball, only partly relieved when she hauls Jongin to accompany her.

Chanyeol is a mess of ugly and baffling emotions so he stands and takes a stroll to clear his head. He needs to shake this off, whatever it is that's making him feel so awful. It seems that his condition only gets worse with time. It's a mistake, bottling it all inside for there's hardly any room to breathe to begin with and now it's suffocating him.

He walks and walks until he sees a group of large rocks jutting out into the ocean. It's not high enough for it to be difficult to climb and so he does. He reaches the top and sits down, staring at the horizon and letting the wind play with his short hair. Well, this is nice, rock. I wish I was just like you. Then I wouldn't have to feel anything at all.

"Communing with nature, Park Chanyeol? Are you one with the rock now?" Chanyeol looks down and sees Yifan standing on the ground with his hands on his hips.

"Yes. We are one," he replies and returns to his pseudo self-meditation.

"Chanyeol, what's wrong?" Yifan persists. "Don't think I didn't notice anything. You've been acting really weird lately. Actually, far longer than lately."

I'm acting weird because I'm feeling weird, he wants to say. But if you're gonna ask me why, I won't know what to answer because—

"I don't know," he says. There must be something in his tone that alerts Yifan of the turmoil he's going through because he goes into his 'spiritual adviser' mode or some and it's obvious with the tone he uses next.

"Young one, I am here. You can talk to me."

"Spare me, please," Chanyeol replies, burying his face in his hands.

"Well, Chanyeol, I'm trying to be helpful here. It's one of the few times left that I get to talk to any of you before I go and I don't want to leave all you idiots like this."

Chanyeol feels guilty. And relieved because why not? If he can't understand himself, maybe Yifan—who has always cut through their bull—can help him.

"I don't feel well. About Baekhyun. I feel different," Chanyeol sighs. "It's really bad."

"Since when?" Yifan asks, leaning his back against the rock Chanyeol's sitting on.

"Halloween, I guess."

"I thought so."

"It's just she's a girl, Yifan. Baekhyun's a girl," Chanyeol says, tone laced heavily with frustration.

"And so what if Baek's a girl?"

"Ugh, I don't know!" he fairly shouts, angry at himself, at the whole situation and at the rock because it's hard and it's poking sharply on his cheeks. There's silence and Chanyeol can't blame the blonde boy if he thinks he's crazy.

"You know it," Yifan finally says. "Talk to her. She's your best friend. Don't be dumb, Chanyeol. Don’t mess things up."

The older boy walks back to the others, leaving Chanyeol with his rock and with a lot more questions buzzing in his brain. Don't be dumb? But how to not be dumb when Baekhyun does things that make his heart do things and makes him feel a lot of things that he hasn't felt before?

Still, Yifan has a point. ByunBaekhyun is his best friend. It has never been difficult to talk her about anything before any of this happened. With resolution, he climbs down the rock, promises it that they'll meet again soon and follows Yifan back.

They're now having dinner at the beachside restaurant Jongin chose. Chanyeol doesn’t get the chance to talk to Baekhyun right away. He doesn't want to speak to her while Jongdae and his nosy self is around so he busies himself with his plate instead. He gets the silent treatment from the girl which is actually fine because he doesn't think he'll be able to say anything when Baekhyun's looking like this, hair loose, face glowing and smooth shoulders bared by her white sundress.

She looks really nice even though her smiles are a bit off. Chanyeol wants to kick himself for he knows his existence is most probably the reason. At the end of the meal, Jongdae harasses Yifan to pay for the food which, of course, everybody seconds. The eldest does pay but he drags Jongdae and Jongin with him for night swimming, ordering Chanyeol to accompany Baekhyun back to their cottage.

The girl doesn't wait for him before she stands up and exits the restaurant, obviously still miffed at what Chanyeol said earlier. She doesn't leave him completely, though, and her short steps allow Chanyeol to catch up. They walk side by side in silence and it does indeed feel awkward but the boy takes this chance to talk.

"Baekhyun," he begins. "I'm sorry."

