sitting here quietly in one of my favorite coffee shop doesn't make me feel comfortable now. sitting here now does not make me happy at all when I should be. Because sitting here means I am going to see him, meet him, and that should make me feel excited but what I'm feeling right now is the opposite. this is the place where we first met. I am waiting for my boyfriend, whose name is Yoon Doojoon. yes, he's an Idol, I know. and today is suppose our 2nd year anniversary. but I don't feel excited at all, instead I feel like I wanna go home right now and forget about everything i've been planning to do. Fidgeting, I didn't realized that he already arrived I just suddenly felt him giving me a peck on my cheeks, then he put his mouth near my ear then he whispered, " I miss you" then he sits down , facing me.He smiled at me genuinely. I tried my best to smile back, but I'm dying inside, that I feel like crying right now.

"Happy Anniversary," he said then he gave me a bouquet of flowers on the side of it, there's a small piece of card. I hesitated for a moment if I'm going to accept it all or not, but decided to just accept it. he looks tired, really really tired.I took the card and look to see what's written on it, ' I Love you so much :") ' that I regret reading it so I just closed my eyes and trying to convince myself that I didn't read it.

"t-thanks.." opening my eyes and looking down, I said though I think he can sense that something wrong with me because he suddenly frowned.

"why?…..oh, I'm really really sorry for not calling or texting you for…. a week. uh.. i'm busy But I always use my free time to check on you."he looked at me as if he's feeling sorry.

"I miss you" He whispered. but I heard it very clearly that it almost made me burst into tears. those words meant so much to me. 

this is it. gathering all of my courage to open this topic, I don't think I can say it, But I have to. I looked at him, straight at his eyes, trying my best not to cry or even look away.

"Let's break up." He froze. he's looking at me as if he couldn't believe I said it. I don't  remember how I said it. I just did. That's what I've been planning to say to him. biting my lips, trying not to let my tears fall, we stared at each other for I don't know how long as if we're trying to process what've happened. as if he's thinking of a reason why.

he'll believe what I just said. I know he will, because we don't joke about breaking up. We've promised before that we won't joke about it and would only say it if we really mean it, if we really want to.

staring at each other, what I didn't expect is to see his eyes with tears, going down to his cheeks. it's killing me. I'm dying inside but I Don't have a choice. It's what I want after all, to break up with him and let him be free. 

"Did.. did I do something wrong?" he asked, and i could barely hear what he said clearly. I shook my head very quickly as a  response.

" it's just…. you're too busy yet you're still trying to have some time with me and every time we would meet, someone would call you and interrupt us. we barely see each other or even text…" my tears are falling  and it just keep on falling

"I..I'm really really sorry--I can do better--just.. just don't break up with me-- I'll-we'll spend more time together, I promise… just--"

"no! that's not it! yoon doojoon. I know you love me but I know you love your work too. I know you barely have time to sleep, you're always tired, full of schedules and here, you have me. You can't be a Superhero. and I can't even help you with anything. I feel like i'm just a hindrance to you and your work. you love your work right?" I'm trying to myself from crying and wait for his answer.

"yes, i do but you're important to me too--"he looked at me as if he's begging for me not to go. is he really?

"I know. but you have to let go.." he's waiting for me to say more but i don't know if i should say more or not, because i don't know which side or answer he'll choose. deciding for a second, I looked at him "or you will just have to pick. me, or your work." I know, it's… really really stupid to do this and let him choose.but this is just the only way i can think now that would make him think deeply.

he's staring at me, thinking deeply, deciding. I stared at him for moment looking at his eyes, and I smiled sadly. I know what's he going to answer. I just don't want to hear it anymore.it'll just hurt me. taking a deep breath, I stood up slowly.

"so…" he looked at me as if he was alarmed. but I just smiled at him sadly.

"Goodbye" and with those words, I start turning my back to him and walk out of the place without looking back..

I stopped for a bit, not too far from the shop when suddenly the rain starts pouring. What a really bad day.. I seriously didn't want to let go of him. deciding for a moment, I Sighed deeply thinking about what had happened.

last chance. if doojoon run and come after me here, I'll take  back all what I've said to him ealier.but if he didn't…

I stood there for how more minutes, hoping he would come, i'm all wet because of the rain and it doesn't stop from pouring. people watching me as if i'm some crazy stupid girl standing here.

the rain stops. again, I smiled sadly, thinking he would come here and look for me. I looked up at the sky, watching the clouds moving.

 I think I've found the answer. 

so I started walking again, alone.