Myungsoo doesn’t even think twice when he glances across the bar and sees Sungyeol walk in with Woohyun. He doesn’t bother with saying hello or even nodding off in their direction. He only runs fingers through Sungjong’s hair and whispers sweet nothings into the other’s ear, sure that Sungyeol is watching his every move. In the crowded room he keeps the younger under him and doesn’t ever spend another minute not breathing in all of Sungjong’s scents and imagining that it’s Sungyeol against him. He doesn’t waste time in pressing light kisses against Sungjong’s nape and sharp jawline and he doesn’t hesitate to let his eyes go dark with lust as he looks past Sungjong’s shoulder and at Sungyeol who doesn’t bother to look back when their eyes almost meet.

It’s almost a sin - just almost. How Sungyeol ignores him but at the same time is so aware of his presence, Sungyeol is so aware of Myungsoo right now that it nearly chokes a sob out of him as Woohyun tries to hold his hand and asks him what’s wrong.

“Nothing,” Sungyeol lies and bites back the urge to scream. He hates Kim Myungsoo. He hates everything that has to with Myungsoo and he hates himself most of all.

---

“Let me in,” Myungsoo says in a tone so low that Sungyeol almost can’t hear it through the pour of rain.

“Stay there.”

Sungyeol sits with his back pressed against the heavy door, listening to the rain and the sound of Myungsoo waiting to be let in. He doesn’t move an inch at all and just stares at the dark ceiling and the yellowing wallpaper that’s peeling from the corner. Sungyeol knows that for no matter how long he abandons Myungsoo in the cold, the other won’t ever leave.

Myungsoo presses his forehead onto the wet surface of the door and counts. One, two, three, four, five, six…

He’s soaked to the bone and his clothes stick tighter to him than he’d like, but he doesn’t complain. Myungsoo hates it when Sungyeol does this, when he leaves the other to drown in his own misery, when he pushes and pulls Myungsoo, he hates it when Sungyeol has all the cards in his hand - but Sungyeol always has all the cards in his hand.

So he counts; seven, eight, nine, ten…

He wakes up in Sungyeol’s bed and it’s sometime in the middle of the night because it’s still dark (but then again it’s always dark in Sungyeol’s apartment) and he feels the itchy fabric of Sungyeol’s blanket over him. Myungsoo buries his face in Sungyeol’s pillow and smells Sungyeol’s scent and he pulls the blanket over his wet clothes and wonders why Sungyeol didn’t even bother to change him.

The older walks in and sits by Myungsoo, his face tear stained and eyes red. He pulls his bangs out of his face and sighs but it comes out as a choking sound and Myungsoo engulfs Sungyeol into a hug. His skin feels cold, colder than Myungsoo’s damp skin and Myungsoo can’t lie that he likes a wrecked Sungyeol better than a happy one. Sungyeol feels so good in Myungsoo’s arms and his tears taste so sweet on Myungsoo’s tongue and the electricity runs through the both of them whenever they touch.

“I thought you were stronger than this,” Myungsoo hums into Sungyeol’s skin.

Sungyeol hates Myungsoo.

---

Myungsoo hates Woohyun.

It’s Woohyun who makes Sungyeol smile and Woohyun who gets to kiss Sungyeol all the time and Woohyun who gets all of Sungyeol.

He tries to ignore the biting feeling in his chest that tells him that ‘Sungyeol doesn’t love you, not in the least bit’. He tries to swallow his pain with bottles and bottles but only gets empty results. He sees them, watches when Woohyun leans against Sungyeol and places feathery butterfly kisses onto Sungyeol’s neck and the taller always chuckles and lights up. Myungsoo doesn’t miss a beat of all the gummy smiles that Woohyun causes the other to feel. They touch subtly but each touch means so much and each touch only makes them fall more in love.

Myungsoo seethes, but he knows of the one thing that Woohyun could never give Sungyeol.

That electricity.

---

Kissing Myungsoo is unpleasant and causes a guilty streak to erupt in Sungyeol. He can’t help it though, not when the other looks at him with heavy, half lidded eyes and whispers into his ear with those obscene lips. Myungsoo presses and presses more into Sungyeol, he wants their bodies to meld and be one, he wants everything that is Lee Sungyeol. He can’t ever get enough, he can’t stop and he roughly pulls Sungyeol’s hair until the other shouts and he loves that sound and he wants to break Sungyeol, he wants to hurt and scar and leave Sungyeol with burns. Myungsoo so badly wants to destroy Sungyeol - to ruin him forever and make Sungyeol never smile again.