"Do you know what you're sorry for?" she asks quietly, eyes on the path they are walking on.

"For what I said this afternoon."

“Then why did you say them?"

"Because I didn't like seeing you displayed like that," Chanyeol answers.

"I wasn't wearing it to display myself," Baekhyun says. "It was a simple swimsuit which I wore because I was going swimming.

"But it was still so revealing. Just look at all those boys who chatted you up today. I don't think they're even looking at your face!" Chanyeol's aware that his tone is becoming harsher but he can't help it. When he remembers those guys staring at Baekhyun, he just gets—angry. "I don't want everyone looking at you as if you're—I just, I don't."

Baekhyun stops walking and faces him. "Why?"

The boy pauses too and looks back at his friend. Why? Everyone's asking him why. But he doesn't know. It's been months and months of torture but he's still not sure why.

"Why, Yeol?"

"I don't know," he answers with gritted teeth.

"That's impossible. You must know because you're angry. You're angry at me and you don't want others to look at me. There must be a reason. You can't just act like that because of nothing! You know it but you're—"

"You’re a girl!" he bursts out.

“You’re acting this way just because of that?”

“Yes!” Chanyeol wants to tell her that it isn’t as flimsy as she thinks it is but he doesn’t know how and it’s killing him. “Because I'm a boy and you’re a girl, okay?!”

“Well, that’s funny.” She lets out a short laugh and it doesn't sound happy at all. “I didn’t think it ever mattered. I thought you’re Chanyeol and I’m Baekhyun and we’re best friends.” She sounds tired—tired of him—and Chanyeol feels like he’s living his worst nightmare. She steps back and walks away but pauses in stride to look back at him. “Oh and for the record, Yeol. I have alwaysbeen a girl, so you don’t get to punish me for it because you realized it too late!”

Then she’s gone and he stands there at a loss. The troubled boy wants to pull his hair out and cry at his stupid self for it certainly feels like he’s losing his friend.








So you see, it’s quite understandable that he hates L. Frank Baum.

He made Chanyeol see things that led to him seeing other things that he has no explanation for. He believes it also resulted to the worst summer of his life. Kris leaves for college (as well as be-dimpled guy, thank god for small blessings). Jongdae’s traipsing about in the countryside with his family. Jongin’s always with Baekhyun and Baekhyun—she doesn’t want anything to do with him.

He’s so caught up with Baekhyun being a girl that he loses sight of the fact that Bekhyun is also his best friend. Good thing she really is smarter than all the four boys combined.








September, 2013. 



First day of senior year and Chanyeol doesn’t want to get up from his bed.

It’s not that he doesn’t want to go to school. It’s the bus ride there that’s scaring him. He can maybe go there late and just wait for the next one but he doesn’t think his mom will let him. Yet the thought of meeting Baekhyun and riding the same bus to school is making him break out in hives. Sure, Jongdae will be there but he bets it will only get more awkward when the other boy starts asking questions.

“Chanyeol! Get up now or you’re going to be late!” his mom calls from downstairs.

He drags himself from his bed and prepares for school, taking his time, dreading the inevitable meeting at the bus stop. And perhaps secretly looking forward to it, too, because he misses his friends. He terribly misses Baekhyun.

You can try to apologize again, you know,he tells himself on the way. It has been more than a month, the longest stretch that the two friends haven’t talked. Chanyeol knows he can’t go on like this for much longer. He really can’t function well without Baekhyun.

He soon arrives at the stop and he’s wrong, Jongdae isn’t there yet but the girl he can’t stop thinking about is. He makes his way slowly towards her, stopping when he’s standing beside Baekhyun. He clears his throat—not that the clog disappears—and Baekhyun glances up at him, unsmiling but she doesn’t look angry so Chanyeol takes that as a sign to continue.

