. . . I   W I L L   N E V E R   F O R G E T   Y O U . . . 

                                                   P A R T  I        

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  “Maybe you should consider the fact that you’re going to lose me too.”

  you slowly looked up at her best friend in the whole wide world through her teary eyes and right then and there, felt her whole world collapse. Her heart caved in and she couldn’t allow the one person in her life walk out like everyone else had. There was no way she would be able to survive all alone.

  “Why can’t you just forget him already?” Solli adjusted her bag strap on her shoulder with a disappointed frown. “It’s been three years. Don’t you think he would’ve wanted you to move on for his sake? Yet here you are you… frail…weak…pathetic…lifeless… I’ve had it with you. I’m done being your shield. I’ve retired. You need to find yourself someone else who’ll put up with your constant depression all the time. No. Forget burdening another person. You need to get help to forget him.”

  “…I was a burden…to you…this entire time…?” you said softly, keeping in the tears that burned her eyes and sobs that clawed the inside of .

  “…I’m sorry. I’ll be back to pack up my stuff later…”

  Solli looked at her once partner one last time before walking out the door for work.

  The young woman that remained waited until she heard the car start, then drive off before embracing the pillow she held, letting out her heart. She couldn’t count how many times she’d cried in the past three years since her lover died. Since his death, she’d neglected the people close to her with her pain and they all left because they were tired of her. They had given up on her.

  “I-It’s my f-fault…i-isn’t it, oppa?” she cried as she looked at his picture in front of her.

  It’s either giving him up… or losing everything you have. Her conscience spoke to her.

  He was my everything…

  That’s what you think. Why don’t you stop being stupid and look deeper?

  It took her about ten minutes to stop crying and decided on what to do with her life.

  It took her exactly three years…two months…and a week for her to finally decide on something that would either end her life… or restart it after being in repair for so long and living on a heart substitute.

  you wiped away her last tear and stood up, picking up the picture frame and walked into her room where most of the memories that haunted her were.

  She pulled out a box from her closet and started packing everything up… everything that belonged to him…had meaning to him…involved him… anything that lead to him. Pictures…gifts…couple items… She even threw away the camera he had bought her for her eighteenth birthday… and the mp3 player with all their favorite songs. She threw away his headphones… his shirts… his cologne…

  Once she knew everything was there… she pulled out her memory box and decided to burn the past… and everything she knew.

  Rather than dumping them all in the trash for someone else to find, she decided to burn the things that could be burned… and bury the things that couldn’t.

  Since she woke up… she had also neglected to look at the calendar.

  But when she passed it by… she stopped and started at the date… and what was written on it. The young woman then remembered…someone else she had neglected… but didn’t know if he had given up on her or not… She forgot about him… She decided to believe everyone gave up on her… including him.

  Then she knew what her goal for the day was.

  you carried all the boxes into her car and drove to the one place that continued to hold precious memories. It was a cherry blossom orchard where he had first proposed the boyfriend-girlfriend title to her… and the husband-wife title.

  It took her a while to carry the boxes individually back and forth due to the maximum weight limit she could carry and when it was all done… she took a moment to cherish the last memories…before seeing it all burn.

  She watched the memories go into flames… and it was if a weight was pulled off her heart… as if something were bringing her heart up from the deep depths it had sunk in.

  Once it was finally done and gone… it was time to bury the camera… mp3 player… headphones… and the ring.

  The perfect place… had to be under the cherry blossom tree both proposals were held at.

  Now that was the hard part.

  Finally letting everything go.

  The last stage… to restarting her life.

  Her hands dirtied from the dirt and she tried to dig as deep as she could and when it was to where it was good enough… she looked at the ring on her ring finger and touched it once… before sliding it off…

  For three whole years… she finally had the courage and strength to take off the ring.

  you placed it into the box and the box was then buried into the ground.

  She had no tears left to shed.

  She cried for three whole years.

  She knew everyone… was tired of seeing her cry.

  So she didn’t cry the last moment.

  Instead, she stood up, bowed… whispered a farewell instead of an ‘I love you’ and left.

  She didn’t have the position to say anymore ‘I love you’s…

  It was the first time in three years she walked out of her apartment… It was also a first time for her to be so refreshed in years. The walk helped… a lot.

  Her appearance had become brighter than before and she was able to smile to herself instead of frowning and crying all the time.

