Beep. Beep. Beep.

Youngmin's eyes rose and fell in time with the heart monitor next to him. He knew he should get some sleep, after all it was exams' week and he had barely studied, but what if the boy in the bed woke up while he was gone? He wanted to be there when he woke up...

It had been nearly a week since Youngmin found Minwoo in the school bathroom, wrists slit and lips blue. The paramedics said that he made it just in time, but... If he did, why isn't Minwoo waking up?

He felt like the worst boyfriend ever, and that was a complete understatement. Shouldn't he have realized that Minwoo was changing? They had known each other for years, and he couldn't have been cutting and starving himself the whole time. But, evidence stared him right in the face every time he got a glance at the boy's stomach, the once smooth, toned flesh (as Youngmin once recalled it, back a year or so ago) was now hallow, caved in, and littered with white, pink, and red lines. Remnants of scars in various stages of healing.

The doctors had said that normally, someone in Minwoo's case would be up and ready to go by now. But they suspected his physical health was in an extremely poor condition due to one or more eating disorders.

Youngmin, noticing that the sun was peeking over the top of the skyline and into the hospital room, gave up on sleep for the night and groggily made his way over to his boyfriend's frail figure. He ran his long fingers through the boy's short brown locks and pressed a kiss to his forehead. Tears began to prick up in his eyes as memories and regrets played along the back of his eyelids.

He remembered when they first got together, how happy the boy had been. “You're a Taurus, and I'm a Leo...” he said, brow furrowing just slightly. “But I'm sure we can make it work!” He always was the optimist of the two, and that's one of the many reasons Youngmin had fallen in love with him in the first place.

He remembered when they got caught kissing in one of the bathrooms, and the news made its way around school. The hateful, derogatory words still stung like a knife, but Youngmin had always done his best to let them all roll off his back like water droplets. His younger boyfriend was trying his hardest, too, and Youngmin had known that. He comforted him every moment they got alone, rubbing soothing circles into his back. Minwoo had chuckled the first few times at how all Leos loved that, but the laughter soon faded from these intimate moments, replaced with an increasing amount of tears. The older could only wish that he had done less comforting and more protecting.

He started to slowly recall how Minwoo shied away from his touch. How they always used to go on dates out of town and eat a lot. Youngmin paid no real mind to it. He didn't even think it strange when Minwoo started refusing to take off his shirt when they did anything more than just making out. And how when they made love, he cried. Not from pain, nor pleasure, nor sadness. He just cried because that's what he'd grown accustomed to.

“I...” Minwoo had said, quietly, at their abandoned lunch table in the school cafeteria. No one wanted to sit next to the two 'fags'. “We're disgusting... aren't we?”

“Minwoo! Don't say that. We're not any more disgusting than their hateful words and actions.” it was a futile attempt to soothe the boy, Youngmin could see now. “Please... Baby, don't cry...”

And this. This is what he regretted most. Ignoring this cry for help. Not doing something more drastic about it. Not sweeping Minwoo away, right out of that school and into a better life. One where they would be accepted no matter what.

“Oh well. It's not like I'll be around for much longer.”

Minwoo's bright laugh still echoed and bounced around in his skull. How could he laugh, knowing this is what would happen? Knowing that Youngmin would want to join him in the coffin, should he-- and God ing forbid-- actually die from this?

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

“No!” was that him screaming? Minwoo had better not give up now. Honestly, what happened to them growing old together and adopting two small girls? What happened to them staying up late, watching romantic comedies, then wrestling to prove their manliness, despite the fact that they both had work in the morning? What happened to getting into stupid fights over who didn't start the dishwasher, and having soft, sweet to make up for it? What happened to them?

It was like he completely shut off, as if that horrific, steady flat-lined beep was his kill-switch. He could feel the hands around him, pulling him harshly out of the room he technically wasn't supposed to be in at this hour, despite his desperate attempts to break free. He could feel his arms stretching out toward his lover, clinging onto the sight of the still, lifeless frame of the younger male. He could feel the eerie calm surrounding the room as the doctors worked to revive the teen-- knowing well beyond their years how to keep emotions out of seeing a dead body, once so full of life.

But what he could not feel were the hot tears streaming down his cheeks. He couldn't feel the sobs tearing their way out of his lungs. He couldn't feel his nails digging into the flesh of those restraining him. He couldn't feel his fingers snap off the door frame as he clung to it. In fact, there was much he couldn't feel in that moment. He couldn't feel anything at all as he waited for hours in an uncomfortable plastic chair. He couldn't feel the way his school uniform stuck to him unpleasantly; evidence that he hadn't changed or washed in over three days. He couldn't feel the comforting touches of his twin brother, who had rushed over right after school.

“Mr. Jo?” the nurse called from the wide doorway. Youngmin vaguely felt himself being pulled up by his twin, following the nurse down the hall. He couldn't read her expression, but he did know that every step toward Minwoo's room filled him with hope. Hope that maybe this had all been a bad dream. Maybe that Minwoo just needed to have his tonsils taken out, or that his sensitive, infection-prone ears had acted up again. He was hopeful that Minwoo was still the same old Minwoo, cheerful and bright. That he wasn't the boy that had started to wither away from the inside out.