“Baekhyun, I’m—“ He stutters and chokes. “I’m sorry. I’m—“

He can’t continue because Baekhyun smiles. He hasn’t seen it for a while nonetheless he doesn’t forget just how amazing it is. As usual he can’t breathe but it’s okay. She smiles and everything is okay. She reaches up with her brow raised. Chanyeol knows what it means and he gladly bends down so Baekhyun can reach his ear and pull on it. He yelps because it ing hurts (she has a strong grip) but he’s happy, too.

Something unravels within him while he stares at Baekhyun’s eyes. He is beginning to understand that the twisting and churning he has been suffering for so long was just his undiscovered smarter self clearing all the clutter inside and making way for something infinitely wonderful.

He’s in love with her.








Somewhere between her toothy eight-year-old smile and her ruby red slippers, Park Chanyeol realizes that Byun Baekhyun has always been what he wanted. She’s pretty, she’s smart, and she’s bossy but she’s also caring and sweet. Everything she does is just so ing cute that Chanyeol melts into a pile of useless blob every time. Either that or she makes him want to burst into a song.

And she doesn’t even know it.

At least not yet because how does a silly boy even confess?








October, 2013.



Halloween isn’t as fun when the Cowardly Lion is not around. The four friends are haphazardly lying on Jongdae’s bed, staring at the ceiling, bored.

“It’s still early. We can still go trick-or-treating,” Jongin suggests.

“We can!” Jongdae exclaims, sitting up. “Chanyeol can be Dorothy again.”

“No. No. No.” Chanyeol is quick to refuse. “Nope.”

Jongdae scoffs at him. “If Baekhyun votes yes then you can’t do anything about it.”

The boys all turn to Baekhyun who was on her stomach beside Chanyeol. She looks smugly at the tallest boy. “You are at my mercy.”

Chanyeol gets lost for a moment at the mischievous curve of Baekhyun’s lips and he decides he doesn’t care if he wears the small dress again as long as she keeps smiling like that at him.

I am.

“So be thankful that I’m really not in the mood for candy,” she says and then she laughs and Chanyeol falls in love with her again. It’s ridiculous how it’s so easy saying it in his mind over and over again (just like how he falls over and over again) but he can’t tell Baekhyun how he feels. He wants to confess but his tongue keeps tripping over the words and what if she doesn’t accept him?

He knows he’ll cry.

“Ugh, Baekhyun. Don’t tell me you got tricked by Chanyeol’s puppy eyes?” Jongdae asks, dismayed. “Well, what else can we do?”

Baekhyun appears to think for a second before she clutches excitedly on Jongdae’s shirt and shakes him. “I know! Take out your camera. Let’s film a message for Yifan!”

“Huh?”

“Come on, guys. It’ll be fun. We can even sing our song!”

At the mention of singing, Jongdae nods enthusiastically and goes on to get his camcorder. Baekhyun drags the two remaining boys up on their feet. The girl turns on the laptop and plugs in the speakers for their background music just as Jongdae was returning. Jongin starts to think of choreography and Chanyeol gets handed the camcorder.

“Hey, what if I want to sing, too?” the tall boy asks when Jongdae tells him he’ll be the cameraman. The older boy just smirks at him and pulls Baekhyun with him in the middle of the room where they discuss the blocking with Jongin. Chanyeol looks at them with exasperation but it’s fine because Baekhyun gives him an approving grin.

They start filming soon. The video begins with a message from each one of them and Chanyeol can’t help zooming in on Baekhyun’s face and he hopes Yifan appreciates it because he’ll probably end up focusing on the girl most of the time.

“We miss you, ugly man, and we hope to see you this Christmas. Until then, because we know you’re dying without us, here’s our special song for you,” Jongdae wink. The music starts and Chanyeol can barely hold his laughter in when his three friends start to sing and act out the lyrics of the song, Jongin looking like a zombie come to life at the ‘petrified’ part.

They finish after only one take, everyone dropping down in heaps of laughter when Chanyeol belts out the last line from behind the camera. Still clutching at his stomach, Jongdae offers to get food from the kitchen and asks Baekhyun to come along. Jongin grabs the camera from Chanyeol and plays the video back. After a few minutes, he returns it to Chanyeol and stares at him.