  She was no longer a crybaby…

  She finally felt like a woman after the pain.

  In the grocery store, she got herself a cart, planning on buying a ton and making a ton for the cause of her sudden goal. After filling already half her cart, she ran into three unusual males who were part of the people who gave up on her.

  “…you…?!” the tallest male dropped his snack and his eyes widened.

  “What’re you…doing here?” the shorter male asked, very shocked to see her.

  “Are you…smiling?” the second youngest male stopped at what he was about to grab and all three of them turned pale.

  “Are you three shopping too?” she smiled brightly and chuckled. “Haha…”

  “Are you okay? Do you need to go to the hospital? Are you hurt anywhere?” the tallest male hurried over to the young woman and tried to see if she was hurt.

  “Sehun-ah… I’m okay…” she nodded and patted his head as she went on the tip of her toes. “When are you going to call me noona again? … I miss that…”

  “Is there something…up?” the oldest male asked.

  “Nothing is up… I’ve decided to start over… You want to know something? … I burned everything… and buried the past… because I don’t think I would live if I’m all alone… It was a good thing I did though. Because if were to give up life on this exact day… I would make someone sad…”

  “You…remember?”

  “…I’ve neglected you guys… and squishy-soo… I’m sorry…” she looked at them sincerely without any tears. “If you guys let me be a part of your lives again… I promise never to cry anymore…”

  “It’s not that…” Joonmyun shook his head. “We never gave up on you, you-ssi… We never did… We all were told from multiple people to stay away from you… and it took a toll on us. But never did any of us had the thought of giving up on you.”

  “Is that what you thought, noona…?” Jongin said sadly. “Did you…really think we’d give up on you…?”

  “…My parents did… my friends did… my neighbors did… my dogs did… even Solli…”

  “What…?” Sehun’s eyes widened. “Solli-noona…gave up on you?”

  “Did you say that?” Joonmyun frowned.

  “…It’s okay… She was right… I was being a frail…weak…pathetic…and lifeless human being… or a robot for these past three years… I was nothing but a burden.”

  “You’re not a burden,” Jongin said seriously. “-don’t say that! Solli may have given up on you… but we’ll always be here for you. You’re not a burden… Some people just don’t understand your situation…”

  “Jongin’s right,” Joonmyun nodded. “-but we’re glad… you’re okay. You’re stronger than any of us, you-ssi…”

  “…I’m happy… you guys didn’t give up on me…” you sniffed and wanted to cry, but she shook her head, just smiling it out. “-thank you…”

  “Aw… you can cry on me…you-noona!” Sehun smiled and hugged her. “It’s okay, noona! Sehunnie is here! I’ll protect you… I promise!”

  “This maknae…” Jongin chuckled and smiled.

  “All this stuff…” Joonmyun analyzed the cart. “What are you planning on making…?”

  “…All of his favorite food…” the young woman pulled away slightly, patting Sehun’s arm with a smile and chuckled. “Will… you think this is okay?... He might not forgive me but-“

  “What’re you talking about, noona?” Jongin chuckled. “Kyungsoo-hyung has never been angry with you… He’s just… He’s been waiting patiently for the day when you finally recover… Out of all of us… he always stood up for you whenever he heard someone you knew talk about you…”

  “Heck, we ran into some of your old friends one night at a restaurant and we had to leave before we ordered because Soo-hyung overheard them talking trash about you…” Sehun frowned.

  “…Did he…really do that?” you’s eye widened.

  “He really cares about you,” Joonmyun smiled. “-so to think you’re doing this for him… he’ll be really glad.”

  “…I did miss…three of his birthdays…”

  “It’s alright, noona…” Sehun smiled. “Kyungsoo was never mad.”

  “Do you know what he always wished for on those three birthdays?” Jongin smiled.

  “Jongin,” Joonmyun’s eyes widened. “-maybe…we should let Kyungsoo tell her.”

  “Oh…right,” Jongin chuckled. “-anyways! Noona, do you think you have enough to buy all this?!”

  “I think…” she replied.

  “You quitted your job... How did you get money?” Sehun asked.

  “My life’s savings… I wanted to buy a house with this… but there’s no point now,” she smiled. “-so I’ll put it into good use.”

  “Since you’re shopping for Kyungsoo’s birthday… we don’t have to,” Jongin said. “-so…we’ll help you pay!”