He wants to throw Sungyeol into the landfill and watch him rot; one, two, three, four, five…

Sungyeol’s nails in his back feel good and Sungyeol breathing his name feels good and Sungyeol crying against his shoulder feels good. Being with Sungyeol feels so good to Myungsoo.

“I hate you so ing much,” Sungyeol never forgets to remind Myungsoo when he’s laying with his dirty body on the dirty sheets. Myungsoo doesn’t even twitch from the harsh words filled with venom, he only scoots closer and hugs Sungyeol tighter to him.

He’s heard them so many times before that the wounds have already scabbed over.

But Sungyeol knows it’s enough to shut Myungsoo up, he knows that Myungsoo listens to anything he says, whether it be a command or how y the weather has been of late. Myungsoo listens to every word Sungyeol has ever said.

Myungsoo wants to ruin Sungyeol, but it’s Sungyeol that’s ruining him.

---

They’re at the same bar again and Myungsoo’s seated by Sungyeol, absentmindedly playing with Sungyeol’s fingers as the other becomes immersed in a conversation with Woohyun.

“Whatever happened to that kid you were with?” Woohyun asks and Myungsoo doesn’t want to look at him.

“He got boring,” Myungsoo answers though, keeping his eyes glued to Sungyeol’s long long long fingers.

Sungyeol wants to pull away because shockwaves are seeping into his skin and he doesn’t want Woohyun to see him melt.

Woohyun’s rambling about some trip with his parents when suddenly Myungsoo wants to take Sungyeol away, he wants to lock Sungyeol up and away from Woohyun. He doesn’t want any of Woohyun’s happiness for his Sungyeol.

“Yeol,” he whispers and then louder, “Sungyeol.”

The other only hums a response, still trying to listen to what Woohyun’s saying.

“Run away with me?” Myungsoo asks when he had meant to command it.

And his voice is so low. So very low and smooth in Sungyeol’s ear that the older wants to scream and run away with him. He almost gives in to Myungsoo. He always gives in to Myungsoo.

“Okay,” he turns his head from Woohyun’s view and says it to Myungsoo.

---

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

Sungyeol counts the steps that it takes to reach Myungsoo. Leaves crunch against his boots and frost clings to the trees around him. The sun is hidden by clouds and gray fills the skies in heavy colors and light wisps. Sungyeol his chapped lips and counts as he gets closer and closer to Myungsoo. He stops and brushes the tip of his boot against the hard surface, exposing the cold steel latch door.

Eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty.

He climbs down the dark ladder that seems to go on forever until his foot touches solid ground and he steps down. There’s the sound of water dripping somewhere and the walls are moist and cold to the touch, so Sungyeol keeps his hands in his pockets as he walks down the barely lit hall which leads to an empty room.

Empty aside from Myungsoo who lays on his side and stares at all the black around him. As soon as he hears the soft pitter patter of Sungyeol’s steps though, he immediately sits upright and gleams with excitement at the other. His clothes are dirty and his hair is messy so Sungyeol wipes the grime from his face and tries to flatten down the side of his hair which sticks up in clumps.

“What took you so long?” Myungsoo asks and his eyes scan Sungyeol’s face thoroughly.

“I got lost,” he answers and looks around the room, “Why the hell did you pick such a place to meet up anyways?”

The sly corners of Myungsoo’s lips curve up, “It’s hard to hear screaming all the way down here. I thought you’d like it.”

Sungyeol usually doesn’t smile in Myungsoo’s presence, moments with him are usually filled with too many raining emotions and too many rushed fires. He smiles this time though, slow and small, but it’s still a smile and it still feels like torture to him, anything to do with Myungsoo is torture.

“Lovely spot to run away together, then.”

“It is.”

The fabric of Sungyeol’s coat is smooth on Myungsoo’s fingers when he pulls the older down to sit with him on the dirty floor and he kisses Sungyeol and it’s just as terrible as it’s always been, but Sungyeol doesn’t ever complain. Together they fall on their sides and Myungsoo grips Sungyeol’s hand and stares into Sungyeol’s glassy eyes and he knows he’s been ruined forever.