What Youngmin saw wasn't at all what he had hoped for. It brought back all the feeling and hurt from before, causing him to drop to his knees by the bed, clutching his lover's hand tightly as tears streamed down his face.

“Don't worry, Minwoo...” Youngmin said, clearing his throat immediately after to stay strong. “You're still alive.”

Minwoo offered up a weak smile and ran his hands through the older's hair, as if saying 'Let me take care of you, now.'

“You idiot!” Youngmin shouted suddenly and unintentionally, voice cracking through streams of tears. “Why... why didn't you tell me!”

“Tell you what?”

The softness of Minwoo's once loud voice nearly shattered Youngmin's heart. “That you were hurting, Minwoo...”

“I didn't want you to worry so much... I...” he looked away, almost ashamed of his actions, seeing all the pain it had caused his boyfriend. “I always had all these thoughts in my head... Of wanting to--” he still couldn't admit all of the physical harm he had put upon his body. “But you were the one that stopped me... And when everyone made me feel guilty for having you by my side, I--”

Youngmin shushed him with a small kiss against his lips. “You're never a burden. Remember that, Minwoo. And when you get those thoughts again, come to me, okay?” he started wiping away some tears that had fallen down the smaller male's cheeks, holding his face gently in his hands. Minwoo's own hands, small and frail, reached up to grasp Youngmin's wrists lightly. “We can talk about it, not talk about it. Do something, do nothing. Whatever helps you forget those thoughts. I don't want to see you in a hospital bed ever again, you hear me?”

Minwoo slowly nodded, shocked at the harsh tone Youngmin adopted for the last few words.

Youngmin would have preferred to be sent into the recovery center with Minwoo, but he knew the therapist would never have allowed that. So he settled for visiting Minwoo everyday for two hours, and joining the whole group for the three hour activity on Saturdays.

He watched day by day as Minwoo grew brighter and brighter, closer to the young teen he had once been. At first, he had worried that he might be the only male there with an eating disorder and self-harm issues, but soon all of recap of the day's events included a small, fourteen year old boy with the same situation as him. Youngmin listened intently, chuckling as Minwoo referred to him protectively.

“Visiting hours are over!” the young weekday tech said from behind the counter. Both of the boys sighed, halting their game of Speed (which Minwoo had become addicted to, as a result of the mental hospital. Yes, yes how strange-- a rehabilitation center getting their patients addicted to Speed) and standing.

They shared a long, tight embrace, and a short, soft kiss. “I think I'm ready to come home...” Minwoo said against Youngmin's lips.

It was true that Minwoo had grown much brighter, happier, and confident since his admission, but Youngmin was still skeptical. “Are you sure? The real world is a lot different than this little sheltered box, you know. Not everyone sits around with the same people all day playing Speed and having a nurse watch them while they pee.”

Minwoo rolled his eyes. “I know that. I think I know that better, now.” and his smile was unmistakably confident. “Besides, it won't be for another couple days,” he soothed, noticing his boyfriend's rising worry. “I still have to get the therapist to sign off on it. So I'll be safe in this little bubble for a little while longer, with cute male nurses watching me pee.”

“Hey!”

Later that week, Youngmin was allowed to stay home from school to join Minwoo's parents to check their son out of the hospital. To say the teen was bouncing in his seat with excitement would be an understatement. He already had the whole day lined up for them. Arcade, the chocolate shop. A picnic in the park and dinner by the sea. He wanted to make love to Minwoo as the waves crashed around them.

Of course, if Minwoo didn't feel up to it, they wouldn't bother. Staying home was fine with him, anything that will make his love comfortable and happy is how they would spend the rest of their day. Ah, great... He was even rambling in his head. How was he supposed to stay still and quiet when Minwoo got in the car?

But he knew that the hospital always set aside a special hour each day to say goodbye to the admits who were leaving, and welcome the ones who were just checking in. So Youngmin sat patiently in the circle-- Minwoo said this was a lot like group therapy, except certain people's parents were invited-- and waited as everyone introduced themselves and the lucky 'cured' ones said a few parting words of wisdom.

When it was Minwoo's turn to speak, he introduced himself gingerly, along with his parents. “... and this is Youngmin, my fri-- boyfriend.”

As if being introduced as his boyfriend wasn't heart warming enough (there's a first time for everything, right?), Minwoo opened his mouth to share his wisdom, encouraging all the other patients to keep fighting.

“I was in and out of consciousness in the ICU. I'm told that Youngmin stayed every single moment he could there, eventually fighting the doctors into letting him live there.” he let a small chuckle and a pointed smile in Youngmin's direction slip past before returning to his small speech. “But when I was awake, I wasn't really awake... And eventually, my body just gave up. I think I let it.

“But when I was revived, Youngmin was by my side the moment I really woke up. The first words I had really heard since slitting my wrists... Don't worry... You're still alive.”

Youngmin's jaw almost dropped as his boyfriend came close to tears. Had his thoughtless, heat of the moment words affected him that much? The words that he said, more to reassure himself than anyone else, helped Minwoo find resolve and reason?

“It reminded me that, yeah. I am still alive. And there's really no reason I shouldn't be.”

A/N: So, what do you think? Please leave me some feedback I'm so alfjlafien right now okay thanks for reading bye ;;;;