  “More like Joonmyun-hyung pays all of it…” Sehun coughed and looked away when Joonmyun glared at the maknae.

  “It’s okay… you don’t have to,” you chuckled. “-I’ll be a bur-“

  “Don’t use that ‘b’ word,” the three males said in unison with a frown.

  “From now on, you are not to use that word, hear that word, say that word or be called that word!” Sehun said. “We’ll make sure of it!”

  “It’s been three years… Let me take care of it,” Joonmyun smiled.

  “Yes, noona… Let us take care of you,” Jongin nodded.

  Jongin volunteered to push the cart, while Joonmyun supervised him and Sehun helped the young woman with finding the items.

  “Yah! Hyung!” Sehun yelled informally when Jongin was paying attention to pushing the cart and the wheels hit Sehun’s ankle. “Watch it!”

  “Why’re you taking informally to me?!” Jongin said.

  “You hit me, hyung!”

  “I apologize, baby maknae, but you were walking so slow,” he teased the youngest.

  “Ah, noona! Jongin-hyung’s bullying me!” Sehun cried.

  “Yah! Tattle tale!” Jongin yelled.

  “You two are like pre-school kids…” Joonmyun chuckled. “Now don’t bur- I mean… don’t bother your noona.”

  Jongin and Sehun burst out laughing at their leader’s mistake and so did you.

  After they found everything, Joonmyun paid for all of it and offered to drive her back to her apartment in the van. She sat in the passenger’s seat and laughed as the two youngest argued in the back over some snack.

  “Are you going to be living alone?” Joonmyun asked. “Since…Solli’s leaving.”

  “I guess so,” she nodded. “-why?”

  “You should move in with us, noona! You can help Soo-hyung cook and make us tons of food!” Sehun smiled.

  “You can play video games and read with us!” Jongin chuckled.

  “Since when did you guys like reading…?” Joonmyun asked, puzzled.

  “you-noona used to bug us to read whenever she would visit and read us when we didn’t want to… After she stopped visiting… we decided to read so she’d come back one day and we could read to her…” Sehun said softly, a bit embarrassed.

  you didn’t know… and she just smiled… speechless.

 “You guys…are making me want to cry…” she chuckled slightly.

  “It’s okay to cry, noona…” Jongin smiled. “You’ve cried by yourself for a long time now, right? … Well, now it’s okay. Because we’re here.”

  “All you’ve been doing is stirring, Sehun-ah… and making a mess…” Joonmyun sweat dropped.

  “I guess it’s fun because noona is here,” Jongin smiled as he was peeling the potatoes.

  you blushed lightly and chuckled.

  “How…are the others…?” she asked as she stirred the seaweed soup.

  “They’ve been stressed out lately,” Sehun replied quickly. “-but it’s okay… they’ve been trying really hard.”

  “…They also miss you too, noona,” Jongin said. “-Zitao-hyung always cries at night, because he misses your compliments and buying him ice cream… Baekhyun misses doing make up on you and going shopping with you… Chanyeol misses your laughs at his jokes and your hugs…” 

  “Yifan misses taking you out with the others and falling for your aegyo even though he doesn’t admit it…” Joonmyun continued. “-Luhan and Minseok both miss watching after the kids with you while you be like mothers to these kids… Jongdae misses teasing and joking around you with of course and helping you sing… I remember you used to sing so much you decided on getting lessons from Jongdae and making Baekhyun whine for hours. And Yixing misses you reviewing his dancing and you helping him with his forgetful memory…”

  “Soo-hyung…” Sehun said. “-Soo-hyung misses you…that’s it… He just misses you.”

  “I…see…” she said softly, a bit sad. “I’ve been missing out on everything… your birthdays… Christmas… New Years… everything…”

  “We’ve missed out too, noona,” Jongin shook his head. “-your birthday too…”

  “Don’t tell the others I told you but…” Joonmyun smiled. “-they saved up your presents in a closet for the past three years… waiting for when you visit them.”

  “They…did…?” her eyes widened.

  “That’s how much we love you, you-noona!” Sehun grinned. “Haha!”

  She stopped stirring and wanted to cry so bad… but held it in for her sake.

  “…I feel bad… I didn’t…get you guys anything…”

  “…I think you visiting them… coming back into our lives… is probably the best… gift any of us could have,” Joonmyun smiled. “-don’t worry.”