“You should tell her,” the youngest boy says.

Chanyeol stares back at him wordlessly.

“You should tell Baekhyunnie that you like her.”

“It’s that obvious from the video, huh?” Chanyeol says, embarrassed.

“Well, yeah but you’ve been running around like a free range chicken all year. Don’t you think it’s about time?”

Before Chanyeol can gape at Jongin, the door to the room suddenly opens and Baekhyun slips her head in, making Chanyeol’s stomach fall in panic. “Time for what?”

The youngest shrugs. ”For food?”

Baekhyun laughs. “Yes, it’s time for food. Come on!”

Chanyeol tells them he’ll follow shortly. He needs to take a few moments to recover from the scare. Alone, he replays the video and his eyes follow Baekhyun as she danced and twirled and skipped and stole his heart. It has been a year. Jongin’s right. It’s time.

But it’s easier said than done. He holds up the camera and wishes that confessing is as simple as singing a tacky song and pinning a message at the end. His mind gets caught up on the thought. Wait, hold up. Maybe it is.

Much later, he walks Baekhyun home and Chanyeol’s mighty glad that he’s back to doing so. Still he knows, it’s no longer enough. He wants to be able to kiss her by her doorstep at the end of the walk and do so until he doesn’t have to do it because she’s already coming home to him. He wants to hold her hand and proudly tell everybody she’s his. He wants to make her laugh and make her fall in love with him again and again. But all of those won’t have a chance of happening if he doesn’t confess.

And he’s getting to that part now. Park Chanyeol, remember to breathe.

They reach Baekhyun’s house and it’s now or never (He’s kidding he’ll probably try again if he can’t do it now but still, , he’s just really nervous, okay?).

“Goodnight, Yeol,” Baekhyun says with a small wave.

“Um, Baek, wait.”Chanyeol takes out his phone and almost hits the girl’s nose with it when he holds it up to her face. “Oh god, sorry! Just—I want you to see this.”

Baekhyun peers at him in confusion but eventually takes the phone from his hands. The girl presses play and Chanyeol cringes as he hears himself sing. Damn, here it comes.

“I’ve got sunshine on a cloudy day,” goes his deep voice. “When it's cold outside I've got the month of May.” He sees Baekhyun cover with a hand.

But oh no, it doesn’t stop there, Baek.

“I guess you'd say. What can make me feel this way? My girl. Talkin' 'bout my girl… My girl~” he ends the song. “I’m sorry I don’t know the lyrics and it’s English so.”

Baekhyun laughs into her hand and Chanyeol feels a tiny bit better because she didn’t throw his phone at him. The next few moments are still wince-worthy though. The video’s still playing.

“I’m sorry I can’t do this face to face. It’s bad enough when recorded, oh god. But I just want to say that I keep harping on and on about the fact that you’re a girl. And I realize just how dumb that is because I’m pretty sure that even if you’re a guy I’d still like you because you’re right. I am Chanyeol and you are Baekhyun and I’m always in love with you.”

Baekhyun finally looks at him and her eyes are bright. Chanyeol prays that she isn’t tearing up because of pity. “Baek, so well?” he asks, fidgeting with shirt.

“You big idiot.”Chanyeol has no time to be offended honestly, for Baekhyun’s suddenly in his arms, hugging him with all the strength in her small body. “Took you so long, I can’t believe it. You’re so dumb.”

“I know,” he whispers in her hair. “I’m sorry.”

He knows he’s the dumb-est but he’s the luckiest person, too, because Baekhyun’s pulling his head down and meeting his lips for a kiss. And Chanyeol thinks this is the kind of breathlessness he’ll be happy to live with for the rest of his days.











On Halloweens, Baekhyun still wears those ruby red slippers. But only on the condition the Dorothy dress gets worn, too.

(He didn’t know Baekhyun was like that.)

- again, ahahahahaahahahahhahahahah. what.
- song lyrics used were from I will survive (1979) and My girl (1965).
- title from can't help falling in love.
- ok wow what is old songs what