  “And you’re not allowed to buy us any gifts to make up those three years!” Sehun said, wiggling his index finger in a childish way, left to right.

  “You guys…are the best…” she smiled and sniffed. 

  “Today will be the best day ever,” Jongin chuckled.

  These boys are just so precious…

  “What’s wrong, Sehun-ah?” she frowned.

  “I remember I dropped my lucky ring at the grocery store today! What do I do?!” 

  “Are you sure?” she stood up, eyes widened. “It’s okay! You three go on ahead. I’ll go back and look for it.”

  “But noona-“

  “It’s okay, Sehun-ah,” she smiled and grabbed her bag. “-I’ll find it for you!”

  “Thank you so much, noona!”

  you hurried out of the apartment and allowed the three young men to lock up as she ran to the grocery store, hoping the ring was still there.

  It took her about fifteen minutes to get there by foot and by the time she reached the store, she was breathless. But she didn’t stop. She had a strong will to find Sehun’s lucky ring and she didn’t stop.

  She looked all over for it and it was nowhere in sight.

  She was so focus into it, she didn’t know she had ran into someone.

  “Oh!”

  The young woman took a step back, rubbing her forehead.

  “Oh, I’m so sorry!” she bowed slightly.

  “…you…?”

  The voice sounded familiar.

  Too familiar to be exact.

  But at the same time… she was surprised she still remembered his voice…

  Her eyes widened and she slowly looked up to see the wide-eyed male with beautiful heart-shaped lips. Both of them were quiet. Both of them said nothing. They just stood there… speechless.

  Until the male spoke up first.

  “Are you… alright?” he asked. “You’re not hurt…?”

  “N-Not at all…” she said softly. “A-Are you?”

  “I’m alright…” he replied softly. “What’re you…What’re you doing here…?”

  “I-I…I’m…looking for Sehun’s lucky ring…H-He lost it when he came here…today…”

  “Sehun did…?”

  “Y-Yes…”

  “you-ah…”

  “Y-Yes…?” she looked up and met his eyes, suddenly. Her eyes widened and something hit a gong in her heart, making it suddenly beat rapidly. It caused her to look away, embarrassed.

  “Sehun…didn’t wear his lucky ring today… He hasn’t been wearing it…ever since you stopped coming by…” the male said.

  “…T-Then why-“

  Then she realized… what Sehun did.

  … Oh gosh. 

  “Look like… you came here for nothing…” he chuckled slightly.

  “…I don’t think so… Sehun-ah called you too…didn’t he…?” she smiled and his eyes widened, looking away embarrassed.

  “…He called me… to buy him some snacks…”

  “I’m sorry…Kyungsoo-ah…” she said. “I’m so sorry…”

  He looked at her and shook his head.

  “…What’re you being sorry for? … There’s nothing for you to be sorry about…” 

  “I know you’re not mad at me… but… I can’t help… but feel sad that for three years… I abandoned you… I forgot you… I-“

  Kyungsoo took a step forward, closing in the gap between him and embraced her tightly. Her eyes widened and…for some reason… the tears automatically came out themselves. Her heart ached. Everything inside her radiated and sent warnings to her head. Her heart was crying… in longing.

  She held onto him and cried in his arms.

  I haven’t felt like this since…

  “I missed you, Kyungsoo-ah…” she said, still in his arms.

  “…I missed you too, you-ah…” Kyungsoo replied and pulled away slightly with a smile. “You don’t know…how much I’ve missed you… but… have you…” 

  “Yeah…” she nodded and smiled. “I’ve decided to…move on. I’m sorry you waited so long, Kyungsoo-ah…”

  “You should tell that to the others…” Kyungsoo chuckled. “They complain every second they get… but… I’m sure they’ll be happy if you visited.”

  “…I will…” you chuckled as well.

  “Let me drive you,” Kyungsoo said. “-will you…let me drive you?”

  “…Of course…”

  Kyungsoo was about to take her hand…but stopped.

  She saw and took his hand herself. His eyes widened and she smiled.

  “Shall we go?” she asked with a bright grin. “-Squishy Soo?”

  He recognized her nickname for him and he laughed, holding her hand tight.

  “Of course… I’m surprised you still remember…”

  “That would be one of the things I would never forget in the world,” she laughed. “-and your ridiculously yummy kimchi spaghetti.”

  Both of them laughed as they exited the store, hand-in-hand.